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How To Overcome Insecurity In A Long-distance Relationship - Romance - Nairaland

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Does Long Distance Relationship Ever Work Out????? / Signs That Your Long Distance Relationship Is Fading / Romantic Love Text Message And Advice For Distance Relationships (2) (3) (4)

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How To Overcome Insecurity In A Long-distance Relationship by Nobody: 10:44am On Apr 19, 2012
I love my bf and I know he loves me too but we are so far apart.
We communicate regularly too and are always abreast with what goes on in each others life, though sometimes it feels like its not enough because of his very busy schedule.
The problem is I fear that sooner or later we might grow apart,you know like another girl popping up from nowhere and stealing his attention as a result of the gap between us.

Please anyone with useful and honest advice on how I can overcome this fear of losing him should please share.

Thanks
Re: How To Overcome Insecurity In A Long-distance Relationship by krisafics(m): 3:03pm On Apr 19, 2012
All u need is just to trust and believe in what u guys have...dats all!
Re: How To Overcome Insecurity In A Long-distance Relationship by nwanioma(f): 3:07pm On Apr 19, 2012
There is no way to over come the insecurity. Just pray, and know that if it was meant to be it will be. Otherwise prepare yourself in case it ends. And is it long-distance with an end in view? or just long distance with no seeming end?

6 Likes

Re: How To Overcome Insecurity In A Long-distance Relationship by papagiddy(m): 3:09pm On Apr 19, 2012
what about another guy getting ur attention too? dont u think it can happen? ma dear don't deceive urself! when do u plan getting married?

2 Likes

Re: How To Overcome Insecurity In A Long-distance Relationship by ZUBY77(m): 3:10pm On Apr 19, 2012
There is no way to overcome the fear. You just have to live with it. The next option is to start looking for another guy while at the same time, keep reminding the faraway guy that you are not comfortable with being a thousand miles away from him. Everything will naturally fall in place. Failure to take my advice will lead to your tears at last.

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Re: How To Overcome Insecurity In A Long-distance Relationship by Tinkybabe(f): 3:16pm On Apr 19, 2012
You just have to trust your partner though not being gullible in the process ..Unnecessary suspicions can cause a strain in your relationship..if it helps,here is a similar post//www.nairaland.com/881790/how-can-you-overcome-insecurities
Re: How To Overcome Insecurity In A Long-distance Relationship by Pelummy(f): 3:20pm On Apr 19, 2012
hmmmmmm
papa giddy: what about another guy getting ur attention too? dont u think it can happen? ma dear don't deceive urself! when do u plan getting married?
Re: How To Overcome Insecurity In A Long-distance Relationship by Achiles: 3:51pm On Apr 19, 2012
You don't have to be scared! I live far away from my girl and we have never had problem with insecurity. We trust each other,and don't have problem with the fact that we are apart. I think things like this work when relationship are based on mutual truth, love and chastity! Ensure you visit as often as possible, call frequently and share unique moments together when you see. Above all, hand over your relationship to God. Don't fret yourself whatsoever. If he would look at another woman because they give him attention then so be it! God will give you a deserving person. Cheers and good luck.

5 Likes

Re: How To Overcome Insecurity In A Long-distance Relationship by olsmade(m): 3:54pm On Apr 19, 2012
ZUBY77: There is no way to overcome the fear. You just have to live with it. The next option is to start looking for another guy while at the same time, keep reminding the faraway guy that you are not comfortable with being a thousand miles away from him. Everything will naturally fall in place. Failure to take my advice will lead to your tears at last.
Dats so conceited - so u know it all abi? Smh.
@op, abeg no mind am o. I agree wiv d part of reminding him dat u r not comfy with him being far away but too start looking for sombori else - dats cheating. I remember a quote dat says what long distance does to love is just lyk what wind does to fire - it extinguishes d small ones (eg candle) but fuels d big ones (eg bonfire). Long distance z one of d true tests of love and one dat can't stand it z prolly built on a shaky foundation.

4 Likes

Re: How To Overcome Insecurity In A Long-distance Relationship by slimyem: 3:57pm On Apr 19, 2012
ZUBY77: There is no way to overcome the fear. You just have to live with it. The next option is to start looking for another guy while at the same time, keep reminding the faraway guy that you are not comfortable with being a thousand miles away from him. Everything will naturally fall in place. Failure to take my advice will lead to your tears at last.
imagine this one asking her to start looking for another guy....
What kind of advice is that?
Not to even mention you guys will be the firdt to call her a slut if the guy finds out.
Nonsense!
Op,take all of the above advice EXCEPT this bullshit above!
Re: How To Overcome Insecurity In A Long-distance Relationship by AmakaG29(f): 4:29pm On Apr 19, 2012
Long distance relationships are hard, but we live in a world where they are more and more common. It's good that you speaking regularly, but make sure you are actually speaking with substance. Have meaningful conversations, laugh together, make sure that your goals are still aligned, talk about friends and family... Try to engage each other through skype, social media, watching the same movies, playing online games with each other, sending messages just because rather than a full conversation... Basically try to keep the relationship interesting and to keep learning about each other. Boredom and disinterest would be the relationship's undoing.

Also, prioritize seeing each other when possible. Nothing can substitute time spent together. You should both have a clear sense of the next time you'll be together so that it's something to look forward to and it doesn't seem to vague to be important. Mark your calendars and count down your days smiley

Fun ideas:
1. Skype dates: Getting dressed up to skype together, maybe even eating together while on skype depending on internet access

2. Movie time: Watching comedies or movies you both like so that there is something in common to talk about

3. Gaming: Playing words with friends, online checkers, or some other game that the two of you can play with each other: the better games are the ones where you can play your turn when it's convenient

4. Photo swapping: Sending pictures of basic everyday activities or when you visit new places so that your partner can be a part of your daily life

5. Not talking all the time: While this may seem counter intuitive, talking everyday can lead to boredom. Conversations can become stale. The anticipation can be exciting and you'll have more to talk about. If you combine this with photo swapping, on days you don't talk you can send pictures of your day.

6. Handwritten Love letters: While talking and expressing yourself is nice, love letters still have value. You can hold on to them, read them whenever you like, and express your deepest sentiments for the person. Write a love letter every once and a while, add a little of your fragrance and seal it with a kiss. He can write you some and add cologne.

7. Presents: Send a small item specific to your respective locations so that the other person has a piece of where you are.

11 Likes

Re: How To Overcome Insecurity In A Long-distance Relationship by Dyt(f): 4:37pm On Apr 19, 2012
Dats d ish wit LDR, jst trust n kip d love burning
Re: How To Overcome Insecurity In A Long-distance Relationship by Akpan107(m): 4:55pm On Apr 19, 2012
papa giddy: what about another guy getting ur attention too? dont u think it can happen? ma dear don't deceive urself! when do u plan getting married?
God bless you my brother. I hate the way women (ladies) behave some times, the very lady that started this very thread can also change if she sees another guy she loves. I can never trust them, as soon as a guy start behaving good to them (ladies), that is all (they will fall)though, some guys can deceive.

1 Like

Re: How To Overcome Insecurity In A Long-distance Relationship by LordReed(m): 5:32pm On Apr 19, 2012
ZUBY77: There is no way to overcome the fear. You just have to live with it. The next option is to start looking for another guy while at the same time, keep reminding the faraway guy that you are not comfortable with being a thousand miles away from him. Everything will naturally fall in place. Failure to take my advice will lead to your tears at last.

And you'll be the first to say naija babes love two-timing!

@OP
Like someone said before if there is no end ie marriage or relocation in view then why waste you both's time?

1 Like

Re: How To Overcome Insecurity In A Long-distance Relationship by agreene: 6:21pm On Apr 19, 2012
That's odd that you bring this up. I have been knowing my Nigerian friend for almost 8 years now and we have never dated due to life circumstances. Well, right now he is in medical school in the Caribbean and I am in the states. We decided to start dating . We have been dating for over a month and I have decided to break it off with him because of his lack of communication. I feel you may experience insecurities but don't allow it to be your driven force to act. Trust your heart . I have been in a long distance relationship before and it is difficult but with patience and love..it will work out.
Re: How To Overcome Insecurity In A Long-distance Relationship by czay(m): 10:23pm On Apr 19, 2012
Am also experiencing the same trauma of long distance relationship, in a way I tried to salvage the situation by coming close to her so as to bring back the lost savour of our relationship. Long distance relationship sucks at time/most time.

1 Like

Re: How To Overcome Insecurity In A Long-distance Relationship by Nobody: 10:59pm On Apr 19, 2012
Trust and good/quality communication are both essential ingredients is over-coming insecurity in long distance relationship. This is my forth year in it and it's working for us. Though it takes a lot of secrifice from both parts but you can still overcome the insecurity challenge it poses most time. My pillow is very lean now but what can I do but to replace it with another pillow till my chick is done with her master ..@ OP,I wish you all the best !
Re: How To Overcome Insecurity In A Long-distance Relationship by mizne1: 11:44pm On Apr 19, 2012
pray





[img]http://www.spgames.info/g.gif[/img]

God is omnipotent grin grin grin grin tongue
Re: How To Overcome Insecurity In A Long-distance Relationship by chimney(m): 12:52am On Apr 20, 2012
[color=#990000][/color]i'm xperiencing the same thing here. I'm not too comfortable with it but what can i do than just place everything in the hands of fate...i'm doing the best i can to keep it strong though.
Re: How To Overcome Insecurity In A Long-distance Relationship by obillyj(f): 12:57am On Apr 20, 2012
i quite agree with all Amaka G29 said reason being that presently am in a distance relationship, many countries apart from each other. the truth is that all those things she listed are good.they help cos we did all of them but it is not enough. for a very long time evrything was fine, the calls were coming ceaslessly from both sides,d skype, messages, chat, laughs name it. unfortunately all those things are history now. calls are no longer received or are there callbacks, messages are no longer returned, skype is now a big joke. the insecurity final sets in.
the truth is that a time will come when the communication will no longer be there. when u notice that he/she doesnt call as used to, when u hardly get his/her cellphone. a time will come when he/she tells u each time u call that she/he is busy, sick, having headache, tired, needs to rest etc the reasons never end. at that time as a normal human being one will be forced to complain, threat, cajole, etc to get to the bottom of the sudden change which u might not get the answer. so my dear when that time comes what do you do? when u think back and go over all that is happening recently and ur whole instinct is screaming he/she is having an affair or is no longer interested in the relationship and yet not man or woman enough to own up to it, what do u do? when u choose to give him/her the benefit of doubt and hang on, for how long? when you call for a whole week and get no respond or a callback what do u do? when neither of u could visit due to the nature of job u do, what do u do?
that time will come my dear, it will now be a question of how prepared are u to still trust him/her and wait. it's not going to be easy then cos advices will come from different angles. all u got to do is pray over it, try to occupy ur mind with something else so u dont think much about it and get stressed up emotionally. when u are occupied u will forget for a while till that loneliness and longing sets in again. well let me not paint my picture for you. just pray and trust ur instinct. what will be will be.
if i ever have a chance at a relationship again, i will never be involved in a distance relationship especially one that u just cant pick d next flight and be there in an hour. good luck babes.

3 Likes

Re: How To Overcome Insecurity In A Long-distance Relationship by Nobody: 1:27am On Apr 20, 2012
@AmakaG29, Not communicating through calls always like you adviced gives room for a lot of uncertainties and doubts,I mean doubting each others intention even when it has been clearly stated. @poster,communication helps a lot, am also in a long time relationship. Before we got married,my hubby called everyday,I mean everyday and it was an international call. At first, I was irritated with the everyday until I got used to it that I panic if there was a delay. That was what made our relationship tick, it puts checks and balances to both of us.coupled with the fact that there was a time frame.am still here but aty least we have sealed,can now wait for travelling paper
Re: How To Overcome Insecurity In A Long-distance Relationship by HighChief4(m): 2:46am On Apr 20, 2012
@OP---You just have to be in constant communication and keep hoping for the best, the moment you start entertaining those fears is the minute it starts crumbling. Just shake it off and dont feel insecured especially when he has not given you reasons to. I wish you the best of lucks
Re: How To Overcome Insecurity In A Long-distance Relationship by http(m): 2:03pm On Apr 20, 2012
Long distance relationship is not easy, its a big trauma if u are really serious n love ur partner. I've been in it for 2 years now, my wife n kid, i really missed them alot. I called atleast one a day n i tell you its not easy.
We talk about our daily activities, talk to my son n i can tell you, i know everything happening at home likewise her, she send pix, chat on FB, pray together almost daily despite the time differences.

The insecurities is as a result of stress, not seeing physically, sexual tension n longing to feel ur partner, n that is where communication n trust come, take ur matters to God, believe me its not easy, u will get thru it. remember you are not the only one in this situation. I don't see any strain in my marriage as long as we overcome this trial. It is well, it just a matter of time.
Re: How To Overcome Insecurity In A Long-distance Relationship by Dondav(m): 2:09pm On Apr 20, 2012
As long as we meet once or twice a year! I'll be Fine.....
Re: How To Overcome Insecurity In A Long-distance Relationship by agreene: 2:55pm On Apr 20, 2012
obillyj: i quite agree with all Amaka G29 said reason being that presently am in a distance relationship, many countries apart from each other. the truth is that all those things she listed are good.they help cos we did all of them but it is not enough. for a very long time evrything was fine, the calls were coming ceaslessly from both sides,d skype, messages, chat, laughs name it. unfortunately all those things are history now. calls are no longer received or are there callbacks, messages are no longer returned, skype is now a big joke. the insecurity final sets in.
the truth is that a time will come when the communication will no longer be there. when u notice that he/she doesnt call as used to, when u hardly get his/her cellphone. a time will come when he/she tells u each time u call that she/he is busy, sick, having headache, tired, needs to rest etc the reasons never end. at that time as a normal human being one will be forced to complain, threat, cajole, etc to get to the bottom of the sudden change which u might not get the answer. so my dear when that time comes what do you do? when u think back and go over all that is happening recently and ur whole instinct is screaming he/she is having an affair or is no longer interested in the relationship and yet not man or woman enough to own up to it, what do u do? when u choose to give him/her the benefit of doubt and hang on, for how long? when you call for a whole week and get no respond or a callback what do u do? when neither of u could visit due to the nature of job u do, what do u do?
that time will come my dear, it will now be a question of how prepared are u to still trust him/her and wait. it's not going to be easy then cos advices will come from different angles. all u got to do is pray over it, try to occupy ur mind with something else so u dont think much about it and get stressed up emotionally. when u are occupied u will forget for a while till that loneliness and longing sets in again. well let me not paint my picture for you. just pray and trust ur instinct. what will be will be.
if i ever have a chance at a relationship again, i will never be involved in a distance relationship especially one that u just cant pick d next flight and be there in an hour. good luck babes.

I know exactly what you mean. I dated my high school sweetheart for 5 years and he went off to the Navy. He was in the Navy for 2 years before I had an opportunity to even see him again. We couldn't talk much because of his schedule. I started noticing the calls stopped..I felt as if I was the only one doing the calling. I felt I was the only one making the relationship work. I prayed and prayed that God would give me the strength to let the relationship go. Now, we are no longer together. Least than 5 months after our breakup...he was dating..married with a child on the way. That pretty much proved to me another woman was the reason he wasn't invested in our relationship anymore. Many of which you described was me...I hated him for not being man enough to inform me he wanted out. Maybe he was afraid of hurting me..maybe he wanted to remain friends..who knows? I am over it now .

I recently broke up with a friend I have been knowing for over 8 years. We decided to start dating but I had a problem with his communication.

It reminded me too much of my past relationship with my ex. I would call him and he would never call me back. I called him this past Sunday and he has yet to return my call. I have realize I wasn't on his priority list because people make time for what they choose to make time for and I wasn't one of them.

It was very disappointing because we have been friends for awhile. Now, I think he is upset due to the breakup but you have to love yourself enough and show people how you want to be treated.
Re: How To Overcome Insecurity In A Long-distance Relationship by biddybee: 8:54pm On Apr 21, 2012
About a year & half ago, I was counselling a colleague who was faced with d same issue. It was very easy to tell her to overcome her fears, maintain good communication, pray & believe all will work out well. She did & the guy eventually returned some weeks ago & their wedding is coming up shortly.
The crux of the matter is that I never knew same was going to befall me. My fiancee had to travel and has been away for close to one year, now I understand fully what Long distance relationship entails. Indeed it is challenging but we have been able to manage it well by the help of God. The foundation of the relationship really matters. Pls make your discussions as interesting as possible. We talk everyday morning & night, pray together, exchange pictures to the point that even when we speak for 3hrs, it is not enough, we make the next call worth looking forward to. Absolute trust is also essential on both sides. Please also try as much as possible to let him/her know exactly how you feel. It may be very difficult but I'm enjoying every moment of it. To God be the glory.
To be continued
Re: How To Overcome Insecurity In A Long-distance Relationship by agreene: 5:08pm On Apr 22, 2012
I am suppose to be visiting my ex bf whom is Nigerian. He is medical school in the Caribbeans. There is a huge communication between us
so I broke up with him. I have tried to remain friends with him but it seems as if he has distant himself. Can someone advise
how do you communicate with someone that doesn't seem as if they want to communicate.

I have been knowing him for over 8 yrs and we have always been friends. We dated for over a month yet it didn't work out
because of his communication. I am not sure if his way of communication points back to his culture. I am an African American
woman in the states. Because of his behavior I would email him on why the distant and he wouldn't respond.

If I discuss anything to do with coming to visit him... he responds. We have never experienced such issues as friends.

He communicates well when the conversation is based on me visiting him but very silent when it comes to discussing his distance
and sudden change in behavior. I text him..no response..I email him ..no response...I skype him..no response..but if its concerning
my trip to see him next month..he responds.

I have decided to cancel my ticket. I will inform him of this today. I am so lost as to the meaning of his behavior.
He acts as if he's upset b/c I broke up with him but he's not communicating. How can you date or have any relationship with another individual
if you can't talk about issues that are close to the heart.

I can be reached on skype if you want to talk further... magenta.polish

Your help would be greatly appreciated.
Re: How To Overcome Insecurity In A Long-distance Relationship by kittykat1(f): 5:19pm On Apr 22, 2012
Agreen, I went thru the same shit. Check my earlier posts on NLD but I was too thick in d skull to realize wat was going on. I did d calling. He called once a week and blamed it on stress and low income.

I later found after 2yrs that he was having different affairs.

Lesson when someone can't make time to be with u or appologize sincerely without being prompted when they neglect u. Leave em.

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