I'm having severe insecurity problems in my relationship. I don't know if is as a result of lack of trust for my partner or it's just me. I hardly believe anything she says when we talk even when its true. I find myself "wanting" to always ask for proof of what she says like "snap a pic and send" and stuff like that but i never do it sha. its just a personal problem i'm battling with. I don't know what can be done about this. I really need your candid opinions. Thank you

u jst scared of loosin er
try n control it
it happens
jst hold ursef strong

Long distance has nothing to do with your lack of trust in your partner. If she was 2 houses from you, you will still have trust issues.

People need to be truthful in what really bother them and not use external factors as a scapegoat. It is possible during the long distance courtship, she has proven dishonesty and you are holding the grudge.

You can either learn to trust her or LET HER GO. It is not fair for your relationship. You both deserve that peace of mind.

Trust is the way out.

Lol heartbreakers

What if your right as in when your trusting her and she is still doing that same thing thats giving you the reason to feel insecured with her ??

Just buy padlock and do Magun and set him/her free and see the outcome!

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My guy, andriod 9880 of visafone dual sim goes 4 N75k can give u exactly wat u want. I wil tel and show u wat she is doin all d time, bet me. Call me on 08153353903

@ the OP has she been unfaithful or untruthful before? If she hasnt then you need to focus on the fact that she has been honest with you and that will help you trust her. If she has been unfaithful/untruthful before maybe this is the casue for ur concern and u need to deal with that.

all you can do is to hope and pray she's not screwing anyone else.

...pls delete

Jay5000:

all you can do is to hope and pray she's not screwing anyone else.

abi

Kai your experience reminds me of me, and your responses remind me of all my actions well no solution O! Only God can step in don't worry so many have towed this route so the only thing I can say is O boi you no go die put

Hmmmmm!! Just passing tho

Moodie:

Distance, when not properly managed, can destroy any relationship. The simple solution is to bridge it. Where it's impossible to bridge then work on your trust, while making it ABSOLUTELY CLEAR that you will not condone cheating, likewise stay faithful too. However keep it in mind that you are not married to her and as such she's not legally bound to you. If i know Nigerian ladies well, then it will be advisable for you not to invest too much emotions into it except you have short term plans of marrying her and there are avenues to bridge the distance.

You will be surprised how many calls have been returned to boyfriends while picking the hair off one baba's chest.

stop right there! U jst hit d bulls eye! One reason i can't really trust my girlfriend is dt she lied act her past. Though she's been faithful since d inception on ours. Two is that i'm nicely unfaithful. I've fuckd enough girls who kept receiving calls from their boyfriends while i kept the slamming simple to avoid d boyfriend from detecting the change in her voice. And some simply refused to pick. But in all, i keep my heart to myself, who cares if a girl wishes to leave. But hey, mi so caring sha

Be it short or long distance relationship, the main inhgredient is trust. You ve got to learn to trust. The fact that most girls double date doesnt mean yours could be exceptional. If both of you do love yourself, build your relationship on trust

If you do see her does she store some numbers on her phone with alphabets and numbers does she keep friends does she say you are jealous or you talk to much does she make you feel insecure if she has as much as two of the above just manage my brother and go to church pray that God would throw a stone of discord into the hearts of the men that want to take her from you if you know you want to marry her believe me we determine our destiny especially when its true love.

maxtum:

Just buy padlock and do Magun and set him/her free and see the outcome!

wetin go kom hapen? e b like say u don do am b4!

ibrash600:


wetin go kom hapen? e b like say u don do am b4!

Acrobatic display!

If she has been faithful and honest with you then i suggest you learn to trust her.Without complete trust and faith in your partner your relationship will NEVER work

With every word you wrote, you never talked of LOVE but CARE. Do you sometimes think you can find a better companion? If you re serious about settling down with her, then give your LOVE and TRUST.

Hire OPC for security

trust must be earned by both partners in a relationship

As some people have said, if she has not cheated on you then you have a good reason to trust her. Another thing to consider is if you are cheating or flirting wherever you are.

Truncate the distance. Relationship by default is not meant to be a long distance affair though circumstances may made it so.

Hey dude!  Let us begin with this “shall two walk together except they agree” Amos 3:3?
My uncle once said to me begin with the end in mind … what do you intend to achieve by having this person in your life. Are you seeking a heart breaker of a future partner? To trust you must first learn to trust yourself, if you are cheating on her then you are likely going to expect her to do the same even if she's not and if she comes out clean to you it’s difficult for you to believe. The truth is you might be creating a mountain out of a mole yourself. Albeit, if a woman wants to cheat on you long distance or short distance relationship she most certainly will even if you share flat. This is something totally out of your control if she decides so.
It all comes back to you, what are you scared of losing; is it her beauty, her love, her money, care, attention or sex? On the other hand, do you think you have invested so much money in her thereby thinking you “own” her? What will happen to you today if she calls you to say, “Dude, you have been a wonderful lad but I have decided to move on”. Are you going to drop dead? Hell no! No one is ready to love until you are ready to be hurt that is what makes it worthwhile.
Give her breathing space as well, let her mingle with friends easily, permit her to hang out with the girls occasionally without monitoring their every move per minute. Because if you do not desist from this your imaginary thoughts you will most certainly loose her. Like Uncle Job once said, what I fear has come to me … and what I greatly fear has come upon me.
Learn to trust even if it is difficult, if she is unfaithful, you will be amazed how swiftly you will know. Communicate you feelings to her see if she will downplay the issue or she reassures you with love and care of her faithfulness to you, watch overtime lf she comes around to calm your fears. On the other hand if she consistently brushes away your concerns, then you have something to think about …, Start finding an exit door.
Lastly, Pray and do not be a naggy dude. Believe if it will work, it will most certainly work out well but you will not give her an excuse to call it a quit!

Relationships are built on trust, be it long or short and once u stop trusting, the rship is headed for the rocks.
You have got to work on ur trust issue and not read too much meaning into what she says but don't play the fool and now that u no longer even believe the pix she even sends i really think u have to rejuvenate that fire btw both of you b4 it goes out. Like it or not ur lady will sense something in your tone or u just might say something u don't means and it all starts falling apart from the seams.
Believe me i learnt the hard way and i am still licking my wounds.

@OP

Since you have trust issues to begin with, what are you doing in a so-called relationship? You should know that all healthy relationships are based on trust. Without trust, there is no relationship. My advice is stay single if you cannot trust another person whom you claim to love. Finally, you should have no business being in a long distance relationship to begin with because of your trust issue. Find someone in your vicinity and date though I doubt that the relationship will work out because you have emotional baggage/issues that you cannot seem to let go of. Stay single and save yourself and other unsuspecting victims who might be willing to date you the trouble and head/heartache that you are about to cause. To date someone is not by force.

@Vibe: Thank you so much for that post up there!

@OP: I'll try to be brief!
Am asking myself, "why did you post this issue"?
Certainly, you love her and you dont want to loose her!
Again, you worry that your love for her might just be wasted and she might just be doing something else in Naija!!

You want to be assured and re-assured that she is faithful to you. OKAY.

So many things are missing in your post so much we can only conjecture (and l may be wrong!).

First: How was the relationship like, before you traveled abroad? I ask this because if when she was within arms-length, you dont trust her (rightly or not) you will never trust her when she is oceans away. Simple.
If she earned your trust while she was close, you can still give her 65% of trust (yea, just 65%!). The remaining 35% has to do with environmental factors like "promiscuity", distance, loneliness, sex-drive, e.t.c. Whether she succumbs to these or any of them is another story we need to examine.

Two: Trust or distrust dont just happen in a vacuum: I say this because there is something at the back of your head, nagging and worrying you, making you feel uncomfortable about her. What is it? Face your demons! What exactly makes you worried about her? If you trusted her before, why dont you trust her anymore, now? You need to search your soul properly for the answers 'cos only you have them!

Are you feeling insecure because you think you are not measuring up? Do you have job issues or "paper-issues" where you are? Is the situation over there preventing you from seeing her as much as you want (when was the last time you saw her in person?), o you wish to see her and you cant come down briefly? These are your own issues that can create "insecurity" on your part, in your soul, nothing to do with her or her level of faithfulness to you. Sit back and address any/all these issues.
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Thirdly: What is the level of communication between both of you since you traveled? I ask this 'cos Love cannot last that long if there is no physical contact, it even worse if there is no "regular communication" between the two of you! "Absence" creates doubt! If the foundation of your relationship was "shaky" ab-initio, DISTANCE has made it worse and now, LACK OF REGULAR COMMUNICATION would be the final nail in its coffin! How often do you speak to her on phone? Daily? How many hours or minutes? Weekly? WHY? You and her are re-assured and rejuvenated, each time you speak to each other. You renew your vow to be faithful to one another regularly. You use that to bridge "distance and absence".

Have you considered letting her have a "second-hand Laptop" (to minimize cost but new is better if you can afford it) and a good webcam like Microsoft LifeCam, installed with "Messenger or Skype" so that you guys can talk and see each other "live" for hours, every day! (It will only cost you around #6,500 monthly for internet subscription). Seeing and hearing each other will bring you closer and bridge the void of absence. I dont advocate "cyber sex" (l be married father of kids! ) but if that is what is needed to keep you guys "emotionally attached", then so be it till you can come together again! The end they say, justify the means!

On fourth level: What is she doing with her time?: The Idle mind is the devil's workshop! What is your woman doing with her time? If she is jobless, not in some sort of education, then what do you expect her to be doing all day, all night, all week, all month and for how many years can she keep this up? She is a human-being, with all the frailties that come with it, especially in this our morally decadent environment called Nigeria. Dont tempt Devil make Devil no tempt you back o!
Get her engaged, into employment, Schooling/further education/self-development or into business. You will have to fund it somehow. God will provide for you, its worth the effort if you really love her and willing to work hard to keep her. If she has too much idle time on her lap, she will certainly join "bad influences", even if she be "born again"! Its just a mater of time!
Men will tempt her "irresistibly" and its only a question of time before the inevitable happens.

Both of you need to "talk a lot", all the time. Keep encouraging one another and give "HOPE" to each other 'cos with hope, even the highest mountain will appear surmountable! Keep communicating, by any means whatsoever! Surprise Text, Phone-calls, surprise paper Cards, E-Cards, Video-Calls, small gifts, e.t.c. And remind her that you are "on your way home, very soon and that "there is a reward for her, if she is faithful in all things".

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I HAVE SAID ALL THE ABOVE ON THE ASSUMPTION THAT SHE IS AND WISHES TOBE FAITHFUL TO YOU, DESPITE THE DISTANCE.

What if the reverse is the case an your "fears" are well-founded?
Hmmm,   ,   ,   ,  Long and short of it is that "You will have to let her go" to keep your heart from distress (as if letting her go is not stressful enough!)
One thing l have come to realize is that "men have scex as an adventure, they dont commit their heart/emotions to it, women have scex only after making an emotional connection with the sex-partner". So, if your wife or G.Friend is cheating on you, nothing will change her mind, no repentance will change it, she is far too gone to be redeemed! Just let her go!

If you ever get to know that she is cheating on you, end the relationship immediately. Thank your stars she is not yet married to you, with kids otherwise, your life for scatter from that setting onwards!

QUESTION: How do you ascertain if she is cheating on you?
Well, there are WAYS to check but l dont think its worth it!
Simplest is "observation": Has she shown any tendency to make you suspicious (like for exp,  "repeated" delays in picking calls, or not picking at all; call her at odd and unexpected times and see her reaction!). Two-timming is a very difficult business to juggle, you will always slip and if your partner is "sharp", he or she will notice and see the"signs"! . What about her siblings, do you speak with them? (they can be a treasure of "unspoken information": Like if she tells you l am going to school at 10am and would be back by 8pm when she was actually going to a party with another guy or even sleeping over so "lets talk tomorrow"! ; a casual call to her sibling at 12midnight might say: Please help me wake your sister so l can speak with her, l heard there was an accident on her "route from school and want to know if she is safe! Well, if she is home and returned as promised, she would speak with you immediately and than you for your concern but if she has gone to "play away" (abi na home dis time sef?) all sorts of "excuse" will surface on "why she cannot come to the phone to speak with you":  A RED FLAG!

But let me ask: Is it really necessary to confirm? At the end of the day will it benefit you? What if the "situation seems as if" she is cheating and she has not actually cheated? I know "engaged ladies" who flirt with other men but dont Be Intimate with them! Kind of "living dangerously", l would say!
Would you let her go if she was only flirting in your absence? In such case would it not have been better not to know anything?
How long/deep are you prepared to go, to "find out"? How would she feel if she also found out you have been snitching on her? Would she not be disappointed that she was faithful yet you did not trust her? How would this affect your relationship further?
Its not an interesting project to undertake. Only as a last resort.

I feel you 'cos l have been in your shoes at a stage in my life (unfortunately, some of these technologies were not even available back then).

A lady that would be faithful, would be faithful even if you're on another planet. A slut would be a slut, even under your nose!
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