let the married couples sort themselves out .
the kids and whoever is concerned can do nothing than pray for the dad.
confronting might bring age long enemity that might last till old age and even death.
what can not be changed,we learn to live with it.

ifyalways:

let the married couples sort themselves out .
the kids and[b] whoever is concerned can do nothing than pray for the dad.[/b]
confronting might bring age long enmity that might last till old age and even death.
what can not be changed,we learn to live with it.

True words of wisdom.  Please teach some your brothers and sisters here how to be meaningfully helpful--not by pokenosing!  I say they may even do worse when they get married!!!

[center]his father will remain his father even if he is Mr.Satan himself,
he should look the other way, because of his mum, and avoid
being cursed by his old man, the curse of a parent is not worth it

all the best to you or sorry your friend[/center]

I'll say let them handle it themselves if they don't have kids/family! but if that happen to me at my age today, Honestly I'll need a surgery to get my leg out of his Ass!

I think a man on NYSC is no longer a kid.He should humbly comfront his father again and if this approach fails,the eldcer brother and pastor should be briught into the picture.
They may not believe him at first but as adults I think they know that there is no smoke without fire and will eventually investigate the story and intervene.
Mainwhile I want to advise him and his siblings to take the matter to  God in prayer as adultery is an evil spirit that needs divine intervention to overcome.

chii, I am hoping your friend communicated his problems to you and asked your advice, and that you didnt get all your information from hearsay and observation.

If he asked your advice, then its ok for him as first son(if he is first son) to try to fix what has become a family issue since all in the family are definitely affected by his father's ways. I really dont think confronting his mom is a good idea, she most probably knows even if she doesnt admit it. If the family cannot take the shame anymore then it is in no way disrespect if he calmly and like a man, chooses the right moment to talk to his dad about the issue. Tell not not to take a moral high ground as if his father has shamed the family,although he has. The man is his father anyways, rather he should make his father see how his behavior is affecting the family HE CLAIMS TO LOVE, and if it is not love that makes him care and provide for his family but a sense of pride and responsibility, let him make his father see how his behavior is undermining that family pride and dignity. Whatever his father gets his sense of importance from, he should diplomatically use that to let him see how his actions belie his beliefs. However emotional your friend is about the issue, his father will probably get erratic but let him be sure to put his feelings aside and try to drive the point home in the shortest possible time during the discussion. His father no matter his response, will, at a later time remember the things his son told him, and most importantly the manner in whch he spoke, and that might make him pause to think.

Secondly your friend should pray about the issue personally, and then with all members of the family who know about it, hoping their father is not under some sort of curse.

If all avenues have been exhausted, he can talk to his uncle.

A father has no rights anywhere to hold his family to ransom with his behavior, and if he still does not change, they must find a way to slowly remove themselves from under the shadow of that cruel and immoral 'provider'. And while he is still their father, they must empower their mother to do what is right.

While the mother may not be a strongwilled woman, she must also summon the strength and will to protect her family if the father is neglecting his moral responsibilities. She is a wife, a helper and a complement not a subservient slave.

I hope she doesn't contract diseases from her 'husband'

hmmmmmmmmm, Sounds like a family I know. In fact too similar. Eldest son doing youth service. Daddy is a big big, time womaniser, he claims to be a born again christian, acts like a saint in front of his brother and others in the community, he is nothing but, his wife spends most of her time preaching and is a church member and she's bringing her children up to have christian values. The saddest part is that this particular individual wants to run for public office, any man or woman who cheats on their partners should not be allowed to run for public office full stop, he's powerful and no one can touch him. God will humble him one day. I feel for your friend, it's very sad when children are affected in this way.

any man or woman who cheats on their partners should not be allowed to run for public office full stop,

As long as adultery is not a crime, he should be allowed to run. Just make sure voters are fully informed.

Request for GOD intervetion in this situation, and face ur own life

Every1 saying he shouldn't attract a curse from his Father. . .where is d curse coming from
A curse causeless shall not STAND.

@Poster, I'll encourage ur friend to summon his mum&siblings to pray fervently without ceasing, now dat they can because a time will come wen they will v their own personal pray points and it will become ''Ele ru gbe ru e''.Then it will still be d mother to continue from where y'all will stop. My dear involve the mother and let her join in prayin as well.No mata wat any man/Pastor says. . .only God can change a man.
Learn from it and be sure its not a generational curse

Polygamy in Africa is a horrible & rampart thread. God save us

From religion point of view, a child has no right whatsoever to confront his father to the extent of exchanging words with his dad.
But i tell u every father will listen to his respectable son or daughter if they are very respectful with the way they go about their complains.
However it could be very difficult for a father to forgive a son who confronts him to the extent of exchanging words with him.
I will ask your friend to humbly apologise for his actions towards his dad then from there he should try and identify those of their family members that can call his father to order.
I think this would help to some extent but it will be very difficult for the father to stop completely,because he has the resources and this will allways push him.

Its is none of your business to say your friends mothers made his father what he his today that remains between the mum n dad,and if care is not taken the man will marry a second wife.

Tell ur Friend to leave his father and concentrate on himself. He needs to get to that level in his life and he can give his Mama anything she wants. Let him leave the father for now,he'll deal with him later.If the guy gets angry and don't wanna pay school fee,that one na die oh.

Thank God the man no dey bring them come house and he neva marry anotha wife.

Tell ur friend to be wise and upgrade himself first.

"Ti Owo Omode O ba Te Eku Ida"(Hope u understand this yoruba proverb)

This a a real interesting topic
first things first you have not told ius what your firend wants to do
is he just being protective of his mother or does he really eschew sin and he would ensure he does not break a woman's heart later himself

if he is protecting his mum, he shd leave things be, work his way up and maybe set up a business for his mother so she can have sth to fall on.
if he eschews the act then stand up to your father no curse can catch u except later u do the same
Let them pray but the mum is the key

If ur friend's dad curses him its not gunna come to pass cause he did nothing wrong to his dad. He should tell his mom so that she would approach her husband herself. This is one of the reasons y some Nigerian women should learn to be independent by taking some necessary measures cause marriage is not all about cooking, washing and taking care of family. U gotta let a man esp. one like the cheating guy know that u may love him but u also have a life. Since he's cheating she should move out of the house if she cant take it (lots of diseases out there) or get a cute and nice boyfriend instead of trying to make 'peace' so that her husband wont be angry with the kids. Tell her to get a life cause happiness is priceless. Since her husband decided to be happy his own way, let her get hers her own way. But, if she will be happy being or acting naive then her kids should let her be. I just hope she doesnt contact AIDS. Well, who knows, by now the guy is prolly not gunna be touching her talk less of making love to her. By now they may not share the same room nor the same bed cause the guy is likely to see her as a 'plague'.

wetin be your own business? let the woman have achat with her hubby may be they can sort things out.

that's like reporting most naija men. besides why are u taking panadol for someone's headache?

To know the truth and to keep it within is no easy joke at all. My fathers wrongs are very minute compared to your friends but believe me at every opportunity i get i let him have a slice of my thoughts. However this has in no way changed him or rather its even getting worse. But at least, i feel a lot better with it out in the open than locked up within me. The thing is we all want a father to be proud of. But life does not always gives us what we want. There is no replacement for the truth. He should tell his mother and let disaster strike. Time will heal all physical wounds. Dont worry he will survive with his sibling. Then he will have no regrets 20 years from now. Note that the timing has to be right. Like after he gets a good job. But to keep it within, no one gets punished than his mother, his sibling and himself. With i psychological blow that does not respect time. And even worse disaster may strike. I read in paper today of some underaged girls who got raped and now tests positive and i felt like murdering the bastards who did it. Let him picture his mother with AIDS. There is nothing worse than the innocent getting punished. Its a make or break situation. Choose wisely.

I believe in God, but I'm tired of all these talk about prayer, pastor, church, fasting, etc. Must we always bother God on every issue?

@poster, I can't even imagine how your friend feels. It must be really hurtful and shameful to have a dad like that. I thank God (thanking God is good; not complaining to him all the time about every mundane thing that happens to you; most within your control) that my dad was and is faithful to my mom. He remains my hero to this day, and I'll be very lucky to have the type of marriage my parents share. However, had my dad been the philandering type, things would have been pretty difficult for him. Our extended family is very much part of our immediate family, and so many eyes watch over so many family members. No amount of wealth would have spared him from the wrath of the entire family. He would have been an outcast.

Concerning your friend's family, I wonder why it's difficult to find an elder in the family (either on his dad's side or his mom's side) to confront your dad. The man, your friend's dad, is a disgrace to all men, and so has lost all respect. I will not encourage keeping quiet, no way! Disrespecting his dad? As far as I'm concerned, the man has lost all respect by chasing house girls, hairdressers and tomato hawkers. He should confront the dad, not arrogantly, but he should be prepared for any outcome.

This is just a sordid story.


One last note. From my experience, these kind of tales/behavior seem to be more common among men from some specific ethnic groups and less common among men from certain other ethnic groups. Also, the family of the man, can give some insight into his core beliefs. going to church has no bearing on being a womanizer.

i want to get something out here,that ur friend's dad is he performing his fatherly role apart from d fact that is promicisuos man, if yes then tell ur friend not to tell his mom,they shud keep praying for a change of heart for his dad

from Carlosein: cases like this are so rampant that you can hardly find a customised answer to how they should be handled.

a solution in one case may not apply in another.

what i advise is for your friend to pray for his parents. pray to God for his father's change and also in

thanksgiving for a mother like his who knows (yes she does) yet keeps calm.

as for other actions, there is hardly much he can do, but i challenge him to be good himself and watch lest he

be carried away and begin to act like his father (lots of men are promiscuos because they saw one or other of

the parents so). he should be a good example in charity to his parents and more in understanding.

these usually pay off in the long run.

God bless your friend and his family.



I agree with u. There is nothing prayer cannot do.[quote][/quote]

first thing to do is pray, for guidiance on what to do[color=#000099][/color]

The woman knows

Same thing happened to me and my parents got a divorce which was the BEST THING to happen to my siblings and my mother any of you who disaprove of divorce then you know where to go, I dont know why but this is like the norm. for nigerian fathers to cheat .Almost every nigerian family around us has had the father cheat on the mother. Im not saying this happens in allll nigerian families but it happens in A LOT of them and its very very sad. Most of the times the wife turns the other cheek and pretends nothing is happening, the kids know and are very angry, some confront their father and he gets pissed and denies every damn thing and even starts changing to subject to u kids are ingrates and blah blah blah. I mean OUR OWN FATHERS sleeping with girls OUR age? thats nasty. One thing that pisses me the off is the women. WHY CANT THESE WOMEN STAND UP FOR THEMSELVES AND KNOW THAT THEY DESERVE MUCH BETTER? WHY CANT THEY SHOW THEIR DAUGHTERS A GOOD EXAMPLE SINCE THEIR FATHERS ARENT SHOWING THEIR SONS A VERY GOOD ONE? WHY CANT THEY TEACH THEIR SONS THAT A PROMISCOUS LIFESTYLE (MUCH LIKE THEIR FATHERS) IS WRONG? AND THAT THEY SHOULDNT DO WHAT THEIR FATHERS DO?

SOMEtimes i get pissed at nigerian mentality, stay in the marriage for the kids, dont disgrace the family, thats bullsh!it. NIGERIAN WOMEN: YOU DESERVE MUCH BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i think ur friend should confront his mother seriously.so they can go their seperate ways.its obvious his father is on his way to catching AIDS or something and why should she compromise her health just bc the stupid man is a LovePeddler?

The ones making the most noise will even do worse. That is why I say tread carefully. Let the married couple sort themselves out!!!! And when is he ever going to be of "age" to tell his father what to do? Who is the father and who is the son? I am laughing. Hmmmmmmmmm! I dare not even approach my father with that kind of topic. Hmmmmmmmmm! Not out of fear, but out of respect as my father! Let my mother handle her business! Just like I would never dream of approaching my mother with such a topic. Pretend like you do not know what is happening and look the other way. Really no body's business than the people involved.

Na me born them?


YEA A TRUE GRADE A NIGERIAN RESPONSE, IN ONE OTHER TOPIC YOU SAID, WATEVER UR FATHER DOES, HES UR FATHER.OK THE FACT DOES REMAIN THAT HE IS UR FATHER, BUT WHEN MY FATHER DID THAT TO MY MOTHER, I WAS DONE WITH HIM.I DONT AND WILL NEVER CONDONE ADULTRY.I'VE WASHED MY HANDS OF MY FATHERS ACTIONS. YEA WE SHOULD ACCEPT OUR PARENTS FAULTS BC THEY ACCEPT OURS BUT THE THINGS HES DONE, NA FORGET IT, IM EVEN EMBARASSED TO SAY HE IS MY FATHER. SOME NIGERIAN ( OK SOME )MEN, WOW. IM NIGERIAN BUT DAMN, WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO SETTING A GOOD EXAMPLE FOR YOUR KIDS?