Hey,i think you should advice him to see a counselor, but i kinda think this is more of a spiritual case so the best i think is for you to write a letter to Pastor Adeboye's personal mail box,he will read it and am sure he will pray for him.

Poster i know how embarrasing such situation can be. I was there before but i tell u above every other idea to get him off this hook, u need to understand his ultimate desire and something dat he fears to loose. If u think he loves dat son of his bring him back and make him face d son everyday, let him know he may cause dat boy to become fatherless. Fraustrate his financial source. My elder brother was once addicted. I did everything. Cried prayed, complained the one day I threatened him that i will never visit home again, dat he brings shame to my fathers name. The next day he called me and my other siblings very early in d morning and vowed to us never to drink again, though i did not believe him i promised to also stand by him and that was it. Its past a year now and he is still keeping to his promise. Addicts hv weak points too, key in there but please never condemn him rather make him see his future is bright just for him to stand and take it.

I learned from this post that you sincerely love your brother. The guy is seriously addicted to alcahol wooh! all he need is prayers and a female phycologist to handle it. and please take this: thank God you are in Lagos silently take the guy to SCOAN T.B. Joshua's ministry and see the work that God will miracoulously do to the guys life, just believe. The lord is your strength!

nomshu: I learned from this post that you sincerely love your brother. The guy is seriously addicted to alcahol wooh! all he need is prayers and a female phycologist to handle it. and please take this: thank God you are in Lagos silently take the guy to SCOAN T.B. Joshua's ministry and see the work that God will miracoulously do to the guys life, just believe. The lord is your strength!

LOL!

Guy, I have a brother who was like that but he is doing very well now. My younger brother being a reverend father, took him to a religious house and we left him there for almost a year. He was greatly transformed and has since been living a normal life. You can look for a similar place ad take him there

@ALL
I really appreciate all your comments and all your advise. But I need to answer some questions:

Where does he gets money to drink? My brother is a person that when he talks you will LISTEN that is when he is in his normal state.

To get money, his usual approach is that he wants to shave, barb, recharge cards etc basic needs

He has loads of friends that can not say no to him if he needs money

Lots of my friends do give him money cos they do remember back in the days when men were boys, he was there for us all

He is not the type that will drink and be failing down though it happen once in a while BUT HE WILL BE TALKING FROM MORNING TILL NIGHT WHEN DRUNK,IT CAN BE SENSIBLE AND MOST TIMES SENSELESS! About his friends now commissioner, SA to Governor,PA dis to dat etc or his ex family most times raining curses on them or abuses. At times it might be our mother, at times his colleagues or at times our spouses. Or even his wife; she made me to be in dis state.If you know him back in his days you will feel sorry for him cos he was like a role model then.

At a point, we believed it was a spiritual attack then we started running up and down. If you want to give him any thing (fetish) he will know cos he will tell you.

We took him to so many pastors all to no avail then last December I said he should be taken to psychiatrist hospital where he was and all the test shows he is OK before we brought him back to Lagos.

Last week, when i came to Lagos. My friend suggest we take him out, we took him out to two of the finest clubs on the mainland and he is still representing! LOL......He rocked the club cos old memories keep flowing through his brains. My brother drank, dance and was merry and all through the weekend he was himself. But when I dropped him on my way back at my sisters house, I know the sad feelings came back to him cos i parked i was looking at him going and he never looked back.

Why I can't bring him to my base is that I socialize too but with moderation. No successful man will be playing with death. I can not beat him cos he is older than me. We have fought before cos there was a day we went out to drink, after more than six bottles he insisted he will drive us home. On the way he bashed another guys car and he was like where is my phone, i want to call commissioner of police of our state in Lagos,can you imagine!!! Before i will say Jack Robinson, my bros don slap me two times and i said if you try it again....he did it and the rest his story...I felt bad..... He was at my place the other time...he will always be quarreling with my wife, you dont know how to cook..dis n dat and my wife is not yoruba...and we yorubas value respect....other tribes...hmmmmmm. make i shut up sha....

He used to talk about one of his girlfriend and that lady too no dey allow am rest. Maybe I should go by the way of Maclatunji make i package am send to her.....MoreMi08....pls dont spit fire......

God will help us. maybe we should go and claim his son BUT....our in laws will they agree cos we know court will favour them.....

OtunbaGm: @ALL
I really appreciate all your comments and all your advise. But I need to answer some questions:

Where does he gets money to drink? My brother is a person that when he talks you will LISTEN that is when he is in his normal state.

To get money, his usual approach is that he wants to shave, barb, recharge cards etc basic needs

He has loads of friends that can not say no to him if he needs money

Lots of my friends do give him money cos they do remember back in the days when men were boys, he was there for us all

He is not the type that will drink and be failing down though it happen once in a while BUT HE WILL BE TALKING FROM MORNING TILL NIGHT WHEN DRUNK,IT CAN BE SENSIBLE AND MOST TIMES SENSELESS! About his friends now commissioner, SA to Governor,PA dis to dat etc or his ex family most times raining curses on them or abuses. At times it might be our mother, at times his colleagues or at times our spouses. Or even his wife; she made me to be in dis state.If you know him back in his days you will feel sorry for him cos he was like a role model then.

At a point, we believed it was a spiritual attack then we started running up and down. If you want to give him any thing (fetish) he will know cos he will tell you.

We took him to so many pastors all to no avail then last December I said he should be taken to psychiatrist hospital where he was and all the test shows he is OK before we brought him back to Lagos.

Last week, when i came to Lagos. My friend suggest we take him out, we took him out to two of the finest clubs on the mainland and he is still representing! LOL......He rocked the club cos old memories keep flowing through his brains. My brother drank, dance and was merry and all through the weekend he was himself. But when I dropped him on my way back at my sisters house, I know the sad feelings came back to him cos i parked i was looking at him going and he never looked back.

Why I can't bring him to my base is that I socialize too but with moderation. No successful man will be playing with death. I can not beat him cos he is older than me. We have fought before cos there was a day we went out to drink, after more than six bottles he insisted he will drive us home. On the way he bashed another guys car and he was like where is my phone, i want to call commissioner of police of our state in Lagos,can you imagine!!! Before i will say Jack Robinson, my bros don slap me two times and i said if you try it again....he did it and the rest his story...I felt bad..... He was at my place the other time...he will always be quarreling with my wife, you dont know how to cook..dis n dat and my wife is not yoruba...and we yorubas value respect....other tribes...hmmmmmm. make i shut up sha....

He used to talk about one of his girlfriend and that lady too no dey allow am rest. Maybe I should go by the way of Maclatunji make i package am send to her.....MoreMi08....pls dont spit fire......

God will help us. maybe we should go and claim his son BUT....our in laws will they agree cos we know court will favour them.....

Before you said all of these things, I knew it would in all likelihood be the case. Outside of locking your brother up, the major alternative in Nigeria is to employ or allow somebody to constantly babysit him. That is definitely not a man's job, it will in all likelihood be a woman and before you know it, things will start happening. The only question is: what kind of woman will your brother end-up with? Another alternative is to put him in a religious institution- the risk with that is they may not be properly equipped to deal with him and there is the danger of abuse as well. He is your brother, do what you can for him. However sha, you sef dey take am go drink- #Handfalling situation.

I understand that none of you his family members can put your life on hold for him, if a woman wants to do it, screen her and monitor her effect on him. Take it from there, little-by-little.

@OP does your brother want to stop?

He needs continual support. Alcohilsm is not malaria that can be treated once.

I know the Psychiatric hospitals in *NG* have addiction services, but even after detox he needs follow up by support groups eg AA, he needs Vocational & Social rehab.

Alcoholism is a chronic illness & like some mental illness it can be a long journey. Most important is the need to support your brother & get him the best medical help he can can access.

Try the Psych hospital in Abeokuta, they ve got a nice Addiction service.
There is also a private one called Ishwot in Abeokuta. Google the name, they ve got a website.

Good luck

TAKE HIM TO T.B JOSHUA 4 DELIVERANCE.

Dont go d court way in gettn d child if i must advice . I believe he married d woman legally and no one can deny him access to him. Holidays, weekend and once d child is above 5yrs he may stay wit him permanently. For his girl friend be sure he respects and loves her deeply else u wd have more trouble settling quarrels between them. One thing i am sure abt addicts if u can search out something they love dearly and so afraid of loosing such. Use it to work on dem. Dont forget to tarry in prayers too some are manmade too.

maclatunji:

Before you said all of these things, I knew it would in all likelihood be the case. Outside of locking your brother up, the major alternative in Nigeria is to employ or allow somebody to constantly babysit him. That is definitely not a man's job, it will in all likelihood be a woman and before you know it, things will start happening. The only question is: what kind of woman will your brother end-up with? Another alternative is to put him in a religious institution- the risk with that is they may not be properly equipped to deal with him and there is the danger of abuse as well. He is your brother, do what you can for him. However sha, you sef dey take am go drink- #Handfalling situation.

I understand that none of you his family members can put your life on hold for him, if a woman wants to do it, screen her and monitor her effect on him. Take it from there, little-by-little.

Lol! Uncle Mi, no one can accuse you of being modest! I swear I could hear the gleeful “Ah! I told you so” all the way from here.

Hey, I won’t begrudge your victory dance, no doubt if I were in your place I would be gleeful too but since I am not, the least I can do is be a gracious loser and say well done.. . what can I say, you were right, you sir are an astute studier of human behavior and I honestly wish I was like you.


Having read the thread again, I can see where I and perhaps Moremi (if I may be so bold to speak for him) went wrong. The reason we were unable to see where you were coming from is that we allowed the little commonsensical questions get in the way of our reasoning.

For instance right now, as I type, despite knowing you are right. . .I am still thinking. . .

If the Lady was so good with him, why is she an ex?

If The Lady had that much power why is he still drinking? Is it that she didn't love him enough?

OP’s brother is aware that an ex, whom he loved so much and who loved him back, was always on his case yet he didn’t see fit to quit for her then why would he do it now?

Doesn’t that awareness tell us addicts will stop being addicts only when THEY are ready to and no amount of loving the heck outta them will do it?

If he can’t see fit to quit for his SON, why would he quit because a woman loves him?

Hmmm is sending a woman to be on constant babysitting duties to a violent drunk a wise thing to do? In a sane society the wife/girlfriend of an alcoholic’s, especially one who shows tendencies of being violent, is advised to remove herself from the tenuous environment? Oh maybe they know sane societies don’t make strong women! Ah! Makes sense!!

If OP’s brother, in his drunken state, can berate OP's wife in OP's home, one wonders what would he do to this woman who lovin’ the alcoholism out of him.

Since OP’s brother has to be watched constantly by his Alcoholism Exorcist, who is going to take care of their day to day expenses? He obviously can’t work. . .who wants to hire a drunk and working for her is out of the question since she has to constantly babysit him so what do they do or. . .perhaps living in poverty is part of the loving the alcoholism out of him treatment? Wait a min, wait a min. . . I can see it now. . .yeah, if there is no money, he can’t buy is ogogoro, sepe and burukutu and before we know it. . .It is buh-bye Alcoholism! Welcome Sobriety!!! Ooooh! Uncle Mi, you are one wise person, you think 10 steps ahead doncha!!


Oh shoot! See what I mean about these silly commonsensical questions getting in the way?

@ OP
Please let us know how it goes with the ex.

Gosh! What I will give to be a fly on the wall when you are having that discussion. Look, woman we need you to come and help us love the alcoholism out of our brother. Look it is not that we don’t love him . .we do, he is our brother after all, it is just that we can’t put our lives on hold naa but since you are a woman who loves our brother it makes sense for you to do it. Now, Now I know you are thinking, if it didn’t work the first time, why would it work now and my answer to this is MORE LOVE!! That's right. . .you must love him more, love him 10 times more than you did the first time around.

Now, here’s a 20 min questionnaire we want to you to answer. Oh did you really think we won’t screen you? Woman! What do you take us for? We are talking about our brother here; we have to be certain of the kinda influence you will be on our alcoholic brother and your level of commitment because choosing to put your life on hold to constantly babysit our alcoholic brother just isn’t good enough. . . that we are beggars does not mean we can’t be choosers!! Now fill ‘er up!!

Perfect!!!

To whom it may concern
Please this “tussle” is not about man/woman emmaciwhachumacallit, it is about finding the right course of action for OP and his brother and weighing the pros and cons.

So far we have

1) Loving the Alcoholism out of him
2) TB Joshua/Daddy GO Adegboye
3) Seeking Psychological Help/Going to Rehab

More suggestions are welcome.

Ninapha: Dont go d court way in gettn d child if i must advice . I believe he married d woman legally and no one can deny him access to him. Holidays, weekend and once d child is above 5yrs he may stay wit him permanently. For his girl friend be sure he respects and loves her deeply else u wd have more trouble settling quarrels between them. One thing i am sure abt addicts if u can search out something they love dearly and so afraid of loosing such. Use it to work on dem. Dont forget to tarry in prayers too some are manmade too.

You are wrong he can and should be denied access to his child by the courts. Even if he does get to see the child it should never be unsupervised. would you let an alcoholic babysit your 5 year old. are you kidding me. Do you think that if he needs a drink he will care whether he has a 5 year old with him or not. It will be one of two things. He will either leave the child at home alone or take the child with him and get drunk there leaving the child exposed to unsavory characters that lurk around the area. Honestly sometimes I wonder were we come up with some of our advice.



@ OP you and your family are enablers. Stop giving him money. If he wants to steal to fund his habit then let him go steal. I am sure he will not have access to alcohol in kirikiri. maybe that will be the rude awakening he needs. You people need to sit him down and tell him you will not longer give him a penny. Not a cent. You guys can arrange how he will eat. Maybe he can stop by and get breakfast lunch and dinner but he has to do everything else on his own. I understand that it is a disease and Nigeria does not have a lot to offer him but there is no way he can hit rock bottom when you guys are funding his habit

@Sisi_Kill You know I love your sarcasm die.

Victory dance ko victory lap ni.

Lol. No woman should be allowed near that man sef until he cures himself of that disease.

jennykadry: Lol. No woman should be allowed near that man sef until he cures himself of that disease.

Yes ma! I agree with you more than you can imagine but I know that some woman will insist on being with him. Who am I to say she shouldn't? She may just perform a miracle! There is the ideal and there is reality.

[quote author=Outstrip]

You are wrong he can and should be denied access to his child by the courts. Even if he does get to see the child it should never be unsupervised. would you let an alcoholic babysit your 5 year old. are you kidding me. Do you think that if he needs a drink he will care whether he has a 5 year old with him or not. It will be one of two things. He will either leave the child at home alone or take the child with him and get drunk there leaving the child exposed to unsavory characters that lurk around the area. Honestly sometimes I wonder were we come up with some of our advice.

Did u read my post? Or u write before reading. Did u read they should not go d court way? U mean if seeing his child wd help u mean his inlaws have legal or moral backing to stop him? I said meant if he can get over his addiction when d boy is 5, he cold then stay wit him permanently though not expressely said. Where i got my advice? Read my first post. I hv been there before.

maclatunji: @Sisi_Kill You know I love your sarcasm die.

Victory dance ko victory lap ni.

Sarcasm ke? Why are you rubbing salt to my injury.

I am saying I concede. . .Uncle Knows Best!!

Uncle oh! Uncle oh! Iba re. . .ato wa something something

jennykadry: Lol. No woman should be allowed near that man sef until he cures himself of that disease.

Jenny why naa. . .why do you wanna deny the Alcoholic the chance to get better? What did the poor fella ever to do you.

Sisi_Kill:
Sarcasm ke? Why are you rubbing salt to my injury.

I am saying I concede. . .Uncle Knows Best!!

[B]Uncle oh! Uncle oh! Iba re. . .ato wa something something [/B] .



Jenny why naa. . .why do you wanna deny the Alcoholic the chance to get better? What did the poor fella ever to do you.

[B] Stop making me laugh at a place that I am not supposed to. [/B]

You were making me laugh at a place where people were fighting but thankfully I have finally left the place.

@ Poster,

Listen, your brother's drinking habit is not ordinary and the ONLY way to get him out of this is for a real man of God as h needed deliverance to get back to his senses. Note, devil has seen that he is going to become somebody hence he is been inflicted with his current problem.

Take him so SCOAN Synagogue Church of All Nations for him to be delivered. Note ONLY God Almighty can remove this pain and he will get back to life.

Lmao if I catch sisikill ehn Abeg I am at work, I cannot afford to lose my job

This certainly is a spiritual problem. You can take your brother to Pastor T. B. Joshua for deliverance. Meanwhile your family members should all assist him with prayers. This is the only solution to this problem.

@ Maclatunji and SisiKill,

This your pisma pisma (ask Hon Patrick Obahiagbon for the meaning of the word) argument is lubricious to the subject matter. A lot of people suggested we visited TB Joshua. I will discuss this with my people. How do we see the man of God? cos i do watch his Emmanuel TV and I do see him perform wonders.

I really appreciate you guys for your concern. SisiKill, you sound as if you women's advocate in a man's world. just curious

Check this site http://www.completehealthebook.com i hope it helps...

OtunbaGm: @ Maclatunji and SisiKill,

This your pisma pisma (ask Hon Patrick Obahiagbon for the meaning of the word) argument is lubricious to the subject matter. A lot of people suggested we visited TB Joshua. I will discuss this with my people. How do we see the man of God? cos i do watch his Emmanuel TV and I do see him perform wonders.

I really appreciate you guys for your concern. SisiKill, you sound as if you women's advocate in a man's world. just curious

TB wetin? Caveat Emptor!

This Sisi Kill na real wah! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for the laugh.

My brother, alcoholism is a bad disease. There is not one way to help a person with this disease. He has got to realize that he has so much to live for. You can’t give him something to focus on NOR can a STRONG woman be able to bring him out. I’ve read some of the comments and quite frankly I think 25% of them you can take to the bank. Most of the time people like that needs to face a near death experience.

My brother was a beer drinker and after two or three beers he was a dirty drunk. He brought up things about the person he was drinking with some most embarrassing moments. He lost friends and drinking buddies. When he started having health problems and insurance and funds was not available for him to see doctors, things started to change for him. He is now a diabetic and taking medication. He has to watch closely what he eats and knows that alcohol is a contributing factor. It was after that when HE decided to get his life back on track.

Today, his mind is focused and clear on his kids. His mind is in a better place.

Allow God to work in him and through him. Keep the prayer lifted up for him daily and some day you’ll see a change.
This doesn’t happen overnight.

God Bless

My brother, alcoholism is a bad disease. There is not one way to help a person with this disease. He has got to realize that he has so much to live for. You can’t give him something to focus on NOR can a STRONG woman be able to bring him out. I’ve read some of the comments and quite frankly I think 25% of them you can take to the bank. Most of the time people like that needs to face a near death experience.

My brother was a beer drinker and after two or three beers he was a dirty drunk. He brought up things about the person he was drinking with some most embarrassing moments. He lost friends and drinking buddies. When he started having health problems and insurance and funds was not available for him to see doctors, things started to change for him. He is now a diabetic and taking medication. He has to watch closely what he eats and knows that alcohol is a contributing factor. It was after that when HE decided to get his life back on track.

Today, his mind is focused and clear on his kids. His mind is in a better place.

Allow God to work in him and through him. Keep the prayer lifted up for him daily and some day you’ll see a change.
This doesn’t happen overnight.

God Bless

What is unethical about Maclatunji "suggesting" atruistic sacrifice for an addict? [size=14pt]And to think he mentioned it as a sidenote and an afterthought! Sheesh [/size]

Ehen. Busy body, welcome.

Busy_body: What is unethical about Maclatunji "suggesting" atruistic sacrifice for an addict? [size=14pt]And to think he mentioned it as a sidenote and an afterthought! Sheesh [/size]

I think it's unethical to suggest "altruistic sacrifice" for an alcoholic if you can't sacrifice your own sisters first.

throw him inside hot water jus kiddin

@Poster go to ITV (Independent Television) and get the address. From all you said, the problem is protracted. Hurry and save your brother. May God grant your family victory over this problem.