Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 3,143,340 members, 7,780,899 topics. Date: Friday, 29 March 2024 at 03:34 AM

Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! - Family - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! (5142 Views)

9 Tips For Keeping The Spark Alive In Your Marriage / Celebrating Birthdays For February 29th Born Family Member? / Spirituality In Deciding Your Spouse....is This Applicable To Marriage Decision? (2) (3) (4)

(1) (2) (Reply) (Go Down)

Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! by highchief3(m): 12:55am On Apr 08, 2012
I am getting married in a few months time to my girl of over five years, she is a wonderful person so also is her other family members but her younger brother is something else, he steals, smokes hemp, moves with strange looking fellows and always on the run from the police. I love my girl and we are getting married but I must confess I am really worried about her brother's way of life,he is one person I would not want around me and my kids when I start my family, I some time wake up hearing my girl praying and weeping for God's intervention. I don't know if there is any one out that has gone through a similar situation?

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! by Metalgoong(m): 4:03am On Apr 08, 2012
high-chief:
I am getting married in a few months time to my girl of over five years, she is a wonderful person so also is her other family members but her younger brother is something else, he steals, smokes hemp, moves with strange looking fellows and always on the run from the police. I love my girl and we are getting married but I must confess I am really worried about her brother's way of life,he is one person I would not want around me and my kids when I start my family, I some time wake up hearing my girl praying and weeping for God's intervention. I don't know if there is any one out that has gone through a similar situation?

Well, poster I think you should make this marriage decision based on the behavior of your girl friend and her other family members who you have studied for the past five years. You should have been more worried if you have known this your girl for like 3, 4,5, 0r 6 months. Some good families do have black sheep amongst them

On a side note, I have an uncle who cancelled his marriage plans because he discovered that the girl's snr brother was one of those kidnappers terrorizing the South Eastern states;infact, the girl's brother was later caught and executed by the police.

1 Like

Re: Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! by blacklion(m): 6:23am On Apr 08, 2012
A friend of mine is in that agony presently. He discovered the hard way only after the wedding that his wife's senior brothers, who are supposedly lawyers, are actually 419ers and that the wife (she's a banker) helps her brothers to receive and launder the money.

1 Like

Re: Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! by maclatunji: 6:59am On Apr 08, 2012
It is a tough call brother. You are in the spot and its your move. There is a saying that a man can afford to have a bad wife but not bad in-laws.

1 Like

Re: Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! by Nobody: 5:48pm On Apr 08, 2012
I am surprised you have taken the seat of fear, this is no ingredient for a good marriage along the way if u have a stubborn child you will prolly tell your wife its her family gene. I dnt think you really love this woman if not you will not build the success or failure of your unborn kids around her brother's character. This is why people keep secrets from their spouses so they will not be judged.

One of the reasons she confided in you is because whenever he misbehaves she needs someone to share her pain and worries with, she needs someone to tell her its going to be alright. Don't forget its her brother you are talking about and she loves him unless the whole family herself inclusive exhibit same characteristics I would say there is nothing to fear. I dnt think this is a tough call she has been upfront with you. The question is- can u stand the rain? Can u be her support? Can you be her friend indeed?

7 Likes

Re: Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! by maclatunji: 9:16am On Apr 09, 2012
^Sweet and cute. However, some 'black sheep' can put other family members in untenable positions. The gentleman has to be sincere with himself, can he handle it or will he deflect his frustration(s) about her brother's behaviour on her?
Re: Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! by mj(m): 9:18am On Apr 09, 2012
Rely on God, mak ur decision Gods way.
Re: Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! by qualified(f): 9:29am On Apr 09, 2012
U can go ahead, if u really love her and willing to be her support when she needs u. Good luck
Re: Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! by 27naira(m): 9:50am On Apr 09, 2012
Shoot the brother and get married to the sister tongue grin

**just kidding**

@OP.,

Believe me, no family is 100% perfect. if your woman is "who" you want, go for it. There are so many ways you can keep her brother away from your family.
Re: Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! by blacklion(m): 10:14am On Apr 09, 2012
27naira: There are so many ways you can keep her brother away from your family.

Not in Africasmiley


BTW have you ever seen where EFCC raided a man cos the wife's brother was sending 419 messages from his house?

Or where a man was beaten up by frustrated would-be tenants cos the wife's brother duped them using the man's uncompleted building?

I have seen both.

1 Like

Re: Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! by emsquare(m): 10:42am On Apr 09, 2012
andromida: I am surprised you have taken the seat of fear, this is no ingredient for a good marriage along the way if u have a stubborn child you will prolly tell your wife its her family gene. I dnt think you really love this woman if not you will not build the success or failure of your unborn kids around her brother's character. This is why people keep secrets from their spouses so they will not be judged.

One of the reasons she confided in you is because whenever he misbehaves she needs someone to share her pain and worries with, she needs someone to tell her its going to be alright. Don't forget its her brother you are talking about and she loves him unless the whole family herself inclusive exhibit same characteristics I would say there is nothing to fear. I dnt think this is a tough call she has been upfront with you. The question is- can u stand the rain? Can u be her support? Can you be her friend indeed?

Well said Dear!
Re: Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! by mizne1: 10:54am On Apr 09, 2012
This is the sorrow of the families, bless you
Good luck[img]http://www.spgames.info/g.gif[/img]
Re: Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! by Prettilex(f): 10:59am On Apr 09, 2012
I know it means alot but her brother bn a nuisance should not be a problem to u,he can be handled. U love this girl,inshort u are already planning marriage with her,dont let her"troubled brother"be a problem for u.
high-chief:
I am getting married in a few months time to my girl of over five years, she is a wonderful person so also is her other family members but her younger brother is something else, he steals, smokes hemp, moves with strange looking fellows and always on the run from the police. I love my girl and we are getting married but I must confess I am really worried about her brother's way of life,he is one person I would not want around me and my kids when I start my family, I some time wake up hearing my girl praying and weeping for God's intervention. I don't know if there is any one out that has gone through a similar situation?
Re: Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! by Sirmuell(m): 11:10am On Apr 09, 2012
@High Chief, does your family have a clean sheet? No black sheep at all? All family has one or two black listed family member, take for instance my lil. Sister use to be the black sheep in my familyn she was so stubborn and never stays at home for more than 2hours straight without going outside to hang out with the thugz around, it was so crazy to the extend that some parent will come to our house and beg my parent to plead with their daughter not to corrupt their ward so you could imagine what we went through, I still remember how four of us will gather her up and beat her up just to correct her and how my mum will be crying for us not to kill her, for the records she once brought out a knife to stab my older sister SMH but as time went on she has now calmed down with plenty prayer though so high chief I believe your wife's brother will definitely outgrow his naughty tendencies as he grows to be a man but you have to help out also with your prayers and advice. It's better to have a naughty inlaw than an slowpoke as inlaw think of it bro I wish you a blessed wedding bro!
Re: Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! by Nobody: 11:32am On Apr 09, 2012
Re: Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! by phadat(m): 12:32pm On Apr 09, 2012
IMO @op if you love ur gf marrying or not should not b problem what you should knw is dat marriage is all about sharing even each others problem d guy being bad does nt necessarily mean it will rub off on you family join your gf in prayer over the guys way of life
Re: Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! by Nobody: 12:46pm On Apr 09, 2012
Op..u got a right to place thoughts on dis issue...
Little problems could even arise..where you'll have to spend personal savings just to bail d yeye boi, and if u don't, ur wife may say u want em to rot in jail..
Be careful...
Talk to ur wife..
Both of u should agree on how to set family boundaries for both families..
Re: Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! by queensmith: 1:43pm On Apr 09, 2012
EVery family has a black sheep, im sure there is a less than savoury character within your family. Your girlfriend turned out well and you said for yourself most of her family members are fine. Its rather naiive to want a perfect woman to come from a perfect family. Dont be greedy with fate! lol

And its good you know her family, most dont even get to know the relatives until the drunken drug riddled brother stumbles helplessly onto their doorsteps. Welcome to the family!
Re: Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! by Reference(m): 2:09pm On Apr 09, 2012
Poster please ignore those who seek to make light of this issue. It will be a problem and that is guaranteed. If it will not cost you time, it will cost you money or psychologically drain you and thus threaten your relationship.

Since it has come to your knowledge (you're lucky), I suggest you sit her down and draw boundaries where you are prepared to and not to go. Families are comprised of husband, wife and children and does not include brothers and sisters. If her family suffers a bad background it is a criteria for marraige. It can mar your future. You are not her parents so you will not be able to ultimately influence him or his lifestyle.

Due diligence is required in ALL matters involving couples. Know your limits and discuss them. Project future challenges and not over estimate your capabilities. I see many couples who ignore or make light issues of health, finances, compatibility, family and so on only for love to vanish and their union to fracture down the line.

Think and plan well cos when you're in you're in. It will become your responsibility.
Re: Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! by cecegorz(m): 2:24pm On Apr 09, 2012
Real tough call for us Africans.
Being matured for marriage is actually having enough wisdom to marry both your spouse and their family members issues.
Knowing that his kids will be cousins to yours, I'll advise that you draw a fine line where the dope head cannot cross.
Render help to him from afar.
Never allow him to live in, else he can commit some things that can wreck your marriage.
Re: Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! by Reference(m): 2:29pm On Apr 09, 2012
andromida: I am surprised you have taken the seat of fear, this is no ingredient for a good marriage along the way if u have a stubborn child you will prolly tell your wife its her family gene. I dnt think you really love this woman if not you will not build the success or failure of your unborn kids around her brother's character. This is why people keep secrets from their spouses so they will not be judged.

One of the reasons she confided in you is because whenever he misbehaves she needs someone to share her pain and worries with, she needs someone to tell her its going to be alright. Don't forget its her brother you are talking about and she loves him unless the whole family herself inclusive exhibit same characteristics I would say there is nothing to fear. I dnt think this is a tough call she has been upfront with you. The question is- can u stand the rain? Can u be her support? Can you be her friend indeed?

My dear, I think this is inverted. Marraige is not a load carrying exercise or institution. It is 2 + 2 = 4. Not 2 + 2 - 3 = 1. You don't start that way. The lady should be looking at ways to enhance the man's life and enable him maximise his potentials and likewise him.

If the man is a career criminologist, psychologist or counsellor he may be equiped for the challenge. If he is not, all the love in the world will not keep that union together. She should solve that problem before saying I do.

Once the rocket has lifted off with that defect you cannot call it back in one piece. Love is an internal potential energy that expends at a rate equivalent to resistance or load carried. Do not over estimate it.
Re: Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! by Reference(m): 2:29pm On Apr 09, 2012
andromida: I am surprised you have taken the seat of fear, this is no ingredient for a good marriage along the way if u have a stubborn child you will prolly tell your wife its her family gene. I dnt think you really love this woman if not you will not build the success or failure of your unborn kids around her brother's character. This is why people keep secrets from their spouses so they will not be judged.

One of the reasons she confided in you is because whenever he misbehaves she needs someone to share her pain and worries with, she needs someone to tell her its going to be alright. Don't forget its her brother you are talking about and she loves him unless the whole family herself inclusive exhibit same characteristics I would say there is nothing to fear. I dnt think this is a tough call she has been upfront with you. The question is- can u stand the rain? Can u be her support? Can you be her friend indeed?
Re: Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! by enoyeliz: 2:36pm On Apr 09, 2012
Guy marry ur girl ddo waitinng u fit do for Tђε̲̣̣̣̥ guy den live Tђε̲̣̣̣̥ rest for God,cox if u live dat girl u ® doing more harm to dat girl.u are Tђε̲̣̣̣̥ light IŊ her life now.
Re: Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! by Metalgoong(m): 3:04pm On Apr 09, 2012
POint of correction for some people: The proverbial BLACK SHEEP doesn't exist in all families. That there is one in your family doesn't mean that it also exist in your friends family.

1 Like

Re: Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! by JadeWilliam(f): 4:28pm On Apr 09, 2012
My dear,its marriage we're talking abt here.That means d bad inlaw bcoms a member of ur family authomatically.I rememba a friend of myn way back who's cultist brother killed her husbnd because he said that since he married his sister,he made her 2stop spending money in their family even his sch allowance stopped coming&so on cos my frnd was d breadwinner of their home b4 sh got married so d dude organized his fellow cult members&butchered d guy wen d sister went for a short course,away frm home.
I'm not trying to scare him but he shld knw wot heks getting into.They say one doesn't only marry d spouse but d inlaws all together
Re: Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! by JadeWilliam(f): 4:31pm On Apr 09, 2012
There are different levels of black sheep.Its a different ball game wen d dude is stubborn or smokes&drinks or womanizes but cultism&hanging out with bad gangs who might b armed robbers&kidnappers.How are u sure he won't come&rob u cos its d ppl u invite in2 ur lives that complicates it&knws ur way about.
Re: Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! by Nobody: 5:23pm On Apr 09, 2012
my dear this is not something you just wave hand upon.sometimes it is always bigger than what you think.i have a friend who was shot two years ago, and the story had it that the younger brother of his wife shot one of his gang member's uncle in a robbery which the gang member gave out the information and they agreed that they will not kill the man. in the process of the robbery the uncle did not comply with instruction,my friend's wife younger bro mistakenly shot the man, after one year or so they decided to rob my friend the then gang member saw that as opportunity to retaliate his uncle's death shot my friend.the whole story came out when the death of my friend tore the gang apart because his wife younger bro (the black sheep) felt bad that my friend was shot even when the guy gave everything and complied fully with their instruction.

the point is black sheep inlaw can cause a hell lot of havoc which may be irreversible. so think am well before belle go begin dey purge you for beans wey another person chop.
Re: Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! by dayokanu(m): 5:51pm On Apr 09, 2012
Live away from him

And how close is this boy to your gf?
Re: Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! by Nobody: 6:04pm On Apr 09, 2012
What if you didn't know about the brother.? And yes marriage is not a load carrying institution, and its not all black sheep that turn around and kill their brother inlaw. @op why don't you discuss your fears with your woman. I am sure she herself may have no plan for the brother to be a permanent fixture or regular member of her own immediate household and if you can't handle it all well do what is best for you,
Re: Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! by ronkebp(f): 6:12pm On Apr 09, 2012
dayokanu: Live away from him

And how close is this boy to your gf?


that is the only thing to do, ''live far away from him" I will not say you should leave your fiancee, but to fear that the boy might cause some major problems, is a very good thing, I hope he changes, but in the meantime, you have to find away to seperate your family(you and your wife) from him. But be rest assured he will always be a part of her for life, whether good or bad.
Re: Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! by queensmith: 6:52pm On Apr 09, 2012
Mkpakala: my dear this is not something you just wave hand upon.sometimes it is always bigger than what you think.i have a friend who was shot two years ago, and the story had it that the younger brother of his wife shot one of his gang member's uncle in a robbery which the gang member gave out the information and they agreed that they will not kill the man. in the process of the robbery the uncle did not comply with instruction,my friend's wife younger bro mistakenly shot the man, after one year or so they decided to rob my friend the then gang member saw that as opportunity to retaliate his uncle's death shot my friend.the whole story came out when the death of my friend tore the gang apart because his wife younger bro (the black sheep) felt bad that my friend was shot even when the guy gave everything and complied fully with their instruction.

the point is black sheep inlaw can cause a hell lot of havoc which may be irreversible. so think am well before belle go begin dey purge you for beans wey another person chop.

Last time i checked, major crimes were not commited within families. And can you vouch for what every single one of your family member is doing at every point in time? For all one knows thier whole family can be made of criminals. I dont see why it should affect the op. He is not the father?

Its a trivial matter for one to grow hypertension about.
Re: Should The Character Of A Family Member Influence Your Marriage Decision! by knowledge4(m): 7:05pm On Apr 09, 2012
A difficult situation!
I can not advise that you keep away or go ahead.
Many families have a black sheep anyway.
How would you like to be associated with a brother-in-law who smokes hemp and always on the run from the police?
That is an image spoiler for you in future.The boy may do irreversible harm to you or his family's image soon or later unless God arrests him early enough.
i advise you to try find out spiritually, if that misbehaviour is not a generational curse or is it an isolated occurence in the family? If it is a generational curse i.e a misbehavior that runs in the family from generation to generation,have a rethink and seek counsel from the counselling unit of a Bible believing Church.
Are you a christian? A prayerful christian?
If you are and you are led to marry this girl you have serious,aggressive and violent prayers to pray to shield your nuclear family from evil transfer that may affect your own children in future.Already,the boy's misbehaviors are serious ones and marrying from that family is a minus already. Please seek counsel from a bible believing ministry.
Start interceeding for the boy.God can change him even before the wedding.Do not condemn him because Jesus Christ died for him.God gives priority to intercessory prayers.There is no person that God cannot transform from bad to good,to a shining star.
Please take him for deliverance in a ministry like MFM.

(1) (2) (Reply)

Rosabon Financial Services Takes Personal Loan Service Nationwide / What Do/Would You Call Your Spouse? / Am Confused, Should I Take Her Back Or Let Her Go?

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 69
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.