Nairaland Forum

go 4 medical test,confirm very well dat d abortion did not cause any side effect. make sure u do d test in a very good hospital,dat wen u go 2 any other place it will still give u dsame result.after d test result if no damages. u hav 2 look 4 a good time 2 tell him.but let it b after concievin,because b4 concieving can jeopardize ur marriage. hav faith dat u wil concieve. and one more thing,play and take care of kids alot.u wil b suprise of wat wil happen. good luck

akpanbaba: Seems you are still thinking about abortion and you have not forgiven yourself yet.Forgive yourself and look unto God.Let your husband relax and do his hardwork very well .You will soon smile.

nice words . just relax asfa the doctor has said no problem with u. then no wahala. just keep on prayin. those wey marry as virgin sef talkless of doin abortion still hav issues conceivin.

rainyday: Please i need advice from you guys. Am married for over a year now with no issue. Before i married my husband,i dated a man whom i thought i was going to marry,i was so in love with him and i thought he loved me too. Then he used to beg me to conceive for him saying it only takes a man that loves u to initiate that,i wasn't down with it at first but later succumbed and i got pregnant. Then the nightmare began,after i realised i was pregnant...i told him,he sounded happy or so i thought then he told me that i have to abort it cos he had discussed at length with his elder brother(both of his parents are late so he looks up to his brother) and the brother told him it was not right. I was really hurt but i went ahead to get an abortion. The relationship with that guy later crashed. Now am married and no issue,and sometimes i feel its because of the abortion...and i feel d urge to tell my husband about my past but i don't know how he will handle it. Am so confused. Please help.

NB.. No insults o cos it can happen to anybody. Thanks

Well you may or may not be right, you can tell your husband if you think he can handle it but if he can't you better keep it to yourself. Go and get medical advise, if the doctor confirms ther problem is down to you then you need to let your husband know. You aren't really obliged to tell him anything as much as he is not obliged to tell you about his ex girlfriends that had abortions or the women he may have Molested in secondary school.
It is always better to build a relationship on openness and honestly but let's be frank, Nigerian men cannot handle much. It's better your husband believes he was your first and continue with his delusional fairytale to maintain the peace.

rainyday:

Please i need advice from you guys. Am married for over a year now with no issue. Before i married my husband,i dated a man whom i thought i was going to marry,i was so in love with him and i thought he loved me too. Then he used to beg me to conceive for him saying it only takes a man that loves u to initiate that,i wasn't down with it at first but later succumbed and i got pregnant. Then the nightmare began,after i realised i was pregnant...i told him,he sounded happy or so i thought then he told me that i have to abort it cos he had discussed at length with his elder brother(both of his parents are late so he looks up to his brother) and the brother told him it was not right. I was really hurt but i went ahead to get an abortion. The relationship with that guy later crashed. Now am married and no issue,and sometimes i feel its because of the abortion...and i feel d urge to tell my husband about my past but i don't know how he will handle it. Am so confused. Please help.

NB.. No insults o cos it can happen to anybody. Thanks

My advice for you is this and it is very plain... The devil is hunting you with your past... Chikena... Cos telling him will not change the situation as he is not God that provides children or so... But whenever you see he is in his best mood, try voice it out or watch a movie with him and when someone aborts, just let it slip out that... Hey honey... U know.. I did that too... but that was before... and I really regretted it. Believe me.. the guilt will just leave you alone. Our thoughts are very powerful and dont let your thoughts hinder you of things to come. Or as the psych will say, write a letter to yourself, which to me is silly.

Do the right thing lady... God be with you!

First your doctor said you are ok, secondly your husband is a very religious man and wont find it funny. My advice is, if you have money go for all that test and stuffs to critically examine if the abortion has aftereffects, if after the test the doctor tells u nothing is wrong with u, then i'l advice u keep your secret, u also said his sperm count aint up to 20m. So it may not be your fault afterall... Atyms 'ignorance is bliss'

rainyday: Please i need advice from you guys. Am married for over a year now with no issue. Before i married my husband,i dated a man whom i thought i was going to marry,i was so in love with him and i thought he loved me too. Then he used to beg me to conceive for him saying it only takes a man that loves u to initiate that,i wasn't down with it at first but later succumbed and i got pregnant. Then the nightmare began,after i realised i was pregnant...i told him,he sounded happy or so i thought then he told me that i have to abort it cos he had discussed at length with his elder brother(both of his parents are late so he looks up to his brother) and the brother told him it was not right. I was really hurt but i went ahead to get an abortion. The relationship with that guy later crashed. Now am married and no issue,and sometimes i feel its because of the abortion...and i feel d urge to tell my husband about my past but i don't know how he will handle it. Am so confused. Please help.

NB.. No insults o cos it can happen to anybody. Thanks

a friend came 2 me wt a similar issue.hers was jst four mnths after her wedding&she was worried.do u knw dat ΰя worry is part of d reason why u hv nt concieved?tk ΰя mind off it nd concentrate more on serving God(reading d word of God nd fasting).i knw it will nt be easy for u bt u jst hv 2 try.i gave her same advice nd equally remembered her in my prayers.d nxt mnt,she called me wt d goodnews of her pregnancy.i believe ΰя goodnews is close at hand.Only believe madam

sandylurv: Hav a private exam conducted on U̶̲̥̅̊ by Ūя̲̅ doctor †☺ confirm dat Ūя̲̅ inability †☺ coceive Ȋ̝̊̅§ as a result of d abortion U̶̲̥̅̊ had,if it Ȋ̝̊̅§,den U̶̲̥̅̊,vε̲̣̣̣̥ got ₪☺ choice bt †☺ let d cat outta d bag bt if nt,my dear I'll say kip it †☺ Ūя̲̅self.

GOD! All these blackberry users and 'box-madness'

madan i believe this is a test of faith...jst hold unto your God and pray...one year isn't too late for you to start gettin freaked out...am 23yrs old, my mum had my immediate sis when i was 18.... wat will u call dt delay? please jst relax ur mind n dnt conclude yet dt d probs lies with ur hubby? God has His way of doing thns... as for you thinking of telling ur hubby,pls do dt nw..cus d eaelier d beta...am sure he has a heart,i believe he will forgive u...cus it wasn't ur fault.. 10% is nt too low to do d job...just free ur mind n relax..God will do d rest.. i wish you well. madan i believe this is a test of faith...jst hold unto your God and pray...one year isn't too late for you to start gettin freaked out...am 23yrs old, my mum had my immediate sis when i was 18.... wat will u call dt delay? please jst relax ur mind n dnt conclude yet dt d probs lies with ur hubby? God has His way of doing thns... as for you thinking of telling ur hubby,pls do dt nw..cus d eaelier d beta...am sure he has a heart,i believe he will forgive u...cus it wasn't ur fault.. 10% is nt too low to do d job...just free ur mind n relax..God will do d rest.. i wish you well.

dear, just relax you will have children not just a baby. stop blaming urself. everyone has an ugly past but the future is always brighter.
don't ever discuss ur ugly past with ur husband as a matter of fact try as well to forget it urself.

Theblessed: But of what use would that be?

Why excavating the past?

It was a sad life she led before marrying him, why destroy her future happiness with the past?

And what about him? Would he himself disclose all the women he climbed and made pregnant before marrying her and why not, if she is to tell all?

Please, let the sleeping dog lie, ok??

Not when it may be responsible for the childlessness.
If after many wasted years the husband finds out that the reason for his inability to have a child is due to her abortion(Trust me,he will later find out),she is going for it, and i personally will support whatever drastic action the husband takes.
There are consequences for every action we take.

It is rather daft to keep waffling on about an abortion you had since the dinosaurs. Nobody forced you! I have read about women who married as virgins who can't have children to date. I also met a woman who boasted (stupidly) about her previous 9 abortions and she has healthy children. You are your own slavemaster! When the time comes to have children, you will. Your so called holy husband might have Molested someone in the past so why keep exposing your cupboards to the world. You are not having an abortion now, you had one in the past and that is what it is, the past. You did it before you met your husband. You better shut your gob and stop living in the past. Get a hobby or job that keeps your mind and body ticking until you have that baby.

uti-mayor:
First your doctor said you are ok, secondly your husband is a very religious man and wont find it funny. My advice is, if you have money go for all that test and stuffs to critically examine if the abortion has aftereffects, if after the test the doctor tells u nothing is wrong with u, then i'l advice u keep your secret, u also said his sperm count aint up to 20m. So it may not be your fault afterall... Atyms 'ignorance is bliss'

Well said!!

@op pls relax and try not to worry, one year is still early for you to worry. Just Pray and believe in God. I am sure your bundle of joy is on its way.

only god knows your fait. different men react to issues differently. he may just focus on the abortion and as such loose hope of any further effort. my advice is to tell him but exhaust all possible medical help before you tell him if it doesn't work. one year is just a step, take more steps before you begin to complain. relaxed mind is the magic you need mostly now. good luck dear.

Yes I think u should tell him before he finds out. Its nt going to b easy though so I advise u to pray and fast so dat he takes it in good faith. Am a lady like u, single in a relationship, had three abortions( and am so ashamed of!)I'll tell my man d truth if he proposes. The choice will be his whether 2 go ahead and marry me or nt. Its better off saying d truth, than living wit a lie. Best of luck dear!

Very sorry about your past with the ex. It seems you are haunted by the thought that your current inability to conceive might be due to your abortion and thats the reason you are considering telling him, right? If your husband never asked about your past or wasn't interested, there might not be too much to worry about. However, if he did ask and you didn't tell him, then there's a challenge ahead. consider this too: If you had conceived very early without problems, would you have told him? Probably not.

It will not be complicated if you have a husband who has the heart to still trust and love you, but You MUST tell him. I wish you the best.

look, i won't forgive you and will send you out of my life. then pay you back by telling the whole world you are a "dead man walking" am sure your husband is my type. you have not made any mistake, forgive yourself, only pray and stop thinking and the next month you are pregnant. did i hear you shout the loudest amen.

The first step to take is to go for medical examination to confirm there is no damages to your womb and where there is damage,what other treatment can b used for conception to take place.then initiate a talk with ur husband and tell him what happened in the past and efforts u have made towards it.assure him that there is no no cause for alarm if there is no damage to ur system.u need his support during ds waiting period.but it is very important that u knw the kind of man u married b4 u do ds.if he is the type dat dewells alot in the past,and he is very judgemental in nature,abeg dont tell him to keep ur sanity intact and look up to God whose mercies will see u thru ur ordeal.I tell u he too may have gotten his past girl friend(s)pregnant and probally have askd for d termination.today they are not here wit him.I believe he will give u the support both of u needed as u wait for God's awesome blessing which does not count our errors in d past but dewells more into our present and future.wishin u d best ds season of grace and mercies...............

@poster,if I were u I wudt tell him!men r so unpredictable pls blame urself less @ least its a good tin u knew u once got pregnant be happy, u can conceive,less worries!use a private dr tell him ur worries n let d dr check u over again.Telling him is NOT an option I wil advice 4 nw.with all his Christianity u wil bi amaze n wreck u eva told him except his amongst d few real best husband.pls empty n free ur mind jare no bi u get issue.timing wil make it rite.gudluck baby,I feel ur pain

U guys are also kind! Thanks so much for al ur advice,it really lifted my spirit. For those who asked if i had complications with d abortion...the answer is NO,it was just 3wks old and was done by a skilled doctor. Am going to weigh the advice and see the percentage that is high and i will stick to it. I know God has forgiven me,bt u knw d human mind cant stop thinking of IF and HADN'T BEEN. But its well,once again thanks all of u for ur words of encouragement,may Almighty God bless u and fulfil ur dreams. And yes, when i have my bundle of joy by Gods grace i will come here again and tell u guys. One love!

I've seen some encouraging respons and i'll also advice the poster to: get all the medical counsel to see if that's whr the prob is. And i know the kind of man you're married to,but i dont jst feel this's the best time to open the book of ua past because MEN can be funny at times. @other contributors, when did REPENTING WT TEARS become the yard stick for getting God's attention?

My sincere advice to u is this:-
No matter ur history or situation in life, it is God who gives children. We don't manufacture SOULS in the human womb. It is God who creates the soul and unites it to the baby so conceived in the woman. This is totally not of Man so ur only and PRIMARY solution is a relentless and genuine prayer life then all others can follow. Just feel free and live happy knowing God is on ur side and knowing that he will give u more than one baby but a FAMILY and many more beautiful things.

Dear, it is easier said than done. If you venture tell your husband, a deeply religious man that you had an abortion, he will blame every health problem that comes in the marriage on you. Abortion doesnt seem to be the cause of your childless. So, dont start another war of its own. Your husband will never believe you have disclosed all your past, because he will think it was the problem that forced that out of you

Yes!

This is part of ur past that can never come again. Kindly do ursef a favor by telling him before he knows. My prayer 4 u is that it will not affect ur womb. Wa bi okunrin wa bi obinrin. Alasiri a bo. Ashiri re ko ni tu o. But tell him. Let him be angry 4 d time. He will forget and forgive. This is part of life.

Sike: Yes!

^^^^^Yes to wat?

Be sincere wit urself! How would U react if U were in her husband's shoes? Merde! Des gens m'ennuis.

To ur question I say no don't tell him unless u re asked, in which case I will urge u to tell the truth. No need bringing up ur sinful past into ur reformed married life. In these unsettled days one can't tell what reaction to expect from ur husband on hearing this news. Like I said earlier pray for what u want, pour ur soul out to God and wait for HIS time. U can go for check-ups but pray well. Conceiving a baby is itself a miracle with God's footprint in it. Ur history or condition "CAN'T" be a hindrance to God. Be confident in ur existence and life as a child of God.

Don't ever make the mistake of telling your husband that you had an abortion in the past cos he will surely use it against you.People that had abortions in the past still conceive and bear as many children as they want if the abortion was properly done and no complications arose from it.One year is still too short for all these anxieties..I will advise you & your hubby should meet a gyno cos he may be having low sperm count,the gyno will also examine you well to know the cause of it but you need to have a relaxed mind for you to conceive.

Personally, I dont recommend you tell your husband anything. Your past is your past. You've done enough penance already and I want to believe that God has forgiven. One year into marriage is not enough time to get worried over pregnancy. Just relax and eat well backed up with enough prayers. Who is to say the fault is not from your husband? Anyway, one year is too short. If you have money you can go for check up yourself. If the news is bad, you can consult your husband then. Goodluck

Those who are saying the lady should not disclose her past abortion issue to her husband need to get their heads examined. All the lady in question has succeeded in doing is deceiving the poor man into marriage without sincerely telling him her past. Please,know that openness before your spouse is openness before God. Like someone has suggested,she should pray very well and get the person who the husband respects very well involve,so that the person can break the news to her husband and get him seriously counselled. I think this should serve as a good lesson for the single ladies out there who are yet to get married, who are hiding some secretes from their partner now. Please note;Any secrete you hide from your partner now,will come back in the future to come and hunt and hurt you. By that time,there may not be remedy. There is remedy now when you've not got married,telling him everything he/she needs to know about you,and not what you feel like telling him.

rainyday: U guys are also kind! Thanks so much for al ur advice,it really lifted my spirit. For those who asked if i had complications with d abortion...the answer is NO,it was just 3wks old and was done by a skilled doctor. Am going to weigh the advice and see the percentage that is high and i will stick to it . I know God has forgiven me,bt u knw d human mind cant stop thinking of IF and HADN'T BEEN. But its well,once again thanks all of u for ur words of encouragement,may Almighty God bless u and fulfil ur dreams. And yes, when i have my bundle of joy by Gods grace i will come here again and tell u guys. One love!

Please don't just weight the advice but prayerfully consider them...

Its of no use looking for who is to blame and making assumptions about what might be the cause, you are a couple and its about jointly looking for solutions to your family problems. If either of you knew that you had fertility problems before you got married and held this back from the other its not a good thing to have done. Having an abortion does not mean that you have/will have fertility issues. Its wasted energy to start dwelling on the past and your efforts should be looking into what can improve your chances. Hopefully, you have doctors who really know what they are doing make sure that you both get tested for any sexually transmitted diseases that has been left untreated as some of them do not show any symptoms but affect your fertility. There is sperm count on the low side to contend with and you guys might look at supplements nothing too crasy just anti-oxidants (vitamin E)for him and B vitamins with folic acid for you.

You need to have an idea of when you ovulate so that its easier to make things happen around this time. Every other day is better when there is possible low count.

Then you both need to distress and just let nature take its cause.

Your tale telling does not move you any further forward.