Hello,

I need some advice. I met a wonderful man who treates me like a queen after dating a sleuth of losers. My problem is that I am not attracted to him at all. I like spending time with him but I am not at the point where I want to jump into bed with him. At my age I should be looking for everything that this man is offering- marriage, home and stability. So my question is, should I stay in hopes of developing feeling or walk away? HELP

Thanks for your response Shentz. I really like him and appreciate him in my life. There is just no urge to have sex like I have with the others I've met. The other men I've met there was always physical attraction but no substance - with him there is everything else except physical attraction. 

This your 'urge to have sex' is not love, is it?

na wah oh, take it easy at least you are not under any pressure. maybe with time you will get there. its not a must that you have to be attracted to him at the beginning.

if u are not attracted to the guy, dont even think of gettin married to him.

It happened to me too. The relationship lasted longer than the others I ever had but when we broke, it was very deep (hurt). Passion comes and goes. If the feelings are deep then U may just be right to stay with him. Besides it's ok to take a while to see how it goes before u ever talk of marriage

whao, is this what you call a problem. You absolutely have no problem. If you are not sure of what you want, don't even bother getting married.

My question is will you still want to be married to this same guy if what/those things you call or describe as STABILITY are gone? if not, then don't do it!

Thank you all for your responses. Don't get me wrong he's a wonderful man. He's the type of man that any sane woman would want. At this point if he wanted to have sex I don't think I could. When I don't see him and we talk on the phone I can't wait to see him but when I do I'm turned off. I know it sounds really shallow but I want to be honest. I've been with men that I attracted to but when it comes down to it they weren't ready for commitment or could not take care of themselves much less me. Anyone that is polite and considerate I believe you can love but I'm talking about attraction. Shouldn't I want to jump into bed with him if he's my man?

Huh Huh, another Nigerian sister. Just marry the damn brother and quit wasting his time and collecting money!

@ poster; i guess it varies though but after readin through ur posts i think dere is a tendency of love growin in dat relationship of urs guess all u need is just time. but like i said it does vary on individuals " Gud Luck Though"

who else is offering to marry you?

@Jerrymania

Tell her my brother ! She probably don't want to give up all that late night creeping for a serious Bobo. Onisekuse !

miss confused
why not marry two husbands,
this your man thats takes good care of you (moneywise)
and another one to take care of your benji benji. talk of killing two birds with one bulala.
remember anything a man can do!

hbrednic:

miss confused
why not marry two husbands,
this your man thats takes good care of you (moneywise)
and another one to take care of your benji benji. talk of killing two birds with one bulala.
remember anything a man can do!

its some1's future u are jokin with,sick u!!!!!

kconfused:

Hello,

I need some advice. I met a wonderful man who treates me like a queen after dating a sleuth of losers. My problem is that I am not attracted to him at all. I like spending time with him but I am not at the point where I want to jump into bed with him. At my age I should be looking for everything that this man is offering- marriage, home and stability. So my question is, should I stay in hopes of developing feeling or walk away? HELP

marriage is all about love not affection,God never said u must Love b4 u get married but U MUST LOVE THE PERSON U ARE MARRIED TO.be wise,dont allow ur dislike for somthings about him,(HIS PHYSICALS)ruin true love 4 u.go 4 the right man and u will be happy all ur days.i wish u all d best

OyinboNo1:

who else is offering to marry you?

he he he he he he he he he heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

@topic

You have not fallen in love with him because you have not slept with him yet.  After all that "showering", if the guy is serious, he will stick around.  Just curious to know why you have a "string" of failed relationships.  Do you have a "loser" sign written on your forehead? Or are you just picking the wrong kind of guys. I would marry for both love and stability. If I were to chose one over the other---I definitely would chose stability.----Only because most of the time women do not know what they want and a bird in hand is worth two in the bush.

You cannot be sure if this guy is serious about you till you have dated and spent time together. Unless you are practicing the religion that preaches abstinence till marriage, which is ok too. The way you sound--I don't think you are ready for marriage. Most people who are ready usually know what they want.

@wealthyman
what is the essence of marriage and love without affection?
i think you are more confused than miss confused.

@Almondjoy
What yearr did you take that picture on your profile ? 1865 ?

@sweet T
so you see that picture too.
that picture must have been taking in the days of lord lugard

Sweet T:

@Almondjoy
What yearr did you take that picture on your profile ? 1865 ?

heh!   Does it matter?  1956 to be exact!

hbrednic:

@sweet T
so you see that picture too.
that picture must have been taking in the days of lord lugard

That is y'all's business. I am so proud of it. Post yours let me see if you guys even wore shoes not to talk of socks!

almondjoy:

You have not fallen in love with him because you have not slept with him yet.

word

You have slept with the other guys you have nothing in common with, abi?

Why not this guy, ? What have you got to lose, he's hardly going to bring down your average,

Nice guys do always finish last it seems!

WOW!!!!!!!!!!! All of the responses so far have been great! It seems like everyone is encouraging me to sleep with this man. In other words in order to fall in love with him I should sleep with him? I don't believe in having two husbands so that is not an option. I am certainly not just "collecting" from this man either. I have never accepted money from this man in hopes that he does not think that I'm this kind of woman who expects to be wined and dined and don't "put out". I've known him for quite some time but I've finally decided to accept his advances. He is one of the most considerate and understanding men I know. It's just that when I'm around him I am not attracted to what I see physically. I'm sure all of you out there will tell me about myself after that comment but that is why I decided to seek advice.

Maybe there are some things you need to get off your mind to have a better picture. Perhaps you're unconsciously (or consciously?) comparing him with guys you dated in the past, especially with the physical attraction you mentioned, to the point that it has clouded your acceptance of him. You can't have it all, look at the things that are really important to you and make your decision based on that.

OyinboNo1:

word

You have slept with the other guys you have nothing in common with, abi?

Why not this guy, ? What have you got to lose, he's hardly going to bring down your average,

Nice guys do always finish last it seems!

It is not even so much as sleeping with the guy for the fun of it.  I do not know how this lady or girl can even talk of a relationship when she has an "incomplete" status.  First of all the guy might be after something else while this girl is in her own planet as usual.  Probably the reason for all the failed relationships in the past.  Girl, I think you need to work on your self first.  There are issues to resolve.

hbrednic:

@wealthyman
what is the essence of marriage and love without affection?
i think you are more confused than miss confused.

Just find out what affection leads to, its infatuation,.
love is real,
i wonder what u know about Love cos love is no joke


Baby,please dontg sleep with him,let real love take control.

@kconfused; like i said varies on individual u sure need 2 search deep within not just on physical attributes though cos trust me physical attributes never have superseded d inner man_{if u know wat mean}

kconfused:

WOW!!!!!!!!!!! All of the responses so far have been great! It seems like everyone is encouraging me to sleep with this man. In other words in order to fall in love with him I should sleep with him? I don't believe in having two husbands so that is not an option. I am certainly not just "collecting" from this man either. I have never accepted money from this man in hopes that he does not think that I'm this kind of woman who expects to be wined and dined and don't "put out".

I've known him for quite some time but I've finally decided to accept his advances. He is one of the most considerate and understanding men I know. It's just that when I'm around him I am not attracted to what I see physically. I'm sure all of you out there will tell me about myself after that comment but that is why I decided to seek advice.

Please how did you finally accept his advances?  Is sleeping with someone not part of a relationship?  You might just be attracted when he "jacks" you up one time!

BTW, what in the world are you doing with someone you are not physically attracted to? Is that the best you could do? The first level of attraction is usually physical and here you are stuck. How do you plan to go with the rest of the plan?

kconfused:

I've known him for quite some time but I've finally decided to accept his advances.

Finally. Please, let us know how it goes.

wealthyman:


Just find out what affection leads to, its infatuation,.
love is real,
i wonder what u know about Love because love is no joke


Baby,please dontg sleep with him,let real love take control.

dude, put the crack pipe down, abeg. u ain't no poet

if the problem is just his physcal apperance, nothing to worry about,
just bring him to my theather for EXTREM MAKEOVER.(hope you got pay sha)
promise he will come out looking brand new.

almondjoy you're extremely vocal  


I'm not going to say that I don't have issues because we all do. I've known him for sometime and we went out a few times and nothing became of it. He continuously pursued me and I just kept on dating all of the wrong men. A few months ago he asked me out again and I accepted. We've been going out ever since. He has voiced that he wants to get married and start a family but I can't look past his physical apperance. Yes, the attractive men have hurt me but I can't help what I like. I do want to be married and settle down but at what cost. I can't have sex with someone that I don't love so what in the world do I do I just don't how much longer he'll accept the hugs and soft kisses versus the passion and sex