15 ways to know if dem dey pursue u from village:
15. If you have worked in a company for 10years without promotion or raise in salary.
14. When you fail maths and english in WAEC.
13. If u slap a military man.
12. If your car spends more time at †ђξ mechanic than on d road.
11. If you are a ARSENAL*** Fan.
10. When you are posted to Maiduguri for NYSC.
9. You are a christian and disguise as a muslim in the midst of boko haram and ur phone starts ringing with d tone 'Let somebody shout halleluyah'!
8. When u mistake a super glue for eye drop.
7. A world class photographer takes a photo of u, edits it 20 times: and u still look ugly.
6. When u vomit pounded yam and egusi in church during a 3 day fasting and prayer session.
5. U sign as a defender for an european club and u first task is to mark Lionel Messi.
4. When u beat a military man's only child.
3. When a rat eats your name out of all your original documents.
2. When your only child joins d Nigerian police force.
1. When you get stuck in an elevator with a boko haram suicide bomber.

You try

^^^Yes I know that!

Nice copy and paste! 4litres, more grease to your photocopying machine!

^^^ DUH! do u hav a joke dat has neva been told b4? Yes i copied & pasted because i found it hillarious & wanted 2 share it wit people who havnt heard it. If u hv heard it b4, u can kindly move on instead of soundin lyk u 'r on 'ur period.

Tell dem oh. Na only to yab wey dem sabi. But u sef, u no get brand new jokes? We don see dis 15 forces tire

4litres:

^^^ DUH! do u hav a joke dat has neva been told b4? Yes i copied & pasted because i found it hillarious & wanted 2 share it wit people who havnt heard it. If u hv heard it b4, u can kindly move on instead of soundin lyk u 'r on 'ur period.

no one says copy and paste is a crime! Its only bad and sttupid when u copy and paste jokes dat have already been pasted here on NL jokes section. U copied a joke from here and u pasted it here again! Jeez! how uncreative can one be??

nice 1

bt ve seen dis b4 pls we need new jokes

Hope u havent heard dis 1 @vicky
Smart Contractor

Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from Nigeria, another from Germany, and the third from France.

At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living.

When they all replied that they were contractors, the guard said, "Hey we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys take a look at it & give me a bid?" So, to the back fence they all went to check it out.

First to step up was the German contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, "Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

Next was the French contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, "Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

Without so much as moving, the Nigerian contractor said, "$2,700."

The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

"Easy," he said. "$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the guy from France."

^ now dis is better!

Second yoke moved just one of my humour muscles*





So pls,where is d joke?

Second yoke moved just one of my humour muscles*





So pls,where is d joke?

d second joke is better

And the Lord said unto Wenger, "Behold I have heard your cry and indeed I have seen the works of the Mancites, the Manuzites, the Chelshites and the Tottentites. I have seen how the Mancites have put their trust in filthy mammon..
I will permit them for this season. I have also seen how the Manuzites lean on the arm of Ferguson... I will pity them also for a season more. However the sin of the Chelshites and the Tottentites are beyond pardon. The Chelshites have made gods of their old prophets and have not allowed my young prophets to prosper...
Europa league is their due. But the Tottentites have vexed me most of all. They have made proud boasts of their skill and their pacy wingers. They have taunted their better rivals and kicked them even as they lay on the floor, as if they did not know that Fabregas had returned to the land of his birth and Nasri had moved on to the land of oil and honey. For this sin, I have instructed mighty angels to seal up the goal post of all their opponents on every pitch of play. In vain will Bale shoot, for nought will Lennon sprint. Their midfield will wallow in confusion, even as their defence leaks goals.
And the angel of Chelsea rose and cried "Lord your sky is blue and holy at thou in thine dwelling please, have mercy and send grace to Stamford Bridge". And the Lord said, "I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy. Because of my mercy, they will be satisfied with Champions league trophy in May 2020". .....Chelsea fans shout Alleluuuuuuuuuuuuuya!

........If 2face advertise contraceptives,
no buy, na fake ...........If Akala sells
bleaching cream, buy am, na
Original ...........If Chelsea see an open net
chance, don't panic, it is Torres ...........If
armed robbers visit Emirate Stadium, no
worry - no recent trophies. ...........If
Jonathan make a threat, check it, na
subsidy ...........If Boko Haram threatens,
U betta run coz life no get season two...

D second is very funny. Others are copy and paste.

Ruqaya: D second is very funny. Others are copy and paste.

Nah, everytin na copy paste. some u ve heard b4 while some u ve not; so just laff at the ones u havent heard & leave the rest 2 others who might find dem funny,PERIOD

this one is much better than mukina's own.

she's too threatening, and na her own head go carry wetin she dey talk.