I have a little advice. There are some universal laws of nature and one of them is" Never put too much power in the hands of an employer" , it does not matter who that employer is, one of the most predictable things about humans is their unpredictability. Believe me, someday you should want to be your own boss. The fact that the person in question is a father in law makes it more complicated. If you are a very proud guy ( like me), you won't take this offer, but if You decide to take it, you need to have a long and sincere talk with your Father in-law. Please don't assume anything, discuss every issue and leave a back door open if necessary, let them him know what you stand for and let him define his mission and vision for the company while you define your own vision for your family and career,find a meeting point and work for the good of the company while there, be respectful and be willing to shed some pride, let it be clear you won't be doing the job forever and be prepared to start your own business somehow...it may sound too diplomatic but diplomacy is one of the best ways of avoiding misunderstanding...from the 48 laws of power "Never step into the shoes of a great man"..Get the book. I wish you good luck.

Op i dont think u should take d offer. because so many things wil come up dat u neva dream of and in most cases u may nt b able 2 manage it propaly.
If u take dis ofa u're likely 2 have isues wit ur FIL at d lng run. Dnt 4get dat if thngs go wrong u wil b blamed n how wil u fil?
U rily nd 2 pray 4 directns. U are rite now faced wit d mst dificult situation in ur life.

I wld sugest if there is anyway u can help him from afar dat wil b a nice one.

Op i dont think u should take d offer. because so many things wil come up dat u neva dream of and in most cases u may nt b able 2 manage it propaly.
If u take dis ofa u're likely 2 have isues wit ur FIL at d lng run. Dnt 4get dat if thngs go wrong u wil b blamed n how wil u fil?
U rily nd 2 pray 4 directns. U are rite now faced wit d mst dificult situation in ur life.

I wld sugest if there is anyway u can help him from afar dat wil b a nice one.

Op i dont think u should take d offer. because so many things wil come up dat u neva dream of and in most cases u may nt b able 2 manage it propaly.
If u take dis ofa u're likely 2 have isues wit ur FIL at d lng run. Dnt 4get dat if thngs go wrong u wil b blamed n how wil u fil?
U rily nd 2 pray 4 directns. U are rite now faced wit d mst dificult situation in ur life.

I wld sugest if there is anyway u can help him from afar dat wil b a nice one.

Op i dont think u should take d offer. because so many things wil come up dat u neva dream of and in most cases u may nt b able 2 manage it propaly.
If u take dis ofa u're likely 2 have isues wit ur FIL at d lng run. Dnt 4get dat if thngs go wrong u wil b blamed n how wil u fil?
U rily nd 2 pray 4 directns. U are rite now faced wit d mst dificult situation in ur life.

I wld sugest if there is anyway u can help him from afar dat wil b a nice one.

Op i dont think u should take d offer. because so many things wil come up dat u neva dream of and in most cases u may nt b able 2 manage it propaly.
If u take dis ofa u're likely 2 have isues wit ur FIL at d lng run. Dnt 4get dat if thngs go wrong u wil b blamed n how wil u fil?
U rily nd 2 pray 4 directns. U are rite now faced wit d mst dificult situation in ur life.

I wld sugest if there is anyway u can help him from afar dat wil b a nice one.

go join the business fast fast!

Lots of great feedback, which I'm sure the OP will take into consideration.

My 2 cents: Don't do it!

Take the job but i think you have to write Application letter and make them accept you which would be in black and white for future references. I know of a friend that works with his wife's father he has a 5bed room flat to him self and a filling station of his own now and he's still under 35, those that advised him not to take the job that time he's the one feeding them now.

SO if you have the opportunity like you have now do it...All the best

@OP: My dear brother, DO NOT TAKE THAT JOB!
Ur marriage is still very young. If u take that job, u'll most likely loose ur wife's respect after a while (after all u'r work for my dad issue will crop up later). Thank GOD u hv a good job. Keep that job and grow in it. U can work for them on a consultancy level. Again, u wife can go and seat there while u'll be d brain-box of d coy. Please, act wisely in which ever way u chose.

I will advice u take the job if u are sure u will not be forced into a corner were ur decision making is irrelevant, but as many have said do not sit on the job, get something for ur self cos the 14yr old will grow up to put up a fight in the future.

I feel u shld work wt ur FIL wt a time frame.
Its okay if ul like work wt him 4 a few years 2 c hw far the biz rltnshp goes den u wldv built ur own cabal (financially & cnctns) to go solo cos ur rejecting d offer wl put strains on ur rltnshp wt ur inlaws as well as ur wife. So,its best u work wt him for a couple of years after which ul exit d deal & do ur own thing.

I have a clear example for u. D boy married into a rich home. Father in law gave him a new hse and cars and a biz to manage.
The marriage packed up after 2yrs and boy went back to d hood. True story! Watch ur back man.

I will never advice you to work with in-laws.it's never a good one.am talking from experience which i later regret.but the ball is in your court.

OP
1st pray 2 GOD &
2nd Tread Kiafuly

i like gram and mature response. Am married and am also a business owner.
Just a few addition. I will use myself as an example if i were in your shoe. If my wife father offered me this, automatically and diplomatically will reject this offer. Number one reason is because of my wife which i know very well and because of the kind of a man that i am too. My dignity and integrity matter to me alot when it comes people generally talk-less of my in-laws. So, you no your wife very well, you can determine what she can do and not do. You need to understand the kind of person your wife is very well, i think your 5month marriage still need a further study. For instance, if you and your wife probably have some misunderstanding, is she kind of a person that can use her dad business to talk when she is angry? If not, then one point to consider, Like what some folks as said above, we human are unpredictable. If you must consider that offer, ensure you have your business as a fall back plan. You can hire people to run it for you while you act as the chairman. You can do it, many folks have upto ten companies they run at the same time and they are all successful, you don't need to be there all the time, just ensure you put it in the hands of capable, trust worth managers. Do not run this business behind your father in law or wife. They must know. Do not try to make your own business a supplier or consultant to your father-in-law business. If you later decide you want to take the offer, work there as if it's your own business and as your primary business and let your other business be your secondary and let them understand this. You will have to be mature and use diplomacy for a win win situation. If your father-in-law was probably in your show, he might do the same thing. He is a man.

No much time to type, you can see other meaningful post here to work your way around your decision making.

OP, my question to you is "what are your long term goals". This is your career we are talking about here and you are in charge of it and only you can make the decisions - not any father in law. My question is what do you really want to do with yourself long term? Is it banking? Is it something else? Does your father in law's proposal fit into your long term goals? Is running a haulage business what you really want to do? Few questions:

1. What if the business goes down in 5 years, what are the skills you will learn that are transferable into something else
2. God forbid, what if your father in law dies in 10 years time, how prepared are you to transition into something else or continue the business
3. How long do you see yourself running this business and what are your exit plans

Young man, your career lasts 40 years, please try and have a long term view and not just jump at any opportunity. On the emotional side, it all depends on you and your father in laws attitude. A very close friend of mine is married to an ex-governors daughther and another friend to the daughter of a senator and I will tell you a few things about us Naija men in general

1. Nigerian men are controlling. There is a 90% chance that your father in law is controlling. So are you ready to give some control of your family to him just incase he is part of the 90%? You know him best
2. He that plays the piper dictates the tune. Related to the first point, if your father in law pays your salary, he may want to dictate a few things to you just because he knows how much you earn. Or he may not - you know him best
3. Consider your future relationship with your wife's siblings. What will they think of you? You know them best.

Back to my friend who married a senators daughter (they live in London). His FIL gave them a £600,000 house in London to live in. Afther a few years, my friend moved out of the house to a place he could afford. When I asked him why, it was a looong story.

To summarise, there is nothing wrong taking an employment with your father in law, but you should consider your career goals and also does he appear controlling? Goodluck

OP, All has been said here already. It's now left for you to decide which is which.

I know men ve ego, and no man will wants to drop dat.

U can't predict d future, human beings can change at any time. If I were in ur shoes I'll continue with my bank work. U will be putting ur wife in a fix if the tussle begins with ur father-in-law (she won't know who to side). Don't 4get most of his father decisions may not suit urs.

nexeee: area fada....my dad is late..yet to tell my mum....i get along very well with other members of her family..infact her entire sibling all look up to me as their big brother..lol..the mum calls me her first son...they are really nice..


am just confused...seriously..

I want to assume that you're more inclined to take the job than not.
If you're a naturally humble person and can actually see and respect your FIL like your own biological dad, then fine.
I mean if he should yell at one one day, you won't sulk and and say "is it just because I work for him?".

It could be your break. You can help take the business to greater heights. It's a pity you cannot do your current job part-time and your FIL's part-time. Your BIL is still young, he won't graduate from uni at least until he's 20 years old. That gives you 6 years to estalish yourself.
Regarding gold-digger, you didn't solicit for it. It's not like you're jobless now.
It will be best to have a legal agreement. Should the worst happen to your FIL (GOD forbid), his extended family can become troublesome.

Poster, i will advice you to talk to you FIL, and let him see reasons you don't want to take-up the offer just yet, you eventually will, but not so fast, that you need time to get things in shape, say 2 years, within which, you will do your own reasearch and assessment of the company, you will study your FIL and the entire family as a whole,more so you will be able to know his mode of operation and the little things and cues he says in regards to the company, put in your little advice too sometimes, and when you are fully decided based on what you have been able to get from your observations, you can now decide to either take the offer or leave it.wish you the best.[b]

Emperoh: OP
The highest number of yes doesn't make this a good decision neither does the highest number of No make it bad.
In cases like this, it is what is on ground and also forecast built on present knowledge that will determine.

While i think your FIL has your interest at heart, we all know what has becomes of issues like this

This can work out very well depending on how you handle it. If you the industry is what you will like to work in
i do advice u give it a shot....no error in trying.

While it all looks attractive, i suggest u thread warily. People are known to lose respect and the seeming mystery around them
when they get more familiar. try to ensure this is not the case with you.

above all, put everything to God in prayer.

NB: Don't take the yes and nos but consider the reasons why a yes is given or a no is given

GBAM!!!

i i will advice op, that you should never quit your job for now for your FIS. You need to be wise up. Since he has shown interest in his bussiness, i will advice you to let your wife also put interest in it by all means. Incase your FIL dies sooner than you expect, you will definately still be in control and still keeping your job.
Besides, there is no way you will not have issue with him in the long run, because if you make mistakes, he will not take it lightly. Again, he will want to put you under intense pressure to learn the work faster in which means , you will likely make costly mistakes.
Encourage your wife to put her brain on how the bussiness works? One day, one day, that boy will grow up and claim his birthright either manage it well or not, no one knows. And i bet, he will have full family supports in case of eventuality. Then what will you do then?

Thanks all for your advice..am so sorry for responding late..been very busy with work..

@nashville....am an engineer..but working in a bank.you know how the nigerian system is.

i understand my wife so much..we dated for 4years b4 tying the knots unless she changes tomorrow (which i doubt)my wife works with her dad but she is very willing to resign immediately i take the job offer.

i intend to meet my FIL by weekend to tell him my decision.i have evaded this issue for months now and i think its better i tell him what i feel.am just concerned as regards my relationship with my inlaws...they really count on me..rejecting this offer will really weigh them down as they might read meaning into it.

i really need God's grace to treat this issue.

Nexee

It seems to me you Have made up ur mind to reject that offer. I don't think u should..at least going
By your posts so far I am likely to assume ur FIL is an honourable man.

Hence why not have a chat with him outlining ur fears and listen to what he his response is. Not that he willsay anything new, but his tone body language and responses should give u an insight on the direction of of his mindset and what he intends to achieve with u. Therefore u can take a decision.

Another reason why I think u should take this offer is because of the volatility of the Nigerian banking sector. It do be nice to see you acquire experience and practical business skills beyond that sector. It won't just help your personal development but should also prepare u for any eventualities.

Goodluck in your decision

Emperoh: Nexee

It seems to me you Have made up ur mind to reject that offer. I don't think u should..at least going
By your posts so far I am likely to assume ur FIL is an honourable man.

Hence why not have a chat with him outlining ur fears and listen to what he his response is. Not that he willsay anything new, but his tone body language and responses should give u an insight on the direction of of his mindset and what he intends to achieve with u. Therefore u can take a decision.

Another reason why I think u should take this offer is because of the volatility of the Nigerian banking sector. It do be nice to see you acquire experience and practical business skills beyond that sector. It won't just help your personal development but should also prepare u for any eventualities.

Goodluck in your decision

Exactly my thoughts and response to him.

A fellow in law like me is in serious mess now cos he quit his job to partner with his childhood friend who happens to be an in law like us. What am saying is that we all marry our wives from the same family.

The business had a little hike ups at start up level, then the music change! They are age mates and best of friends b4 now dat we family.

The problem started from the chairman's wife which he married cos of the recommendation from his friend that their family is nice and cos chairman is not based here initially. She told her husband one day dat your friend is wasting 'our' money.

The chairman confronted his friend and parted ways. Now he is in the labour market. I also know of a guy who won visa lottery,his chairman double his pay but the guy still left for USA. I said he is a fool BUT I later realize human beings are unpredictable!!! They will do u a favour and the day you mess up,they will remind you your days of little beginings(am guilty of this too)

So if you can swallow your pride,join them but the day you buy a new car,they will think you stole their money to buy it. Expect the used car the man give to you that you can drive around with confidence.

Let me ask you one question, what is your wife doing? Full time house wife? She is a graduate I guess and she attends a good university, why can't she head her dad's business? Just asking.


On the other hand,for the man to accept you to marry her daughter that means he did not see you as a gold digger cos he would not have allow you marry his daughter in d first place.

It is all about you and your ego as a man. Remember favour from God can come to a man through someone.

Five months is too small to know your wife talkless your in laws. I was in courtship with my wife for six years,many things I don't know abt her until after marriage and having kids. Please think well

@ OP, my advice 2u is do not accept the offer of ur FIL. U wil maintain ur dignity if u continue ur present job. Ur FIL may be angry wit u frm d start 4 turning down his offer but i assure u he will have more respect 4 u that u r a hustler and not a gold digger. What happens when u have issues with ur wife? Nobody prays for that but marriage has its ups and downs. Its not a bed of roses. So when issues arise, wud u like comments like, 'If not 4my father, u wudnt have gotten dis far' etc. I can kip writing more and more on ur issue but i wud prefer 2 allow u 'count ur teeth with ur tongue'. U stil hv d final say and i wish u da best in whatever u decide.

nexeee: Thanks all for your advice..am so sorry for responding late..been very busy with work..

@nashville....am an engineer..but working in a bank.you know how the nigerian system is.

i understand my wife so much..we dated for 4years b4 tying the knots unless she changes tomorrow (which i doubt)my wife works with her dad but she is very willing to resign immediately i take the job offer.

i intend to meet my FIL by weekend to tell him my decision.i have evaded this issue for months now and i think its better i tell him what i feel.am just concerned as regards my relationship with my inlaws...they really count on me..rejecting this offer will really weigh them down as they might read meaning into it.

i really need God's grace to treat this issue.

Guy, you may hurt them. But trust me its your life and your decision. And ultimately, you are trying to protect yourself, your wife and kids. In-laws are an extension. Think of the future, what if in another 15 years the man decides his 30 yr old son will be the new MD and you will report to him (lol). If you want to join their family business, it has to be on your own terms and you may get involved without working 100% there.

My father in law runs a business too, I wrote the business plan and helped in negotiate funding but I wouldn't quit my job to work for him (not that he can afford to pay me). But you can be involved, sit on the board without giving away your own career and desires.

U can take the job. I dont see anything wrong in it