THE issue of religion in a relationship is a major one. In the African context, we see parents insisting on their children getting married to a man or woman who practises the same religion or have the same faith. We also see parents who are only concerned about the family background, occupation and sincerity of the heart of their children's life partners. These set of parents claim they are interested in their children's happiness and peace of mind in marriage. However today, when one xrays people's opinion about married partners sharing the same religion or different religion, the reasons are varied and so diverse that you begin to wonder if people ever consider love, trust, communication, honesty or even commitment above other things when choosing a life partner. The issue of religious differences has broken so many relationships and courtships of many years,thus, bringing sorrow and hatred into many lives.In exploring this issue of husband and wife practising different religions, Oluwakemi Aremu sought people's opinion . Excerpts:





Olatunji Owolabi, Chartered Accountant: Husband and wife in a perfect marriage are one. Thus, no religion should separate them.


Ibiwoye Olasunkanmi, lecturer: I believe that the success of any marital relationship is based on having similar value systems and not religious beliefs. If both partners are tolerant, supportive and understand each other's beliefs, it will be easy to practise a different faith from their spouse's and still live harmoniously. People who share the same religious beliefs or are practising the same religion still get divorced. Therefore, check your values and attitude to life.


Ayeni Oluwafemi, student: Religion is an act of worship. It includes the existence and total belief in a supernatural being.


Marriage on the other hand is instituted for a man and woman to become one by a supernatural being, be it God, god, or deities. This issue of practising the same religion by couples depends on mutual agreement between them. Culture is also respected here because the man is the head, he decides on what and how his family will look like. The religion the man chooses should be the woman's preference. Though it can create unity in cultural diversity, but in the real sense, the conflict and crises happening globally is caused by religious intolerance. I totally disagree that husband and wife should practise different religions.


Eseigbe Angela, businesswoman: The key issue which people seem to ignore is the fact that it is the woman who does most of the training and grooming of the children. She teaches them how to pray and instil value in them. How well will a woman play this role if she gets married to a man of a faith different from hers? People should know that marriage is not just about the man and woman. It is a marriage of two families and the foundation of several generations to come. The 'love birds' will eventually become parents and their home will become the first learning institution and agent of socialisation for each child. What kind of orientation do children in inter-faith marriages have? Whose faith should they be introduced to: mum's or dad's?


Tunde Adegboye, engineer: I can tell you categorically that it is not the best for couples to practise different religions. Personally, I cannot allow my wife to go to another church, let alone of practising another religion. Normally, children are named according to the religion their parents practise and in some cases, children will not even know the one they are to call their own probably, they attend both the Quranic School and at the same time church.


Faith Omeonu, National Youth Service Corps member: Let us face facts; the problems of inter faith marriage dates long before the marriage institution. The couple must consider several issues: How do we convince our families to accept the union? Under what faith should we conduct the marriage ceremony? Should we agree on one faith or do we continue in our separate faiths? What faith should we introduce to our children? The questions are endless. Personally, I don't think it is advisable. The home could be broken in the process. I can't marry a man who practises another religion from mine; Our union won't be successful.


Aderibigbe Yusuf, self-employed: [/b]Yes, husband and wife can practise different religions as long as the understanding and fate that brought them together are intact and the woman is performing her duties as a wife in the house while the husband is equally up to the task. Also, a Yoruba adage says O jise kan, ko gbodo di ojise kan lowo meaning you must not disturb your fellow human being. A very good example is Mr Babatunde Fashola, Governor of Lagos State who is a Muslim while the wife is a Christian and they are living happily. So also is a family friend whom I know very well, the husband is a Muslim while the wife happens to be a Christian. The children go to church with their mother and the father is in support of this. They are living together happily.


[b]Omotosho Abisola, educationist: There is nothing good in practising different religions as couples.The way they will reason will be different and definitely crises in such a marriage cannot be ruled out. Moreover, what exactly are you impacting in your children? Where should they go? Is it to follow mummy or daddy? Before parents know it, the children will no longer share the love they used to share together because what they believe in is different. There is likely to be argument on some issues which could lead to hatred.


Femi Fatogun, National Youth Service Corps member: It depends on the background of the couple. Don't forget that couples are brought up in different backgrounds. The children also have the right at a certain stage/age of their lives to choose whatever religion they wish to practise; so it shouldn't affect the home.


Ayo Damilola, corps member: [/b]Marriage is all about sharing the same values, belief, religion and so on. If at all there is going to be a difference, it shouldn't be on the issue of religion because it can lead to separation.


[b]Efedhoma Kate, counsellor: In my many years of practice as a relationship expert, I've come to realise that in most cases if not all, what drives couples apart are basically the basic differences on sex related issues, financial issues and how they deal with them. So also is the third party that is forever trying to come between the partners. The third party may be as far from them as friends and relatives and as close as the children in the union. Difference in religion shoudn't be a barrier, love supersedes all.


Aremu Damilola, student: I don't think so because when two people with different beliefs get married, they will have different orientations, thus bringing about dispute and it can eventually break their home.


Ebube Nwoko, self-employed: The basis for marrying my wife is that we have the same faith. I can't marry a woman who doesn't practise my religion.


Abdulrahman Elere, public administrator: Don't let us deceive ourselves, there would be problem on the long run, irrespective of how they try to cover-up. The best way to avoid this is for both partners to practise the same religion and have the same faith.


Adebayo Matthew, student: It is a matter of choice, whether couples are practising different or the same religion, love supersedes all.


Samsudeen Salawu: Yes, they can. Practising different religions should not be a big deal if there is true love between lovers.


Alhaji Jelili Lawal: God forbid! It is not right at all. I can't even imagine myself getting married to a woman who doesn't practise my religion. I will be going to mosque while my wife goes to the church. Definitely, our children's belief will be affected, it's never done. The answer is capital NO!

Aderibigbe Yusuf, self-employed: Yes, husband and wife can practise different religions as long as the understanding and fate that brought them together are intact and the woman is performing her duties as a wife in the house while the husband is equally up to the task. Also, a Yoruba adage says O jise kan, ko gbodo di ojise kan lowo meaning you must not disturb your fellow human being. A very good example is Mr Babatunde Fashola, Governor of Lagos State who is a Muslim while the wife is a Christian and they are living happily. So also is a family friend whom I know very well, the husband is a Muslim while the wife happens to be a Christian. The children go to church with their mother and the father is in support of this. They are living together happily.

A sincere muslim should be sad to see the bold. Its bad enough to marry a disbeliever. But to allow disbelief to cloth your bloodline, against the warning of God and the advise of the messenger [as] shows ignorance. A true muslim will choose a spouse foremost based on guidance before any of the other reasons. True belief will carry the day. You can be assured that by Mercy of God both of you and your children shall be united in Paradise. God may just bless you abundantly, giving you everything for choosing a believer.

Sweetnecta: A sincere muslim should be sad to see the bold. Its bad enough to marry a disbeliever. But to allow disbelief to cloth your bloodline, against the warning of God and the advise of the messenger [as] shows ignorance. A true muslim will choose a spouse foremost based on guidance before any of the other reasons. True belief will carry the day. You can be assured that by Mercy of God both of you and your children shall be united in Paradise. God may just bless you abundantly, giving you everything for choosing a believer.

What in the name of whatever do u consider as disbelief? arent both theists?

I don't like the manner Islam divides humanity into the believers and the disbelievers (infidel). It exploits differences. Why should a father be responsible for the salvation of his children, when both have different minds??

I Cor. 7 : 12 - 16 says:

12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

They can both marry but there might be two extremes in the relationship.

The above referenced in the text in 1 Cor. is for the religious ones (either husband or wife is very religious). The second one is where both of them are not even religious and are very liberal with their faiths. For the latter, it is usually a non-issue whether the husband is Muslim and the wife is Buddhist provided they are both liberal. For the religious ones, it now depends on mutual understanding both based on the word of God as admonished by Paul in Corinthians and also within themselves, the level of maturity they have attained within themselves to sustain such divisions in their marriage. If a born-again Christian marries a religious Muslim, whilst, I would not encourage her to observe his ablutions in the mode of Islam, I would expect her to wake him in the morning for him to observe his prayers, even lay his mat, give him prayer points, seek for common grounds of understanding in both religions and discuss them. All these she must do while praying for to God to have him saved. But she must love him with all of her heart. Now this should be vice versa. The man must encourage her to fast and pray, give her prayer points, whilst also praying that she gets converted someday with love.

Una see say the thing get as e be. The maturity then comes in the area of deciding which school, church, etc the children should go. Forget that lie that it is the parent that decides the paradise of the kids. Its all hogwash! They are all independent souls and are responsible for their own decisions. Such doctrines for instance implies, it is better for all religious Muslims to marry Muslims and never an "infidel". Its therefore a complex thing and is better avoided if you are deeply religious.

@Kay17;

I don't like the manner Islam divides humanity into the believers and the disbelievers (infidel). It exploits differences. Why should a father be responsible for the salvation of his children, when both have different minds??

The word "Infidel" is in the Bibles. Disbelievers; Kafirun 'one who covers up the truth'. The word "infidel" is not in the Quran but imported to Islam by enemies of Islam.
dictionary.reference.com/browse/infidel
a person who does not accept a particular faith, especially Christianity. b. (in Christian use) an unbeliever, especially a Muslim. c. (in Muslim use) a person who ...

Kay 17: I don't like the manner Islam divides humanity into the believers and the disbelievers (infidel). It exploits differences. Why should a father be responsible for the salvation of his children, when both have different minds??

Luke 12:50-53
50 But I have a baptsm to undergo, and what constraint I am under until it is completed! 51 Do you think I came to bring peace on earth? No, I tell you, but division. 52 From now on there will be five in one family divided against each other, three against two and two against three. 53 They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.”

Luke 19:27
"But those mine enemies, which would not that I should reign over them, bring hither, and slay them before me."

Luke 12:49
"I have come to bring fire on the earth, and how I wish it were already kindled!

Matthew 10:34
" Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword."

Matthew 10:35
35 For I have come to turn “‘a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law—

2 Peter 2:12
"These false teachers are like unthinking animals, creatures of instinct, born to be caught and destroyed. They scoff at things they do not understand, and like animals, they will be destroyed."

John 2:15
[Jesus] made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple area, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables.

the below video applies in Nigeria to the likes of Fashola and co. with christian wives.Fashola is now launching his crusade in demolishing mosques and by his intent to ban the hijab in public schools.Islam allows muslim men to marry chaste christian and jewish women,but it doesn't mean we should/must or that if we do,we should relent in our duties as muslims.here is a beautiful video and a clear message to those muslim men especially leaders who have christian wives:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMuTyDED81c

lagos shia, what are you doing here? i thought seun has granted you people your terror plotting section on nl.
take your azz over there and stay there on your mat.

Logic Mind: lagos shia, what are you doing here? i thought seun has granted you people your terror plotting section on nl.
take your azz over there and stay there on your mat.

I'm a "guest of honor".can't you see the topic concerns us? its not like we are not minding our business like an atheist called "logic mind" commenting on an islamic subject of discussion for muslims in the islam section.

people forget religion is a personal thing, and to each soul thier own. It's tiring to see people base thier entire existence on something they can never be sure about. Are you going to say no to the man/woman of your dreams because of religion? it's ridiculous.

the bible is clear on the issue. the bible want you to go where your husband goes.

It is not advisable for Muslims to marry non-Muslims.

Musiwa,.:
the bible is clear on the issue. the bible want you to go where your husband goes.

Can you pls give us the chapter and the verse?
I'm dying to know.

Marry someone who has the same belief and faith. That's it!

Dawdy: It is not advisable for Muslims to marry non-Muslims.

Because?

cantell:
Because?

It is not advisable because in the long-run something unlikely that is not welcomed will happen in the family. Lets say if a child is been born, what will happen to him? who would he follow? etc. thir would be a dissagreement between the spouses as to the religion the child would practise. For say, lets say the father is a muslim and the child decides to follow the dad and in the long-run the man dies, the mother would do her utmost to bring back the child out of Islam. This means she doesnt love her husband truly, she just had a plan to kill him and inherit his property with the children. The yorubas practise this alot. No offense to the saint ones but this is the gospel truth.

Kay 17: I don't like the manner Islam divides humanity into the believers and the disbelievers [b](infidel). [/b]It exploits differences. Why should a father be responsible for the salvation of his children, when both have different minds??

Is it that you dont like the word or what? Mind you that word was created/invented by you people

This matter is very simple. Why are you chosing someone or somebody to spent the rest of your life with. Not to talk of another faith, people find it difficult managing a relationship of different sects or denomination among spouse.fashola and ajimobi can and their proteges can never think like a muslim because they are shroud in the christendom but muslims in politics. To cut it short, why approaching a lady or if possible a man of different faith when you know you cant trust yourself talkless of another person.remember a yoruba adage that egbe eye leye woto meaning birds of a feather flock togethet

Its a free world for the kids...

I don't see anything wrong with Christians marrying muslims and vice-versa as long as their value system don't conflict.

Dawdy: It is not advisable for Muslims to marry non-Muslims.

I agree with you but not totally. Firstly, we'll have to categorise non-muslims into 2 categories;- (i)Mushrikun (i.e. unbelievers and atheists),(ii) people of the scripture (i.e. christians and jews, who are called kufars or disbelievers).

The non-muslims who are Mushrikun are totally forbidden for muslims to marry, as allah stated in the glorious quran [ch2 v221]:-

And do not marry Al-Mushrikat (idolatresses, unbelievers etc.) till they believe. And indeed a slave woman who believes is better than a (free) Mushrikah (idolatress, etc), even though she pleases you. And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al-Mushrikun till they believe, and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater etc), even though he pleases you. Those (Al-Mushrikun) invite you to the Fire, but Allah invites (you) to Paradise and Forgiveness by His Leave, and makes His Ayat (proofs, evidence, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) clear to mankind that they may remember.

Now, the other non-muslims (i.e. christians & jews )called kufars or disbelievers, cannot marry muslim women, but the muslim men can marry them. That is, a christian man cannot marry a muslim lady but a muslim man can marry a christian lady. As Allah states in the glorious quran [ch5 v5]:-

Made lawful to you this day are At-Tayyibat (lawful) foods, which Allah has made lawful. The food of the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time when you have given their due Mahr (bridal-money), desiring chastity not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girl-friends. And whosoever disbelieves in Faith, then fruitless is his work; and in the Hereafter he will be among the losers.

Kay 17: I don't like the manner Islam divides humanity into the believers and the disbelievers (infidel). It exploits differences. Why should a father be responsible for the salvation of his children, when both have different minds??

In islam, a father is not responsible for the salvation of his children, as the quran states in [ch6 v164]:-

Say: "Shall I seek a lord other than Allah, while He is the Lord of all things? No person earns any (sin) except against himself, and no bearer of burdens shall bear the burden of another. Then unto your Lord is your return, so He will tell you that wherein you have been differing."

Quran [ch35 v18]:-
And no bearer of burdens shall bear another's burden; and if one heavily laden calls another to (bear) his load, nothing of it will be lifted even though he be near of kin. You can warn only those who fear their Lord unseen and perform As-Salat. And he who purifies himself, then he purifies only for the benefit of his ownself. And to Allah is the Return (of all).

The major challenge is that having different religions by the parents makes the children in often cases lack religion. I have many friends like that and they are neither Christians nor Muslims. Outside that, I think it is dependent on the individuals who choose to get married but they need be sure each other share same value system.

Disaster lies ahead!

FrenchyL: Disaster lies ahead!

^^
Very likely.

i think ur belief in God and hw u worship Him is a very big part of who one is. Its what carries u through life. If husband and wife r facing different directions through life's travails, tins fit rough o. But if they can manage it, why not? Me,i dnt think i can sha.

It will always be be an issue ''do not be equally yoked with an unbeliever"" and i will say this goes for anytype of religion, it is good to be inlove, but doing it with common sense, makes more sense.

you are all missing points here. LOVE IS DIFFERENT FROM RELIGION. RELIGION SHOULD BE A PERSONAL THING. MY WIFE IS A CHRISTIAN BUT I AM NOT. YET WE NEVER FIGHT OR HAD ANY PROBLEM. I DONT EVEN NEED TO KNOW HOW SHE WORSHIP HER GOD. ALL I THINK IS HOW I COULD MAKE MY FAMILY HAPPY. remember, real love is always blinded.i never disturb her when she want to pray. love first!!!!!!!!!

Actually my parents fell victim of this disaster, it makes no sense at all.