I have been dating my fiancee for over a year now. I recently proposed to her and she agreed to my proposal. Her mum agrees too but insist I must put her daughter in the family way before I can proceed with the marriage plans. We are closely intimate and the ideal wont ordinarily would been too bad, but my church is strongly against such act, and they wont even dare wed us if they finds out she is pregnant. Though well educated and civilized(lawyer) and also presently an unserious

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member of my church, she seems to be very comfortable with her mum decision. She even suggest if I really need to marry her, I should change church or all the same blank the church wedding and head straight for traditional and court only, or otherwise follow the church rules and forget marrying her. I have been a member of the church from my childhood, under the close tutorship of my pastor. I am confused right now. Should I skip church and marry my girl without my pastors blessing or stick to my faith and church practice and lose her. I need reasonable and responsible advice pls, this is a serious matter.

I thought the central point of christianity was Christ n not church or pastor. .
IMHO, dont do it. Do wat u would be proud to relay to Christ, your people n your children as a story.
Let the mum see reasons.

Its a pity that many church members in practical terms do not practice what is preached.

daroz: I have been dating my fiancee for over a year now. I recently proposed to her and she agreed to my proposal. Her mum agrees too but insist I must put her daughter in the family way before I can proceed with the marriage plans. We are closely intimate and the ideal wont ordinarily would been too bad, but my church is strongly against such act, and they wont even dare wed us if they finds out she is pregnant. Though well educated and civilized(lawyer) and also presently an unserious

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member of my church, she seems to be very comfortable with her mum decision. She even suggest if I really need to marry her, I should change church or all the same blank the church wedding and head straight for traditional and court only, or otherwise follow the church rules and forget marrying her. I have been a member of the church from my childhood, under the close tutorship of my pastor. I am confused right now. Should I skip church and marry my girl without my pastors blessing or stick to my faith and church practice and lose her. I need reasonable and responsible advice pls, this is a serious matter.

Strange request from a mother. It ought to be the other way round - i.e the mother preaching chastity to her daughter pre-marriage. Have you asked her mother why she insists you must get her daughter pregnant first?

Secondly how old is your fiancée? I'm thinking the only reason she might be going along with her mother's request might be because her biological clock is ticking. . .

My advice to you is to sit down with your fiancée and discuss this matter properly. Get to the bottom of this and at the end of the day, you both should do what you both feel comfortable with.

Good luck.

Efemena_xy:

Strange request from a mother. It ought to be the other way round - i.e the mother preaching chastity to her daughter pre-marriage. Have you asked her mother why she insists you must get her daughter pregnant first?

Secondly how old is your fiancée? I'm thinking the only reason she might be going along with her mother's request might be because her biological clock is ticking. . .

My advice to you is to sit down with your fiancée and discuss this matter properly. Get to the bottom of this and at the end of the day, you both should do what you both feel comfortable with.

Good luck.

She is still very young, infact she just clocked 25, and not desperate. Her mum reasons for that condition is that she actually wasted about 5years of her life in her 1st marriage without getting pregnant for the man. She suspected the man was incapable. So something led to another and they divorced. She remarried someone else and started having kids immediately and have been happily married ever since. So she says she just want to be sure her daughter do not suffer the same fate she suffered in 1st marriage. Whoever must marry her daughter must prove to be very potent among other things. She has very high preference to kids in marriages.

daroz:

She is still very young, infact she just clocked 25, and not desperate. Her mum reasons for that condition is that she actually wasted about 5years of her life in her 1st marriage without getting pregnant for the man. She suspected the man was incapable. So something led to another and they divorced. She remarried someone else and started having kids immediately and have been happily married ever since. So she says she just want to be sure her daughter do not suffer the same fate she suffered in 1st marriage. Whoever must marry her daughter must prove to be very potent among other things. She has very high preference to kids in marriages.

I see.

Be that as it may, the mother should not be dictating how you run your home (even though you aren't married yet). Advice is good, for which you can decide to either take up or not - but not to be told how to run your ship.

With regards to finding out how fertile you both are, this can be easily done medically. If either of you have any underlying issues that could prevent conception or successfully carrying a pregnancy to full term, then this could be found out on time. Infact, this in my opinion is a good move. Get a full M.O.T health check.

You say the mother has a high preference to kids - do you mean this is her no. 1 priority? I think the question you should be asking yourself is: "What is my no. 1 priority? What is my intended wife's no. 1 priority? Are we both on the same frequency?" Any differences in priority between you both should be discussed and properly ironed out.

So if that's her reason,i feel u should go for a semen/sperm count analysis to determine the quality of your sperm.it should also prove2an extent that your not sterile.

ada85: So if that's her reason,i feel u should go for a semen/sperm count analysis to determine the quality of your sperm.it should also prove2an extent that your not sterile.

that's a way out, yes.

this sounds scary already your mil wants to control your lives, look its a decision both you and the wife to be should make together and be comforteble with the decision.

agiboma: this sounds scary already your mil wants to control your lives, look its a decision both you and the wife to be should make together and be comforteble with the decision.

What is scary is the acceptance of the total control of the church and the willingness to sacrifice his family for it. Would the pastor do the same for him?
Amazing brainwashed kids.

I would gladly accept this request . Forget the pastor and church crap. You are an adult now.

OP, your potential MIL has already started to influence your life before the wedding.

She will soon be supervising the $ex position which you and your fiance use when you do it.

My friend be careful with this MIL. Shine your eyes wella.

Efemena_xy:

I see.

Be that as it may, the mother should not be dictating how you run your home (even though you aren't married yet). Advice is good, for which you can decide to either take up or not - but not to be told how to run your ship.

With regards to finding out how fertile you both are, this can be easily done medically. If either of you have any underlying issues that could prevent conception or successfully carrying a pregnancy to full term, then this could be found out on time. Infact, this in my opinion is a good move. Get a full M.O.T health check.

You say the mother has a high preference to kids - do you mean this is her no. 1 priority? I think the question you should be asking yourself is: "What is my no. 1 priority? What is my intended wife's no. 1 priority? Are we both on the same frequency?" Any differences in priority between you both should be discussed and properly ironed out.

I did not agree with what your MIL adviced you to do although, she may have the interest of her daughter at heart. She should not use her own condition to judge the future of your marriage. Please, the above suggestion from Efemena is the best for this kind of suitation go for full M.O.T health check. Do not allow MIL to control your opinon discuss with your intended wife and move on. God is above any sutiation and should be your focus. Good luck !

Rubbish, tell your prospective MIL to forget that nonsense or you will dump her daughter. I can't even believe you are confused over this. MIL is indirectly controlling your sexual life before marriage, it will only get worse after marriage. I doubt you are mature for a successful marriage if you are 'confused' over this.

what if it turns out that the daughter has problem with conception?. what will the woman advice?.
Mind you, by accepting her condition, you've also accepted responsibility for any delay in childbearing.

OP,don't dare God. You even sound like a confused xtian, church and pastor are your priorities, and not the will of God.
Beware!!!

I have been dating my fiancee for over a year now. I recently proposed to her and she agreed to my proposal. Her mum agrees too but insist I must put her daughter in the family way before I can proceed with the marriage plans. We are closely intimate and the ideal wont ordinarily would been too bad, but my church is strongly against such act, and they wont even dare wed us if they finds out she is pregnant. Though well educated and civilized(lawyer) and also presently an unserious

I believe what you are saying here is that you both have seen yourselves wearing only birthday suits?
Then how dare you accuse her mother [your potential MIL] of been lacking seriousness when you are a hypocrite knowing the bible you profess to so love expressly forbids sex before marriage
Continue to deceive yourself and been deceived. U chop, clean mouth, come dey form holy pass

If you're already doing it with her, why is impregnating her an issue now? i don't get it, is the sexing u currently do with her different from the one the mother is asking for?

If you have no issues having sex with her without being married, then i think u are already 70% into what the mother wants.

the difference here is that you are doing the former secretly while the latter is going to expose you publicly.

This is why i say Nigerians are religious not spiritual, we go to church as a social event and not because we believe in the essence of serving God.

Na wa o, me I don't understand this kind thing; people now fear their Church & Pastors more than they fear God.
@op: from your post I can deduce that you are only worried that your Church won't wed u guys if she gets pregnant first,
not that what ur MIL is asking u to do is wrong.So who are u kidding?

Well, the only thing is to sit your prospective MIL down and let her know that only God gives children, i had a friend sometimes ago whose parents insisted that she must be pregnant before marriage, she did this to pacify their anger, the preg was 3 months at the time of marriage , only for them to loose the preg at 6months, this is real life story, they did'nt have children until 5 years later, pls dont dare God, do what your mind/heart says.

Bros! Pls be aware of people's advice here especially on this forum. Most of this advice coming up here for marriage thing is coming from the super singles without a knowledge of life. Experience they say is the best teacher. I'm sure you'r in a dilema. The bible is written in the days will have virgins to marry, high level of sincerity from young men, no or little wicthcrafting etc to mention few. But u know what's up now men. Above all, marriage is said to be a blessing and not a curse without any other statement attchached. Your prospective mother inlaw knows watz up, thus the reason for her suggestion. I bet u, when the ships are down, pastor, friends and family will mind there business and you, .... U know d rest. For medical test, aimoye iru e, but still noting to phisically show for it. In summary, please approach the elders, talk to your girl, pray and fast for God guidance and devine will to be done. ... The mother is just been concerned and not trying to dominate u as some ppl av said because what goes around, comes around. Enyoy!

2012.
Surely, dry bones shall rise again.

Daroz! Daroz!!Daroz!!! How many times did i call you?

Becareful.

The mother in law is about to practically come into your life/ home and take over. When it starts like this, there is no end to it.

If you are matured enough to get married, you can make decisions on how to pilot your family as the head of the family.

How can you allow them to pull you out of the church you have been worshipping for a long time now?

The next thing will be honey, your mother comes to our house twice in five years. You should stop her from coming. And you would because you are in love.
hmmmm!!!! Be careful oooooo

daroz:
I have been dating my fiancee for over a year now. I recently proposed to her and she agreed to my proposal. Her mum agrees too but insist I must put her daughter in the family way before I can proceed with the marriage plans. We are closely intimate and the ideal wont ordinarily would been too bad, but my church is strongly against such act, and they wont even dare wed us if they finds out she is pregnant. Though well educated and civilized(lawyer) and also presently an unserious

---

member of my church, she seems to be very comfortable with her mum decision. She even suggest if I really need to marry her, I should change church or all the same blank the church wedding and head straight for traditional and court only, or otherwise follow the church rules and forget marrying her. I have been a member of the church from my childhood, under the close tutorship of my pastor. I am confused right now. Should I skip church and marry my girl without my pastors blessing or stick to my faith and church practice and lose her. I need reasonable and responsible advice pls, this is a serious matter.

Mr man, there is no where in the bible that talk about church wedding and you don't need the blessings of any pastor to make your marriage work by the way the only blessings you need in your marriage is that of your in laws and your parents. If you truly love this girl, do as she said(traditional & court wedding) which in my opinion will be cheaper for you.

nnamdibig:


Mr man, there is no where in the bible that talk about church wedding and you don't need the blessings of any pastor to make your marriage work by the way the only blessings you need in your marriage is that of your in laws and your parents. If you truly love this girl, do as she said(traditional & court wedding) which in my opinion will be cheaper for you.

Fact

The mum is trying to save herself and the couple from an impending hypertension

honeric01:
If you're already doing it with her, why is impregnating her an issue now? i don't get it, is the sexing u currently do with her different from the one the mother is asking for?

If you have no issues having sex with her without being married, then i think u are already 70% into what the mother wants.

the difference here is that you are doing the former secretly while the latter is going to expose you publicly.

This is why i say Nigerians are religious not spiritual, we go to church as a social event and not because we believe in the essence of serving God.

Exactly my thought. It's funny how we Christians choose the part that suits us and discard the other. In getting her pregnant now,Op remembered he was a christian but didn't remember when he use to get intimate with her. Very funny

i think d mother knows you both av bin 'doing intimate' things without seeing result....hence her fear is increased.....

otokx:
Its a pity that many church members in practical terms do not practice what is preached.

well said! i think that suffices!