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Stats: 1061184 members, 1231486 topics. Date: Monday, 20 May 2013 at 01:08 PM
|Re: Do I Leave Or Remain In This? by Idowuogbo(f): 11:49pm On May 11, 2012|
Daresh:It don do na! Haba! Spare us d daggers jare! Ewo loshi gan!
|Re: Do I Leave Or Remain In This? by Tgirl4real(f): 11:59pm On May 11, 2012|
steph7: OP do you buy clothes, toiletries, recharge cards for your husband ? 8 years isn't beans oh!
I wonder o. Do u give him pocket money as well Cos I wonder how he gets by.
Soon, he will start sleeping with his kids
|Re: Do I Leave Or Remain In This? by jennykadry(f): 12:42am On May 12, 2012|
Before nko? She must be giving him money for boxers too, abi him no go change boxers again?
Phew Infact make nobody vex me today
|Re: Do I Leave Or Remain In This? by ifyalways(f): 1:02am On May 12, 2012|
Commuting that Akute horrible road daily is enough reason for anyone to be mad,add that to a jobless,pennyless,lazy husband You too try,woman!
Im curious though,how do u manage to keep a homefront ie feed,shelter,educate,transport yourself and your family all these years?
I honestly dont know if i would be able to go allllllll the way like u've done for 8 years but my 2 cents is this;Give your husband ultimatum and mean it by not "enabling" his lazy bones,he has to go out and look for something,anything that would be bringing in money.Don't you have parents or brothers?Invite your and his immediate family and tell them what you've been bearing so they too can talk to him and push his bones to go out.If you've been giving him cash,stop already.Tell your landlord to ask him directly for all fees for the house and stop paying(unless when it comes to eviction),who knows the insults from outsiders might wake him up.
Btw,why do u want to leave now?Which can/cant you bear anymore?A cheat,a lazy irresponsible man or both . . .just asking cos theres a probability that he wont stop cheating even when he gets a job.
|Re: Do I Leave Or Remain In This? by davidylan(m): 2:20am On May 12, 2012|
moremi2008: Was this post moved here from the Romance section? I can't believe the comments I have read here so far.
he is virtually unemployable now.
|Re: Do I Leave Or Remain In This? by davidylan(m): 2:24am On May 12, 2012|
every man is a wife beater. It just depends on how and when you "beat" her... there are some situations that basically crying for "beating" your wife.
|Re: Do I Leave Or Remain In This? by Ivynwa(f): 3:50am On May 12, 2012|
It's amazing how you took care of your family front for that 8 years. It's more amazing how a man can stay jobless for a sizzling 8 years & watch a woman toiling to put food on his table. He is proud without knowing that his pride cup is empty. The fact that he worked bank job does not mean that he will wait for eternity for a white collar job to do in Lagos where children return from school & go make some conductor runs to get money. A woman cannot even stay 8 years jobless like that & a man is feeling cool at it, sleeping with his househelps at that and having the audacity to tell a woman that it's no big deal that she is taking care of him. Does it mean that if no white collar/bank/executive job does not come that he will be jobless forever?
All in all he is your husband & I can't tell you to throw him away. He hasn't been motivated to an extent where he can throw his big pride aside & do any job, this is because of the way you have been providing for him & paying his bills. If you are not doing these, hunger & motivation will have driven him to hustle. I know that you can't find it in you to watch him go hungry but you need to think out a way of motivating and knocking him out of himself. You have to be very very careful at that because there have been cases of jealousy, mad rage, wounded (fr*aking pride) of men in such position over-reacting and taking out their frustrations on their spouse.
The big work you need to do is to think out how to cut down on providing for him without generating much animosity that may kill your marriage? If I were you when I go on vacation from my job, I will cunningly tell him that I lost my job or something, I will not stop feeding him but I will not be providing luxuries within that period not that you don't love him but just to move him into dusting up his proud pants to go hustle for his family. A woman once courageously stopped helping his armless son in doing anything just to make him learn to do things himself, the son cried and thought his mother hated him but that one act made him learn to do things for himself and he is now a great man known across the world as an eloquent motivational speaker. There are hundreds of menial jobs he can work in Lagos. He can make money at construction sites, at Idumota,Alaba,Aspamda Autoparts hustling for customers for traders, he can earn money as a bus conductor, as a cleaner, he can work with refuse collector trucks, as a security man, as a bouncer/bartender/mixologist in a club, as a cook in a restaurant he can work at Tasty Fried chicken/MrBiggs etc. If he must stay home, he can do stuffs from home like open a car wash, advertize to paint houses for people or even mow lawns, find something online to do, open a blog and work hard at it, write books, write for web sites [/b]that need content writers.
[b]You can also have a good chat with him and tell him that you want the two of you to do a one month earnest/serious search for job. Pray with him and get that session started, if you open threads here in nairaland seeking job for him, I am very very sure that you will succeed. You can open a thread in the Auto section asking for anybody that may need a car sales person, you can get talking with someone selling cars and that may get him a job. In the Computer/Programming section you can also open a thread asking for job for a male relative of yours, most people in such section work in IT Industry where they normally have job openings. The crazy part of it is when you make all that effort and gets something and he dares to look down on such job. He needs to get off his banker horse & go check out how Nigerians are hustling outside Nigeria, I'm sure when he does that he will not bat an eyelid to go get his hands dirty for a living. We know how to hang shoulder up in that our naija.
Nne biko I am still amazed, how did you take care of that family for 8 years----- dragging pregnancy to work,cooking,rearing children & still keeping strong? You are a superwoman. I am also baffled that you had to leave a maid/(maids you said) home alone with a man that regularly. Girl you are the one that served & garnished girls for him to be sleeping with. The way you were changing the maids for him, I am not sure you made him understand that you ain't tolerating fr*aking that. If he gives you a killer disease, how will you take care of your children dear? He can get a job next week, this month. The problem is whether he is humble enough to take on such jobs. If he keeps hanging up shoulder Banker style there and waiting to sit down in an oily executive office,things will be heaving down on you. Make him get up & hustle good.
|Re: Do I Leave Or Remain In This? by tasandra: 7:40am On May 12, 2012|
anoda lazy thin,in the name of a husband....
|Re: Do I Leave Or Remain In This? by Tgirl4real(f): 9:57am On May 12, 2012|
Me sef still dey wonder o.
|Re: Do I Leave Or Remain In This? by steph7(f): 10:05am On May 12, 2012|
jennykadry: Before nko? She must be giving him money for boxers too, abi him no go change boxers again?
Tgirl4real:Exactly, what I'm saying, since he knows he gets certain benefits from her, ultimatum is the best case, if not kick his lazy Bottom out. Lemme the girl that will want to take in a lazy man. Even if the OP sets up a biz for her husband I'm sure biz will fail, cos that man will be too lazy to run a business
|Re: Do I Leave Or Remain In This? by taryour(f): 11:25am On May 12, 2012|
yes steph,d man is practically a very lazy man and myt not run d biz well if his wife set him up with one due to his lazyness,but dont u think d op should still give it a shot after they myt av both ad a real heart to heart discussion and with d ultimatums,he could b willing to change and run a biz well u know. Mayb i avnt gone tru d post well but i avnt seen were d op put dat he faild in a biz and she asnt come back to respond to any post either. I still tink d biz should b given a trial or dnt u tink?
|Re: Do I Leave Or Remain In This? by jennykadry(f): 11:38am On May 12, 2012|
I said it once that the reason why some men Cheat is because we women allow it. Go through the responses on this thread and see for yourself, women telling their fellow women to support him, be there for him, do this do that. If their husbands read their posts on this forum now and see where they have been writing about giving their all in a marriage where the man cheats all he time, give me one good reason why these men won't cheat if they get the opportunity to? You see my mother during one of our marriage seminars pre marriage, after she'd told my husband how stubborn I was and bla bla bla and he should not let me get my way all the time or should watch so that my mouth will not get me into trouble, or my anger not cause me to Kill someone (gosh the things she told my husband, still wonder why he went ahead with the wedding ) told my husband "my daughters can let go of anything but can never let go of the hurt a serial cheat or abuser will bring them and if these happens, they will walk and I will be 100% behind them cos my husband has never done any of that to me and I believe my kids deserve men like that"
This is a woman in her 60's and she told me her mum gave her the same lectures. So where did all these low esteem women get their own brains from?
LMAO, you crack me up
|Re: Do I Leave Or Remain In This? by jennykadry(f): 11:52am On May 12, 2012|
figures: it will definitely be over. That is a worse example than divorce. I pray it doesn't degenerate to that level sha.
I asked because you made it look like divorce isn't an option because it affects female children and I wanted to know what will happen if God forbids it got to that stage where your daughters watch him beat you, what you will do. Stay because of the girls and make them keep believing that it is okay for a man to hit a woman or leave because yu think the environment is not condusive for them and they deserve better?
People say divorce is not An option and I laugh Whenever I read that. What happens if a man Molests his own daughter? Stay in thaT marriage for the betterment of the kids?
|Re: Do I Leave Or Remain In This? by steph7(f): 12:23pm On May 12, 2012|
taryour:tayo, I meant if she sets up a biz for him, how many men do u know that will sit at home and let their wives be the breadwinner for 8 years, if the man was serious he shud have set up something since. Op giving him a deadline is best option, get something doing or get ur lazy b.u.tt out of my house.
|Re: Do I Leave Or Remain In This? by steph7(f): 12:33pm On May 12, 2012|
jennykadry:exactly, like someone else said earlier, OP is a super woman, sleeping with your maids after you've finished feeding him etc.
|Re: Do I Leave Or Remain In This? by chaircover: 12:38pm On May 12, 2012|
Ha which biz?
The biz that he didnt go and beg his friends, ex collegues and family for a loan to buy pon pon and spade, or umbrella to be selling recharge cards or to buy a good iron to be doing washerman. He is too posh to work abi! if this guy sees 419 he will surely do.
Unless a man is sick, which well and sane man will sit at home for 8 years? doing what? when his mates are hustling all over the place.
In Nigeria, I do a lot of people watching and I see lots and lots of people doing all things to make ends meet. Everyone is about and doing something. The guy who sells me bread speaks impeccable English, so I am sure that he is a graduate. When I drive past, he recognizes the car and starts chasing the car and even when I have no intention of buying bread that day I am forced to stop and buy. That is a man who knows the importance of providing for his family.
I wouldnt waste my money setting up the posters husband, he will just squander it. The wife needs to give him an ultimatum and make conditions rather harsh. The pocket money should stop and the housegirls should stop for a start and I still dont know why she needs a househelp
|Re: Do I Leave Or Remain In This? by papatosibe: 12:48pm On May 12, 2012|
Leave, get a rich man and enjoy your life.
|Re: Do I Leave Or Remain In This? by andromida(f): 1:40pm On May 12, 2012|
This is too much, that man is just another child in the house. Do whatever needs doing to shake him from his slumber.
|Re: Do I Leave Or Remain In This? by 9lifes(m): 1:44pm On May 12, 2012|
Women don hear something.This is bad..this woman is going tru hell.
Woman if you don't want to leave this man,then you need to give him some mean love.You have to be hard on this man.
This man no get shame..God please give my sisters good husbands..
|Re: Do I Leave Or Remain In This? by 9lifes(m): 1:52pm On May 12, 2012|
From Nigeria King James bible.Religion is a dangerous weapon.
|Re: Do I Leave Or Remain In This? by Richvkunt(m): 1:56pm On May 12, 2012|
I suggest you leave me out of this and retreat to your safe position on the fence.
The last time I told you that most of the sob stories about worthless men are planted by feminists who have issues with men you refused to believe me.This is one of such stories,planted so that the feminists can engage in their favourite past time of male degeneration.
I bet the OP who has since conveniently disappeared from the thread is some where watching and getting her rocks off,at the male bashing going on.
Eight years-without a job?Husband sleeping with house maid and you keep on engaging new ones every four months?The mind boggles to what these females will think of next in order to achieve their vile aim.
|Re: Do I Leave Or Remain In This? by steph7(f): 2:23pm On May 12, 2012|
@ richkunvt, pray tell what is their vile aim ?
|Re: Do I Leave Or Remain In This? by dayokanu(m): 2:36pm On May 12, 2012|
jennykadry: Where is dayo and co? Look at a woman that sponsored her family and I know a lot of the wedding too, see what a man is doin to her.
Are you insinuating that the wife sponsoring the marriage is the cause of his infidelity? WOuld it have been better if the man had a job and he is still sleeping with housegirls?
OP, Why do you keep employing young housegirls after your husband sleeps with the last one? if you need help, employ a boy or a 60yr old woman
|Re: Do I Leave Or Remain In This? by Richvkunt(m): 3:15pm On May 12, 2012|
steph7: @ richkunvt, pray tell what is their vile aim ?
Since you failed to spell my moniker right,I am sure you did not understand my post.
Cool down and go back and read what I wrote again!
Finally,I do not want to get into any feminist arguments please,and by the way I am sure Big Bumper understands what I am saying.Thank you.
|Re: Do I Leave Or Remain In This? by Enoquin(f): 4:38pm On May 12, 2012|
It's not so hard to believe that few men can sit on their backside without doing anything for years. I once knew a man who did such and his was more than 10years. We moved to that neighborhood in 1996 and till after my service in 2010...the man didn't move his butt. I became aware of him when after my secondary school while going for jamb lessons, I usually saw him every morning with the same tee shirt and three quarters day in, day out.
Of course, after the wife came complaining/seeking advice from my mum about the man's stance on wanting another child (a male) since she had two females; my mum had to lie to the man that the wife's health wouldn't allow her take in.
This woman was the breadwinner, she gave the man pocket money each morning before going out to wherever she went to each morning, pay the rent, pay her children's school fees and still come home to cook for everyone. First time meeting the woman, one would think her too bitter except one hears her story...the woman died of hepatitis and brain tumor (according to what I heard) in 2010, she was buried in the a very cheap coffin because family and friends had contributed heavily to keep her alive. Her two daughters have been split, one with the church pastor and the other with the mother's best friend. The mother was her parents' only child. The man is in the village and is working as a school teacher in one of the village schools. Then when everyone begged him to work,his wife, the church people, his friends, the wife's family....he refused claiming to hate menial tasks...
A woman that stays at home for 8 years cannot be compared with a man that does, because a woman at home will take care of the house and kids but a man at home will nearly kill the woman of stress...haba! She is the help mate and not the care-taker, I bet the man does not help out with house chores...perhaps that is why she needs a maid for when the children come back from school
|Re: Do I Leave Or Remain In This? by papatosibe: 4:43pm On May 12, 2012|
Enoquin: It's not so hard to believe that few men can sit on their backside without doing anything for years. I once knew a man who did such and his was more than 10years. We moved to that neighborhood in 1996 and till after my service in 2010...the man didn't move his butt. I became aware of him when after my secondary school while going for jamb lessons, I usually saw him every morning with the same tee shirt and three quarters day in, day out.
Is that you for real or Photoshop?
|Re: Do I Leave Or Remain In This? by Enoquin(f): 4:45pm On May 12, 2012|
It is, any probs?
|Re: Do I Leave Or Remain In This? by Iranoladun(f): 5:13pm On May 12, 2012|
@op you've heard it from most people here.
My own 2cents:
Do a sudden death approach. Cut off all the fat. Disconnect your dstv, dont buy fuel for the generator, send the maid packing immediately if he refuse to take care of the kids arrange after school care for them. Tell him to get his butt out of the door daily looking for a job and give him one month to get a legal job no matter how menial or he would need to look for another address. No cooking lunch or breakfast for him, dont do anything for him again, no pocket money or toileteries
Even thoughI usually do not recommend it bt you need to call his family for a meeting with your parents in attendance. He may dissappear if you give him prior notice so it may be best you make it a suprise meeting. The Agenda is to discuss his joblessness and extract a public committment from him to get a job within a specified time frame.
You really tried! 8 years! That your hubby is a loafer and please do not waste your money setting him up in any business. If he has any business sense or shame he would have draw up a business plan since and ask you for help!
|Re: Do I Leave Or Remain In This? by Guitarlife: 6:24pm On May 12, 2012|
After reading what a married woman has written here and the quantity of venom she is capable of spitting, all I can say is may the lord order the step's of all bachelor's preparing to get married. It's true the bible that say's the worst thing a man can experience is being holed up with a woman with a venomous tongue. Aha!!! How can a respectable woman who is married for that matter banter word's so shamelessly with anonymous people who could even pass for her last sibling's. Abeg guy's shine una eye well well o. This one go don turn local champion for im husband house o. I can practically see her husband tail between the leg's busy in the kitchen while she is spewing her acidic bile here on NL. P.S : I didn't mention any name's o cos I know you will soon drive in plus I hope I didn't commit any typo up there and if I did, temper justice with mercy. Just ignore this post if you know you are innocent otherwise you can respond*tongue out* #truthIsShe'sCpableOfEatingMeRaw
|Re: Do I Leave Or Remain In This? by babuji(f): 7:13pm On May 12, 2012|
moremi2008: Was this post moved here from the Romance section? I can't believe the comments I have read here so far.
|Re: Do I Leave Or Remain In This? by babuji(f): 7:19pm On May 12, 2012|
recruitmnt: Eight years I couldn't even stay in my parents house and remain jobless for a year after graduation, they will definately frustrate me out.lol. OP, you need tough love to deal with this man.. If you don't do something drastic, he'll get worse. Tell him your expectations from him and be firm!
|Re: Do I Leave Or Remain In This? by Idowuogbo(f): 7:34pm On May 12, 2012|
Guitarlife: After reading what a married woman has written here and the quantity of venom she is capable of spitting, all I can say is may the lord order the step's of all bachelor's preparing to get married. It's true the bible that say's the worst thing a man can experience is being holed up with a woman with a venomous tongue. Aha!!! How can a respectable woman who is married for that matter banter word's so shamelessly with anonymous people who could even pass for her last sibling's. Abeg guy's shine una eye well well o. This one go don turn local champion for im husband house o. I can practically see her husband tail between the leg's busy in the kitchen while she is spewing her acidic bile here on NL. P.S : I didn't mention any name's o cos I know you will soon drive in plus I hope I didn't commit any typo up there and if I did, temper justice with mercy. Just ignore this post if you know you are innocent otherwise you can respond*tongue out* #truthIsShe'sCpableOfEatingMeRawLMaooo!! U dey enter persin indirectly abi? U go hia am wen dem land.
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