Nairaland Forum

Daresh:

Madam if my husband repeatedly sleeps with housemaids and then opens his dirty jobless mouth and says there is no big deal in the woman being the breadwinner then I will kick him out. What bullshit. I am ashamed of women, your low self esteem is staggering.

steph7: OP do you buy clothes, toiletries, recharge cards for your husband ? 8 years isn't beans oh!

moremi2008: Was this post moved here from the Romance section? I can't believe the comments I have read here so far.

I am sure there are people here who will give you better advice than "communicate more", "be there for him". I think 6years is enough time for your husband to get his act together or at least be grateful to you for your steadfastness. You my lady are a tough, good woman. Even if your husband might not appreciate you, the men folk thank you for holding your family together single-handed.

There are two issues here that need to be dealt with separately: his joblessness and his infidelity. Addressing his joblessness requires a firm and delicate hand. You can't allow this man to keep lounging around! He has had no employment for 6years!!!! Chikena! At this rate, he might soon be unemployable! Have you both even discussed starting a business? You have to find a way to lovingly but firmly have him to go hustle like the rest of his mates! This situation is just unacceptable.

With regards to his infidelity, I think your husband needs a reality check. Some times, men take good things for granted because they can't imagine an alternate reality where they are held accountable for their actions. The next time he sleeps with another house-girl, gather solid, undeniable evidence and kick him out of the house! Let him promise you to never cheat on you again before you let him back in. You are already paying all the bills; he won't be missed. Please, whatever you do, don't bring up the issue of his joblessness as a reason for kicking him out! You don't want your contrite husband to finally find a job and start treating you badly because you were harsh with him when he was jobless. Make sure you make it clear that you're kicking him out for his infidelity, not his joblessness.

Dyt:

Hey woman, nt everyman is a wife beater lyk ur hubby

Leave mata n give her ur own advice

I dey wait read wetin mama pikin go write
*i so know u don't v any meaninful thing 2 say sha, jst ere 2 blabs n blame ppl wen ur hubby is doin worse*

jennykadry: Before nko? She must be giving him money for boxers too, abi him no go change boxers again?

Phew Infact make nobody vex me today

Tgirl4real:

I wonder o. Do u give him pocket money as well Cos I wonder how he gets by.
Soon, he will start sleeping with his kids

steph7:
Exactly, what I'm saying, since he knows he gets certain benefits from her, ultimatum is the best case, if not kick his lazy Bottom out. Lemme  the girl that will want to take in a lazy man. Even if the OP sets up a biz for her husband I'm sure biz will fail, cos that man will be too lazy to run a business

steph7:
Exactly, what I'm saying, since he knows he gets certain benefits from her, ultimatum is the best case, if not kick his lazy Bottom out. Lemme  the girl that will want to take in a lazy man. Even if the OP sets up a biz for her husband I'm sure biz will fail, cos that man will be too lazy to run a business

figures: it will definitely be over. That is a worse example than divorce. I pray it doesn't degenerate to that level sha.

taryour:

yes steph,d man is practically a very lazy man and myt not run d biz well if his wife set him up with one due to his lazyness,but dont u think d op should still give it a shot after they myt av both ad a real heart to heart discussion and with d ultimatums,he could b willing to change and run a biz well u know. Mayb i avnt gone tru d post well but i avnt seen were d op put dat he faild in a biz and she asnt come back to respond to any post either. I still tink d biz should b given a trial or dnt u tink?

jennykadry:

I said it once that the reason why some men Cheat is because we women allow it. Go through the responses on this thread and see for yourself, women telling their fellow women to support him, be there for him, do this do that. If their husbands read their posts on this forum now and see where they have been writing about giving their all in a marriage where the man cheats all he time, give me one good reason why these men won't cheat if they get the opportunity to? You see my mother during one of our marriage seminars pre marriage, after she'd told my husband how stubborn I was and bla bla bla and he should not let me get my way all the time or should watch so that my mouth will not get me into trouble, or my anger not cause me to Kill someone (gosh the things she told my husband, still wonder why he went ahead with the wedding ) told my husband "my daughters can let go of anything but can never let go of the hurt a serial cheat or abuser will bring them and if these happens, they will walk and I will be 100% behind them cos my husband has never done any of that to me and I believe my kids deserve men like that"

This is a woman in her 60's and she told me her mum gave her the same lectures. So where did all these low esteem women get their own brains from?


@daresh

LMAO, you crack me up

jennykadry:

I said it once that the reason why some men Cheat is because we women allow it. Go through the responses on this thread and see for yourself, women telling their fellow women to support him, be there for him, do this do that. If their husbands read their posts on this forum now and see where they have been writing about giving their all in a marriage where the man cheats all he time, give me one good reason why these men won't cheat if they get the opportunity to? You see my mother during one of our marriage seminars pre marriage, after she'd told my husband how stubborn I was and bla bla bla and he should not let me get my way all the time or should watch so that my mouth will not get me into trouble, or my anger not cause me to Kill someone (gosh the things she told my husband, still wonder why he went ahead with the wedding ) told my husband "my daughters can let go of anything but can never let go of the hurt a serial cheat or abuser will bring them and if these happens, they will walk and I will be 100% behind them cos my husband has never done any of that to me and I believe my kids deserve men like that"

This is a woman in her 60's and she told me her mum gave her the same lectures. So where did all these low esteem women get their own brains from?


@daresh

LMAO, you crack me up

Busy_body:
My first time on NL that I would be posting to say I don't believe a thread/story, so in[b] Richvkunt's[/b] speak all I gotta say is "hmmm"

jennykadry: Where is dayo and co? Look at a woman that sponsored her family and I know a lot of the wedding too, see what a man is doin to her.

steph7: @ richkunvt, pray tell what is their vile aim ?

Enoquin: It's not so hard to believe that few men can sit on their backside without doing anything for years. I once knew a man who did such and his was more than 10years. We moved to that neighborhood in 1996 and till after my service in 2010...the man didn't move his butt. I became aware of him when after my secondary school while going for jamb lessons, I usually saw him every morning with the same tee shirt and three quarters day in, day out.
Of course, after the wife came complaining/seeking advice from my mum about the man's stance on wanting another child (a male) since she had two females; my mum had to lie to the man that the wife's health wouldn't allow her take in.
This woman was the breadwinner, she gave the man pocket money each morning before going out to wherever she went to each morning, pay the rent, pay her children's school fees and still come home to cook for everyone. First time meeting the woman, one would think her too bitter except one hears her story...the woman died of hepatitis and brain tumor (according to what I heard) in 2010, she was buried in the a very cheap coffin because family and friends had contributed heavily to keep her alive. Her two daughters have been split, one with the church pastor and the other with the mother's best friend. The mother was her parents' only child. The man is in the village and is working as a school teacher in one of the village schools. Then when everyone begged him to work,his wife, the church people, his friends, the wife's family....he refused claiming to hate menial tasks...
A woman that stays at home for 8 years cannot be compared with a man that does, because a woman at home will take care of the house and kids but a man at home will nearly kill the woman of stress...haba! She is the help mate and not the care-taker, I bet the man does not help out with house chores...perhaps that is why she needs a maid for when the children come back from school

papatosibe:

Is that you for real or Photoshop?

moremi2008: Was this post moved here from the Romance section? I can't believe the comments I have read here so far.

I am sure there are people here who will give you better advice than "communicate more", "be there for him". I think 6years is enough time for your husband to get his act together or at least be grateful to you for your steadfastness. You my lady are a tough, good woman. Even if your husband might not appreciate you, the men folk thank you for holding your family together single-handed.

There are two issues here that need to be dealt with separately: his joblessness and his infidelity. Addressing his joblessness requires a firm and delicate hand. You can't allow this man to keep lounging around! He has had no employment for 6years!!!! Chikena! At this rate, he might soon be unemployable! Have you both even discussed starting a business? You have to find a way to lovingly but firmly have him to go hustle like the rest of his mates! This situation is just unacceptable.

With regards to his infidelity, I think your husband needs a reality check. Some times, men take good things for granted because they can't imagine an alternate reality where they are held accountable for their actions. The next time he sleeps with another house-girl, gather solid, undeniable evidence and kick him out of the house! Let him promise you to never cheat on you again before you let him back in. You are already paying all the bills; he won't be missed. Please, whatever you do, don't bring up the issue of his joblessness as a reason for kicking him out! You don't want your contrite husband to finally find a job and start treating you badly because you were harsh with him when he was jobless. Make sure you make it clear that you're kicking him out for his infidelity, not his joblessness.

recruitmnt: Eight years I couldn't even stay in my parents house and remain jobless for a year after graduation, they will definately frustrate me out.lol. OP, you need tough love to deal with this man.. If you don't do something drastic, he'll get worse. Tell him your expectations from him and be firm!

All the best ooo.

Guitarlife: After reading what a married woman has written here and the quantity of venom she is capable of spitting, all I can say is may the lord order the step's of all bachelor's preparing to get married. It's true the bible that say's the worst thing a man can experience is being holed up with a woman with a venomous tongue. Aha!!! How can a respectable woman who is married for that matter banter word's so shamelessly with anonymous people who could even pass for her last sibling's. Abeg guy's shine una eye well well o. This one go don turn local champion for im husband house o. I can practically see her husband tail between the leg's busy in the kitchen while she is spewing her acidic bile here on NL. P.S : I didn't mention any name's o cos I know you will soon drive in plus I hope I didn't commit any typo up there and if I did, temper justice with mercy. Just ignore this post if you know you are innocent otherwise you can respond*tongue out* #truthIsShe'sCpableOfEatingMeRaw