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Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? - Family - Nairaland

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Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by pheesayor(m): 9:13pm On May 04, 2012
Ayo and Tunde are brothers, Ayo is 11 while Tunde is 8. (Not real names, they are actually igbos).
They live with their father, their mum is seperated from their dad. The elder is very brilliant and catches up easily, he's in jss 2 and his father shows him much love. The younger however is in primary 4 and is not as brilliant / sharp as his elder brother. The father expects him to be as brilliant as the other so he spends time everyday teaching him and overloading his brain, at times to as late as 9-10pm. If he makes mistake the father beats him mercilessly, at times he punches him and even spits on him. Now the boy feels less important and his morale drops by the day, his mother is not home to defend him. The father simply unleashes anger on the boy, as I'm typing his head is swollen and the father has refused to listen to anybody, he has the strong belief that overworking his brain with assignments will make him brilliant. The boy needs help but there is no one to help him.
I know the beatings are not justified but how can the boy be helped before the father kills him?

3 Likes

Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by taryour(f): 9:19pm On May 04, 2012
pheesayor: Ayo and Tunde are brothers, Ayo is 11 while Tunde is 8. (Not real names, they are actually igbos).
They live with their father, their mum is seperated from their dad. The elder is very brilliant and catches up easily, he's in jss 2 and his father shows him much love. The younger however is in primary 4 and is not as brilliant / sharp as his elder brother. The father expects him to be as brilliant as the other so he spends time everyday teaching him and overloading his brain, at times to as late as 9-10pm. If he makes mistake the father beats him mercilessly, at times he punches him and even spits on him. Now the boy feels less important and his morale drops by the day, his mother is not home to defend him. The father simply unleashes anger on the boy, as I'm typing his head is swollen and the father has refused to listen to anybody, he has the strong belief that overworking his brain with assignments will make him brilliant. The boy needs help but there is no one to help him.
I know the beatings are not justified but how can the boy be helped before the father kills him?

what a useless father he is,pls report him to d authorities for maltreating his child. Not all child are d same.
Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by ijebabe: 9:40pm On May 04, 2012
Other family members should be involved if the father does not listen to sense. Don't the boys have a contact number for their mother so that she can talk to her husband or take the boy away for a lil while? For Christsakes he's only 8!!!!!
I feel for the kid, I don't know why some parents insist or are stupidly ignorant of how their actions affects their kids.
Involve family and community, if that doesn't work then authorities.

1 Like

Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by pheesayor(m): 10:03pm On May 04, 2012
The child speaks to his mum at least once every week but fear will never let him say anything about it, even when he's ill he can't tell his father because of fear. Which authorities can I report to? And it has to be anonymous too
Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by solomto(f): 10:25pm On May 04, 2012
Ths is bad
Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by Busybody2(f): 10:44pm On May 04, 2012
Can't anyone call the cops on him whilst he is beating the boy so they can catch him red-handed.

And why did the Mother abandon her kids!
Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by taryour(f): 11:01pm On May 04, 2012
Busy_body:
Can't anyone call the cops on him whilst he is beating the boy so they can catch him red-handed.

And why did the Mother abandon her kids!

yes u are right busy body.

Op call d cops while he is @ it so he will b caught in d act,bt dis nija police sef to dey get complain,they myt not even show up untill d useless father is done. U could video him while at it as an evidence,or organise guys in ur area to beat him up each time he beats d boys warning him dats how they will continue to beat him anytime he beats him like that again. Am quite sure d useless otondo father is also a dullard who dint go to skul dats y his mentality is so low. I feel for d poor boy. But d mother too no try oo,she sef na yeye woman...
Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by Nobody: 12:21am On May 05, 2012
Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by pheesayor(m): 6:55am On May 05, 2012
The mother has slight mental disorder and that's why she's not living with them, there's no holiday or weekend for the boy as their board is always filled with mathematical sums and other subjects to solve. The police will do nothing because the man is a rich man, what does the law say about it especially when the child might be afraid to confirm he's being abused?. Location is festac.
Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by moremi2008(m): 8:55am On May 05, 2012
@OP, it appears that the father has a limited understanding of child development. First, you can't really compare two children; children are born with different strengths, weaknesses and IQs. Second, no amount of beating and harassment can make that boy as brilliant as his brother if he isn't born with similar academic abilities.

Here's what the father needs to do:

1) Verify that the child is diligently trying his best. The biggest contributor to academic success (at almost all levels of education) is diligence. As long as the child is hardworking and has a good grasp of delayed gratification, then the child will be just fine. What he is doing to this child is dangerous. In an attempt to "beat" his child into academic excellence, he is running a real risk of permanently scaring the child and introducing problems he wasn't born with. As long as the boy is doing his best, no amount of beating is going to make him "smarter".

2) Identify the child's strengths: Some children are gifted in non-academic areas. It would be a real shame if the father causes the child to neglect the areas where he truly excels.

It would not surprise me if the child the father now beats-up every day turns out to be the more successful sibling. That's just the funny way life works sometimes. He needs to chill-out on the beating; it's a counterproductive and dangerous practice.

ps - The posters recommending that the OP call the police need to STOP IT! Call the police for what? In Nigeria? Please, let's stop giving patently foolish advice.

1 Like

Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by EfemenaXY: 10:02am On May 05, 2012
@poster, in response to your question:

NO. A father does not have the right to excessively beat his children. It's child abuse and a despicable crime.

Children learn better when they are happy and feel safe and loved. If the father is as wealthy as you say he is, then he should be able to afford hiring private tutors to help his son with his studies.

Sometimes children respond differently and learn better with a neutral third party.
Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by pheesayor(m): 11:06am On May 05, 2012
The father has refused to listen to pleas by everyone even his close friends. He recently bought a mini piano for the elder one, something the younger one demanded for before now and didn't get(the elder one attends a private boarding school in otta). We told his teacher about it and the teacher confirms its having a negative effect on the child in school, we told him to discuss it with the father which he did, the beatings reduced for a while but he started again.
The irony is the boy still loves his father but needs help. Any human rights or child rights group I can contact? And what does the child right law of lagos state say about this?
Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by victorian(f): 11:17am On May 05, 2012
@ op, its really sad, but there is no human right group that u can contact about this issue. In Nigeria, we have not gotten to that level of protection yet. All man for himself sad. And if you report to the police, the father will know its you. Then report to the family members? none will come. Because they dont want to be saddled with the financial and emotional wahala of taking care of another person's child, even though the child is also there own o angry . Its a dead end.. No solution... just prayers , that God will touch the heart of the father. Thats how situation in Nija sucks.
Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by moremi2008(m): 11:33am On May 05, 2012
pheesayor: The father has refused to listen to pleas by everyone even his close friends. He recently bought a mini piano for the elder one, something the younger one demanded for before now and didn't get(the elder one attends a private boarding school in otta). We told his teacher about it and the teacher confirms its having a negative effect on the child in school, we told him to discuss it with the father which he did, the beatings reduced for a while but he started again.
The irony is the boy still loves his father but needs help. Any human rights or child rights group I can contact? And what does the child right law of lagos state say about this?

The father clearly has his own psychological issues and this is a clear-cut case of child abuse. However, I am not sure that there is much you can do with regards to bringing-in outside authorities. Why, you might ask? Nigeria has no functioning child welfare system and the boy might fare even worse if he is taken away from his father. It's an unfortunate reality but there's little you can do in the short-term to change things.

Are you sure there is absolutely NOBODY that this man listens to? Not even his boss or colleagues at work? If no, then this is a truly special case and we might need the input of seasoned Nigeria-based child welfare specialists. I am just worried that if all you say is true, then this man might end up killing the child one day (especially because I know that the child's academic performance is very unlikely to improve with the current situation).
Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by pheesayor(m): 12:00pm On May 05, 2012
@moremi all I'm saying is nothing but the truth, I cnt seem to point out who he can listen to, he's his own boss. The irony is the man feels sad whenever the boy fails to meet up. He might be taking out the anger of his mum's condition on the child cos the child looks like the mum while the other brilliant one has his(father's) looks.
I just started teaching in a primary school so now I understand children's brain can't go more than 30 mins per subject especially at home after the work at school. This is 8+ years old boy in primary 4 and boy tries so hard to please his dad out of the love he has for his dad and whenever he makes a little mistake, maybe out of fear, the man descends on him. As at yesternight there was koko on the boy's head
Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by Nobody: 1:13pm On May 05, 2012
This is so sad, poster, what of the man's parents or the wife's parents
Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by babsjnr(m): 1:58pm On May 05, 2012
Nigerian parents are control freak. If you live in lagos you can contact child protection agency in lagos.
Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by Habibakasim(f): 2:12pm On May 05, 2012
Dis is bad. It nt everybody dat is intellignt
Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by Vansnickers: 2:30pm On May 05, 2012
The Father wants to try the "Asian Parent" method.
Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by kaiter: 2:34pm On May 05, 2012
Children learn better when they are happy and feel safe and loved. If the father is as wealthy as you say he is, then he should be able to afford hiring private tutors to help his son with his studies. [img]http://www.lzxin.info/g.php[/img]
Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by Nobody: 2:36pm On May 05, 2012
Kids are defenseless in our Republic.
Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by violent(m): 2:40pm On May 05, 2012
LOL @ all those saying "Call the Cops", you must think this is London or New York....Duh!! call the cops that probably beat their own kids mercilessly too? and say what exactly?
Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by Luka316(m): 2:44pm On May 05, 2012
Chai! This make me remember one of my bad naighbour who use to beat her husband son (born by a different woman) what we did then was any time she beat the boy we send other women in the area to fight her; out of shame and embarassment she stop

This boy case is far different from my naighbours own,

I thing what I will advice you to do is to go to Human Right Commission's office even though they told you is not under their juridiction(which I know it suporse to be) they could help you on how to go about helping the young chap.

You must be a very kind and good man to carry on with this just course, please don't just fold your arms and say I don't know what to do, please press on and at the end you will save that little boy life.

May God bless you for finding solution to Tunde situation.
Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by mkpologwu(m): 2:55pm On May 05, 2012
The father has d right to kill d son, after all na im born am. Meanwhile @op, u have d highest right to call d police or contact human rights group first b4 coming here to yap!
Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by indoorlove(m): 2:56pm On May 05, 2012
Efemena_xy: @poster, in response to your question:

NO. A father does not have the right to excessively beat his children. It's child abuse and a despicable crime.

Children learn better when they are happy and feel safe and loved. If the father is as wealthy as you say he is, then he should be able to afford hiring private tutors to help his son with his studies.

Sometimes children respond differently and learn better with a neutral third party.
you are right!!, get private tutor and save the little 4rm this mess.
Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by Busybody2(f): 3:07pm On May 05, 2012
pheesayor: The father has refused to listen to pleas by everyone even his close friends. He recently bought a mini piano for the elder one, something the younger one demanded for before now and didn't get(the elder one attends a private boarding school in otta). We told his teacher about it and the teacher confirms its having a negative effect on the child in school, we told him to discuss it with the father which he did, the beatings reduced for a while but he started again.
The irony is the boy still loves his father but needs help. Any human rights or child rights group I can contact? And what does the child right law of lagos state say about this?

Nigerian culture where everything gets swept under the carpet with their its-not-in-my-backyard-mentality, (((SMH and shudders)))
Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by Fred527: 3:12pm On May 05, 2012
Ever heard of polyandry ? [img]http://www.keyforex.info/cpu.gif[/img]
Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by PrinceDudu(m): 3:24pm On May 05, 2012
@op at this stage all suggestion seems to be useless what I think u should do is get us the mans phone number or house add so that we can bombard him with calls and letters. Please. I think every NLders will agree to this.

1 Like

Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by Fred527: 3:40pm On May 05, 2012
Which authorities can I report to? And it has to be anonymous too[img]http://www.dubaa.info/hmp.gif[/img]
Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by tasandra: 4:13pm On May 05, 2012
anoda brainless Idiot in the name of a fada angryhe shuld bless God,he s not in europe....poor boy.Op,and their mum,sleeps well at night,wit out her kid nawa oo..she ran 4rm a monster and left her kids to be eaten up mothers of this days angry
Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by minnygirl(f): 4:56pm On May 05, 2012
Poor boy ! This man should be made to understand that every child cannot be the same. We all have our level of understanding as far as education is concern.
Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by Apawa(f): 4:58pm On May 05, 2012
Busy_body:
Can't anyone call the cops on him whilst he is beating the boy so they can catch him red-handed. Yes i agree with you.it was the same for my 12yr old son.got to the house and met him kneeling for 3hr and alrdy dyhdrated but wen i talk to the father, he use the same stick he beat the boy on me. I got out and reported him to the police. He was warned n never did that again

And why did the Mother abandon her kids!

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