@ op
I suggest you both pray about it, and do whatever the holy spirit instructs you to.

Flow your heart sister, God is your strength .

Take ur time. U're nt upportuned to hear the other man's side of the story and u never can tell... The only constant thing in life is change. Afterall u guys only went to primary sch togeda. Dont gt carried away. After all said and done seek the Lord's face about it. Wshing u d best man

@ poster great matured talk,if u really love her go for it,even married couples that have all life's trappimgs aint happy
From all u said u r ready to forget d past,who knws she migHt b d key to ur eldorado.Great guy u R.

thread slowly, listen to her advice.Someone you've not seen for 2 decades.Ask questions,what happened to the first marriage? where is the ex husband,know her fiends . she probably don't trust you. She might be the best for you, but good things don't come easy.everything happen for a reason.Enjoy yourselves while it last

May the Lord open your eyes before you put urself into bondage.A divorcee!You better run for ur dear life.

duality: wait a sec young man. do you think marriage is just like that? have you ever seen a beautiful poisonous snake? look, don't jump from frying pan to fire.
marriage without true conviction is like sitting on a keg of gunpowder.please open your eyes okey? only fools contract marriages these days being blind as a bat. relax man, whats beyond six is more than seven. also note that Niraland is a very complicated place. very few people speak witth the wisdom of God here; however intelligent they may sound, be very careful.

from what i've read, i think you are misfiring. relax, take it slow.

Good point, op take it slow, mayb she is the ryt person for u but for the very fact she told u to keep her as a planB means she is not really ready for that type of committment,she may want to concentrate on her son now,but if u convinced that she is 1 then u gotto be patient with her, most ppl on NL will give u an advice based on their fantacies and the many soaps operas they hv been watching so be careful how u heed em. All the best.

[quote author=Theben]This issue ain't what should be taken lightly. Op you need to really try and find out the reason why she got divorced in the first place. I presume you've already accepted whatever she must have told you is the cause of her breakup with her ex-husband. Please try and research the cause yourself. Who knows, her character might be the reason. I don't have anything against marrying a divorcee or a single mother but you need to take your time, study her.
As for your parents, i don't think they'll be much of a problem. Once they know that she won't be a problem to you, trust me, they would give you their blessings.
So poster, the problem here is not her being a divorceae, the real wahala is when she's not what you think she is.
Thanks /quote] GBAM!

op...tread carefully...its ok to go for a single mother...not a worry...but do yourself a favour..find out if her xter is in question...let me tel you like someone rightly said...a nigerian girl is ripe for marriage at age 29 and above and not below..this is the maths. at the younger age. they live for what they see on TV...kardarshian etc..they want such life..they want an already made husband.one that will pamper them..etc...dont get me wrong there is n wrong at all in doing that for your wifey..But in my own understandign she needs to bring something into the house. not financial things..there are oads of stuff a woman can bring in..apart from money..i dont need to list them out...maybe the previous husband is my type...so guy..find out her xter..understand what led to the divorce..there are two sides to every story..however...i wish you all the best...but dont rush things bro!!

Many have given you good counsel: wait, think, follow your heart, etc. But how come you just woke up to marriage desires at your age? You mean you never admired any other before you reconnected? What has happened to those others? Between primary school and now so much has changed about you and her. You think she needs freedom and you can give that? Your family trusts you! That's a reason why you must not betray that trust. SLOW DOWN! There are questions you are yet to ask yourself. Marriage is not a private quiet affair eventually - you have neighbors, friends, colleagues who are not living on NL. How does your marriage affect you, her and those relationships?

Psychologically, she might be traumatised but what you do to establish trust in her heart is what is required now. She is relating with you based on the past connection you had and at the same time, she is nurturing something in her heart: 'all men are the same'. Just give her some time to allow the past to die down (not so easy though) and be patient with her. I urge you to go for her as your heart dictates. Listen to your heart!
As per your parents, no need to hide it from them because that might have a repercursion at the end. Just let them know everything. All the best bro!

The question is : Will you love her child like he / she were yours?

If you are unable to do this then .....kukuma leave her alone.

This one you ain't got the spine to stand up for her and her child in front of your family so....

Did not realise being a single mum is same as HIV (Clapping & talking to myself as I walk away)

The only way u r getting that girl. Is your consistency bro. Patience could play a part too. Those 2 in place, she's urs bro. Best of luck

Marriage is not for kids.physical, spiritual and financial maturity must be attained before marriage and this may not be the right forum for the kinda advise you seek. However, prayerfully look inwards and ask urself if this is what you want. Once you decide,then go for it. Learn to always stand by ur decisions.Tell ur family everything about her if indeed you are accepting her the way she is. Don't forget, it's a life decision and no one else can make it for you. I wish you the best!

gbenga007: How I wish I can post her faceless picture. She sure ain't looking like a mother. Thanks for the wonderful advice yall.

All those advice will sound wonderful to you cos they are in support. Baa?
You are only 27 and she's 25. I bet you that a normal average 25yr old female is "older" than any 27yr old male. Let alone an expirienced more educated (certificate) female and to add to it, your primary school class-mate or school-mate. In her eyes, i doubt if she'll ever "see" you beyond the walls of that foundation school. If u marry her (thats if she ever agrees to), i give you 5yrs you'll start regretting why you did. (1)She'll always be in contact with her son's dad. How will you feel? (2) you might start believing you're cut out for some better deal. (3) she'll ever prefer her ex to you.
So please, leave the "expirienced" females to the "expirienced" males. They know how to deal their cards. I think you still have some 5 more years to settle down. But, the choice is yours.

Seems divorcees and single mums are hot cakes now for marriage cos of dem maturities,
What of our virgins and sit tight born agains who's gonna marry them?
This is double standard

Op do not ignore the bolded or take them lightly.

gbenga007: She feels her type of woman, a single mother is not for the single, young unmarried guys but a divorcee perhaps.
She even told me to have a serious date and keep her as 'plan B'.
she's feeling inadequate now and ish.
We are both gainfully employed (6digits). What are the possible implications of my proposal to her? She had rushed to do the first wedding perhaps. Now she's more prepared and mature. She has learnt her lessons. Can you see it working?

Now listen,Love is a great feeling but it carries with it some heavy responsibilities.A divorced woman has been there, done that.Fine she may have learnt her lessons but do you realise that regardless of her age she's somewhat matured in some stuff? Kids esp tend to bring out a certain level of maturity because they test one's virtues and humble one a great deal.
Pay attention to what she said 'she may prefer a fellow divorcee who has her kind of exp because you don't fit into the bill.That is her reasoning.
Yes you are older but as far as she's concerned? you are inexperienced.Now before you take the big leap please make sure you have gained her full trust.
Why else is she asking you to take her as plan B? It's because she wants you to date other ladies and compare them to her.Thereafter you can make an informed decision.She doesn't want you to rush and marry her before she gives you the chance to explore other relationships first.

Shes feeling inadequate in what sense? Maybe the guy really messed her psychologically so what she needs is healing first not a man.
I can tell you this with confidence.If that lady has not healed from the scars of her previous marriage,this one will not last either. It takes time and she needs time to recover before entering into another.Allow that to happen.

Its good she has an income meaning she's not dependent on you.Her options are easy and I can tell she is not desperate.
Such women prefer treading carefully,they take time before they can fully trust another man.You therefore don't pressure them but move at their pace and see what happens.
Look here's no way you are going to hide her baby from your family! I don't consider it a wise move.Why would you? your conscience will always be troubled.
If you cant expose her and her baby to your family and relations then you are not ready to marry her.Where will you two be hiding?
Maturity means you embrace the other party with all they have just as they are.The kid is part and parcel of her and if your family doesn't approve don't use force.
Actions speak louder than words.There are ways to warm up parents hearts and keeping them in darkeness is escaping reality. Face them as a man and let them tell you off. At least you told them the truth.
Keep doing good to them and they will see you are truly determined.There is a time to surrender and parents are not made out of stone.

My final word? Be her best friend and do what she recommended.Take her as plan B.Explore others and compare.She has given you the go ahead and she wants to do the same exploration too.Take your time please cz you are both still young.
You may or may not end up with her.

What u r doing, is looking @ d issue from face value. I will suggest you take ur time to dig alittle further and consider issues more far reaching than u can percieve now.
Divorce world wide is sometin u dnt take for granted, as both parties are responsible for the failure of their marriage.

Yes, she made a mistake, but has she learnt from it?
Are u willing to share ur wife with her ex, cos weather u like I t or not he still is a part of her life and u can't erase that

Also u idea to lie to ur family, or rather keep mum abt the situatn already shows that when the chips r down u won't be there for her cos ur not proud to show her off to ur folks as she truly is.

If u can't defend her now before the eyes of ur family, how wud u do that successfuly before the gazing eyes of the world.

Three, wats ur approach to custody issue? U plan to fight with her to regain it, or let the boys dad keep him? If he. Looses custody, r u gonna allow him visits in ur home, reminding u off the intimacy they once dhared.


I think all am tryn to say here mr, is that marrying a divorcee requires a level of maturity that u av failed to display by already missing the first step. Lieing to ur folks!

[quote author=pendo89]Op do not ignore the bolded or take them lightly.



Now listen,Love is a great feeling but it carries with it some heavy responsibilities.A divorced woman has been there, done that.Fine she may have learnt her lessons but do you realise that regardless of her age she's somewhat matured in some stuff? Kids esp tend to bring out a certain level of maturity because they test one's virtues and humble one a great deal.
Pay attention to what she said 'she may prefer a fellow divorcee who has her kind of exp because you don't fit into the bill.That is her reasoning.
Yes you are older but as far as she's concerned? you are inexperienced.Now before you take the big leap please make sure you have gained her full trust.
Why else is she asking you to take her as plan B? It's because she wants you to date other ladies and compare them to her.Thereafter you can make an informed decision.She doesn't want you to rush and marry her before she gives you the chance to explore other relationships first.

Shes feeling inadequate in what sense? Maybe the guy really messed her psychologically so what she needs is healing first not a man.
I can tell you this with confidence.If that lady has not healed from the scars of her previous marriage,this one will not last either. It takes time and she needs time to recover before entering into another.Allow that to happen.

Its good she has an income meaning she's not dependent on you.Her options are easy and I can tell she is not desperate.
Such women prefer treading carefully,they take time before they can fully trust another man.You therefore don't pressure them but move at their pace and see what happens.
Look here's no way you are going to hide her baby from your family! I don't consider it a wise move.Why would you? your conscience will always be troubled.
If you cant expose her and her baby to your family and relations then you are not ready to marry her.Where will you two be hiding?
Maturity means you embrace the other party with all they have just as they are.The kid is part and parcel of her and if your family doesn't approve don't use force.
Actions speak louder than words.There are ways to warm up parents hearts and keeping them in darkeness is escaping reality. Face them as a man and let them tell you off. At least you told them the truth.
Keep doing good to them and they will see you are truly determined.There is a time to surrender and parents are not made out of stone.

My final word? Be her best friend and do what she recommended.Take her as plan B.Explore others and compare.She has given you the go ahead and she wants to do the same exploration too.Take your time please cz you are both still young.
You may or may not end up with her.
[/quote BEAUTIFUL ONE

single mother?when there are lots of fine,succulent single virgins all over the land

Brotherly,God bless u!...@op,dis d best advice u nid 2 heed 2.

u gots 2 get her 2 feel u. let her know how wonderful a person u are den i guarantee she will let hwr guard down. coming from d love doctor

tayoccu: @ op
I suggest you both pray about it, and do whatever the holy spirit instructs you to.

Its obvious that you are back from Church. How was the "Anointing Service" today. lol.

olowolekan: May the Lord open your eyes before you put urself into bondage.A divorcee!You better run for ur dear life.

I'm so sure you are either a teenager, in your very early twenties or just schmuck. You wreak of Childhood fantasies and juvenile deliquencies. I have always insisted that children should always listen to adults when they talk. Just because you have access to a hand-held device (Phone) that can get you on the net, you feel you can come to Nairaland and exhibit your childishness. Who told you that marrying a divorcee puts one into bondage? You actually speak as if marrying a divorcee means the termination of one's useful life, abi the divorcee no be human being?

gbenga007: Can you see it working?

Why not? If you really Love Her! Go for it.

Am going out with one now & i will be tempted to say that she “worships“ me.she treats me wit so much respect &cares for me like no any single lady has done.UNFORTUNATELY,we re not getting married for some obvious reasons.....

gbenga007: I recently met a good primary school friend of mine lately on facebook. I made efforts to talk her into dating, considering her good childhood and upbringing. To my utter surprise, she confided to me that she was married and now divorced- although not legally yet, with a baby boy - still with the mother-in-law. I'm 27yrs, She's now 25 and the boy is less than 2yrs, got married just after her Bsc. She's a Master's student plus another professional course. Infact I make bold to mention that she was only unlucky. I really like her but she feels her type of woman, a single mother is not for the single, young unmarried guys but a divorcee perhaps. She even told me to have a serious date and keep her as 'plan B'. I dont want to treat her as a second option. I really like her, considering our old friendship and brilliance- among other things. I don't really see it as anything marrying her but she's feeling inadequate now and ish. We are both gainfully employed (6digits). What are the possible implications of my proposal to her? She had rushed to do the first wedding perhaps. Now she's more prepared and mature. She has learnt her lessons. Can you see it working?

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