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My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed - Family - Nairaland

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My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed by subzidi: 6:18am On Apr 25, 2012
I LOVE MY BABY!!!!!!!! grin cheesy THATS MY BABY!!! grin
Re: My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed by Nobody: 6:44am On Apr 25, 2012
^^Something is wrong somewhere. I mean the way he switches off and on is what I don't understand. There is something I have noticed though, I see a power struggle here. Your husband acts like someone who is insecure maybe it's because of your financial status or something. Is there a marriage counselor you guys can go to? someone that will make him realize that you are not there as a competitor but a helper, someone that will remind him that he is married for life and not for play and most importantly someone that will tell him that it takes both of yous to build your home BUT it takes only one of you to ruin it.

Truthfully though, somethings our men did for us during courtship sometimes ends in courtship, like opening the car door for us. I cannot remember the last time my husband opened my car door for me grin ,for church service I have on may occasions run out of the house with shoes and jackets in my hand and completed my dressing in the car lest he goes without me cheesy


I love the fact that you've told him that abuse of any sort is not welcomed in your life

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Re: My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed by Nobody: 7:11am On Apr 25, 2012
um poster - I have read ur post twice and to be honest (no disrespect to you) I don't see any issue here.

please from what I can see u guys have a very good marriage and what you are experiencing is normal (thank goodness u addressed that slap issue b4 it even happened thou) these are just teething issues and working all the hours that God sends don't really help a young fun filled marriage either.

please take heart o - when u see REAL issues trust me u will wish its only not waking you up that he is doing.
Re: My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed by subzidi: 7:35am On Apr 25, 2012
@ Jenny: You just said it is and thanks soooo much for your contribution! I Love my baby grin cool
Re: My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed by Nobody: 7:40am On Apr 25, 2012
^^ Yea. Self esteem issues jumped out of your post after I read it. They don't change, they are just more relaxed after they put the ring in the finger. grin During courtship, there was no restaurant we did not try out, we used to go to the movies once a week but all that has changed now. I cannot remember the last time I went to the movies, it doesn't mean they dont love you though. We still go out but not as ofrten as we used to, I bet you when kids come into the equation it will even decrease further. The only thing that he has maintained in the relationship is PDA. That man cannot let that one go even if his life depends on it. cheesy

You guys are still new to the business so welcome. Some men have insecurity issues, others don't care. Help him build up his self esteem.

What are his parents relationship like? what sort of friends does he hang out with? I hope he is not listening to all those men that think being controlling gives them the upper hand in marriage. undecided
Re: My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed by Nobody: 7:50am On Apr 25, 2012
From the littel gist he has told me, his father was a very loud mouthed fellow but i dont know whether he was violent.

Oh, I did not see this part before asking about his parents relationship.
Re: My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed by subzidi: 8:02am On Apr 25, 2012
Incidentally, hubby does not have much friends hence hardly hangs out most weekends we are together at home chilling or we are out together doing onething or the other. Its a dicey one for me, as the real question here is that iwant us to trash this issue out as quickly as possible, we are not talking to each other now. The morning i travelled, i just dropped a note for him on the bed stating" i'd be working in our PH office from tuesday to friday" Tuesday evening by COB he sent text saying"confirm if i should come pick you" and i replied "dont come"
He has not called/text/bbm till now sad shocked
Re: My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed by Jaideyone(m): 8:08am On Apr 25, 2012
cotton101: um poster - I have read ur post twice and to be honest (no disrespect to you) I don't see any issue here.

please from what I can see u guys have a very good marriage and what you are experiencing is normal (thank goodness u addressed that slap issue b4 it even happened thou) these are just teething issues and working all the hours that God sends don't really help a young fun filled marriage either.

please take heart o - when u see REAL issues trust me u will wish its only not waking you up that he is doing.
really? You don't see any issue? Maybe u have cataract.
Re: My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed by Nobody: 8:10am On Apr 25, 2012
You both are keeping malice which is not good at all for this marriage at least not at this stage. You both seem to be full of pride, One of yous need to step down and let the other person take charge(without pride). . . . I cannot imagine that one of yous is away from the other person and no one has bothered to communicate?

I have to disagree with cotton101 here, there is a big issue going on here. You sound like an emotional person to me and because of that you guard your emotions and your heart so jealously that you do not want any arrow of hurt to strike through. I cannot imagine leaving lag to PH and not even seeing my husband let alone, him taking me to the airport, or we both not communicating because we have some hanging issues.

Before the downfall of a man comes pride and that "man" in that sentence could be male or female. You both obviously are not ready for marriage

Please I beg you both, LET GO OF PRIDE FOR IT WILL LEAD YOUS TO DESTRUCTION. You both have allowed the devil into your marriage, it is time the both of you threw him out and shut the door.

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Re: My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed by subzidi: 8:16am On Apr 25, 2012
@ Jenny: I ve been crying since i woke up like 2am till now! Please is there a way you can text me your number let me call you plssss! You seem to naturally get the drift i'm down and broken..sobbs
Re: My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed by moremi2008(m): 8:18am On Apr 25, 2012
Like others have said, I don't see anything fundamentally wrong with your marriage. However, I suspect that your husband feels disrespected and he is taking this out on you. You should note that there is a difference between what one does and how one is perceived. You might think you've been a humble, adoring wife but both your financial histories (i.e. the fact that you once made more money than he did) have made your husband insecure and he sees disrespect in every little comment or situation.

Now that you know this, you have to work hard to reassure your husband that he is still the #1 person in your life. Jokingly remind him that he "owns" you and lavish him with attention. In fact, start jokingly calling him "Daddy" and make him feel like a boss! Put your woman's wiles to work! His ego will rise again and the insecurity will dissipate. Works like a charm! Men love having their egos stroked! Good luck!

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Re: My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed by Nobody: 8:19am On Apr 25, 2012
sub_zidi: @ Jenny: I ve been crying since i woke up like 2am till now! Please is there a way you can text me your number let me call you plssss! You seem to naturally get the drift i'm down and broken..sobbs

Sweetheart I do not live in Nigeria and I don't give out numbers cry. Give me your number, I will call you for a few minutes from here cos I'm at work. Your are open to communication your husband isn't, you both need to break that barrier.

You are both good people, you just need to find balance.

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Re: My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed by moremi2008(m): 8:23am On Apr 25, 2012
sub_zidi: @ Jenny: I ve been crying since i woke up like 2am till now! Please is there a way you can text me your number let me call you plssss! You seem to naturally get the drift i'm down and broken..sobbs

Oh wow! What happened? Jesus!
Re: My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed by subzidi: 8:40am On Apr 25, 2012
@ Moremi, if i tell you what i call my hubby "i treat him like a king as addresses him same"
@Jenny my phone no is eagerly waiting for your call.Tks
Re: My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed by Nobody: 8:42am On Apr 25, 2012
^^Remove your number, Got it
Re: My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed by Analytical(m): 8:44am On Apr 25, 2012
@sub_zidi, let me cut the chase and get straight to the point since you are online now. Please pick your phone right now and call your husband as you sob! We can address the issues later on here. Waiting to hear you just did. Pour your heart to him. Now!
Re: My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed by ifyalways(f): 9:15am On Apr 25, 2012
@OP,IMO,your problem would be solved if one of you stepped down from the captains seat and when both of you stopped behaving like spoilt kids.

You spoon fed your husband during the dating/bad days(not a bad thing) and now he's back on his feet, he's trying so hard to prove that he is a man indeed while you being you(confident, strong from the get go) is screaming "I'm fine and don't really need your guidance or help"

I would start with the gen. Cable issue. How did you tell him that?you might not know but your tone might come across as "this foolish man that have never used a gen. Before, don't you know any better? Bla bla". Its not enough or excuses his response to you but it could have triggered the 'very aggressive' reply he gave you. Now my advise to you here is this, you pratically married this man when he was nobody, no self esteem or man ego, now he's on his feet and he is begging to take the lead, trying to prove to his inner self and you that he is capable.tone down a bit, be careful of your choice of words and close your eyes to his 'I'm now a grown man' antics. When he notices you've left the captain seat for him, he would calm down by himself and beg for your inputs.

Him leaving the house,poking your umbrella and you leaving for work with both parties sulking is just immature.give him his space if you want but stop showing that you care. . . Cos you "do" care. When you saw him parked by the road, you could have just gone to say "baby what are you doing out there?I woke up cold and alone and missed you bla bla" it won't make you less a woman, if anything a winner. You won over his petty baby self.

Yours is a new marriage and such issues are bound to arise so its not strange, some of us passed through that stage.

I'm glad you sent him a clear no nonsense message on the violence or threat of violence part but please the job is not done yet! When all this is settled, on a good day, probably after a good got kpekus, tell him firmly that you don't want that "I would slap" you phrase in your home. Say it and mean it! And stop smiling or laughing at any of his "slap" jokes.

Stoop to conquer babe! Staying married na hardwork oh.you are a woman, leave him to 'fool around small, he would crawl back on his knees to worship @ your alter. . . Then you subtly mould him to your taste.lolz

Goodluck.

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Re: My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed by Nobody: 9:20am On Apr 25, 2012
Ify abeg comot hiaaaa. Na now you show face, after you don kpekus finish grin

Onye ara kpekus
Re: My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed by Nobody: 9:22am On Apr 25, 2012
I wish the poster and her husband a good kpekus post quarel cool
Re: My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed by feminineA: 9:35am On Apr 25, 2012
Really both of you need to grow up. Marriage is Hardwork and not for the faint hearted. Yes he treated you as a queen when you were dating and apologizes quickly that's because you were not yet his own. Now he has paid your bride price and you are married some things will definitely change but not all things. Its still within a year of marriage so you are both going through the adjustment phase of ur marriage. Calm down
Both of you are taking each other for granted!why will you go to bed because he gave you cold shoulder and you know he's hungry? If your husband offends you let him know you are hurt don't pile up the hurt you will explode and it will be bad.iron out issues immediately and tell him to do so too. This issue is too small for families to start meddling into play your part let your man play his part. You are no longer dating this is marriage for real and the earlier you get that the better
Re: My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed by Analytical(m): 9:35am On Apr 25, 2012
@Ifyalways, you are on point!

[size=3pt]BTW, you and kpekus! Your hubby is a blessed man.[/size]
Re: My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed by Analytical(m): 9:42am On Apr 25, 2012
jennykadry: You both are keeping malice which is not good at all for this marriage at least not at this stage. You both seem to be full of pride, One of yous need to step down and let the other person take charge(without pride). . . . I cannot imagine that one of yous is away from the other person and no one has bothered to communicate?

I have to disagree with cotton101 here, there is a big issue going on here. You sound like an emotional person to me and because of that you guard your emotions and your heart so jealously that you do not want any arrow of hurt to strike through. I cannot imagine leaving lag to PH and not even seeing my husband let alone, him taking me to the airport, or we both not communicating because we have some hanging issues.

Before the downfall of a man comes pride and that "man" in that sentence could be male or female. You both obviously are not ready for marriage

Please I beg you both, LET GO OF PRIDE FOR IT WILL LEAD YOUS TO DESTRUCTION. You both have allowed the devil into your marriage, it is time the both of you threw him out and shut the door.

Well said, Jenny. They are both displaying immaturity. Well, they are in their 1st year so I guess it is to be expected.
Re: My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed by maclatunji: 9:44am On Apr 25, 2012
Although the popular wisdom is that third parties should not interfere in a marriage, I think this couple need help. It is obvious that they are not capable of resolving their differences by themselves. OP, find someone you both respect and tell him/her that you and your husband are having a hard time with effective communication between the two of you. Try not to give all of these details to that person. If the person is wise enough, he/she will identify the issues by himself/herself and help you find resolution. I think you also need to be a little bit more patient and should give-in-less to your anger when it arises.
Re: My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed by Nobody: 9:48am On Apr 25, 2012

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Re: My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed by Nobody: 9:49am On Apr 25, 2012
@analytical your presence is needed at nairalandcharity@gmail.com
Re: My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed by ifyalways(f): 10:01am On Apr 25, 2012
Jenny, the day I match or catch up with you for kpekus levels,na you be my mentor na.tell me, what's all the struggle in this life for or where does it all end?men would say money and women.a married good man would say my woman, my kids and money .

Lol@ anatycal. I agree with you sir, OP needs to get off the internet and go get that man. If she can pour her heart out to strangers, she gave no reason keeping malice with her man, the only person that really matters.
Re: My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed by Analytical(m): 10:01am On Apr 25, 2012
@analytical your presence is needed at nairalandcharity@gmail.com
Present, 'Mother superior' wink
Re: My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed by Tobiegal(f): 10:07am On Apr 25, 2012
Am reading your post and just thinking! The guys we ave when dating are usually different after marriage. Like its being stated in the previous posts, its just issues of trying to 'consolidate' with one anoda. With time, it'l iron out nicely.
I've being married now, 2yrs +, and frankly, its nt everyday we get to talk! And yes, sometimes, he'l say 'tx u' after hs meal... At oda times, he'd jst finish up n dats it!
Before now, we wld go to bed togeda, den before our baby, we wld stay up till like 11pm watching films n all... Bt after I gt preg. I'd go to bed before him!
You just need to understand dat being who dey are, dey ave d strangest way of loving us... Hubby wld tell mi 150daily how much he loves mi before marriage, now... Hummm... Well... Am happie wen I hear it!
Abt d fone calls, just forget it! It stops d moment da ring is in ur finger o! Tx God for BB... Dats hw we catch up mostly...
Bt it all, I knw, despite everyting... D love we both shared is still dre, n wld remain so long as we both understand ourselves.
So, am appealing to u... Just take d back seat for now... Since he'd up on hs feet. He needs to feel like a man, treat him as such. (Dat includes collecting all dose extra cash u'd normally over look too o)...dat way... Am sure u'l both be fine.
Remember, Patience n Understanding + Tolerance is d key to a successful marriage.
Cheers
Re: My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed by Analytical(m): 10:41am On Apr 25, 2012
@sub_zidi, as others have said, please let your hubby be the man. Right now, he feels you are trying to play the man. Man wants to fix things, figure things out, be in charge. . . so let him! For example, that generator episode, even though you were out for his safety, you should let him sort things out, instead of trying to tell him how to do it. Later after he has fixed it (or fumbled at it!) then you can voice your concerns.

It sounds odd, but when I fix things, I don't want wify around telling me what to do or even telling me 'well done' while I am at it, sweating. Many times, after I have tried and failed at it (oh yes!), I try to eat the humble pie and seek her help. Some men are wired like that. Maybe your hubby is one.

Another thing you shouldn't have done is to travel out of base for days without 'properly' informing him. Dropping a note was not the best, under the circumstance, and his not calling you (not that I support that) might be as a result of that. It should have been the opportunity to mend things with him and break the ice, since you would be out for days.

Testing limits is normal in the 1st years of marriage. You get to discover what works and what doesn't. However, take care of the little things so they don't become major. Avoid malice and resentment and improve on communicating with each other. Learn the peculiarity of yourselves and adjust to each other. God bless your marriage.
Re: My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed by subzidi: 10:46am On Apr 25, 2012
@ Jenny: Update: I called him and we had 1hr discussion over the phone about the incident and we have both trashed things out.His anger was that he was calling me to get back home and i was talking back and saying in hash tone +public" leave me alone to go to work i have meeting" i apologised profusely and told him i had written an attestation letter that no matter how angry i am that i would never show any form of emotional outburst in the public,i'd sign it and put a date! He bursted out and started laughing! i also mentioned the verbal aggression bit of saying i will SLAP u, and his response was that it was a way of telling him that he's pissed and i said we would include it in the attestation that bioth of us would sign. at that point, i broke down again and started crying, i reminded him we both made decision to get married, hence he should not involve my dad as he threatened.And as u advised Jenny, i also made him understand that is left to both of to build this our beautiful r/ship and a spark of bitterness by d devil to destroy it! Alas he sobered and apologised too and promised me he would find another expression/code only too of us understand to use whenever he's angry with me!
@Ify: I never said it in that way, it was rather more of concern and sofly said but he misinterpreted it as ITK i know what i'm doing, meanwhile he was shooking d thing back inside ooo before my comment grin Yea he is the Lord of the manor i've decided to lay very low and let him have his way ,then win him back and jejeyly mould him like u said wink
@ CC/Analytical thanks for your contribution, i've called and we've made up, going fowardi would never let the sun go down on my anger again NEVER!
@ALL: For those crucifying JK on nairaland, it would shock you to know she's such an ANGEL! she's very much instrumental to the speedy reconciliation as she called me and we spoke for almost 30mins over the phone while she was advising me and it worked! Take time to understand her perspectives most times before u judge her! I love you sister and many thanks for being ther for me! please i'm still expecting your sms.
Godbless you all and may he always enrich us with his wisdom on this marital journey as the devil is seriously at work these last days to destroy marriages! Thanks y'all once again

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Re: My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed by moremi2008(m): 10:48am On Apr 25, 2012
sub_zidi: @ Jenny: Update: I called him and we had 1hr discussion over the phone about the incident and we have both trashed things out.His anger was that he was calling me to get back home and i was talking back and saying in hash tone +public" leave me alone to go to work i have meeting" i apologised profusely and told him i had written an attestation letter that no matter how angry i am that i would never show any form of emotional outburst in the public,i'd sign it and put a date! He bursted out and started laughing! i also mentioned the verbal aggression bit of saying i will SLAP u, and his response was that it was a way of telling him that he's pissed and i said we would include it in the attestation that bioth of us would sign. at that point, i broke down again and started crying, i reminded him we both made decision to get married, hence he should not involve my dad as he threatened.And as u advised Jenny, i also made him understand that is left to both of to build this our beautiful r/ship and a spark of bitterness by d devil to destroy it! Alas he sobered and apologised too and promised me he would find another expression/code only too of us understand to use whenever he's angry with me!
@Ify: I never said it in that way, it was rather more of concern and sofly said but he misinterpreted it as ITK i know what i'm doing, meanwhile he was shooking d thing back inside ooo before my comment grin Yea he is the Lord of the manor i've decided to lay very low and let him have his way ,then win him back and jejeyly mould him like u said wink
@ CC/Analytical thanks for your contribution, i've called and we've made up, going fowardi would never let the sun go down on my anger again NEVER!
@ALL: For those crucifying JK on nairaland, it would shock you to know she's such an ANGEL! she's very much instrumental to the speedy reconciliation as she called me and we spoke for almost 30mins over the phone while she was advising me and it worked! Take time to understand her perspectives most times before u judge her! I love you sister and many thanks for being ther for me! please i'm still expecting your sms.
Godbless you all and may he always enrich us with his wisdom on this marital journey as the devil is seriously at work these last days to destroy marriages! Thanks y'all once again

Please don't forget to remove your number from your earlier post!

PS - Your glowing recommendation of Aunty Jenny makes this entire thread highly suspect oh! Are you sure you aren't Jenny's alter-ego?
Re: My Husband Of Less Than A 1yr Of Marriage Has Changed by recruitmnt: 10:56am On Apr 25, 2012
Take off your number ASAP, there are crazy people on NLD. Else your next topic will be ' my husband saw a message on my phone...bla bla'

Good for you and hubby... JK is actually a nice person after all grin

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