UK Bobo: If she is the stubborn type, RUN and don't look back.

MRbrownJAY: @OP

First, going to get a wife over THERE expecting her to automatically act/think and function like the ones over HERE is , it cant do! you need to reboot her brain, remove her old OS system that is not compatible here in the real world, and install a completely new OS. you are trying to use an Apple software on a Window computer......but then again, that's what normally happens when guys go home to get a wife.

Second, you can clearly understand that you guys are not compatible, so instead of trying to change her, you could always look for someone that "thinks" like you, or someone who hope for the kind of future as the one that you expect etc. it is never a good idea to try to change someone because their natural self always comes right back at the end.

Last but not least, she probably believes that you are someone different than who you truly are (wonder how that came about, lol)........i suggest you let her know ASAP who you are and who you are looking for in a mate.

MrMaintain:

Thanks for your reply,

It's not that I pretend to be something that I am not. I am a modest guy with a good, professional job.......doesn't make me rich but it's a well paid role. I do send her back money now and again but I am financially prudent and not reckless. I realize that here in England it's very important to get on the property ladder early and to be prudent with money.
I hear what you are saying about comparability and not trying to change someone. But I am thinking, maybe once she gets here and sees how things are done here, her mindset might change?

UK Bobo: She is a product of her environment and expects such. My girlfriend Funmi (she came from Nigeria five years ago) also had similar cultural views but now understands that we have to work as a team. Funmi has two friends who married women back home and they both broke up within the first three years, due to excessive expectation and differing expectations of what a partner should provide and cater for. Money issues are in the top three of relationship breakdown excuses so you need to find out her world view and gauge whether her mind is open to change, reason and discussion. If she is the stubborn type, RUN and don't look back.

SAFO: OP this woman no sabi what it's like to live abroad. Car pymts, mortgage, gas/electric bills, daycare, taxes, credit card pymts. etc.

With her mentality she will financially sink you. Betta get one of those UK born 9ja broads who'll better understand your plight.

Me personally though. I feel it's the man's duty to take care of home & house. Provided that you can afford to in this rough economy. Fortunately enough for me, I've been blessed with a great job so my wife doesn't have to work.

I'm not sure how it works in the UK but in the US if you're not pulling in at least a 6 figure income, you're going to have a hard time living off one salary, thus both of you should be contributing.

tellwisdom: [size=15pt]Nigerian gurls wont stop disgracing us [/size]

queensmith: Woo i advise you to leave your wife in nigeria to marry a man that will deliver all her dreams and desires while she sits at home like a slowpoke! mshew!
Does she think shes marrying a millionaire? She must have never been to school ,does she believe because you live in the uk you are a millionaire? She should hold on to that thought!
For your peace of mind i advise you to marry a woman that understands marriage is an equal partnership and everyone must pull their weight about and not be dependant for anything! mshew
Many nigerian women work very hard for their families, even more than their husbands! You better drop that village girl like shes hot immediately!

neyostica: Op, leave the girl alone, she wants a real man who can takecare of her not some struggling modafucker like you. Yeye boy, why she go contribute? You beta go n work harder. Queensmith, you are a foollllllllllll

Bro, its uncalled for naw Aby she no give you punny ni??

neyostica: Op, leave the girl alone, she wants a real man who can takecare of her not some struggling modafucker like you. Yeye boy, why she go contribute? You beta go n work harder. Queensmith, you are a foollllllllllll

tellwisdom: chloroquinesmith, sweerie, can i touch ur boobss?? U will enjoy it morethan me

queensmith:

My mother is a bigger fool, keeping an slowpoke like me. Kmt

queensmith:

i know you think your funny, but your really not. I suggest you crawl back into whatever hole you came out from, this is the only bit of attention you'll receive from me.

Yansh me and i will make u happy

JeSoul: I'm going to differ a bit here...I don't think this is necessarily a problem of culture but rather a basic misunderstanding of what marriage is or should be about.

In the institution of marriage - two become one - in every aspect including financial. Women shouldn't be looking at it as "a man being able to take care of you", this is very selfish. She should equally be thinking about how she can also contribute financially rather than keeping her cake and eating from someone else's. You should both be able to take care of each other. It shouldn't be looked at as "his money" and then "my money" but instead how will combine our efforts and how will we spend "our money together". Before I married my husband we combined our accounts and spent money together. No such thing as his or my account, everything is joint including properties & assets. This is someone I'm going to trust with my heart & life, you need to search yourself if you're not ready to trust him/her with your money as well.

@OP, its good you're having this discussion now. I will caution you about the hopes of "changing" someone once you're married. Any changing or compromising or agreements should be done before you tie the knot or else end up like many stories we see everyday. I wish you all the best brother.

UK Bobo: She is a product of her environment and expects such. My girlfriend Funmi (she came from Nigeria five years ago) also had similar cultural views but now understands that we have to work as a team. Funmi has two friends who married women back home and they both broke up within the first three years, due to excessive expectation and differing expectations of what a partner should provide and cater for. Money issues are in the top three of relationship breakdown excuses so you need to find out her world view and gauge whether her mind is open to change, reason and discussion. If she is the stubborn type, RUN and don't look back.

MrMaintain: Pls help on this situation,

I am currently living in the UK, and have been planning to get married to my partner who is back in Nigeria. We have been discussing a number of matters and today something which hadn't been discussed before came up.
She said that she "wants to be financially secure" and "would rather stay single than marry a man who can't take care of her" I asked her to she said that she is willing to work, but that any money she earns in her job is just for her, but the husband should provide all other things such as shelter, food, etc, but shouldn't take her from her own savings.

I explained to her that here in Europe, it doesn't work that way, I explained to her the concept of a mortgage, and that if a typical family has a family 3 bed house out here, both partners contribute to the mortgage. That things are different than in Nigeria, young couples go the bank together and get a joint mortgage. I explained that here, a couple go out for dinner and they often times split the bill, they have joint bank accounts, and that they budget and invest, save together.
She was astonished and still maintained that she doesn't believe that. "the husband must provide shelter, why should she contribute to the mortgage?"

Now I fully nderstand how things work back home, the guy would own a house(outright, no mortgages etc) and would woo the woman. And I explained that if I move back home after the wedding, I can do that. However, here with mutual funds, gas, taxes on everything, investing , etc etc it is slightly different. I was explaining to her how we buy houses here via 25 year mortgages etc.....we are oth late twenties.

Much of this is cultural. She has never travelled outside of Nigeria.....meanwhile, although I am Nigerian, I have actually spent not too much time there.

Can you folks offer any advise as to if either of us here is being unreasonable, and those abroad, how can I explain to her better how things work here in Europe?
Thanks