My Girl Friend Lied To Me, I'm Not Sure I Want Her Anymore

Hi guys, I just need your comments about something that happened between me and my girlfriend. we started dating in 2005 when i was in my final year in the university. we were so attached to each other that everyone knew about our relationship back then in sch. I was so attracted to her & till this moment, i think i still am . I've been so in love with her that i believed i was going 2 marry her (because i'm not sure of that anymore)

Well, to cut the long romantic story short, I always believed i'm older than her only 2 find out from her mother that she's 3 years older than i am. I recently paid her a visit without callin because i wanted 2 surprise her(i had just gone home 4 d sallah break from Abuja). However, she wasn't around,her mother had sent her to the market. I had to wait for her while her mum kept me company. Her birthday was around the corner and i wanted to get her sister's support so we could organize a surprise party 4 her(my girlfriend).

This led to a long conversation, her mum askin me how i met her, and after narratin d whole story, she felt compelled to return the favour. she narrated how she met her husband and stated d exact year she gave birth to each of her children. That was how she mentioned my girl friend's real year of birth(without knowin her daughter had lied to me). I was so mad that i couldn't stay there anymore.i didn't let her mum know why i had 2 leave.

Anyway,she came to my house after her mum told her i came around (unaware of what i had found out).she came happily.i asked her why she lied to me all this while and she said she was goin to tell me, (when?)well, i told her i cannot continue the relationship anymore

[/color][color=#000099]. she has since been apologisin and sendin her friends & mine to beg on her behalf. I don't really mind d age difference, but i'm angry because she lied to me about somethin like that. D thin is even in my anger, i'm still attracted to her especially when she's cryin.I always pretend like "to hell" but the truth is, i find it so difficult to forget about her. Another problem is that i'll never have d trust i had in her any more. for her to keep that from me for two years, what else is she keepin from me?

So guys,do i give her another chance your response will be highly appreciated,thanks

You're just going to throw away a good girl and 2 yrs of love just because she was too insecure to tell you her real age?
What about you look at it from another perspective . . . if i were you i'd be more worried that for 2 good yrs she didnt trust me enough to handle the truth about her real age. How free is she with you? Can she trust you enough to know that she can tell you anything in the world and you will stand by her through thick and thin?

All through the 2 yrs she must have respected you and treated you as the leader in that relationship for you to have been unaware she was older for so long. This is your fault dear, dont let your ego get in the way of something wonderful . . . she loves you and is willing to submit herself to you not minding the fact that she is older. . . can you put that fact behind you and encourage her to be more open to you?

One thing you also have to be mindful of is that by your actions you have just shattered her confidence . . . even if you take her back she'd be even more afraid to share anything with you not knowing how you will react.

I have always believed one thing, my girl must be able to trust me enough to tell me ANYTHING under the sun. If truly you love her, you'll be willing to correct her with love and let things go.

Take her back asap, i dislike men who seem to enjoy watching their women cry and grovel at their feet to take them back. that's not the sign of a real man.

Man i understand ur situation and feel sorry for u but i really cant give a definite advice, only God knows what else shez keepin secret but then again she seemz really sorry and u still luv her and all, so i'll tell u 2 think about it and come up with ur decision

davidylan:

You're just going to throw away a good girl and 2 years of love just because she was too insecure to tell you her real age?
What about you look at it from another perspective . . . if i were you i'd be more worried that for 2 good years she didnt trust me enough to handle the truth about her real age. How free is she with you? Can she trust you enough to know that she can tell you anything in the world and you will stand by her through thick and thin?

All through the 2 years she must have respected you and treated you as the leader in that relationship for you to have been unaware she was older for so long. This is your fault dear, don't let your ego get in the way of something wonderful . . . she loves you and is willing to submit herself to you not minding the fact that she is older. . . can you put that fact behind you and encourage her to be more open to you?

One thing you also have to be mindful of is that by your actions you have just shattered her confidence . . . even if you take her back she'd be even more afraid to share anything with you not knowing how you will react.

I have always believed one thing, my girl must be able to trust me enough to tell me ANYTHING under the sun. If truly you love her, you'll be willing to correct her with love and let things go.

Take her back asap, i dislike men who seem to enjoy watching their women cry and grovel at their feet to take them back. that's not the sign of a real man.

i totally agree, she hasn't disrespected u in anyway or made u feel less of a man so get over it, everyone lies about their age, don't really see the big deal if she's a good woman. breaking up with her now is taking it too far, n who knows she might be the woman God has chosen 4 u.

@ Davidylan
                  I'm seriously laffin at ur reply, y are u makin it a one way thing, wot about his own trust and confidence in her, the bottom line is dat she should have been truthful from the beginin, a relationship isnt all about pleasin d woman u know

@ ima 1
God doesnt send u a man or woman who would lie to u about themselves for two straight years,Aba

well,its not really like i enjoy watchin her cry, i only find her more attractive when she's cryin, I've not been hard on her anyway & i don't let her gravel at my feet(I respect her a lot to allow her do dat). And to the best of my knowledge, i've been very open 2 her and she has been open 2 me on some thins too. just didn't understand why she had 2 lie on dis. will talk 2 her abt it sha.thanks

Oba-j:

@ Davidylan
                  I'm seriously laffin at your reply, y are u makin it a one way thing, wot about his own trust and confidence in her, the bottom line is that she should have been truthful from the beginin, a relationship isnt all about pleasin d woman u know

lol i once had your type of mentality before, thank God its changed with maturity. I think if i were in Sagitaruis shoes i'd be a lot more worried about why she could not feel so free to tell me about this for 2 yrs.

Relationship is not all about pleasing the woman but neither is it all about massaging the guys ego. Can Sagitarius himself claim to have been completely truthful for the last 2 yrs? It says a lot when a woman cant look you in the face knowing that you are mature enough to handle the truth.

If this is the kind of pain, insecurity and fear women have to go through every day then i'm glad God made me a man. My woman will someday be grateful God gave her to me and not men like you.

Oba-j:

@ ima 1
God doesnt send u a man or woman who would lie to u about themselves for two straight years,Aba

and ye who have no sin, please cast the first stone.

nobody is perfect, and please ur idea of God not sending a man and woman who doesn't lie is baseless because everyone in this world lies, so does that mean you will never get married to someone. even you self dey lie i bet God would not give u a wife,

@ Davidylan

I totally agree with you.

Davidylan,U R A TRUE MAN

@ poster

u have heard the truth,so what u gonna do abt it??Think of what Davidylan said,he is right u know.

Cheers

As my first post suggests, i'm not tellin dude to break up with gurlfriend straight up
@ ima (again)
I'm not sayin no one lies, there are small white lies and there are also major lies, u cant start a relationship by lying about urself, u jus cant make 2 much excuses for that, so if a guy waz have a baby before meeting u and then two years later while u were thinkin of marrying him, u find out from someone else, what would your reaction be, would u be disapointed that the person couldn't try being honest with u, and then tell me whoz trust would suffer a blow
@ david
stop tellin d guy to check himself for y she lied cuz probably did dat at the beginin of the relationship when they bearly knew each other,she should check herself too and also stop trying to make women look victimised . my advise to the poster is jus to be careful and not be a doormat to any lady, becuz people in this world alwaiz try to take advantage

@davidylan

good points you made there. you hit the nail on the head.

@topic

I won't suggest you break up with her, just because she lied to you about her age. if for two years you know, she is what you need in a woman, why would you want to throw away what took a whole two years to build. i bet if you had found out from her mum, that she was younger than she said she was, you won't make it an issue. but now she says she's older, its a big issue. You don't know what you have till you loose it. trust me, compatible partners you know is right for you and you want to marry( i used the word compatible because, you can have partners always, but you can't always have that person, that is just so right for you.) are very hard to come by these days. when you have one, please hold on to it. if she has apologized to you countless times and your sure she's sober about her mistake, please be willing to forgive.

Guy all woman have dark secrets. You're lucky hers in just ok. I am not saying lying is good( cannot tolerate any form ), but men I have seen enough lies from nigerian chicks, so this lie I can handle. They can lie about just anything. She probably didn't want to scare u off. They usually have an issue with the age thing. What about if u found out she had a baby, or is pregant for some other guy or maybe something worse? This lie is not about a past event, or something she could've changed.
She loves you. Just get her to understand that lies don't help anybody for long

well its good to hear all ur suggestions, we're workin thins out

when i meet a girl that i love,if i notice she is far younger than myself i try to fake my age so that she doesnot say i am old enough to be her dad.we lie for several reasons, i guess on her part it could be that she feel if you no her real age you might not be comfortable with that even though you didnt state if she is older than u are.anyway for your own good u need to listen to her and hear from her.afterall you can't tell me that you have not lied to her once.

like they say, age is only a number, successful relationships amongst other things are built on love and trust, ild rather go for someone younger though

Many women lie a lot. Get used to it. It's the only way they can live up to your expectations.

YOU DONT HAVE TO DUMP HER COS OF THAT.I HAVE ALSO DONE THAT BEFORE AND I WAS FORGIVEN.I HAD TO LIE TO HER COS I LOVED HER AND DIDNT WANT TO LOOSE HER THEN AND I AM SURE YOUR GIRL ALSO DID THE SAME COS SHE LOVES YOU.ATLEAST,YOU HAVE ALREADY SHOWN SOME SIGN OF YOU BEING DISAPPOINTED IN HER AND SHE WOULD LEARN FROM THAT NEVER TO KEEP SUCH BIG ISSUES FROM YOU AGAIN.TI ABA FI OWO OTUN BA OMO WI,

Seun:

Many women lie a lot. Get used to it. It's the only way they can live up to your expectations.

WOMEN TELL LIES TOO BUT WE MEN ARE WORSE.WE ARE THE MASTERPLANNERS

showbobo:

WOMEN TELL LIES TOO BUT WE MEN ARE WORSE.WE ARE THE MASTERPLANNERS

God bless u blessed are the men who accepts their faults _{says sally}

@ Seun
How wld you say ALL women lie, except you were using ETTEH to describe women .
@ Davidylan
You views represent that of a complete gentleman.
@ Poster
While you confidently expressed how much you love her, there was no mention of how much you trust her.
Your next step should be to build the bridge of effective communication rooted in mutual trust and love.
I will love to hear how you guys are getting back.
Cheers

I really doubt if dumping her is neccesary. Think of when she might have told you about her supposed age; was it early on in the relationship ( when she couldn't have known your intentions for her) or was it later along the line? If it was when you had already gotten serious it could be that she was afraid of losing you because she had lied for a long time, but you must also keep in mind that she just might be a liar( sorry but you must keep all options open).
The only way you can clear this up is by letting her understand the magnitude of whatshe did and maybe if you let her talk she might have a reasonable explanation. Sorry sha.

You could look at it from the perspective that she was scared of loosing you.
I am not sure what you would have done if she told you this 2yrs ago maybe the relationship would ve been long forgtotten by now.
This was the same problem i had with my ex-girlfriend, though she was not comfortable and left me but i still miss her.
MY VERDICT: DON"T LET HER GO, you would regret it.

Oba-j:

As my first post suggests, i'm not tellin dude to break up with girlfriend straight up
@ ima (again)
I'm not sayin no one lies, there are small white lies and there are also major lies, u can't start a relationship by lying about yourself, u jus can't make 2 much excuses for that, so if a guy waz have a baby before meeting u and then two years later while u were thinkin of marrying him, u find out from someone else, what would your reaction be, would u be disapointed that the person couldn't try being honest with u, and then tell me whoz trust would suffer a blow
@ david
stop tellin d guy to check himself for y she lied because probably did that at the beginin of the relationship when they bearly knew each other,she should check herself too and also stop trying to make women look victimised . my advise to the poster is jus to be careful and not be a doormat to any lady, becuz people in this world alwaiz try to take advantage

Good talk Oba-j
Most guys here keep making it look as if its that simple to believe it was a little lie. For the girls its understandable why they will quickly urge the poster to forgive the girl immediatelly.

@poster
Inasmuch as you must learn to understand that most girls live with lies that can be hurtful; you must take your time and come up with a decision. And whichever decision you come up with, you must learn to live with the consequences (good or bad) later.

@ABRIYA

Mind you Etteh is not a woman.she is a man,cant you see her teddybeard and moustache, she uses Gillette 2 to shave and i also heard she is a di*K instead of a pu**y.Giving it a second thought,this so called woman has done what men cannot do.Anyway, What a man can do, A woman has done it before.

@poster
I'm glad to know you guys have made up, cos that's a wise thing to do.
insecurity is the only reason she lied to you.
so you need to work on making her feel secured and totally loved no matter wot. that way she wont feel embarraced to tell you anything.

wish u guys the best in your relationship.

Now that the wife have known the husband and the husband has known the wife

Now you may kiss your bride

VERDICT
Get married to her before I say Jack Robinson!
Cos you just got yourself a good woman!

abriya:

@ Seun
How would you say ALL women lie, except you were using ETTEH to describe women .
@ Davidylan
You views represent that of a complete gentleman.
@ Poster
While you confidently expressed how much you love her, there was no mention of how much you trust her.
Your next step should be to build the bridge of effective communication rooted in mutual trust and love.
I will love to hear how you guys are getting back.
Cheers

@everybody
so interesting. Well, tellin lies is not in our culture but doin it with respect to age is a tradition. whether u believe or not, we all tell lies over our ages at one time or the other, though more from the ladies. In Africa (Nigeria particularly), ladies are only above 20 years when their first child attains the age of 16. So brace up bro. Its our tradition that we've come to meet. Its simply called "DA FOOTBALL AGE SYNDROME".

Ladies, what are ur takes on this?

I'm sure she lied to you because of the fear of losing you. Please do forgive her and if you trully love her to marrying her, why not go ahead. . . .

True love leads to some unavoidable lies, such is life