im just clocking my first year in marriage...hmmmmm...dated my husband for bout 6 years, wen we were going to get married, his family esp mother and sisters became monsters(wondering how people can pretend to be nice for that long)...had 3 miscarriages, how many can i say? it has been hell situations wise, but i must confess i have a wonderful husband (that his mother will end up marrying and having kids for cos shes so stupid!)..but in all i give thanks to God

We clockd 1yr on July 9. It was awesome,wonderful,splendid,interesting and at d same time full of challenges. My hubby loves me 2 a fault n shows it always. Initially there was fear of d unknown on my part bt i av learnt to trust God in everthing. He's always patient with me as im d worrying type n gets angry easily bt God has put a stop 2 dat. Still trusting d Lord 4 fuits of d womb bt im more dan sure dat our joy is around d corner.

deybowlah:
Am so glad to have my daughter around me but if I were to turn back the hands of time I will delay getting pregnant to 2yrs after marriage.

Why if I may ask?

Dramakwin,

The man you married to is not acting like a husband! God will help you out. I recommend you go and take a medical exam asap so as to shame this man because most likely he might even be the one who can't impregnate you. Statistics have shown that the male is usually the cause of most barrenness in a family.

People just have to realise that children don't make a family complete, they only extend it, when God created Adam and Eve on the 6th day God said everything he made was good. In short family starts with and is complete with a man and woman with or without children.

Don't let the immature boy that calls himself your husband harass you jare!If he complains again you too complain that he has been unable to give you children!

[quote author=ferhyntorlah]

in nigeria, people believe once married, next thing is to start raising kids but it shouldnt be so. caring for kids is not easy task. it needs lots of money and even time. marriage on the hand is challenging, combining the two can be tasking. couples need to sit down and discuss what next after marriage, when should we start raising kids,can we manage kids with our current job/school, can we afford to drop job/school to raise kids etc
in my case i guess we were too excited about getting married and getting pregnant for my love and not taking time to plan properly. imaging combining wedding plans with post grad nd pregnancy and raising my baby and planning relocation to join my husband. Too much at the same time.
Don't get me wrong my daughter is the best gift God has given to me .

Jemibee: My 1st year was great with little or no quarrels(none that i can remember). Also got pregnant immediately after my wedding so things were really going as planned. Mom in law came in 2wks b4 i gave birth and her son had bought her a 4mths ticket(without informing me of the period). Even when i got to know, i didn't think it was too long a time to stay with us(even if i did, she was already with us). Did i mention we live outside 9ja and it was her 1st time travelling abroad. She came and was initially very nice only for her to also interrupt when we're discussing, wanting to know what/who we're talking about.

The most painful part came after i gave birth. They started talking about some type of sacrificial food i must eat because they are from a royal family(royal family without a palace/people)!! Guys, i almost lost it. The food had thais serious smell and was cooked without maggi/salt. She also said i musn't eat anyother thg for 1week. I suffered!! As a new mom(my mom had passed a yr before and my siblings all live in the US), it was really tough on me. I'd cry all day and she began acting funny because i objected to eating her concortion.

My hubby is the very loving type but unfortunately has never stood up to defend me in my presence. I stood my ground on this issue.

She later left 4mths later. 8mths later, his younger brother came to live with us. He's been here for 6mths now and after him i'm sure, another would be coming. Still,at the slightest quarrel, he claims it's my fault and starts calling all my siblings. In short, this 2nd yr is the worst. We used to be really close but i don't know what's been happening to us.

I'm fed up but what can i do? I'm not willing to leave cos i love him and i just must work towards the success of our mariage but i must admit, i'm no longer a happy person. If i had the ressources too, maybe i'd be a happier person.

In short, just for u all to knw that to every mariage, it's challenges. None is as perfect as it appears.

You need to be very prayerful. Let your husband and you pray together every morning and night. Then always commit your marriage to God,this issue of family can really destroy a marriage, then maybe you are also stressed because you dont have a mother to talk to, find a woman who can be a good model for you, that you can talk to.

Juton: It was hell, the only good thing was my girls nd my head that came out of it. I also appreciate others wonderful experience nd i expect to have a blissfull one in my next marriage ( if there wud be any)

@juton i feel 4 u but d lord is ur strenght

ayobase:

Where u wan run go?
Never complain abt the issue of child.Leave that to God.
U can make the best out of her...it all depends on ur tactics!

You clearly have a serious deficiency of common sense, intuition and discretion. first you marry someone because of her beauty, second you are complaining that she has not gotten pregnant under 7 months and now you want to run away .

Wow your childishness has escaped into your adulthood and your mind is now a widower.(Madness of the mind).[ This is a literal translation of a local indigenous proverb}. wake up and love your wife like a real man should.

I dated my wife for 8years! Long distance for that matter. But through out that time, we tried to know more about each other, decided never to lie or withold info from each other, and listened to every marriage and family sermon we could. (Fortunately, my pastor is a trained marriage counscellor). Anyways, been married just under a year and I can tell you, the 8 years were bloody worth it! Can't stand being away from each other. Still wear and-co! (both western and African), go to market together, cook together (but she does the laundry!) and we get closer everyday. Nothing like having the right foundation from the begining. I am praying these last 11 months will be the worst dys of our lives. With that in mind, I can't wait for our next century together!!!

.

.

My first year was mostly good,esp the 1st first 6 months.We were apart so it still felt like we were dating-seeing only during weekends.The next 6months needed a lot of adjustments.Had misunderstandings due to expectations that were not met.In all,I give glory to God cos we r waxing stronger.

First year of marriage has been horrible. Sometimes I have the feelings of regret. Its barely 4 months of marriage and my husband is still having a hard time letting go of most of his bed mates. He made me believe he's a God fearing man but he's not. Its very depressing and I feel betrayed. He keeps saying he has let go but I end up finding out otherwise. I wish I could end d marriage.

shybee: First year of marriage has been horrible. Sometimes I have the feelings of regret. Its barely 4 months of marriage and my husband is still having a hard time letting go of most of his bed mates. He made me believe he's a God fearing man but he's not. Its very depressing and I feel betrayed. He keeps saying he has let go but I end up finding out otherwise. I wish I could end d marriage.

Hey......read your thread where you had a concern about your then boyfriend. Seem like you later married him. Or did you later marry someone else?!
If you did marry him, then am not surprised the marriage is already having issues!
Don't be depressed my dear! Just find a way to best communicate your dissatisfaction with his behaviour!
Above all, talk to your heavenly father about it and pray for his change!

shybee: First year of marriage has been horrible. Sometimes I have the feelings of regret. Its barely 4 months of marriage and my husband is still having a hard time letting go of most of his bed mates. He made me believe he's a God fearing man but he's not. Its very depressing and I feel betrayed. He keeps saying he has let go but I end up finding out otherwise. I wish I could end d marriage.

This is disheartening ..... how are you coping? where are you located? Do you have occasional blood work for std screening? Have you guys talked bout this , one on one?

@Topic.... First year was Trying :-

jydogirl12:

This is disheartening ..... how are you coping? where are you located? Do you have occasional blood work for std screening? Have you guys talked bout this , one on one?

@Topic.... First year was Trying :-

Reside at maryland in lagos. Its a trying period. We've spoken about it but nothing has changed.

justsmile:

Hey......read your thread where you had a concern about your then boyfriend. Seem like you later married him. Or did you later marry someone else?!
If you did marry him, then am not surprised the marriage is already having issues!
Don't be depressed my dear! Just find a way to best communicate your dissatisfaction with his behaviour!
Above all, talk to your heavenly father about it and pray for his change!

Married to someone else.

Disclaimer.

My post here was a work of fiction.

ZUBY77: Disclaimer.

My post here was a work of fiction.

All of this? you are gifted.

ZUBY77: Week 12 and 13 - We went to a native (medical) doctor to confirm that the period was actually lost. The first doctor encouraged us to have hope because we will find it after nine months. The second doctor also said the same, so we resigned to waiting (we are still waiting even now). My concern is that her belly is swelling and that makes the waiting a one sided affair for me. The downside is that the whole blame of loosing the period is on me. I couldnt disagree because she made me understand that she had been seeing the period monthly for the past 12 years and that it couldnt just have disappeared less than three months after she came to live in my house without me having a hand in the disappearance. Come to think of it, i think she was right.

Week 14, 15, 16 and on and on - My punishment was that since i stole the period, most of the cooking and dish washing now rests with me. As a thief, i accepted the punishment without complaining. I have been thinking about how to counter this cooking issue and i believe i have found a plan. To be cotnd.

ZUBY77: Week 20 - BY now, it has occured to me that watching Manchester United is no longer in our programme. First in line is Magic Africa, followed closely by some gossip station which i cant recall the name right now and finally the Emmanuel Tv by a man called TB Joshua (the station i hate with passion). This station was forced down my throat by mrs zuby. My anger is that each time you open this station, this black man is healing someone, cripples, mad people, deaf people, dumb people, people with aids etc etc. C'mon even Jesus cant do all that.
Secondly, going outside to watch the matches is subject for permission by her and that is if she is in a good mood. Initially when she started, i thought i married a terrorist but eventually it dawned on me that i am no longer a bachelor and that sometimes 'I have to compromise what i want in order to do what is right'

week 21 - I returned from work one afternoon because the sun was so hot, only to meet mrs Zuby crying in the sitting room. I approached her suspiciously since i didnt know what the problem was. When she eventually stopped crying, she got up, hugged me and said ' You are the best thing that ever happened to me' . I didnt ask her why she said that since my tears was almost comming out. I just carried her up, kissed her and said ' Angel, you know that i could never have been happier in my life without you' . That afternoon, we drove down to Enugu, visited, 8hours, Toscana, Shoprite and Zoo estate. It became a mistake later as she fell in love with the city and demanded that we relocate to Enugu. We had a little argument about it and i later asked questions on this forum about the best place to live in the East. Enugu eventually won. To be contd.

ZUBY77: Week 7, 8, 9 passed without much except that i prepared stew one Sunday. I encouraged Mrs zubby to go out with three of my friends, 1 male and two females, which she did.
I prepared the stew before she returned and she was like: where did you learn how to do this, not knowing that i lived alone for 4 years in Berlin Germany and Lisbon Portugal cooking all my foods by myself. I guess she upped her respect for me from that day on. Cos she cooks our meals these days without any shakara.
Week 10 - we went to Tinapa in Calabar for a week self-imposed holiday/honeymoon. Madam, as i fondly call her, was the happiest woman on earth because of the holiday. I think the only downside was that we did not travel with either her mum or girlfriend who would have witnessed all the gooddies instead of hearing them from her. Strange world.


Week 11, the best week, She came up with this shocking news about missing her period. I looked everywhere with torch and candle but couldnt find it for her. That was the greatest news i have heard in a long time.

Thanks rokiatu for opening this thread. Reading the responses here gives me hope of a better future. .im still in my first year of marriage and believe me its a mixture of feelings sometimes sweet, at times sour but I guess it will pass soon. .

Really learnt a lot! I know marriage is not easy but i know by God's grace i would pull through. My prayer is that i marry a responsible and understanding man. I also pray for a mother in law that Is exactly like my mum. My greatest wish is that my husband should not change after marriage. I am scared because even though i act strong, I can be very emotional. I like to talk about everything and it will be hard to adjust to a husband who likes to bottle up anger. I rarely get angry and even when i do, I can't raise my voice and my anger never lasts more than a few minutes. Even though friends and family (especially my dad ) tell me i won't have problems in marriage due to my nature I am still scared that i might marry the wrong person and be unhappy forever. Marriage is just a different ball game. I want a life where it is just i and my husband. I would be his bestfriend and he will be mine. We will go through everything together; the good and the bad times. We should work as a team. We will disagree to agree but i expect us to come back stronger.

God help me!

Gr8!!!

Nice!

Now I wanna get married

davidylan: threads like this are good for those of us on the sidelines. The only reason i havent married now is because of paralyzing fear . . . fear that i might make a mistake, fear that she may not be the one, that i may stop loving her after a few yrs.
I have learnt in the last couple of yrs that indeed no woman is perfect, that the type of woman we envision in our heads exists only in the realm of fantasy, that loving someone is not so much a feeling as it is a conscious decision, that you know you truly love a woman when she has the ability to change your outlook on life and you find yourself developing an uncommon patience for her many flaws, that communication is even more essential to a marriage than s[i]e[/i]x!

So in the interest of my mother's emotional stability, i have decided to be married in the next 18 months max.

Broz... are we eating rice very soon?

First year of marriage was very challenging for us. We were both last kids of our various homes and Hubby was a bit more spoilt than me. Hubby loved having everything go his way and so we had waay too many arguments.
On my side, I learnt the hard way that marriage isn't" Boyfriend & girlfriend" matter. It was very difficult taking instructions when I was used to dishing them out.
9 years down the line, I ve learnt that with a dose of humility you can turn your man to butter. My marriage sweet pass anything now. My Bobo follows me to the market, helps take care of the kids and even makes dinner for us sometimes. Our sex life is da bomb even with the kids unlike when we just started.

othenok: First year of marriage was very challenging for us. We were both last kids of our various homes and Hubby was a bit more spoilt than me. Hubby loved having everything go his way and so we had waay too many arguments.
On my side, I learnt the hard way that marriage isn't" Boyfriend & girlfriend" matter. It was very difficult taking instructions when I was used to dishing them out.
9 years down the line, I ve learnt that with a dose of humility you can turn your man to butter. My marriage sweet pass anything now. My Bobo follows me to the market, helps take care of the kids and even makes dinner for us sometimes. Our sex life is da bomb even with the kids unlike when we just started.

Ohh! Good to know...

I am happy you are having it easy now.

@OP, tanx for starting dis thread, I had to digest everything frm d first page to d last. Quite insightful n educating. Am single n ave always had cerious fears abt marriage, but ave learnt a lot frm dis thread

LewsTherin: I dated my wife for 8years! Long distance for that matter. But through out that time, we tried to know more about each other, decided never to lie or withold info from each other, and listened to every marriage and family sermon we could. (Fortunately, my pastor is a trained marriage counscellor). Anyways, been married just under a year and I can tell you, the 8 years were bloody worth it! Can't stand being away from each other. Still wear and-co! (both western and African), go to market together, cook together (but she does the laundry!) and we get closer everyday. Nothing like having the right foundation from the begining. I am praying these last 11 months will be the worst dys of our lives. With that in mind, I can't wait for our next century together!!!

I didn't know this thread was still around.

Anyways, Year 2 now!! I'm still in love with the same woman who's still in love with me. Moved cities but still working together, still wearing and-co, stil shopping together, still eating together, still sleeping together, anyone does the laundry now thanks to a litle thing called a washing machine and ahhhhh. All I can say is I'm Blessed.

beckytoyon: We clockd 1yr on July 9. It was awesome,wonderful,splendid,interesting and at d same time full of challenges. My hubby loves me 2 a fault n shows it always. Initially there was fear of d unknown on my part bt i av learnt to trust God in everthing. He's always patient with me as im d worrying type n gets angry easily bt God has put a stop 2 dat. Still trusting d Lord 4 fuits of d womb bt im more dan sure dat our joy is around d corner.

I hope your prayer has been answered. But why the rush? Having children immediately after marriage deprives both of you of some real pleasure and puts a crimp in your learning to live with each other.

Pheeew
and i read all 9 pages. interesting thread by the way

10 months in marriage and we are in the middle of a very big challenge. I hope to talk about it when it all fades away

Onederful thread! My fiirst year in marriage was hectic! As soon as we did our introduction, we decided to start trying for a baby b4 our wedding proper.by the time we got married, I was pregnant and it was a bit stressful on me.then the fights started.we fought on everytin,and I was always crying that I made d wrong choice.my husby is a very sturbborn one.always complaining abt everytin.eventually I learnt to be the MAN by keeping quiet when he starts or I walk away. I had to refuse a very juicy job offer so I can move to another state with my husby. It was difficult living only on my husby income cos it wasn't much then. I eventually had to do some partime stressfull jobs just to support the home. Baby came, and things started getting better.we understand and love each other more.
We both learnt there is no perfect man or woman anywhere and eventually we learnt to live and deal with our differences and accept the other person for who they are.since then, it has been lovey dovey. Even his people kip praising my perseverence.
We are in our third year now and happy for it.