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Stats: 1076507 members, 1264639 topics. Date: Wednesday, 19 June 2013 at 09:57 AM
|Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by otokx(m): 5:56pm On Apr 14, 2012|
|Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by neyostica: 6:30pm On Apr 14, 2012|
|Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by queensmith: 2:10am On Apr 15, 2012|
A woman is as responsible as keeping the home as a man is. An educatec woman will not take bulllshit from a man, hence why im yet ot hear nonsense from a married friend. Keep
Ypour mond thinking rubbish, women are going further than ever before!
|Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by c.fours: 2:29am On Apr 15, 2012|
If I were in your shoes, the first thing on my mind will be achieving financial independence for yourself and your kids so that when that breaking point comes when you have to leave, you will have a place to turn to. Many women are stuck and trapped in bad marriages because they cannot fend for themselves so they stay with alcoholic and abusive men like yours. Don't let that happen to you.
Start building a savings account and biko, try to concentrate at work.
if he doesn't change, pls leave. It's for your own good.
and you don't have to get a divorce. just get a separation. There are TONS of
|Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by agiboma(f): 4:49am On Apr 15, 2012|
I agree with this
|Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by Tgirl4real(f): 9:29am On Apr 15, 2012|
U make sense
|Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by sally bonne(f): 9:55am On Apr 15, 2012|
@quuensmith ur hilarious o,pls leave dis ppl alone.
|Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by sally bonne(f): 10:21am On Apr 15, 2012|
Chuks84: You misquote me. I should have written I will never abuse a woman physically.
So as far as is not physical abuse or other type of abuse is okay,hmmmmm, smh abuse is abuse wether physical,mental,emotional or ......
|Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by agiboma(f): 4:05pm On Apr 15, 2012|
I totally agree its all about understanding and managing the man, you have built a home with.
|Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by emmatok: 11:02pm On Apr 15, 2012|
queensmith: A woman is as responsible as keeping the home as a man is. An educatec woman will not take bulllshit from a man, hence why im yet ot hear nonsense from a married friend. Keep
Some women should never think of getting married(except to a fellow woman).
|Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by agiboma(f): 2:09am On Apr 16, 2012|
|Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by Busy_body(f): 1:03pm On Apr 16, 2012|
NNEKA2015: Have been married for 6 years to a pilot and we have have three kids my marriage isn't working anymore , there is no love or trust in the marriage again, my husband gets angry at the slightest thing i do and then goes out drinking and and doesn't come back to sleep in the house until i have gone to work. He only says he loves me when he wants to sleep with me , he complains about everything from my , shoes ,dress to my hair , my food and now that i am not improving in making love. he showers me with gift once in a while but claims i don't make him happy, i have tried and tried but he is never pleased, I don't want my kids to grow without their father because they are just getting to know him but at the same time i can't take it anymore and neither can he as well. please married or divorced women advice me on what to do i can't concentrate at work , i know he loves me and i feel something for him but i can't continue like this. please i need sincere advice on what to do.
Although he might come across as nitpicking and nagging and childish, your Hubby is "communicating" with you the best way he can, so since you are the one who knows him, you need to suss out the best time and place to sit and discuss and talk indepthly with him, and tell him enough of his moaning that he needs to be proactive and come forth with some solutions he deems fit.
Men are very visual beings so it cannot be easy for him to be surrounded by those eye candies air hostesses with not a single strand of air outta place offering free sex with free booze coupled with being saddled in a different exotic location everytime. . .so if na ya looks be the bone of contention, ask him to increase your grooming allowance, afterall soup wey sweet na serious money make am, if he wants you to further your studies, na money, whatever he wants, let him shell out. Save some, use the rest for the intended, and peradventure he too is bored and wants out and has found someone else and was just looking for flimsy excuses, you would have some coins to rely on financially for the time being to weather the storm. . .
|Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by lastpage: 6:20pm On Apr 16, 2012|
Busy_body:So this is how to "sit and discuss" with your husband? If you tell a friend the above, he/she would probably tell you to get the effing feck-up, not to mention your own husband! More Power to you!
Busy_body: so if na ya looks be the bone of contention, ask him to increase your grooming allowance, afterall soup wey sweet na serious money make am, if he wants you to further your studies, na money, whatever he wants, let him shell out. Save some, use the rest for the intended, and peradventure he too is bored and wants out and has found someone else and was just looking for flimsy excuses, you would have some coins to rely on financially for the time being to weather the storm. . .How come your own "solution to mending a marriage going through stormy weather" IS ALL ABOUT MONEY?! You seem to think its all about "getting more money out of the situation", is all that is required!
Just like children, so marriage how now turn to ATM-money vomiting machine! This is shameful
Would the woman be expected to "shell-out" to improve the husbands looks or to upgrade his education, as well? Naah, Dont think so!
"Greed" in some Nigerian women, is what ruins their life; from the choice of a Boy-friend, to the choice of a husband, its all about money, money, money!
Later they will come here to complain that the marriage lacks "love" when love was not their ultimate goal, in choosing the man or going into marriage with him.
Thank God the O.P is not one of those fat- ar.se women who sit on their bum all day, waiting for Mr. husband to "come home and shell-out"!
It is very disgraceful if all a woman (a wife) thinks about is how to "spirit-away" house-keeping allowance, like a Squirrel, waiting for the day of separation, instead of focusing on how to help the marriage revive its old flame!
And l dont think most men are that stewpid anyway, once he suspects you are 'acting funny' with "house-keeping money" (as you would always complain its not enough and he will observe that you are not spending everything he 'shells out' on certain needs, he might just refuse to give you CASH [/b]anymore and opt to pay for things directly, using his Credit Card!
Only that you will have to "bring a list of things required" and he would verify them "delivered and in-use" within the house, from time to time!
Like they say, [b]"cunny-man die, cunny-man bury am"!
A wife cannot be this "adversarial" in a marriage and expect anything else than "collapse of the marriage", to follow.
Jokes apart, such behavior is just a 'death sentence' for any marriage, at any point in the life of the marriage.
Some very few "wise women" actually support their husbands by "making-up for any shortfall" in house-keeping money, with their own money.
|Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by lastpage: 6:25pm On Apr 16, 2012|
If you have concluded that "there is no love or trust in your marriage and YOU cant take it ANYMORE", l am a little confused as to what manner of advice you're seeking again from here?
It seems to me that you've made up your mind to "jump ship" (from your own words) but all you wanted was some sort of "validation and encouragement" from the "divorce-him squad"!
But think well o, whatever decision you take today, you will have to "live with it" for the rest of your life, not withstanding that you will blame the same decision on your husband, since that is standard practice in any marriage break-up.
You dont need anyone's consent to scatter or hold your own home, its your home and the decision is yours!
Par-adventure l am mistaken and what you want is "advice on how to save your marriage", l think a lot has been offered by "wise women" and men, take your pick, wisely too!
I wish you the best and wisdom in whatever you do.
|Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by Busy_body(f): 7:14pm On Apr 16, 2012|
Erm. . .not everyone can write epistles like you biko, but surely my inclusion of the word "indepth" and its meaning should surely ring a bell to you and something should ping upstairs that the last phrase I added about him quiting his whingeing should not take more than 1% of the whole "indepth" convo I can assure you the OP "gets" what I am saying, so cut her some slacks. Now on the other hand, If you need handholding and someone to break things down to you, just say so
Pele pele to una.
If it interests you, I was not raised to collect money from a guy, not even presents or gifts so I can boldly tell you that I have never collected a dime from a guy in my life, even from my Husband, and not even for the children. Any amount that gets foistered on me by force remains untouched in exactly the same banknote/currency/package it was given to me, tossed in a corner until I eventually find time to take it to the kids savings account which they become the sole signatory to, once they turn 18, then 21 respectively. I am a fiercely independent person who can take care of my own because I make hay whilst the sun shine. Hope this helps as you gently meander your way down that treacherously high horse you have set yourself on
Now back to the manuscript, my input to the OP was because I presume she is in Nigeria and was preceeded by the conditional clause "if" - following my advise to her to help her Hubby get what he is trying to communicate across - and this "advice" to start saving for rainy days, was in case she was on a sinking ship. Because in all my years on NL, I have come to realise that married women have to play second/third fiddle in their marital homes a lot and when push comes to shove and they just gotta go when pushed by their Hubby, they are often constrained by finance hence reason for my advice. And nowhere did I say or mention anything about her inflating any price. There are places one can get their hair done in Nigeria for N10k, and their are also places the same hairstyle can be done for N500, there are 24k gold jewelry likewise goldplated jewelry which are hard to tell apart, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, hope you get the drift now.
|Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by Sisi_Kill: 7:29pm On Apr 16, 2012|
Don't mind them. . .they are so used to dealing with wobia women they think every woman waits for a man to give her money for sanitary pad.
|Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by ronkebp(f): 7:38pm On Apr 16, 2012|
Is there no way you can reduce all these, to 5 lines or 10 at most?.....
|Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by lastpage: 7:48pm On Apr 16, 2012|
Dont worry, l get the "Damage Control" preachings!
And BTW, would you tell your husband you need N10K to fix your hair, when infact you know where you can do same for N500?
Would you advice another woman to do so, just to "squirrel money away" for some future break-ups?
I know its not "inflation of price", just some "naija sense" now, abi?!
|Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by lastpage: 7:56pm On Apr 16, 2012|
By now you should have known that we belong to different levels when it comes to writing skills, even for pedantic purposes like having fun on NL.
Move-over if you dont have the intellectual capacity nor the attention span to read more than "ten lines" of text!
Na by force to read my postings?
No wonder a lot of peeps fail "English Comprehension" at WAEC level!
BTW: I will suggest you pick up that Oxford English Textbook, "Alli and the Angel", for starters!
it will help you a lot!
|Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by ronkebp(f): 8:02pm On Apr 16, 2012|
eeeyah...all these lines for my 1 line.....oga juu.... . norin do you, since you don't have anybody to share your intellect with outside, no sweat, we will read it like that!!! abi, wetin we go do now!!!
|Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by michelin89(f): 8:06pm On Apr 16, 2012|
Well I read your reply to BB and I just can't see why you should attack her post. She is the least extreme poster here and what she says makes sense (to me).
Your comprehension shouldn't be limited to reading the lines, but also make effort to read between the lines. Or do you reply to topics just to exercise your fingers?
|Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by Sisi_Kill: 8:08pm On Apr 16, 2012|
SHORT PLAY BROUGHT TO YOU BY NAIRALAND FAMILY SECTION
Person A – So you are the type who asks for money eh?
Person B – I don’t need to ask because I have.
Person A - So when you ask, do you ask for more than you need?
Person B – I don’t ask because I don’t need it.
Person A – Of course! Of course! So do you save the extra you collect for rainy day?
Person B – (scratching head) Err. . . I don’t need to save for a rainy because I already have. I don’t ask because I. . .I. . .already have. You see, I don’t need to inflate price for anything. . .because I do not ask because I already have. I ALREADY HAVE WHAT I NEED!!
Person A – Gotcha! Now tell me. . . where do you save the extra money you get from inflating the money you ask for.
Person B -
|Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by Busy_body(f): 9:33pm On Apr 16, 2012|
Whether you believe or not would not remove an hair from my body, and call my advise what you will, but I would never blame or judge anyone for how they are raised because I have learnt over the years that our parents too might not have had the best of childhood too, so if it helps to suggest last minute advise to some of my fellow womenfolks in such precarious situation in such a Country as Nigeria that has no regards nor any safeguard for women's welfare, so be it.
The more one advances in life, the more one tends to yearn to spend just a lil bit more, so if one used to wear N800 plain ankara, there is nothing wrong in now buying N4000 superior wax ankara, if you use to shop in Primark, there is nothing wrong in now shopping in Gucci cos you can maintain that lifestyle. . .now if you can clearly see into the horizon that the rug is being pulled under your feet, that you are now tethered to the edge of a cliff, what stops you from going back to Primark and those N800 ankaras and start saving for your children for when you get kicked out with only the clothing on your back?!
All I have just done was speculate a bit and advise that the OP should start saving for rainy days instead of frittering all on herself for the crisis looming in the horizon.
|Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by Busy_body(f): 10:18pm On Apr 16, 2012|
Thanks a lot Michelin89, as usual your post is short, sharp, to the point and packs its usual fiesty punch, something lastpage needs to take on board, and perhaps something I need to take on board too cos I can be occasionally guilty of writing stories too
Sisi_Kill: SHORT PLAY BROUGHT TO YOU BY NAIRALAND FAMILY SECTION
Hahaha, Sisikill know what, there is currently a vacancy at yabaleft for a roommate for Jennykadry and you fit the bill, so who the coveted cap fits ehn. When should I tell Jenny the good news that you are moving in
|Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by lastpage: 11:37pm On Apr 16, 2012|
Busy_body:So you need this incomprehensible 23yr old to give you 'spine'?
Because she said "you make sense to her", you had to thank her!
Do you think you really need "her approval" to feel good?
Fiesty Punch indeed! Yeye dey smell.
But then, you know what l am referring to.
You have taken the position you took (squirreling house-keeping money-away for an eventual break-up) because you feel that is where the marriage will end. That l understand.
My own position is quite opposite to yours: I feel such "attitude to a troubled marriage" will further drive a wedge in-between the spouses as "the effort" is no longer about mending the relationship but about securing yourself financially, after the break-up.
Believe me, what we think inside our head, affects what we do outside, with our body.
It is called "mental-conditioning".
|Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by lastpage: 11:39pm On Apr 16, 2012|
Busy_body: Second Answer from You: Whether you believe or not would not remove an hair from my body, and call my advise what you will, but I would never blame or judge anyone for how they are raised because I have learnt over the years that our parents too might not have had the best of childhood too, so if it helps to suggest last minute advise to some of my fellow womenfolks in such precarious situation in such a Country as Nigeria that has no regards nor any safeguard for women's welfare, so be it.
Question: And BTW, would you tell your husband you need N10K to fix your hair, when infact you know where you can do same for N500?Are those "small lines" above, also part of the answer to the two questions l asked?
And please, Women should "stop injecting CHILDREN" into every selfish interest when the marriage is in trouble! So the "squirreling-away" of house-keeping money has suddenly become BECAUSE OF THE CHILDREN! What a way to generate cheap sympathy!
Hmmmmm.....Alright, l am on-board with you, anyway.
|Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by michelin89(f): 10:56am On Apr 17, 2012|
|Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by Busy_body(f): 7:13pm On Apr 17, 2012|
Haha, i see it is indeed hand-holding and spoonfeeding season. I may goof around a lot, i might not proofread for spelling or syntax, but every word is meticulously chosen. . . so i can see the adverb "as usual" and adjective "usual" - that i used to butress the fact that Michelin89's high level of intelligence which she is synonymous with, all the years she has been on NL, ain't no blink and you miss it flash in the pan, - flew in your left ear and out the other rightaway cos your brain is on hiatus or whats your excuse huh!!!
And why the "sudden" finicky stance and why get your pata nla in a twist over something as inconsequential to the topic such as Michelin89's age IF NOT THAT YOU MUST HAVE HAD AN ENCOUNTER WITH HER WHICH LEFT YOU REELING AND STILL SMARTING OR YOU MUST HAVE COME ACROSS SOME OF HER POSTS WHICH GOT YOU JITTERY THAT SHE IS A FORMIDABLE THREAT, HENCE REASON YOU FEEL THREATENED HENCE REASON YOU ARE THROWING LAME CHEAPSHOTS ABOUT HER AGE TO MUFFLE HER HUH? Got something bugging you that you wanna perhaps share? Its good to let things out you know
I already advised her to create time to talk to her Hubby intoto, and deviated from this in a tongue in cheek manner to start speculating about money. . . Never mind the fact that i did not waltz into the thread waving a magic wand proclaiming to know the answer, what i said, which is still there was "start saving, so that if it is divorce Hubby wants, you would have ferreted some coins away to weather the stormy days ahead . . . yet your initial antagonistic bereft of commonsense nonsensical response was "is stealing the dude's money the only solution i have to proffer . . ."
Now once again, all "you" needed to have "said" was that you needed spoonfeeding, so that i would have added in size 60 bold font that i am telling the OP to save because of her primary concern/main agenda aka welfare of the 3 kids.
Oluwa lo f'oro si e lenu, . . .complete the song if you know it
|Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by Prime007: 7:45pm On Apr 17, 2012|
At the begining of this thread, there was a lady asking for help. Does anyone remember her?
|Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by michelin89(f): 7:55pm On Apr 17, 2012|
See the guy wan spoil show for me!!! I'm a sweet 16 oo, make una nor mind am!!!
|Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by Busy_body(f): 8:21pm On Apr 17, 2012|
He must have too much time on his hands, surely
Prime007: At the begining of this thread, there was a lady asking for help. Does anyone remember her?
Easy peasy, I know the answer.
The OP's Hubby is unfairly being a whiny pathetic nag either because he still genuinely craves his wife's affection or he has met someone else and is using reverse psychology to kick her out.
The story so far/the bone of contention/the only two sides to this coin is either she should suck up to her Hubby and patch things up or start saving for the day she gets the boot stuck in.
I can feel the answer we have all been waiting for, pulsating through you, so what's your take oh wise one
|Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by lastpage: 9:19pm On Apr 17, 2012|
Busy_body:All these "GRAMMAR" FOR ME?
Just to prove say you go school wella, abi?
Okay, fire-on; Alaaboodo!
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