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Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? - Culture (4) - Nairaland

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Re: Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? by Seun(m): 12:05am On Oct 03, 2007
I agree with your words. I ll copy what you wrote to him
That sounds dangerous. What if he agrees that he indeed doesn't love you that much, and asks for a break-up? tongue
Re: Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? by almondjoy(f): 12:57am On Oct 03, 2007
simibrazil:


almondjoy (m)

"Marrying a "foreigner" would mean it is a woman's world and I cannot accept that". "It is easier for me to deal with a Nigerian woman than a foreigner."

You seems be unsafe or with lack of selfconfidence. If have to get married with a woman that agree with everything you talk, lay down and say amém everytime and etc, My babe oga is special and thats why not much brainwork is required. He knows how to deal with native woman and eat fufu and he know how to deal with foreign woman and eat sushi and both of us will feel loved and completely. Thats why Grafikdon I say, how can I find another fish like that?

almondjoy (m)

about the culture:
"He calls you native endearing names like "Nne" or "Omo"

HE CANT CALL ME LIKE THAT BECAUSE I DONT HAVE NATIVE NAME

" The way he licks his ten fingers 'because that Ogbono soup with Iyan hit da spot, Oh Yes!!!

WHEN HE DOES IT I USED SAY THE FOOD HAVE ALREADY FINISHED AND I ASK I HE WANTS MORE shocked

My dear Simibrazil

Thank you for your giving us your understanding version of the African culture. May I remind you as to what this topic is about.  "Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians?" I merely offered my opinions as to why as a Nigerian guy, I would prefer to marry a Nigerian woman. Your interpretations to any comments posted here are perfectly within your basic human rights to do so.

This thread is not about your "dilemma".  Thank you! Or are you surreptitiously scouting for another fall "Nigerian" guy?---We are familiar with all these games you know. tongue Goodluck in your search.  I had the impression you already had one giving you the run around over there.
Re: Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? by simibrazil(f): 11:23am On Oct 04, 2007
That sounds dangerous. What if he agrees that he indeed doesn't love you that much, and asks for a break-up?

Dear, the worst truth is better than the sweety lie. I am strong I can support.


almondjoy

He was my first and last nigerian, never more honey and I am not looking for anyone, when we look we dont find and it is something that just happen when we dont expect.

I have ready all comments and your comment make me think you are unsafe because foreign woman is too much also you are lazy because you dont want much brainwork (I am so sorry for my nigerians sistah, I understand why a lot of them doenst know what orgasmic mean (smile) .I am giving a instance) As everything is ready and easy you dont care about her wish and please her because as she was tauch to be quiet and never complain is comfortable for you.
Re: Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? by almondjoy(f): 10:28pm On Oct 04, 2007
simibrazil:

That sounds dangerous. What if he agrees that he indeed doesn't love you that much, and asks for a break-up?

Dear, the worst truth is better than the sweety lie. I am strong I can support.


almondjoy

He was my first and last nigerian, never more honey and I am not looking for anyone, when we look we don't find and it is something that just happen when we don't expect.

I have ready all comments and your comment make me think you are unsafe because foreign woman is too much also you are lazy because you don't want much brainwork

I am so sorry for my nigerians sistah, I understand why a lot of them doenst know what orgasmic mean (smile) .I am giving a instance) As everything is ready and easy you don't care about her wish and please her[b] because as she was tauch to be quiet and never complain is comfortable for you.[/b]

I see there are a lot of things you do not understand. For one, most Nigerian women understand that life does not begin and end in a 5 second orgasmic process.  Why I chose to marry a Nigerian like I said is that I find them more predictable and I understand their needs.  Having spent most of my adult live with your kind my darling, I am still yet to understand what makes you "tick"!

I may like to wine and dine you for the "freakish" thrills you might offer my naive "mandingo" tail--but in the final analysis--I like my homies! Nothing wrong with my experimenting and educating of my humble-jungle self.  No offence intended.  It is just a matter of preference.  Just as I think you will prefer one of the "jaykwons or tyrones" over there! wink  You see, there is enough to go around "Shequana"!!!! cheesy It is a matter of preference. Can't hate anyone for that! undecided
Re: Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? by londoner: 3:47pm On Oct 05, 2007
@SimiBrazil, sorry to hear about your situation, four years is far too long to be in a relationship for marriage/commitment to be out of the question, based upon something you can't change and he knew of all along.

I must ask you, do you think he already had someone else who he plans to marry? I don't see too many men investing four years in a woman they refuse to marry.

There are plenty of Nigerian men who are flexible when it comes to marriage, so try not to let this experience taint them in your eyes. There must have been something good about him if you stayed so long and was willing to marry him.
Re: Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? by almondjoy(f): 4:28pm On Oct 05, 2007
@Londoner

Does she sound like she can stay with a Nigerian man? undecided From one experience she has concluded it is her first and last! tongue She even pities our "sistas" for not knowing what cosmic "oragasmic" processes entail. cheesy
Re: Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? by londoner: 4:36pm On Oct 05, 2007
Almondjoy, its just the talk of a woman scorned, if you take a look at the "why Nigerian men are attracted to Caribbean women" thread, you will see the result of men scorned, lol

At the end of the day, we tend to view the world through our own experiences, but then new experiences come along all the time and give us an opportunity to put things into perspective, if we take them up ofcourse.

As far as the absence of orgasms, most Nigerian women would leave before four years if  an orgasm was so important. Besides she didn't leave because of lack of orgasm, but because he wouldn't make her his wife.

Its just the hurt talking. I would be hurt if I were her, I would feel betrayed.
Re: Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? by Saipro(m): 6:21pm On Oct 05, 2007
We might have run a concurrent thread stating "Why must Nigerians be so ethnically oriented when it comes to marriage?"

It's obvious that Nigerian parents of the immediate generation ahead would keep their kids' marital pairs within their ethnic circles; much less consider a foreigner as a suitable spouse for their child.

To be a little more focused, Seun, I love your apparent family structure and I'm envious of the fact that your parents will let you marry anyone of your choice (that's if you think you know them well enough). I stick to my guns but at a price. With due respect, I'm a first born too (first of a first) and I get the shitty end of the stick. All the time. My brothers don't get it nearly as tough cos I can see it - and they comment on it too. I didn't ask to be first - nor to be branded pillar/post/supporter of the clan/family. But that's the way the cookie crumbles. My mom's raving adamant. My dad, quietly insistent. I've several times before asked "what am I to do?". But I know what to do. One way is to sever all there is and "cold boot". But that a radical fix. Milder alternatives exist. Though it may be what they're asking for if they won't let go. No girl is making me do this. It's a way to shake the tethers off. You wouldn't understand it Seun because it's a concept that can't be imagined when not experienced. It goes beyond marriages - it pervades other aspects of life. A much eclipsed fact. But that's another thread. Someday, I'll run that thread as my catharsis.

Marry for love and marry free - when you can, but weigh the cost. If it may cost too much (don't kid yourself by saying "afterall, it's between my spouse and I"wink especially if your family is deeply ethnic and runs extended roots, do a damage limit assessment. But I haven't said anything some of us don't know already. Strike out the must and simply stick with the statement "Nigerians abroad may marry Nigerians". Nothing is ever so compulsory in life. Really . . .
Re: Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? by laudate: 8:57pm On Oct 05, 2007
Saipro:

We might have run a concurrent thread stating "Why must Nigerians be so ethnically oriented when it comes to marriage?"

It's obvious that Nigerian parents of the immediate generation ahead would keep their kids' marital pairs within their ethnic circles; much less consider a foreigner as a suitable spouse for their child.

To be a little more focused, Seun, I love your apparent family structure and I'm envious of the fact that your parents will let you marry anyone of your choice (that's if you think you know them well enough). I stick to my guns but at a price. With due respect, I'm a first born too (first of a first) and I get the shitty end of the stick. All the time. My brothers don't get it nearly as tough because I can see it - and they comment on it too. I didn't ask to be first - nor to be branded pillar/post/supporter of the clan/family. But that's the way the cookie crumbles. My mom's raving adamant. My dad, quietly insistent. I've several times before asked "what am I to do?". But I know what to do. One way is to sever all there is and "cold boot". But that a radical fix. Milder alternatives exist. Though it may be what they're asking for if they won't let go. No girl is making me do this. It's a way to shake the tethers off. You wouldn't understand it Seun because it's a concept that can't be imagined when not experienced. It goes beyond marriages - it pervades other aspects of life. A much eclipsed fact. But that's another thread. Someday, I'll run that thread as my catharsis.

Marry for love and marry free - when you can, but weigh the cost. If it may cost too much (don't kid yourself by saying "afterall, it's between my spouse and I"wink especially if your family is deeply ethnic and runs extended roots, do a damage limit assessment. But I haven't said anything some of us don't know already. Strike out the must and simply stick with the statement "Nigerians abroad may marry Nigerians". Nothing is ever so compulsory in life. Really . . .

Some parents are ethnically oriented, others are not especially in cases where those parents had a succesful inter-ethnic marriage themselves. wink Parents are also human beings, and can be persuaded or cajoled to change their minds or shift their positions. Mutual trust, respect, love, understanding, compassion, loyalty, integrity etc. count for much more in my own books, than ethnicity. It doesn't matter if you are the first born or not, most parents usually object at first, to their child's choice of partners. Some feel that nobody is good enough for their son or daughter, others rely on all the stereotypes they have heard about X ethnic group or Y ethnic group, to arrive at a decision, instead of getting to know that person as an individual and assessing him or her strictly on merit.

I believe nothing good comes easy. Everything has its' own price. Every relationship will be subjected to its' own test, either by fate, Providence, circumstances or society. It now depends on the strength of character of both parties involved, the depth of affection they share, and their ability to bond together to weather the storms. These factors will determine if they can continue to bond and thrive despite the odds, or if they will pull apart in a crisis.

First-born or not, YOU would have to live with that individual for life, not your mum or dad. The most important thing to check, is if that person is willing to adapt to your culture or way of life, and has the temperament to get along with your family.  wink

If I found someone who loved me simply for who I was, put me first, prayed with me & for me, had my back, shared their heart & thoughts with me, had integrity, compassion, understanding and respect for me, shared my vision, hopes and aspirations, connected with me on a deep, fundamental level and wanted the best for me at all times. . . .do you think I would let such a person go, simply on the basis of ethnicity? Hell, NO!   angry

I have seen Nigerians marry foreigners o, pure oyinbos, bring them to Naija and some of those marriages worked out, while others didn't. I personally know two families where the Oyinbo women learnt not just their husband's culture, but also the language, quite well. I have also seen those Nigerians who married within their own ethnic groups and some worked, while others fell apart. So ethnicity does not provide any iron-cast guarantees, that we would have a strong marriage, due to the fact that we share a similar culture.  undecided

Everyone needs to search deep within their own heart, to discover what works for them and pursue it. But our problem even as adults, is that many of us Nigerians are people pleasers. We want to please our mums & dads & extended families, even at the expense of our own happiness sometimes. Why??
Re: Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? by almondjoy(f): 3:00am On Oct 06, 2007
londoner:

Almondjoy, its just the talk of a woman scorned, if you take a look at the "why Nigerian men are attracted to Caribbean women" thread, you will see the result of men scorned, lol

At the end of the day, we tend to view the world through our own experiences, but then new experiences come along all the time and give us an opportunity to put things into perspective, if we take them up of course.

As far as the absence of orgasms, most Nigerian women would leave before four years if  an orgasm was so important. Besides she didn't leave because of lack of orgasm, but because he wouldn't make her his wife.


Its just the hurt talking. I would be hurt if I were her, I would feel betrayed.

With just one experience? undecided  We all get scorned at one time or the other. We learn to move on instead of whining and pining over failed relationships.  I guess it is difficult for other to move on.


laudate:

Everyone needs to search deep within their own heart, to discover what works for them and pursue it. But our problem even as adults, is that many of us Nigerians are people pleasers. We want to please our mums & dads & extended families, even at the expense of our own happiness sometimes. Why??

Famous last words! I agree. Choice, and personal happiness. wink
Re: Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? by simibrazil(f): 9:10pm On Oct 06, 2007
Great , deep, bitter,honet and fun answers.
Today is saturday! Guess what ? I am enjoying with my babe oga so I am very busy to answer, I ll answer frow my home tomorrow or monday.
Have a nice weekend all !

Hugs
Simone

PS:almondjoy: Orgasmic is not the bottow line of the discussion, I just give you instance. (about this issue I have ready a lot of sistahs complaining about "you nigerians" performance, here in Nairaland, sex topic and in the live). That why I concluded it and I made generalization, there are a lot of Tabu in Africa continent in general, people dont talk, you dont find information because it might "corrupt children mind" so whats the resuld ? pregnangy when is teenager, Aids and other diseasses, prejudice, sexual problems, etc,
Re: Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? by almondjoy(f): 1:19pm On Oct 07, 2007
simibrazil:

Great , deep, bitter,honet and fun answers.
Today is saturday! Guess what ? I am enjoying with my babe oga so I am very busy to answer, I ll answer frow my home tomorrow or monday.
Have a nice weekend all !

Hugs
Simone

PS:almondjoy: Orgasmic is not the bottow line of the discussion, I just give you instance. (about this issue I have ready a lot of sistahs complaining about "you nigerians" performance, here in Nairaland, sex topic and in the live). That why I concluded it and I made generalization, there are a lot of Tabu in Africa continent in general, people don't talk, you don't find information because it might "corrupt children mind" so whats the resuld ? pregnangy when is teenager, Aids and other diseasses, prejudice, sexual problems, etc,

I don't think I am following you on this last entry of yours.  What are you trying to tell us here?  Is there anywhere in this world the "women" do not complain about their "men"?  I think you need to start looking in your "yard" first before you make generalizations of what you have not "yet" experienced.
Re: Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? by Nobody: 7:58pm On Oct 14, 2007
@post
to answer ur question. . .parents wants their kids to keep their culture and the strengthen it. . . they believe if you dnt marry a nigerian, u'll forget who you are and where you came from. . .am i right or am i right kiss
Re: Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? by wed123(m): 5:29pm On Oct 15, 2007
simibrazil:

That sounds dangerous. What if he agrees that he indeed doesn't love you that much, and asks for a break-up?

Dear, the worst truth is better than the sweety lie. I am strong I can support.


Simi, I have a question for you.




Re: Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? by simibrazil(f): 6:39pm On Oct 15, 2007
Go ahead
Re: Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? by younghoodi(m): 10:42pm On Oct 15, 2007
naija people are making not to be proud of my race because all them negros is marying aa's.
Re: Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? by wed123(m): 1:30am On Oct 16, 2007
simibrazil:

Go ahead
Como são você hoje?
Re: Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? by djbanks: 5:00pm On Oct 09, 2008
the fact which most people dont understand about this issue is that , marriage to an outsider cant be compaired to a marriage to your own nature because, there will be a problem with understanding,culture and the most of all endurance which determines a long lasting marriage , chao
Re: Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? by davidif: 6:41pm On Oct 09, 2008
The problem is that my parents will not support me marrying a foreigner, it has to be a nigerian girl.


@poster
Look, you are not marrying YOUR PARENTS. You are marrying someone you love, at the end of the day they are going to die and your happiness is what matters the most. This is almost the equivalent of a forced marriage. This is where you have to man up son and step to your parents. The bible says that "for this reason a man shall leave his mother and father and cling to his wife and they shall become one flesh.

I would love to marry a naija girl but am not attracted to anyone of them here.
Re: Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? by slimfine(f): 11:33pm On Dec 26, 2008
@ davidif

no Naija babe is attracted you either wink

@poster

Follow your heart. I know you have already made it up!!
Re: Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? by queenTG(f): 1:58pm On Mar 20, 2009
MOMMY ND DADDY WE BEG U TRY AND DO SOMETHING BCOSE A LOT LIFE ARE IN DANGER ,AFER DATTING ME HE WILL MARRY A NIGERIAN WHAT ABOUT LOVE WE SHARE KNOWING HIM WELL COOKING NIJI FOOD FOR HIM HAVING HIS TRIBU SPIRITY GIVING HIM RESPECT WHAT ELSE? hope u what love means then dont let us die of depression we beg we who dont belongs to niji sad
Re: Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? by JustGood(m): 4:36pm On Mar 23, 2009
queenTG:

MOMMY ND DADDY WE BEG U TRY AND DO SOMETHING BCOSE A LOT LIFE ARE IN DANGER ,AFER DATTING ME HE WILL MARRY A NIGERIAN WHAT ABOUT LOVE WE SHARE KNOWING HIM WELL COOKING NIJI FOOD FOR HIM HAVING HIS TRIBU SPIRITY GIVING HIM RESPECT WHAT ELSE? hope u what love means then dont let us die of depression we beg we who dont belongs to niji sad

are there no men from your own country?
Re: Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? by queenTG(f): 9:17pm On Mar 23, 2009
u justbad i am sorry if u have to choose name think twice becose u so bad, not justgood look we are talking about love not just to get married okay if for u love is just have someone to cook for u or give u children then u have to learn more.Then if it 's men we have even good ones only that ur have to choose not u okay. are u RASIST loving someone in ur country is a war let me. u d crasy women in any side of this world can be good or bad but the only think is LOVE AND RESPECT IN THE COUPLE. shocked
Re: Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? by JustGood(m): 1:54pm On Mar 24, 2009
queenTG:

u justbad i am sorry if u have to choose name think twice becose u so bad, not justgood look we are talking about love not just to get married okay if for u love is just have someone to cook for u or give u children then u have to learn more.Then if it 's men we have even good ones only that ur have to choose not u okay. are u RASIST loving someone in ur country is a war let me. u d crasy women in any side of this world can be good or bad but the only think is LOVE AND RESPECT IN THE COUPLE. shocked

If you have good men in your country, why are you hanging on to a man that you believe will leave you later for a Nigerian woman? Are you simply or daft or what?

You will be back on the internet in a few years to tell us about how bad Nigerian men are. When you see the writing on the wall, you claim love, love ko, loaf ni. Silly!
Re: Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? by queenTG(f): 2:15pm On Mar 29, 2009
JUSTGOOD i hope u read me well is like u def not me cose i said only cose of love ,maybe if i'm in mine who knows i can love someone if there is that attration they call love okay? maybe u are one of those who close thier eyes and live in a couple just what someone will say not bcose of tongue what u feel dont be bad we all same u get to open mind shocked
Re: Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? by newbie99: 9:48pm On Mar 29, 2009
Sorry to say,
If ths would be a oyinbo forum they would call this marry under themselves "racist thread".
For myself this is racical behave.
I love somebody for hisself but not for his culture or anything like dat.
Re: Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? by europegirl(f): 12:02am On Mar 30, 2009
@ poster

I can understand where your parents are coming from. It is very true that marriages from different cultural backgrounds can be very hard. However, if there is true love then both people will respect each others cultures and try to educate themselves about eachother cultures.
After all, you should be able to love whom you want and it should not be established by what culture one comes from. I understand that you want to respect your parents wishes but I think even if you marry a foreigner, if she is respectful and a good person/woman your parents will see that and they will come to love her just like you will love her.
Use your heart to tell you whom to marry and to settle down with and make sure that the person you will pursue will respect and love your culture as well!! smiley
Re: Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? by queenTG(f): 8:38am On Mar 30, 2009
thanks Europegirl cool
Re: Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? by Nobody: 1:20pm On Mar 30, 2009
@Topic. Mostlx because of cultural variances. cool
Re: Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? by europegirl(f): 10:29pm On Mar 30, 2009
@queen TG

No problem!!! grin grin grin
Re: Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? by JustGood(m): 2:09pm On Mar 31, 2009
queenTG:

JUSTGOOD i hope u read me well is like u def not me cose i said only cose of love ,maybe if i'm in mine who knows i can love someone if there is that attration they call love okay? maybe u are one of those who close thier eyes and live in a couple just what someone will say not bcose of tongue what u feel dont be bad we all same u get to open mind shocked

Just come back in 4/5 years and tell us what you think then
Re: Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians? by JustGood(m): 2:11pm On Mar 31, 2009
Go and find out where those who married before you are. . .

love ko, liebe ni

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