9ice one baby keep it up

Nice story,i smell hot romance and luv making from michael and teniola. Am subscribing full time.

You've got my eyes glued to every letter of your story from the beginning & that rearly happen with me. Good job

.

I love a girl easily when she's impressing. U're on the top form 4 me, loving u 2 much. Please mail me ur fb user name 4 add up. Or call (That's if am nt crossing d line)*08135199356* call me CASTOS.

[color=#990000][/color] @ Gentiejag.... Ds is an inspiration for me... U've got a good storyline and captivating too... Ur suspense is usually well-timed and not tacky.... Amateur advice (if u dont mind).... Why not try run anoda story concurrently wiv dat of Teniola, so dat wen u hit a suspense, d next chapter does not continue from where u stopped buh anoda story datz lnked to dat of Teni and Mike... Would luv to add u on facebook.... Username: LEYITTO...

Members take this section more seriously and visit it often! Don't let all the talents here waste away! Encourage these talents!

Can you imagine this incredibly piece of work/art/expression has been sitting here since May and its just been discovered today. That is not fair! You miss a lot when you don't comb all the corners of Nairaland. A lot!

am glad u got 2read dis gentie.more power 2ur elbow

your story line is very 9ice and interesting,but is quit unecessary here on nairaland.....

your story line is very 9ice and interestin, but is quit unecessary here on nairaland...

You are realy talented! You need to contact me, am a writer but a damn lazy one-yea i said it am lazy

Subscribing to this story. Pls dnt kip me waiting, my imagination is already running wild

I do not want to ever see you use 'Am' instead of 'I'm'. That just sucks.

Good effort sha.

haroldvicks: your story line is very 9ice and interestin, but is quit unecessary here on nairaland...

Last I checked, you weren't the owner of Nairaland.

Hmm...you've got an okay story but you need to flesh it out. I am sorry to say that the suspense is too light, the only surprise I had was that Michael was still alive.
When writing on scenes that have to with specialty, it will do if you research a bit so that you don't use common words...for example, memory loss could easily have been 'temporary amnesia'; a gun should be given a name...a glock, a smith...there are many kinds of guns so we should know which one.
I also noticed your switch with tenses in the first few installments...glad you worked on them. Please no short codes abeg as Efe said write your story offline so that you can write correctly. 'I type with my phone' is no excuse....I have typed more than 5 short stories with my phone...typed 3 'ghost written' articles for publication on my phone when my laptop went brain dead...so your's is not an excuse.
Join other sites that encourage and constructively criticize writers...you will be glad you did.
Finally, the road of a writer is often a lonely one and has no vacation. Every experience is needed...your observatory skills should be upped...that is be aware of your environment more...so that when you write, it seems more real.
Kudos!

Ok...tanx to every1 who advised me...i feel tempted to reply some parts but nope...i won't. Thank you y'all

haroldvicks: your story line is very 9ice and interesting,but is quit unecessary here on nairaland.....

We are enjoying it, pls its neccessary cus she need encouragement b4 getting a hard copy to d bk shops.

Teniola had finally succumbed to fixing an elevator in the building. She could not imagine taking the stairs again, her shrink had said she should try it, it would help push back the fears, maybe she would do that tomorrow, next week or next month, all she knew was right now, she was not ready for it.
*****************************
Chief Shodipo stood at the entrance of the conference hall,looking at the faces of the members of his party who were sitted, waiting for him.

Chief shodipo was 55 years old, he looked more of 65 though, his hairs were all white already, he was pot-bellied, walked with the aid of a walking stick, and could not stand for a long time yet he was an aspirant for the governorship post.

Chief Shodipo had a wife, but it was not of hidden knowledge that he had concubines, lots and loads of them. Some people even joked that the number of concubines and children that would grace his funeral would be so much that other people would not need to be invited.

As he walked in, different shouts were made. Shouts of 'Governor', 'The chosen one', ' Baba niyen!' ranged the air.

With his chubby hands raised in the air, he muttered 'Thank you', 'Ese', just as he was about to be sitted, someone raised a popular campaign jingle.

''Shodipo, bi won tie dibo, o ti wole''

After the song had been chanted for 5 or more times, the secetary asked that order be restored and the meeting started.

Interesting write-up

Am following

this is a beutiful piece.. kip it up
Ur efforts wil serve as encouragement to d lazy writers (me inclusive).
Thumbs up...
>jst saw it 2day<

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Gentie this is good.Whats ur FB name?I need to read more of ur work.I confess u hit one of my soft spots as I used to love writing prose up until 'I grew up' and the rat race took over the right side of my brain.

kudos. I came across this blog.

ezinearticles.com/?Imaginary-Essays:-Kick-Start-Your-Childs-Creative-Imaginative-With-This-Writing-Guide&id=7160656.

and I thought it would come in handy. Endeavour to read, you won't regret it. Keep up the good work. I'm secretly rooting for you.

ps: consider creating a blog for future short fictional stories.
Please use google, wikipedia etc to research names of doctors(specialists), medical conditions, professionals, equipments ...."guns" ......etc. Please pay more attention to details. Once again. Kudos.

Would like to share more ideas. Perhaps we can connect on fb ....Don't take this the wrong way

Its refreshing to see that there are still people who actually read in Nigeria.I am impressed.Somebody actually corrected and cautioned her on her English.I thought everyone was into the mobile -phone induced craze that now has everybody abbreviating words.Even ppl speaking bad English these days will claim that they are being fashionable.

I love novels,I can't even count how much I av read in a lifetime.Very nice storyline u've got there,bt lk pple already said,endeavour to write in full texts(no abbreviations),avoid 2 much use of informal words (except in cases where u're quoting a character),plus d use of 'am' without d subject 'I' is wrong.Mind ur 'tense' transitions.Try to slot in some vocabularies once in a while.And finally,put more effort into d description of ur characters and plots,using d 'humour' device won't hurt as well as it makes reading more fun.That's why I love books by pple like Alistair Macleans and James Hardley Chase,u can almost 'see' their characters.For example,describing ur character ''Chief Shodipo as follows would av been better:
''Chief Shodipo IS a 55 year old man,though he looked more like 65.His grey HAIR(doesn't av to be in plural form since it could also mean d whole strands of hair on one's head)is almost as good as white,his belly sticking far out into the atmosphere that the buttons of his shirt are thightly stretched as if they will pop apart anytime soon.As usual he is wielding his dear walking stick,he can't seem to stand erect for long without them,yet he is an aspirant for the governorship post.''

Considering my experience,at times I think I could make a good writer if only I put in a bit of interest,but I only write songs.I'm hoping to write an auto-biography someday though,that's after acheiving these lots of dreams dat I av,cos pple only read 'achievers' ' biographies. Once again good work and keep it up,we are waiting for more.

Wow! This is so beautiful.. Thumbs up.. Nice work.. Keep it up...

Oh babe! This suspense is killing, come and finish this story before i.... I don talk my own oh

Castos: I love a girl easily when she's impressing. U're on the top form 4 me, loving u 2 much. Please mail me ur fb user name 4 add up. Or call (That's if am nt crossing d line)*08135199356* call me CASTOS.

oga ade, you better park well Ooo! Infact you over-crossing the line. The girl is mine!

Wow! Nice story shawty, you got my sorry ass worried in suspense wanting to know the end in a hurry.......To God Be The Glory! Muah

Enoquin: Hmm...you've got an okay story but you need to flesh it out. I am sorry to say that the suspense is too light, the only surprise I had was that Michael was still alive.
When writing on scenes that have to with specialty, it will do if you research a bit so that you don't use common words...for example, memory loss could easily have been 'temporary amnesia'; a gun should be given a name...a glock, a smith...there are many kinds of guns so we should know which one.
I also noticed your switch with tenses in the first few installments...glad you worked on them. Please no short codes abeg as Efe said write your story offline so that you can write correctly. 'I type with my phone' is no excuse....I have typed more than 5 short stories with my phone...typed 3 'ghost written' articles for publication on my phone when my laptop went brain dead...so your's is not an excuse.
Join other sites that encourage and constructively criticize writers...you will be glad you did.
Finally, the road of a writer is often a lonely one and has no vacation. Every experience is needed...your observatory skills should be upped...that is be aware of your environment more...so that when you write, it seems more real.
Kudos!

she Is typIng tru her fone so she cant type in full