jmoore: cohabitation shows that both of them are weak in commitment. Marriage=commitment , cohabitation= non-commitment

naijasexy: I have a friend who cohabits with her boyfriend (not even her fiance) and both of them and I had a talk about this not too long ago.

For one thing, I am a devoted christian and cohabitation is not in alignment with the rules of the bible therefore it is not acceptable.

Another thing in when one lives with a partner before getting married, you have ABSOLUTELY nothing to look forward when you eventually get married as everything has been done already so the essence of marriage to some extent is defeated. When they get married, that spark that usually accompanies new marriages would definitely be absent since all the while they had been "married" but just formalized their union officially. I could be wrong but I think such marriages are more likely to fail than others.

Cohabitees are more likely to break up because they get bored of each other too quickly and like Caliente said, the male cohabitee would not feel the need to propose since he is getting the milk free already.
I could go on and on about the disadvantages so Cohabitation is a definite NO-NO for me.

4teelaw: I cohabited with my husband for 1year before we got married, although we have been really great friends for almost half my life...

It starts by spending the nights, then spending the weekends, then you realise you don't go home anymore. Next thing you guys are splitting the bills, next thing everyone thinks you are married, then you start referring to her as your wife, then she can't spend the nights out, she can't even go home anymore because her home is with you... its not like people go all out to cohabit, it just happens,and when the time comes, you decide to formally get married, so that she can change her name.

That's if it works out sha. if you cohabit and break up it is better than get married and divorced.

It has its pros and cons. I am having it easier in marriage now because we had all the 'marital' hiccups that 1st year, and we stuck together. Since we got married over 2yrs now, we hardly quarrel because I already know him inside out he does likewise. I don't find faults cos I know those faults and I have adapted to them and vice versa.I guess we were just lucky sha especially because we were friends for so long!

I will advise, if you are not matured enough to marry, mentally physically, emotionally and all that, don't cohabit! It will just ruin it for you, and I think its men that take advantage of cohabiting, marriage favors the woman, but I hope we know when you have cohaibtied for over 2yrs, you have become 'common law husband and wife' and will need a customary court when you break up and need to split stuff!it is also accepted abroad as 'defacto relationship' when you have proof you have lived together for that long (eg nepa bill, bank papers) etc

~Killz~:

What's the emotional difference between breaking up and divorce?
Was it in the sole year you spent with him that you go to know him?
If you are matured enough to cohabit, why not get married?
The first year of co-habitation can be likened to the first year of marriage, true or false?
Is there any justification for co-habiting?
Co-habiting is selfish, it's demeaning and is an insult. A man does not consider you worthy enough to marry you outright, and you think that's cool?
Did you adapt to those faults in one year?
Did you date him prior to co habiting with him?
If you dated him prior to cohabiting, why did you need an extra year? What was the point of the extra year?
Do you really value marriage by cohabiting?
How would you have felt if you had been at the receiving end of a boot, asking you to get lost after cohabiting?
Did you know that marriages from co-habitation have a greater chance of crumbling?
Do you know, that the same attitude you had towards co-habitation, a carefree attitude, is the same attitude you have towards your marriage?

That cohabitation worked for you doesn't mean Nada! All excuses given in support of co habitation, and all the energy spent on striving to make co-habitation work could have been channeled to making your marriage work out. . . In the end, there really is no excuse for cohabiting. It's just another avenue to live immorally and illegally together. Unless you are a quintessential hypocrite, i see no reason why a Christian should accept cohabitation to the extent of supporting and recommending it to others. . .

~Killz~:

What's the emotional difference between breaking up and divorce?
Was it in the sole year you spent with him that you go to know him?
If you are matured enough to cohabit, why not get married?
The first year of co-habitation can be likened to the first year of marriage, true or false?
Is there any justification for co-habiting?
Co-habiting is selfish, it's demeaning and is an insult. A man does not consider you worthy enough to marry you outright, and you think that's cool?
Did you adapt to those faults in one year?
Did you date him prior to co habiting with him?
If you dated him prior to cohabiting, why did you need an extra year? What was the point of the extra year?
Do you really value marriage by cohabiting?
How would you have felt if you had been at the receiving end of a boot, asking you to get lost after cohabiting?
Did you know that marriages from co-habitation have a greater chance of crumbling?
Do you know, that the same attitude you had towards co-habitation, a carefree attitude, is the same attitude you have towards your marriage?

That cohabitation worked for you doesn't mean Nada! All excuses given in support of co habitation, and all the energy spent on striving to make co-habitation work could have been channeled to making your marriage work out. . . In the end, there really is no excuse for cohabiting. It's just another avenue to live immorally and illegally together. Unless you are a quintessential hypocrite, i see no reason why a Christian should accept cohabitation to the extent of supporting and recommending it to others. . .

4teelaw:

Well, you are entitled to your own opinion. Like I said, no one wakes up to say I want to cohabit, sometimes it is circumstantial, like in the analogy I gave. People are different, I do not reccommend cohabiting because it almost doesn't alwayz work but I can tell you a number of people it worked for and those it didn't work for. If we had split, then it is part of life. We value our marriage, more than ever. Our relationship even got better after marriage. I won't judge anybody who is cohabiting. I will only advise them to legalize it. If you can live with a woman for 6mths, then I guess you can marry her.

But most men are selfish and wicked. Looking at it from your point of view killz, if you are without sin cast the first stone. If you can condemn cohabiting, please condemn premarital sex, since you brought christianity into this matter, I can bet you are as guilty by your sexual escapades, at least the cohabiting man tries to be monogamous, single men can decide to slp with a dozen girls.

What is wrong is wrong! Premarital sex and cohabiting are in the same category.

Inked_Nerd:


Of course he is with sin, just as any other human being. Do you truly expect him as the self righteous Bible thumping person that he is to truly be without sin? One thing for sure about ~Killz~, is that he will always use Christianity as a means of justifying such matters. I'm not saying that all aspects of Christianity is bad but don't ever be surprised that that is what he does.

CalienteMi:
It is true there is no guarantees in marriages nor relationships, but when children are involve, gambling with their securities is selfish.

~Killz~:

There's no need calling me self righteous. If a christian cannot use christianity to defend such matters, what should he use? Atheism? If you don't believe in christianity, don't bother fighting those who use it to defend matters.

If you are an Atheist and you do not believe in God, nor the Bible, that's excusable. An athiest has NO RIGHTS to tell a christian how to defend matters with the bible or not. An atheist has NO RIGHT to call a christian Bible thumping and self righteous. If you do not know me, you do not know what i do. I commented based on who she said she is, so why don't you reply me based on who i am? Must you make up scenarios about me to make your point? If she is not a christian that's a different ball game. . .
There are 2 things i really dislike:
A Hypocritical christian
An Atheist that tells christians what to do. . .

~Killz~:

Very true. There are no guarantees. But marriage is safer. Go into marriage feeling secure, rather than go into cohabitation feeling insecure. . . And then USED after your arse is kicked to the curb! It's not rocket science.

apocalypse:

I see you are slugging it out this morning , good to see the old sexkillz is back

Hey.

apocalypse:

Marriage isn't more secure than cohabitation , yeah the commitment is more but it isn't more secure. The point others are trying to say though is living with someone will give you more insight to a persons true nature and whether or not you can condone him/her rather than just meeting at regular intervals , this gives the option of bailing out before you take that final step if you both feel you have compatibility issues. I'm not for or against cohabiting but if you feel you can handle it then go for it.

The commitment makes it more secure. . .

Living with someone doesn't give you any additional insight apart from the insight you had before you decided you want to cohabit with them. You cannot walk up to a stranger and ask for cohabitation now, can you?
That is the essence of dating and courtship. You can also bail out without living with them first, or can't you?
Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. What different actions can you defend as compatibility issues apart from sex? It's all about the sex[i]u[/i]al compatibility, innit? That's pure undiluted bullshit!

~Killz~:

Listen up lady! I was born a sinner, and i remain a sinner so that cast the first stone bullshit doesn't cut it with me. There is a difference between intentionally sinning and unintentionally sinning. If you know something is wrong, and yet you go ahead and do it, that is intentional sin. God your creator knows that you are a sinner, and yet he gave you laws as regards immorality. Did he not know you were a sinner? Will you say because Mr a is a sinner, so that gives you liberty to sin? Would you rather add to your congenital sin, or would you try to reduce it to the barest minimum? When sinners are to be judged, would they be judged based on thin air, or according to their deeds? Now, what kind of deeds?
Have you ever seen me supporting pre marital sex? It is wrong as well. If you 4teelaw believe that premarital sex is a sin, why did you engage in it? Why did you cohabit and still ask others to follow through? If you are a christian and you read about these sins in your holy book the bible, and yet you still do them, are you not a hypocrite?
Would you willingly commit a sin, simply because your friend did? Cast the first stone you say. . . Who was the stone about to be cast at? Was it not a repentant prostitute? If you insist on cohabiting, does that look like repentance? Your excuse for sinning is that other people sin, right? SMH! How about you live by the standards set out in the scriptures if you are a christian? In your bible, you have do's and don'ts. Would you prefer the don'ts over the do's? Because of the "Cast the first stone line of defence?"
If you really do not recommend cohabiting, why would you ask someone to live with a woman for six months? What if after the six months and he supposedly finds someone better than her? He should selfishly dump her arse? The human heart is treacherous, and cannot be trusted.

Pls do not look at me as if i am judging you or anyone. That scenario can be completely avoided. If you had not cohabited, would there be a basis to judge you? All sinners would be judged according to their deeds. You yourself said that premarital sex and cohabiting are sins in the same category, did you not judge yourself when you made that statement? I'll rather advise against cohabiting, than advise anyone to cohabit. There is a difference between asking someone to legalize cohabitation, and asking them NOT to cohabit at all. If they would later legalize it, what is the original point of cohabitation? You are living as married couples without being actually married, what is it you are waiting for? The qualities you saw in him or vice versa, before you agreed on cohabiting, was it not enough to marry him/her without wasting time cohabiting and being hypocrites? If you love someone enough to cohabit, you love him enough to marry him.
There are a lot of confused young people out there, i would rather advise them NOT to cohabit, than make themselves emotional wrecks after six months and the guy doesn't find then good enough.

Would you say your relationship got better because you cohabited? Be honest enough to give that answer, cos you earlier said you had known him almost half of your life. So, was it the cohabitation that's keeping you guys strong?

4teelaw:

Okay, all you say is correct, no one should be encouraged to cohabit, especially for all the young confused people out there. Its selfish and demeaning, and a sin. Agreed!

Happy now?
I did a random poll of people I know that cohabited, and they are all happily married now, for donkey years for that matter!

Just for the records, are you married?

apocalypse:

Marriage isn't more secure than cohabitation , yeah the commitment is more but it isn't more secure. The point others are trying to say though is living with someone will give you more insight to a persons true nature and whether or not you can condone him/her rather than just meeting at regular intervals , this gives the option of bailing out before you take that final step if you both feel you have compatibility issues. I'm not for or against cohabiting but if you feel you can handle it then go for it.