(

e-herbal:
how these roaches keep finding their way into serious issues,beats me. will you leave this place before you're squashed,Imbec.ile!

Tatafoh!!! see the kind story we dey interest you. with attitude like this you will remain as you are, a very poor wretch up to ur old age.cant even see beyond your nose and you open ur stinking pie hole to call ur father an imbe.cile. mtcheeeewwwwwwwwwwww!:'

One problem we black men have created for ourselves is to embrace western culture with both hands. They came here with their churches and religion and imposed all sorts of rubbish on us. Now the whole shit is biting us. Its all in our minds and we actually hurt ourselves.
We used to marry three or four wives in Africa before white religion came. Now they make you swear an oath in their churches and believe you are binded by that shit.
My advice to you lady is to relax first, then aproach him later for an explanation. Then find out what he looks for outside and provide it. There is nothing you can do. If you divorce him, you become a single mother and that is hell. If you marry another man, there is no guarantee that he wont do the same. If you start 4king around, he will boot you out.
I know ladies are going to start ranting here but who cares.

Lord_Reed:

You are really funny. How can you even reason like this? 30mins and you say nothing was going on?

It was obvious both of them were in a panic and didn't know what to do.

I wonder o..and dayokanu keeps on giving excuses like he's the Op's hubby or mistress.

People should learn to be sincere and quit this double standard of a thing.

Would this thread be in this direction if the case were reversed. Smh!

Any unusual odour? or unusual heat? I dont know wether you understand what I mmean. Odour and heat can easily give someone out affter the "act"

If u have no evidence ur hubby actually cheated, i don't think u hav a case yet, acussing him now wil only backfire on u unless he confesses. Just kip kool 4 now n act like nutin happened, when u get ur evidence, pls raise HELL.

dayokanu:

First of all, Only an insecure man and a wussy would be sneaking up to his wives place of work to do Inspector gadget.

its called surprising your loved one with your presence (to go have lunch together for example)...... the ones who THINK it is sneaking to do inspector gadget are the people whose guilty conscience is blowing their cover.

Second The wife has a phone where he can call.

should you still call your wife if you are just around the corner from her office? (for example)

3rd the security tell you your wife is busy, Why would my mind start thinking "Ok, My wife is phocking her boss?" Unless you knowingly married a LovePeddler.

the security tells you the door is closed and calls oga to advise her that you are here....... any partner would immediately come out OR simply tell the security to tell you that you are busy. the security's man guilty conscience is the reason why he went to alert oga that DANGER IS AROUND.

4th You would still need evidence and not just throw accusations out there. One thing is if you accuse someone and get it wrong, the person would feel you might not even catch them when they do wrong

in such situation, there are evidences of foul play and questions need answers, DIRECT answers........and sadly until then, this person should be under heavy suspicions.
- who is this lady?
- what business do you have with her?
- why is it so important that you lock your door while doing business WITH HER?
- didnt you hear that i was around?
- couldnt you acknowledge that i was around?
- was the meeting so important that you couldnt even talk/walk?
- care to show me what took 30mins to wrap under closed doors?

dayokanu: Try and be logical here

I am not in the room with them

But when your husband was told you were at the door, it took him 30mins to open the door, Do you think if he was sleeping with the girl, He would wait for that long to open the door?

Do you have any evidence like ruffled clothes or any hard evidence, A "Look of guilt" is too subjective to be depended on.

Imagine is someone says "Otosdd, from your looks I suspect you have been cheating"

How smart does that sound

try work d logic urself too. Why didnt he open immediately? Commonsense would suggest he opens his door quickly out of respect for his wife's presence, except otherwise the couple just had a dissagreement and d man is still angry, and trying to pay back, thereby disrespecting her by ignoring her for close to 30minutes. Logically i can affirm this is their first time of getting intimate, and d man didnt want to miss d moment. So at poster, i suggest as everyone has said, cool off, and share it with him later. Sad truth for all women is-All men are polygamous by nature! Live with this mindset and u save urself a load of heartbreaks.

valacious: try work d logic urself too. Why didnt he open immediately? Commonsense would suggest he opens his door quickly out of respect for his wife's presence, except otherwise the couple just had a dissagreement and d man is still angry, and trying to pay back, thereby disrespecting her by ignoring her for close to 30minutes. Logically i can affirm this is their first time of getting intimate, and d man didnt want to miss d moment. So at poster, i suggest as everyone has said, cool off, and share it with him later. Sad truth for all women is-All men are polygamous by nature! Live with this mindset and u save urself a load of heartbreaks.

this is hilarious!
nigerians are too simplistic in their reasoning. so the only reason the
husband couldn't open the door in time was because he was sleeping with the girl in the office?
the husband could have been on a call - an important business deal on his office fone. he should then
leave that to cater for an insecure wife?

the only reason a young man under the age of 30 can own a car is because he's into
armed robbery/drug peddling. the only reason a young woman can own a house is through aristo runs.
until people get rid of these nonsense deductions, the country won't move in the right direction.

the wife did not catch them pants down, no semen sample was found anywhere, no condoms.
she didn't even perceive any smell that the participants engaged in any sexual congress.
and here, people have formed an arbitrary opinion that the husband must defly be cheating.

how about chasing the facts instead of guess-work?

MRbrownJAY:

its called surprising your loved one with your presence (to go have lunch together for example)...... the ones who THINK it is sneaking to do inspector gadget are the people whose guilty conscience is blowing their cover.

Surprise? When you get to the parking lot call them to know, The office is not a place to play pranks and place hide and seek..

In most places i've worked, You wont even be allowed to enter the premises unless you are a staff

should you still call your wife if you are just around the corner from her office? (for example)

Going to your spouse office uninvited is not right simple. If he was a lawyer, he could be working on a sensitive client which requires secrecy. Same if he was working in a bank, call center, engineering company etc. You saw him before leaving home that morning, why cant you wait till work is over or just simply call him to know when he is less busy.

That act of the wife in most sane places of work would not only earn her adequate embarasment but might get the husband fired

the security tells you the door is closed and calls oga to advise her that you are here....... any partner would immediately come out OR simply tell the security to tell you that you are busy. the security's man guilty conscience is the reason why he went to alert oga that DANGER IS AROUND.

Like I said in most work place even if you are the Ogas wife, you would still need to talk to the security who still need to call the boss and get directions before ushering you in. Are you saying in the middle of an important meeting, the man would still step out to see his wife who couldnt call but just decided to show up unannounced at work?

Why is it called a workplace and not an amusement park if you can just walk in and out at will.

in such situation, there are evidences of foul play and questions need answers, DIRECT answers........and sadly until then, this person should be under heavy suspicions.
- who is this lady? A daughter of Eve
- what business do you have with her? Work related business, If it was fun, she would have come to a hotel or eatery
- why is it so important that you lock your door while doing business WITH HER? I lock door because its supposed to be confidential
- couldnt you acknowledge that i was around? Acknowledge you when you were around? LOL, Do you know why its called workplace? its a place for seriousness
- was the meeting so important that you couldnt even talk/walk? Yes its a work related meeting which feeds us, So its that important
- care to show me what took 30mins to wrap under closed doors?

- who is this lady? A daughter of Eve
- what business do you have with her? Work related business, If it was fun, she would have come to a hotel or eatery
- why is it so important that you lock your door while doing business WITH HER? I lock door because its supposed to be confidential
- couldnt you acknowledge that i was around? Acknowledge you when you were around? LOL, Do you know why its called workplace? its a place for seriousness
- was the meeting so important that you couldnt even talk/walk? Yes its a work related meeting which feeds us, So its that important
- care to show me what took 30mins to wrap under closed doors?? 30mins? Some meeting take 7hrs

None of this would save the wife from embarrasment nor make her look less silly.

GET RID OF HIM!
1. He is clearly cheating on you.
2. He so disrespects you that he doesn't care that you know he is cheating; hence he takes 30mins to open the door.
3. There is NO LEGITIMATE MEETING that requires a locked door.

In fact, on reflection, I think this is a joke situattion, right?
If not,
Are you mad? You leave/kick out this man ASAP before he destroys you.

Good luck.

coogar:

this is hilarious!
nigerians are too simplistic in their reasoning. so the only reason the
husband couldn't open the door in time was because he was sleeping with the girl in the office?
the husband could have been on a call - an important business deal on his office fone. he should then
leave that to cater for an insecure wife?

the only reason a young man under the age of 30 can own a car is because he's into
armed robbery/drug peddling. the only reason a young woman can own a house is through aristo runs.
until people get rid of these nonsense deductions, the country won't move in the right direction.

the wife did not catch them pants down, no semen sample was found anywhere, no condoms.
she didn't even perceive any smell that the participants engaged in any sexual congress.
and here, people have formed an arbitrary opinion that the husband must defly be cheating.

how about chasing the facts instead of guess-work?

brotha Coogar
so the oga was on a "supposed" important phone call, he couldnt open the door to his wife but yet he could answer the call from security guy?! lol!

didnt you read where the wifey said that both looked guilty and not comfortable.....or that she always goes to her hubby's office and the door was never closed?

@poster,Its so obvious ur a troubl maker y can't u wait till he gets home instead of comin to his ofc,who told u all a man wants is sex,men hate nags,or a woman dt complains always.

Mayb ur unattractive to him nw,perhaps u tie wrapper round d house n dnt care about ur looks,ur sex life mayb b borin dsnt matter if u do it 100 times. Week, a man wants fun and exploits

Or uv suddenly grown old or put on weight a man will keep on screwin as long as home is HELL!!!

ZUBY77: One problem we black men have created for ourselves is to embrace western culture with both hands. They came here with their churches and religion and imposed all sorts of rubbish on us. Now the whole shit is biting us. Its all in our minds and we actually hurt ourselves.
We used to marry three or four wives in Africa before white religion came. Now they make you swear an oath in their churches and believe you are binded by that shit.
My advice to you lady is to relax first, then aproach him later for an explanation. Then find out what he looks for outside and provide it. There is nothing you can do. If you divorce him, you become a single mother and that is hell. If you marry another man, there is no guarantee that he wont do the same. If you start 4king around, he will boot you out.
I know ladies are going to start ranting here but who cares.

Total F-----g rot.
Better to die a free man than a slave.
Perhaps if our idiot black forefathers adopted this attitude we wouldn't be where we are today.
However, as enlightened humans, the female Nigerian shall show all you slaves the way.

MRbrownJAY:

brotha Coogar
so the oga was on a "supposed" important phone call, he couldnt open the door to his wife but yet he could answer the call from security guy?! lol!

didnt you read where the wifey said that both looked guilty and not comfortable.....or that she always goes to her hubby's office and the door was never closed?

MBJ,

Quick question? Do you entertain your partner at work?

I find it so odd that a spouse can go visit the partner at work. Most of my colleagues I have never seen their partners before except at unofficial gatherings.

Why should you open the door to see her? The security called the office line which you are allowed to pick even during meetings.

If any wife of mine decides to visit me at work unannounced and decides not to call my phone too, She wont wait for 30mins maybe 6hrs more like it.

"Look guilty etc" are all judgment calls. I can see you waking up from bed and claim you look guilty. When irrational you would only see and deduce what you want to deduce

See advice, the lady is not happy and yet some are telling her to keep quiet to "save" her marriage. Is she not part of the marriage! I seriously wonder what some people think is a definition of this "marriage".
Even more interesting is some are "advising" her to not say anything so she does not push the man outside. Na wa for advice/opinion/double standards
Poster, think it through and act accordingly as you seem fit. Just don't believe all this nonsense that all men cheats and then accept it as a way of life. Pele dear. It is well.

dayokanu:

Surprise? When you get to the parking lot call them to know, The office is not a place to play pranks and place hide and seek..

In most places i've worked, You wont even be allowed to enter the premises unless you are a staff

i guess in most places you know, you were not the oga.......because if you were, i doubt anyone would DARE stop your wife from entering the premises (as the OP has clearly done in the past)

Going to your spouse office uninvited is not right simple. If he was a lawyer, he could be working on a sensitive client which requires secrecy. Same if he was working in a bank, call center, engineering company etc. You saw him before leaving home that morning, why cant you wait till work is over or just simply call him to know when he is less busy.

it doesnt matter what he was working on or what his job is about, it is the matter by which everything came out......and what he would tell his wife afterwards.

That act of the wife in most sane places of work would not only earn her adequate embarasment but might get the husband fired

if a wife has been to her husband offices before, then i see no reason why she should SUDDENLY stop, unless there was a plausible reason for it.

Like I said in most work place even if you are the Ogas wife, you would still need to talk to the security who still need to call the boss and get directions before ushering you in. Are you saying in the middle of an important meeting, the man would still step out to see his wife who couldnt call but just decided to show up unannounced at work?

here is TWO very important phrases the OP wrote that you should dwell on:
- The security had to call him that the wife is around that he should open the office door for me to come in.
- He has been telling me the girl is just a friend

now come again with your funny story about important meetings with sensitive clients.

Why is it called a workplace and not an amusement park if you can just walk in and out at will.

glad we agree on something, i thought it was called a wife free zone in your world. lol!

Your husband has been cheating for long, its just that this time you caught him. There is no proof he wont cheat again. You have to accept that men cheat including your husband. You cant leave your marriage because of the cheating. The decision to pay back when u are in good state is yours to make. But never leave your marriage for another woman and do not expect any man to be a saint. an average man is irresponsible sexually

dayokanu:

MBJ,

Quick question? Do you entertain your partner at work?

the important question should be: will i find anything wrong if she ever shows up uninvited? and the answer would be NOPE, none whatsoever.

I find it so odd that a spouse can go visit the partner at work. Most of my colleagues I have never seen their partners before except at unofficial gatherings.

again, there is a huge difference between the OGA's wife and common workers.

Why should you open the door to see her? The security called the office line which you are allowed to pick even during meetings.

yet the security said:"OGA, OPEN, MADAM IS HERE" but you still think he was in an important meeting? lol!

If any wife of mine decides to visit me at work unannounced and decides not to call my phone too, She wont wait for 30mins maybe 6hrs more like it.

and thats ok, so long as you aint in there with a "FRIEND".

"Look guilty etc" are all judgment calls. I can see you waking up from bed and claim you look guilty. When irrational you would only see and deduce what you want to deduce

a partner who you live with clearly would know how you would look "guilty". come on!

[quote author=LeoMax]Your husband has been cheating for long, its just that this time you caught him. There is no proof he wont cheat again. You have to accept that men cheat including your husband. You cant leave your marriage because of the cheating. The decision to pay back when u are in good state is yours to make. But never leave your marriage for another woman and do not expect any man to be a saint. an average man is irresponsible sexually[/quote

PLEASE.
CHEATING is one of the major reasons for leaving a relationship.
We are very mistaken if we think Sexual infidelity is only about cheating. It is about so much more.
Poster, take your life and yourself very seriously. You are worth so much more than this.
Never let anybody demean you and all that you stand for.
Once again, good luck.

MRbrownJAY:

i guess in most places you know, you were not the oga.......because if you were, i doubt anyone would DARE stop your wife from entering the premises (as the OP has clearly done in the past)

Even Ogas dont have their wives come in at will, Oga's wife would definitely call before coming and Oga can either step out to welcome her or tell the security to let her in IF HE ISN'T BUSY

it doesnt matter what he was working on or what his job is about, it is the matter by which everything came out......and what he would tell his wife afterwards.

Thats part of the indiscipline she is used to. Unless its a one man company then its not right. How many men unless they are paranoid would sneak into the wives office and demand to be let in when the security tells them the wife is busy?

if a wife has been to her husband offices before, then i see no reason why she should SUDDENLY stop, unless there was a plausible reason for it.

Thats part of the indiscipline she got used to, And for the fact that your husband allows you the first time because he was less busy doesnt mean you would be less busy everyday. Its not like she hasnt seen him in months and most see him today today

here is TWO very important phrases the OP wrote that you should dwell on:
- The security had to call him that the wife is around that he should open the office door for me to come in.
- He has been telling me the girl is just a friend
now come again with your funny story about important meetings with sensitive clients.

Thats why you need to set boundaries early in a relationship. Some women are naturally paranoid by nature. Imagine You took a gf out and she has a roomate so you all went out to a bar. The gf doesnt drink but her friend does. What would you as a man do? You go ahead and buy the friend alcohol. Next thing you get home to accusations on why you should you buy for the friend? That Do you want to phock the friend? Or why are you being nice to the friend?

Most women think in their own special way. The man would greet her as Nkechi, She would say why not call her darling? maybe you dont want your colleagues to knw you have a wife or gf.

You call her darling she says why dont you peck her while greeting,

You peck her she says why dont you kiss her to show your affection

You kiss her she says you didnt grab her fondly

You grab her fondly she says you are debasing and treating her like a LovePeddler in front of ppl

[quote]glad we agree on something, i thought it was called a wife free zone in your world. lol![quote]

Definitely. Set bundaries. Some ppl if you dont do that early thats how they would be popping up everywhere. it happens to both men and women. Some spouses would calculate it for you.

You close at 6pm, the drive is 10mins without traffic and 20mins with traffic, why are you coming home at 6:30?

Any female at your job, church, meetings anywhere, you are sleeping with them

The husband should hv opened earlier than he did but is there really nothing else in the world that could hv held him back except 3ex?

PHIPEX: The husband should hv opened earlier than he did but is there really nothing else in the world that could hv held him back except 3ex?

There are some situations that the husband might not have been able to open earlier, Its not like he was in his bedroom and locked the door, he was at work

Well thats the way some women think, And if you so much distrust your husband why marry him? Some wld even accuse you of sleeping with their own sister

For like 30mns you stood outside ur husband's office, no txt msg? no phone calls? just whispering to the security man and waiting patiently for the door to be opened and the drama that would follow? I bet even the said mistress called him before coming.
ur post reads 'I Caught my husband cheating on me' like you actually caught him pants down? i guess 'cheating on me' here means sitting in his office with a lady and the door was locked?
madam pls free ur mind, get back to ur normal self and take good care of ur family. ur husby already told u nothin happened.

jennykadry: What was the girl's body language like when you walked in?

GOOD QUESTION

@Dayokanu
.
yes, some wives dont go to their husband's office but this is irrelevant in this story because we can clearly confirm from the OP that she has been there many times in the past. so let's focus on the FACTS AT HAND, can we?!

A) he closed the door while he never did in the past.
although not an admission of any wrongdoing, it sure raises eyebrows. why would he close the door that day, what was so secret about that meeting?

B) the security knew fully well what was going on inside the office, and thats why he said what he said on the phone.
if the guy was really in a meeting then security would have simply said:"oga, madam is here", and definitely not follow it with "OPEN THE DOOR"

C) it took 30mins to open the door while he never told the security that he was busy or anything like that (on the phone).
if you get a call that your wife is waiting outside, and you are in an important meeting, wouldnt you say:" i am busy tell her to wait" or "will be out there in 30mins"?

D) he was found inside the room with a "friend", instead of some business associates.
so the guy couldnt open the door because he was inside with a FRIEND? what was so important between him and this friend that it had to be under LOCKED DOORS?

all these clues is the reason why any person will become SUSPECT, and would need a VERY GOOD EXPLANATION.

Amebo woman. Why did you go to your husband's office? Please let your husband be jare and stop complaining.Mtcheeeeeew

Otosdd: U could see guilt on my husband face even dat of d girls face both of them were uncomfortable wen they saw me. Even right now my husband is not taking with me its as if nothing happen business as usual. I am really unhappy about everytin dat happen, u know wen u have this trust about ur husband dat he cannot cheat on u but only for u 2 find out dat he is not wat u think. Its realy painful. I dont know wat 2 do i am stil crying uptil now d painful tin is dat i am pregnat. Its just 2 much for me 2 handle.

. There no doubt d husby had sometin wit d girl pple shld stop covering what is not. When his not Obama, 4get this is real even obama'll not be busy as 2lock office for 3omin. Apart 4rm hurtin his beautiful wife his job his not safe. A place u call office dat fetch u money u're having sex, catchin fun at desame time it is very dangerous. Madam just apply wisdom its part of imperfection.

dayokanu:

If it was an office where ppl barge in time and again then locking the door is necesary.
Accusation of cheating is grave and not something you should throw around.

If you are not certain of your accusation, dont start it cos it might trigger something way bigger than you bargained for.

I am sure most women would flip when they are wrongly accused of sleeping with someone else

My friend shut d fu.....ck up and stop defendin d man(cheat).if u dnt hv anytin reasonable to say,den pack.@op,its obvious ur husband is cheatin on u for wateva reason dats best knwn to him.now,d question u wil ask urself is dis;wat next??

@poster, se ofe gbo otito (u wanna hear the truth)?, be very careful about the advices people will throw at you. Dont forget that nairaland plays host to varied personalities. The divorcees, the happily married, seriously searching, hurting and all manner and such category of folks will naturally offer advice that will ensure you join their rank.

My candid advice to you is to wait until your anger is dissipated and calmly ask him questions. My dear please for the sake of peace in your home, kindly accept whatever excuse he gives even if you think he lied, provided he shows genuine soberness. My late mum once said only a 'foolish' woman will grow old in her matrimonial home.

A word is enough.

Ma'am,I will make this straight:
Your husband is not cheating on you.
Go return the passion you both had at when you said I do and stop being intimate with him bcz he wants it,men feel when you do that and its unfair,1st trimester you might not be feeling hot but 2nd you do.
Pls tell us what it is you do,do you have vast experience in Nigerian office settings for both serious govt and private organisations?
How come its only on nairaland every lady's husband is a cheat and every guys wife is a low life or lazy being who nags.
You dnt need any advice,if you think what you feel is enough to move on,do;but pls sit down and talk and leave nairaland advicers I included out of your problems.
You'll loose him someday either naturaly or otherwise so why not save other ladies the trouble of increasing their hate for the marriage institution.
Trust and patience my dear is a virture even in the face of betrayal
God bless you in whatever you decide and keep your home

I think ur husband said the truth about her being a friend cos he certainly wouldnt luck himself in with an enemy but lied that he does not hv anything with her.
Having said that, i think its wrong to visit your husband's office unannounced. Yes, he's ur husband but pls give him a "work breathing" space. With this u wouldn't get urself hurt.
As for that over-sabi security, oga go handle im matter.
Pls dont go mad o! U hear!? Ur husband is urs.