Salams all,

Is anyone aware of a polygamy clause one can put in a nikah contract having the husband agree to not get another wife? I have heard of it being done in some muslims countries. I think it has the husband agree to not get another wife and if he breaks the contract you are entitled to an automatic divorce if you choose to. I want to put it in my contract when I get married b/c I cannot bear to share my husband. I don't want a lecture about polygamy. I know it's halal and part of our religion but it is NOT FARD/Obligatory so save me that speech. I want to have it in there so that even if he does do it anyway, I can divorce him easily. Otherwise, it would be a long process for a woman to get a divorce. If he refuses to give me one than I have to go through a judge. A lot of women take up to years even for the judge to grant them a divorce. Polygamy is too much drama and fight and I would be miserable in such a marriage. Also I would be disgusted for him to touch me after being with another woman. However, what can bind him to that contract? I mean do you think it's worth it or a good idea? Should I even bring up the topic on polygamy with a potential husband? What if he wasn't considering it and my bringing it up brings his mind to it? Then again, he might be thinking of it and keep it to himself. I live in the U.S. which doesn't recognize Islamic law anyway so I don't think he can be bound to it anyway. It is something that scares me and if I can do something to prevent it I will. I am just afraid bringing it up with a potential spouse might actually make him think about it than if I didn't tell him anything. I just cannot bear the thought of sharing my husband. I don't know how the hell some women do it. I guess many of them don't have a choice and are trapped in the marriage, especially in Africa where society makes it so hard to get a divorce. Is it a valid reason to divorce your husabd b/c he married another wife? ALL the women with the exception of one I know that stay in those type of marriages are usually miserable especially if they are the 1st wife. Who wants to be in a mariage where another woman and her children come first? if he favors her over you, he will favor her children over yours as well. I don't want to play second best to another woman. I don't want to be in a marriage where another woman is more important to my husband than me b/c we all know he will ALWAYS have a favorite and it is usually the new wife.

Sorry, can't help you there but prevention is better than cure. Just like signing pre-nup, when you have a lot to lose and you don't know tomorrow. Then again it shows you don't trust your hubby/can't predict what he's capable of, or not. But it wont stop him from cheating -if that's the kind of person he is. But go ahead with it, it's for your sanity/peace of mind. Talk him about it and get him to understand. Tell him to see it as an agreement with God.

@nene1, your post has confusion written all over it. You want people to advise you and at the same time you are actually specifying the kind of advise you want. I will be frank with you, any woman seeking to bind her future husband by any form of contract so as not to be able to marry a second wife is seeking to forbid what Allah has made permissible. Are you sure you want to take-on your creator over this or any other issue?

You talk like a woman without faith in Allah to make her happy. Hence, she wants to take her destiny in her own hands. I laugh at your naivety. Don't push your luck, God has a way of dealing with us sometimes in ways that only he can.

Nene1 #Sweetheart, it is understandable to be fretful about this issue as a young woman. That is why you have to look out for a man that truly loves you and develop yourself into a woman that he will not want to disappoint. Going by this post you are far from that at the moment. However, there is hope for you if you are willing to change your orientation and outlook to life.

The best you can do is find a Muslim man whose outlook to marital life is not to go for Polygamy because he prefers Monogamy. Islam allows both so there will be Muslim men who like to be monogamous and there will be Muslim men who like to be polygamous. The choice is yours. It is possible for you to get a man to promise you not to marry another woman if you insist but I sincerely believe that you lose a lot of Allah's blessings by insisting that what he has made permissible to your man be made 'impermissible' to him.

Forget about what any cleric will say, ask yourself did the female companions of the Prophet (SAW) make such requests of their husbands? Didn't they want to enjoy their husbands by themselves? How will you stand in relation to them and other women who make no such demands?

Before you think I am speaking out of my personal lust for women. Know that I as a man prefer to be monogamous. So my position is not born out of selfish interests.

@ maclatunji:

How can you tell whether a man is going to be monogamous or polygamous? You don't know what can happen in the future. Maybe at that moment I ask he will say yes only you b/c he is having all those newly wed feelings and doesn't have it in mind or he might have it in mind and just tell me what I want to hear instead of telling me the truth. I am sure a lot of women feel shocked when their husband announces to them that he got a 2nd wife. Also I don't see what is wrong with making my husband to promise not getting another wife. I am not prohibiting him from anything that is FARD on him as a muslim so he will not be sinning by choosing monogamy. Either is halal. Also, it is not as if he could be coerced to do it. He has to choose to agree to it. Polygamy is very common among West African men as you know so I can't help but feel worried. I keep hearing so and so's husband just got another wife and my father himself has plans to do it in the future.

nene1: @ maclatunji:

How can you tell whether a man is going to be monogamous or polygamous? You don't know what can happen in the future. Maybe at that moment I ask he will say yes only you b/c he is having all those newly wed feelings and doesn't have it in mind or he might have it in mind and just tell me what I want to hear instead of telling me the truth. I am sure a lot of women feel shocked when their husband announces to them that he got a 2nd wife. Also I don't see what is wrong with making my husband to promise not getting another wife. I am not prohibiting him from anything that is FARD on him as a muslim so he will not be sinning by choosing monogamy. Either is halal. Also, it is not as if he could be coerced to do it. He has to choose to agree to it. Polygamy is very common among West African men as you know so I can't help but feel worried. I keep hearing so and so's husband just got another wife and my father himself has plans to do it in the future.

You miss the point; who made polygamy permissible for men? Allah.
Who is the only one who can make polygamy impermissible for men? Allah. You and I know that is impossible because Islam is already perfected.

You are appealing to sentiment my sister. Your attempt to make that which is permissible impermissible for whatever reason is close to being sinful in my own humble opinion. It does not matter what the end result is.

A woman can put a polygyny restriction clause on her nikkai contract and if the man agrees to it,,, He is bound by it.... This is the position of many scholars....

The allowance for more than one wife is conditional on treating them fairly, Not many can achieve that anyways.

tbaba1234: A woman can put a polygyny restriction clause on her nikkai contract and if the man agrees to it,,, He is bound by it.... This is the position of many scholars....

[s]The allowance for more than one wife is conditional on treating them fairly, Not many can achieve that anyways.[/s]

1. What does it say about the faith of the woman?

2. Many scholars vs. Allah's direct word?

I intend to be monogamous but God knows that I will not promise any woman that I will not marry a second wife. If she does not believe in me to treat her right then she is not worthy to be my wife- QED!

nene1: @ maclatunji:

How can you tell whether a man is going to be monogamous or polygamous? You don't know what can happen in the future. Maybe at that moment I ask he will say yes only you b/c he is having all those newly wed feelings and doesn't have it in mind or he might have it in mind and just tell me what I want to hear instead of telling me the truth. I am sure a lot of women feel shocked when their husband announces to them that he got a 2nd wife. Also I don't see what is wrong with making my husband to promise not getting another wife. I am not prohibiting him from anything that is FARD on him as a muslim so he will not be sinning by choosing monogamy. Either is halal. Also, it is not as if he could be coerced to do it. He has to choose to agree to it. Polygamy is very common among West African men as you know so I can't help but feel worried. I keep hearing so and so's husband just got another wife and my father himself has plans to do it in the future.

How can you tell that a man is going to be faithful to you or not? You don't know what can happen in the future. Maybe at that moment he is in love with you and another woman has not yet come along to entice him. Unfaithfulness is very common around the world with many married men having lovers. I keep on reading and hearing of heart-broken women who later find-out that they have been living a lie with their "it is only me and my husband" mentality.

It is funny how women are quick to point out that a man as a leader of his household should not be inflexible but they are all-too-willing to tie a man up in black and white to suit themselves. Am I the only one that sees that something isn't right with that?

maclatunji:

1. What does it say about the faith of the woman?

2. Many scholars vs. Allah's direct word?

I intend to be monogamous but God knows that I will not promise any woman that I will not marry a second wife. If she does not believe in me to treat her right then she is not worthy to be my wife- QED!

It is up to the man to accept or reject it...

1.It isn't directly linked to her faith because polygyny is conditional. but i get where you are coming from

2. Allah only gives a conditional permission...it is not wajib

The women have this right and men do not have to like it.

tbaba1234:

It is up to the man to accept or reject it...

1.It isn't directly linked to her faith because polygyny is conditional. but i get where you are coming from

2. Allah only gives a conditional permission...it is not wajib

The women have this right and men do not have to like it.

Hehehe! Okay! Okay!! Okay!!!. Let me help nene1 out here; read this and go skipping along with glee.

http://islamqa.info/en/ref/5983

I would advise you to be careful with this tool though. It is a double-edged sword!

maclatunji:

Hehehe! Okay! Okay!! Okay!!!. Let me help nene1 out here; read this and go skipping along with glee.

http://islamqa.info/en/ref/5983

I would advise you to be careful with this tool though. It is a double-edged sword!

What do you mean "double-edged sword"?

tbaba1234:


What do you mean "double-edged sword"?

I sincerely think that a woman who seeks to guarantee that her husband will exclusively be hers through this means is NAIVE. My reasons are: he could marry a second wife in secret and not let her know or he could keep a lover that she wouldn't know-of. Note that all-the-while she has been congratulating herself on 'HER CLEVERNESS' at putting the anti-polygamy clause in her pre-nuptial contract.

Let's say after about 15 years, she finds out by accident that her Husband has another woman with kids for him, do you think her pre-nuptial contract has any value then? The woman is bound to be heartbroken and may even die of shock! Meanwhile, the man can always move on to the other woman.

Did I hear you say Allah will punish him for it? That might be true but who is feeling the pain? It is you my dear lady.

maclatunji:

I sincerely think that a woman who seeks to guarantee that her husband will exclusively be hers through this means is NAIVE. My reasons are: he could marry a second wife in secret and not let her know or he could keep a lover that she wouldn't know-of. Note that all-the-while she has been congratulating herself on 'HER CLEVERNESS' at putting the anti-polygamy clause in her pre-nuptial contract.

Let's say after about 15 years, she finds out by accident that her Husband has another woman with kids for him, do you think her pre-nuptial contract has any value then? The woman is bound to be heartbroken and may even die of shock! Meanwhile, the man can always move on to the other woman.

Did I hear you say Allah will punish him for it? That might be true but who is feeling the pain? It is you my dear lady.

I think any man who does that just puts himself in trouble..... He might even be commiting zina if the other marriage is considered invalid.... He is the only one doing wrong here...

The woman has a right to put the clause... The man will read the clause before marrying her and agree to it....

tbaba1234:
I think any man who does that just puts himself in trouble..... He might even be commiting zina if the other marriage is considered invalid.... He is the only one doing wrong here...

The woman has a right to put the clause... The man will read the clause before marrying her and agree to it....

I never said the man has done no wrong (in that scenario) all I am asking is: who will feel the pain? I says it is the woman.

polygamy or monogamy should not be seen as conditions placed by Allah (swt) or simply as obligatory.these are provisions or options.

the woman is free to make the condition that her husband should not marry another.if he breaks that promise then it is the man who has disobeyed Allah (swt) and broke his promise.that would give the woman good reason to divorce and easily too.

the woman is free to put that condition.however,putting the condition is no guaranty that the man would be faithful and honest.it is therefore important to know who you are planning to spend your life with.if there is love and understand and you too are compatible,then even if you put no condition he would not want another wife.however,if you fear that things might change with time,then putting the clause could restrain him if he is God-fearing.if not,then he may not even bother to take another wife.he'd be a cheat.so trust,understanding,love and compatibility are very important.

^Well said! Exactly what I have been trying to say.

a very nice video in replying the christians on polygamy by Sheikh Deedat:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=n572sFAaL68&NR=1

I understand what you guys are saying. My mom said the same thing. She said there is not much you can do if your man comes loves another woman. It won't take away the pain. I think I would divorce him in that situation, but I really don't want to divorce though. A second wife and a mistress is not much of a difference to me. It is all a slap in the face. It is still your husband sleeping with another woman and worse he will be having kids by her. With a 2nd wife he just gives the other woman rights and she becomes a wife just like you. Even just thinking about polygamy makes me upset much less if it actually happened. I just don't think I can handle it.

It is not about not trusting your husband to treat you well. People change that is the problem. He can be treating all well until he starts to fancy some secretary at his job or some other woman he meets that makes him change towards you. Most men cannot be just between two women. I think I will just not even mention the topic at all with a potential husband. I don't want to appear too jealous to him. That might actually push him to do it so it could actually backfire. I know a Sengalese celebrity who was asked on TV how she felt about polygamy and she indirectly said she was too attractive to get a 2nd wife and guess what happens. Her husband marries again a few months after that interview. I think I will just make sure to protect my own money during marriage keep it separate from his, like no joint accounts. Many men use their 1st wife's money to build a house in Africa for their 2nd wives. The problem with polygamy in Africa is that the other women and her family will not leave you alone and will continue to use black magic on you and your children. It just brings unnecessary rivalry and drama into your life and it is hard to be at peace.

@nene1, did you just call another (hypothetical) woman a female dog? Please edit that.

There doesn't have to be animosity between the wives... sometimes polygyny works well.... My grand dad had three wives, the first wife breast fed the third wife son after she gave birth...

If you go beyond petty jealousy, you can actually build a sisterly kind of relationship.

maclatunji: @nene1, did you just call another (hypothetical) woman a female dog? Please edit that.

Oops. I modified that. As you can see I have strong feelings about this topic.

@taba1234: 3 wives? Wow one other woman is bad enough, but with with 3 or 4 of you, you just feel so insignificant like you are in a harem. I cannot imagine sharing my husband with up to 3 women. How in the world do these women live with this? I guess it differs based on where you grow up and your life circumstances. It just seems degrading to me, but maybe growing up in the West had made it hard for me to see the better side. I personally would not want much contact with the other women if I were to be put in such a situation. The only way I could be OK, not happy just OK with it is if we live in separate homes (which we are entitled to) and I don't have contact with ther unless necessary. Also I wouldn't want my husband to take my children around her or to her house when I am not there, but the thing is they will be his kids as well and you cannot control that. That is the problem. When he makes another woman a part of his life, she becomes part of your life by force as well.

It is not degrading... A few years ago, the survival of a family depended on having a big family that could work on the farm land... Social conditions like war make men to lose their lives, it gives women an opportunity to raise their kids in the family structure....

too late

Nene sweery, Islam allows u to put that in ur marriage contract. I have the intention of including a lot in mine sef. Like I would pursue my career to the fullest. I believe many Muslim women are cheated in their marriages because they do not have the proper Islamic knowledge.


May You and me not suffer in the hands of Men. Such a knowledge as this is POWER. thank you for bringing this up o jare.


May I say on a general note that people should learn Islam before discussing it?. I just dislike comments made out of ignorance/supposed wisdom/logic . SOrry, if it sounds offensive, I would have to say it later anyways. It is better to keep quiet than make assertions on what you have no knowledge about. Allah will ask every1 about their statements.

Pls where in the Koran is the marriage clause or contract written for polygamy?

mazaje: Pls where in the Koran is the marriage clause or contract written for polygamy?

First of all, it is called Quran...

You should know that Islam is made up the Quran, the Sunnah (way of the prophet) ... The sunnah shows how marriages should take place Islamically.

Before a marriage takes place, the wife outlines her conditions for marriage: If the man accepts the conditions, he is bounded by it ... this makes up the marriage contract... Failure for the man to meet any condition could be grounds for divorce..

She can put anything in her contract as long as it doesn't go against a compulsory Islamic principle. restricting Polygamy is just one of the clauses she could include in her contract.

deols: too late

Nene sweery, Islam allows u to put that in ur marriage contract. I have the intention of including a lot in mine sef. Like I would pursue my career to the fullest. I believe many Muslim women are cheated in their marriages because they do not have the proper Islamic knowledge.


May You and me not suffer in the hands of Men. Such a knowledge as this is POWER. thank you for bringing this up o jare.


May I say on a general note that people should learn Islam before discussing it?. I just dislike comments made out of ignorance/supposed wisdom/logic . SOrry, if it sounds offensive, I would have to say it later anyways. It is better to keep quiet than make assertions on what you have no knowledge about. Allah will ask every1 about their statements.

Hate my comments all-you-want. I still have my strong reservations on the validity of the clause and obviously there are a few scholars who would agree. I am not here to please you, you still have a lot of anger to deal with from me in the future with your mindset. #Fact

maclatunji:

Hate my comments all-you-want. I still have my strong reservations on the validity of the clause and obviously there a few scholars who would agree. I am not here to please you, you still have a lot of anger to deal with from me in the future with your mindset. #Fact

I think you should wipe those reservations because most of the scholars agree on this position except you know more than them:

Ibn Tamiyyah says:

yes, these conditions and similar ones are valid according to the[b] madhhab of Imaam Ahmad[/b] and other scholars among the Sahaabah and Taabi’een, such as ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab, ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas, Shurayh al-Qaadi, al-Oozaa’i and Ishaaq. According to the madhhab of Maalik, the condition states that if he marries another wife, (the first wife) has the choice of what to do, and this is a valid condition.

‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab said: ‘Rights are in accordance with conditions.’ The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) dictated that the conditions which make sexual intercourse permissible are more deserving of fulfilment than others. This is the ruling on conditions of this nature.”

http://islamqa.info/en/ref/5983

This is from the link you provided.

Do you disagree with the prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and Umar ibn khattab (RA)

tbaba1234:

I think you should wipe those reservations because most of the scholars agree on this position except you know more than them:

Ibn Tamiyyah says:

yes, these conditions and similar ones are valid according to the[b] madhhab of Imaam Ahmad[/b] and other scholars among the Sahaabah and Taabi’een, such as ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab, ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas, Shurayh al-Qaadi, al-Oozaa’i and Ishaaq. According to the madhhab of Maalik, the condition states that if he marries another wife, (the first wife) has the choice of what to do, and this is a valid condition.

‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab said: ‘Rights are in accordance with conditions.’ The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) dictated that the conditions which make sexual intercourse permissible are more deserving of fulfilment than others. This is the ruling on conditions of this nature.”

http://islamqa.info/en/ref/5983

This is from the link you provided.

Do you disagree with the prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and Umar ibn khattab (RA)

I am not here to argue about these positions because I had known of them in general terms before this topic was created. However, if I were a woman, I would still have personal reservations on the matter. That is not to say I am disputing the positions of the Sahabah.
Note that all of your sources have not said the 2nd marriage is illegal. In fact, they have not said that divorce on such a case is automatic.
In essence, the clause does not prevent the man from marrying a second woman which is what it is meant to prevent in the first place.

If I wanted to argue, I wouldn't have presented the fatwa I brought-forth. My comment is clearly directed at deols who seems to think she has the moral high-ground on this one.

I don't think this clause changes much in the marriage situation. Except for giving the woman a sense of security and maybe property especially in the western world where it is popular and even subject to western laws.

Summary: I wouldn't begrudge anybody that wants the clause but I do see it as being antithetical to the spirit of marriage as taught by the Prophet (SAW)- that is not to say it is Haram. Hence, I had no problems giving nene1 the fatwa.

And Allah Knows Best.

I would really like to study this issue more: How come it is so prevalent in the West and not elsewhere? Are you telling me that out of the millions of Muslim men in the United States, none of them wants a second wife? Is there a movement or attempt at making Polygamy a sort of taboo in Islam coming from the west?

These are some of the questions that run through my mind on this issue.

tbaba1234:

First of all, it is called Quran...

You should know that Islam is made up the Quran, the Sunnah (way of the prophet) ... The sunnah shows how marriages should take place Islamically.

Before a marriage takes place, the wife outlines her conditions for marriage: If the man accepts the conditions, he is bounded by it ... this makes up the marriage contract... Failure for the man to meet any condition could be grounds for divorce..

She can put anything in her contract as long as it doesn't go against a compulsory Islamic principle. restricting Polygamy is just one of the clauses she could include in her contract.

OK. . .

So it is not written in the Quran, where in the hadiths is it written?. . .

you guyz should give mac a break.
His position is quite sound, the clause does not preclude a second wife, its just to give the wife a good reason for a divorce etc.
I believe the clause does not make polygamy "haram" for him, if he changes his mind later or finds a good reason for marrying a second wife, then he can talk about it with his wife and the wife has the choice to stay or leave.
@nene1 in as much as polygamy is permissible, there are still some muslim males who wouldnt do it for any reason. May Allah grant you your desired man who will have the fear of Allah and love you completely amin.

mazaje:

OK. . .

So it is not written in the Quran, where in the hadiths is it written?. . .

Where is the contract for marriage written? because you know, it is just a clause right?