agiboma:

Wow! Woman i have no advice I have just been trying to manage my own situation, with my husband who is a serial cheat and womanizer. I really feel sorry for you because i truely know how it feels, to not make love for a long stretch of time, to want love and affection, even a kiss anything, but with this type pf man such a simple act becomes a dream. Living in the house with a cold detached man that only thinks about having fun with his girlfriends, is a daily heartbreak. In fact a contemplated getting a boyfriend of my own, but decided that two wrongs dont make a right. So i have just decided to manage him the best I can for the time being. For my relationship I am not sure what tommorrow brings, but i am taking it day by day.

myb4eva:

She is 40 but looking 25, educated, in business, beautiful, humble in character, God-fearing, virtuous and friendly, but husband has no affection even in rainy season, hammattan, valentine oh, even when she is Unclad b4 him. Though husband talks good of her outside but never shows love. He is happy to share her pocket even when he has. She discovers the infatuation and recently resolved and informed oga that henceforth everyone should manage his/her pocket and both of them not forgetting to cater for the home when the need comes. Has two daughters but can vividly remember when the play that brought those children forth took place. The inlaws are wonderful but she is tired of complaining because he doesn't even listen to anyone. Womanising in business name is his hobby. what can she do please, your sincere advice pls.

Richvkunt:

[b]@OP,
I find your first line contradictory,because I do not see why you can not use all these virtues to conquer your home front,
Is this how you see yourself or how people have described you?At times the way we see ourselves is not the same way outsiders see us.
I do not claim to have all the answers but I will advise you to work harder at substaining your marriage and less time on eulogising your self.
Marriage is a constant battle especially in Nigeria and you need to keep working on it.
You say you are humble,then you are half way there because humility is the key that opens a mans heart.
Another way is to communicate with your hubby and to make sure the lines of communication are never closed.
Submission is also very important because a ship with two captains is surely going to sink.
He is your husband and certainly there is something he saw in you and you saw in him to get married.
REKINDLE your love before it is too late.
I am talking from experience.Divorce is never the answer especially with the two lovely girls between the two of you.
Work to keep your marriage and your man-a word is enough for the wise!
PEACE!!!
[/b]

moremi2008:

You are a dunce! So if a woman's husband is an unaffectionate ho, the woman is at fault? If the man decides to go sleeping around outside the family home, then the woman isn't working hard enough to "conquer" the "homefront"? You have nothing to contribute but foolishness. Men like you should have their tongues cut out and lips sealed - permanently.

Richvkunt:

@agy,
How could you even think of taking a boyfriend?
As I once told you you need to work harder on your marriage.
Communicate more with him.
Marriage is an everyday battle and only the strong succeeds.
Do you think it is this boy friend that will love and respect you more than your husband?You will only end up as a plaything and find yourself more miserable.
PEACE!!!

Miss_Ife:

Thank you, was still looking for a way to put it, but u did it perfectly well .


@op and agiboma : is there a prize I am not aware of for staying married no matter what? Or is your self esteem so low that you believe it's the best you can get in life ? Wake up girls, if what you wrote here is true (womanizing husband with a wife doing her best to be good at everything) then you'd better find yourself another option than being married for the sake of being married. Try and talk honestly with your hubby, put everything on the table, if he's not willing to work with you towards a better situation, then, sorry to say but you're already separated. Good luck.

agiboma:

Madame i am not interested @ this time to break up my family and leave my son fatherless.

Richvkunt:

[b]@OP,
I find your first line contradictory,because I do not see why you can not use all these virtues to conquer your home front,
Is this how you see yourself or how people have described you?At times the way we see ourselves is not the same way outsiders see us.
I do not claim to have all the answers but I will advise you to work harder at substaining your marriage and less time on eulogising your self.
Marriage is a constant battle especially in Nigeria and you need to keep working on it.
You say you are humble,then you are half way there because humility is the key that opens a mans heart.
Another way is to communicate with your hubby and to make sure the lines of communication are never closed.
Submission is also very important because a ship with two captains is surely going to sink.
He is your husband and certainly there is something he saw in you and you saw in him to get married.
REKINDLE your love before it is too late.
I am talking from experience.Divorce is never the answer especially with the two lovely girls between the two of you.
Work to keep your marriage and your man-a word is enough for the wise!
PEACE!!!
[/b]

moremi2008:

You are a dunce! So if a woman's husband is an unaffectionate ho, the woman is at fault? If the man decides to go sleeping around outside the family home, then the woman isn't working hard enough to "conquer" the "homefront"? You have nothing to contribute but foolishness. Men like you should have their tongues cut out and lips sealed - permanently.

Miss_Ife:

Your husband will always be your son's father, no matter if he is your ex or not. It depends on him to maintain a strong and healthy relationship with his son, and to take responsibility for his son's financial/material upkeep. Many divorced fathers do that wonderfully. If yours won't, then I can't help but think he might already not be doing much as a father.

agiboma:

, but he is a great father fyi, my son loves him and adores him. He plays with our little boy, provides and buys everything for him, he cooks, cleans and even goes to the market his only downfall is that he is a womanizer, that is it, hmm, take heart!

agiboma:

I am very vocal to illustrate my husbands shortcomings, but he is a great father fyi, my son loves him and adores him. He plays with our little boy, provides and buys everything for him, he cooks, cleans and even goes to the market his only downfall is that he is a womanizer, that is it.

Richvkunt:

Look kid,
I do not want to exchange words with you.
You are entitled to your opinion without exchanging insults.I assure you you do not want to go there with me.
I have been observing your posts for some time now,but must you rain insults to get your point across?
I think I am entitled to my own opinion and besides I was not talking to you.
Learn to be civil.Abusive argument does not mean a superior argument.
Please learn to ignore me as I have learnt to ignore you.
PEACE!!!

Miss_Ife:

I can only believe what you write here, and I don't mean to be rude or judgmental with you/your husband/marriage. At the end of the day, you go back to your life and I go back to mine. It's just that, it really makes me feel bad to read posts like yours, when you say HE is a womanizer and YOU are making more and more efforts to make him come back to his senses. Like he's not the one breaking his vows.

You know, I had a "boyfriend" once, who was a really great guy, always there when I needed him, very attentive and blablabla. I knew he had lots of girlfriends and I never really bothered since I considered him just a good friend. It's only after a year that I discovered he was married with kids. I was so shocked I refused to see him ever again. Now that I am married with kids myself, I often think of his behavior and of his wife. I wonder, does he play gentleman outside and then goes back home and is a great father? Or is he the kind of guy who makes her feel she is not enough to make him happy? The same man who was showing no remorse going from one gf to another, he goes back home, cooks, cleans, plays with his kid,  and his WIFE might be struggling, and praying to be "better" to "win him back"? His wife might be the only one really caring about him, but still, he spends his time on one night stands with different girls who don't give a sh*** ? And he's a good man?

I just find it so disgusting and degrading, as a woman,  A one time "mistake" can be hard to forgive, but a womanizer? That tells a lot about the guy's character,  And I can't believe any woman deserves a man like that.

moremi2008:

Old man, you shall be insulted when you come on here spouting undiluted foolishness. I reserve the express right to condemn foolish opinions as I see fit. Next time, please think before you open your mouth.  Thank you sir!

Okay kid,
I  warned you.Do you think because this is an anonymous forum you can come here and run roughshod over your elders and betters?
I know you were proberbly maltreated as a kid and it has affected your reasoning.
Since you joined this forum,you have shown through your uncouth and manner less posts that you lack home training.
Talk is cheap and it is easy to insult faceless people,but I assure you that if I meet you in real life you would never dare say all the things you say while hiding behind your computer.
I know your type-Keyboard cowboys-spewing tras.h,because you feel you are safe behind your laptop.
It is on,you fecking piece of shyte!

Miss_Ife:


I just find it so disgusting and degrading, as a woman,  A one time "mistake" can be hard to forgive, but a womanizer? That tells a lot about the guy's character,  And I can't believe any woman deserves a man like that.

moremi2008:

Old man, you shall be insulted when you come on here spouting undiluted foolishness. I reserve the express right to condemn foolish opinions as I see fit. Next time, please think before you open your mouth.  Thank you sir!

I am not saying that men should cheat. I am just trying to present an alternate reality where a marriage can be successful with a chronically cheating husband. I have seen Aunty JenKa tear Aigboma apart on these boards and I think it's unfair. She is the one living in the marriage and she isn't the first woman to stay married to man that can't control his mamba snake.

agiboma:

I totally agree with you, we dont deserve it but sometimes thats just the way it goes.

I am not the first and I wont be the last, its just that I am the most vocal for all you know some of these frequent nl posters who claim to have the perfect marriage for all we know got a hubby like mine and they on here fronting and lieing to themselves.

agiboma:

I totally agree with you, we dont deserve it but sometimes thats just the way it goes.

I am not the first and I wont be the last, its just that I am the most vocal for all you know some of these frequent nl posters who claim to have the perfect marriage for all we know got a hubby like mine and they on here fronting and lieing to themselves.

Genius100:

With all due respect, there is something you are not telling us. If your man is not touching you, it's not just because he is a womanizer. You are probably nagging him at home or not giving him peace. No man with options will want to Be Intimate with a perpetual nag. Or perhaps, you put on a lot of weight and do not take care of yourself as much as you need to. All I am saying is that, I'm sure there is more to the story,

Miss_Ife:

I get you, I'm just dazzled at the fact that you accept it and let other people that you don't know in real life coming here and telling you it's your fault, you should do this and that or you must have done this and that,  Remember, that you still have a choice, nobody forces you to stay married to that man. Don't put your life at risk, ok?

moremi2008:

Miss Ife, I am a great fan of the Ife people as you can see. However, I have to disabuse you of the notion that men have always been and should always be faithful. Monogamy in most African cultures is a fairly recent development. Our forefathers had happy marriages even when the man of the house had a wandering joystick. I am not saying that men should cheat. I am just trying to present an alternate reality where a marriage can be successful with a chronically cheating husband. I have seen Aunty JenKa tear Aigboma apart on these boards and I think it's unfair. She is the one living in the marriage and she isn't the first woman to stay married to man that can't control his mamba snake.

Miss_Ife:

The only successful marriage I can imagine with a womanizer would be one having these two things :
- the lady was aware of it before getting married and was/is genuinely cool with it (they even set their own rules concerning discretion, STD etc.)
- the lady has the right too to have as many boyfriends as she likes

I've known very few couples who lasted and were truly in love with each other with that kind of setting. Actually just one. But Agiboma's situation doesn't seem fair. It doesn't sound successful to me when the woman (or the man if it was the case) got married to someone she loved and trusted to be faithful and then suddenly has to deal with an army of girlfriends, with all the consequences.

agiboma:



I am not the first and I wont be the last, its just that I am the most vocal for all you know some of these frequent nl posters who claim to have the perfect marriage for all we know got a hubby like mine and they on here fronting and lieing to themselves.

Richvkunt:


Very TRUE!
Stay strong agy and ignore most of these frustrated women,I distinctly remember this miss ife talking about how she has learned to be submissive to her husband and how it has improved her marriage sometime last year.
Listen to them at your own peril.

Richvkunt:

@agy,

There is your answer.
You are the one in the marriage,you know where the shoe pinches you.
If you leave your marriage,these same internet Nigerians will be the ones to poke jest at you.
I know you are learning now you are getting stronger each day!

tessybaby:

@ Agiboma

having a womanizer of a husband should be hell
i can only imagine what you are going thru.
what ever decision you take (staying or leaving)
would be the best coz only you can feel the pain
but there one question i would like to ask you

"does your husband intentionally make you know he
is cheating on you, does he try to hide it and even
deny when caught red-handed?"