tpia@:

was it a male nler she had the affair with?

dayokanu?

Damn I am busted!!

Bisi, Why did you tell tpia the details of our sexcapades? Now everyone on NL would knw

coogar:

fair enough!



talking through your rose-tinted glasses again.
marriage is a big issue in nigeria. after a certain age, a babe is expected to
tie the nuptial knot. in most cases, the man she loves is not ready for marriage
yet and the babe is in a huge pressure to marry from family, relatives n friends.

then she decides to take her plan b on board. plan b is a guy she doesn't love at
all but the dude is ready to marry on the spot. the woman then settles for her 2nd
option just to carry the title of "mrs". it's called marriage of convenience. she's
only satisfying the society - not really herself. sadly, that is what is happening
in naija these days.



easy for you to talk.....
once you are pushing 30 and above.....even aki n pawpaw would be considered
by you! don't stay in the uk making these colourless comments. go and stay
in nigeria for a year or 2 and then feel what these babes are going through.

I see you trying to use society and peer pressure as an excuse but this is simply an attempt to justify being foolish and making very foolish decisions. A woman should have an ample amount of romantic affection for a man she's going to date talkless of marry! It isn't going to work otherwise and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to apprehend that fact.

I've stayed in Nigeria before, there are plenty of men there. Pushing 30 is still no reason to act foolish. Either ways only the poster can say whether 10 years of a loveless marriage is worth holding the 'Mrs' title.

queensmith:
I see you trying to use society and peer pressure as an excuse but this is simply an attempt to justify being foolish and making very foolish decisions.

yes...looking at it from the other side of the pond, it's easy to say it's foolish!
but i have spoken with few of these women and i have heard what they had to say
about it. an unmarried woman in nigeria carries a huge stigma of irresponsibility.

A woman should have an ample amount of romantic affection for a man she's going to date talkless of marry! It isn't going to work otherwise and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to apprehend that fact.

and if you don't find one you have an amount of romantic affection for? what
do you do? if the ones you seem to like are hooked or married, what do you do?
wait till 50 before you find love?

I've stayed in Nigeria before, there are plenty of men there. Pushing 30 is still no reason to act foolish. Either ways only the poster can say whether 10 years of a loveless marriage is worth holding the 'Mrs' title.

yes.....you are right.
there are plenty of men in nigeria...but when you trim it down
to plenty of men who want to settle down, the number decreases
sharply. finding a man(single) that wants to settle down and who
fits your criteria decreases your options even further....it's like
finding a needle in a haystack!

coogar:

yes...looking at it from the other side of the pond, it's easy to say it's foolish!
but i have spoken with few of these women and i have heard what they had to say
about it. an unmarried woman in nigeria carries a huge stigma of irresponsibility.

Well from either side of the pond, upon weighing the conditions that will make a woman happy. A normal individual wouldn't be able to maintain a relationship she's unhappy in. It's not as if you meet a guy you don't like an then jump into marriage. The normal dating/courtship/engagement process is enough time to analyse and conclude the relationship will not work. Even the most desperate of all cases is going to back down at a point. It will take someone having an affinity to misery or a sadist to sit in such an uncomfortable situation and still decide marriage is the next step.

coogar:
and if you don't find one you have an amount of romantic affection for? what
do you do? if the ones you seem to like are hooked or married, what do you do?
wait till 50 before you find love?
!

The way you are looking at things, you're giving me the impression that these women actually study the cases and know there is little confidence in marriage. To believe that I'd have to assume these women are smart. Given the type of decisions most of them make when choosing partners (ones they actually have alot of affection for) we all know this isn't true. And if they we're smart, they will easily conclude that jumping into a distressing situation isn't going to boost their social ego's any more than being old and unmarried will. It's a connundrum really, but I still do not believe it's easy to marry a man you don't like. (unless he has alot of money, and even so the money will produce love )

coogar:
yes.....you are right.
there are plenty of men in nigeria...but when you trim it down
to plenty of men who want to settle down, the number decreases
sharply. finding a man(single) that wants to settle down and who
fits your criteria decreases your options even further....it's like
finding a needle in a haystack!

I don't agree with this, men tend to be more family orientated back home. People keep saying finding a husband is hard but I think it's very easy, it's not as if bachelors and baby fathers are now in vogue (in Nigeria ). Come to think of it I don't know many available 40 year old men.

queensmith:

Well from either side of the pond, upon weighing the conditions that will make a woman happy. A normal individual wouldn't be able to maintain a relationship she's unhappy in. It's not as if you meet a guy you don't like an then jump into marriage. The normal dating/courtship/engagement process is enough time to analyse and conclude the relationship will not work. Even the most desperate of all cases is going to back down at a point. It will take someone having an affinity to misery or a sadist to sit in such an uncomfortable situation and still decide marriage is the next step.

the expect things to change in marriage. for some couples, things
did change....for some others, things got worse. it's a game of chance
but most naija babes would readily do a society wedding than risk
waiting for the knight in the shiny armour to arrive from the stratosphere.
the more you wait, the more your value reduces.....

The way you are looking at things, you're giving me the impression that these women actually study the cases and know there is little confidence in marriage. To believe that I'd have to assume these women are smart. Given the type of decisions most of them make when choosing partners (ones they actually have alot of affection for) we all know this isn't true. And if they we're smart, they will easily conclude that jumping into a distressing situation isn't going to boost their social ego's any more than being old and unmarried will. It's a connundrum really, but I still do not believe it's easy to marry a man you don't like. (unless he has alot of money, and even so the money will produce love )

that's not what i am saying ....i am telling you there's a social stigma
attached to unmarried women in naija. some fathers give their daughters deadlines.
so what are we talking about here? the question that hangs in the air is if the man
loves her. once that is ascertained, most naija babes walk into the marriage. it doesn't
matter if she loves him. one way love is enough, it doesn't have to be 2-way for these chics.

I don't agree with this, men tend to be more family orientated back home. People keep saying finding a husband is hard but I think it's very easy, it's not as if bachelors and baby fathers are now in vogue (in Nigeria ). Come to think of it I don't know many available 40 year old men.

family oriented, my arse.
are we talking about those same men who want to marry you and still do some
polying on the side? is that what you want or are you prepared to live
with your man having criminal conversations with another woman?

there are men in nigeria(about 40 million)
the ones that are single....maybe 10 million
single and professional....maybe 100,000
single, professional, dateable...1000
single, professional, dateable, marriageable, 10

and those 10 are fairly dispersed in the country.
how do you find a meagrely 10 men out of 160 million population?
these things are not written on their foreheads.
my friend, it's a needle in a haystack.

I won't be surprised if in the near future we get a COOGER WEDS QUEENSMITH invite. I swear you two have such good chemistry it is almost palpable.

Sisi_Kill: I won't be surprised if in the near future we get a COOGER WEDS QUEENSMITH invite. I swear you two have such good chemistry it is almost palpable.

actually, it's you i want but i develop
cold feet whenever i see you around.

miss sisikill, marry me!

coogar:

actually, it's you i want but i develop
cold feet whenever i see you around.

miss sisikill, marry me!

No waaaaay!! Not even!!

Didn't you read the WOMEN THEIR OWN WORST ENEMY THREAD?

We are trying to form a SISTERHOOD here and no man. . .no matter how wordy he is, is not gonna come between us.

Sisi_Kill:

No waaaaay!! Not even!!

Didn't you read the WOMEN THEIR OWN WORST ENEMY THREAD?

We are trying to form a SISTERHOOD here and no man. . .no matter how wordy he is, is not gonna come between us.

forget the sisterhood....what have they got to
offer apart from tales of woe and their feminism.

come to me, darling! i don't cheat
and i don't support wife battery. what else do you want?

coogar:
the expect things to change in marriage. for some couples, things
did change....for some others, things got worse. it's a game of chance
but most naija babes would readily do a society wedding than risk
waiting for the knight in the shiny armour to arrive from the stratosphere.
the more you wait, the more your value reduces.....

I get this, we are all guilty of it, but marriage is no simple thing. Marriage is a massive investment, it's the rest of your life. It's even more important in Nigeria where divorce is stigmatized. I don't believe people knowingly gamble with it. It's not that easy!

coogar:
that's not what i am saying ....i am telling you there's a social stigma
attached to unmarried women in naija. some fathers give their daughters deadlines.
so what are we talking about here? the question that hangs in the air is if the man
loves her. once that is ascertained, most naija babes walk into the marriage. it doesn't
matter if she loves him. one way love is enough, it doesn't have to be 2-way for these chics.

I agree, but cmon she has to feel him too. Even if it's imbalanced, it cannot be easy hooking up with a dude you're not attracted to. Even if she was desperate and has no sense.

coogar:
family oriented, my arse.
are we talking about those same men who want to marry you and still do some
polying on the side? is that what you want or are you prepared to live
with your man having criminal conversations with another woman?
.

Well compared to the British men, with the 40 year olds unmarried and still feeling funky. It doesn't mean they are responsible, or faithful. Nigerians are just conditioned to settle down, the women and the men. . Parading in your 40s isn't cool back home.

coogar:
there are men in nigeria(about 40 million)
the ones that are single....maybe 10 million
single and professional....maybe 100,000
single, professional, dateable...1000
single, professional, dateable, marriageable, 10

and those 10 are fairly dispersed in the country.
how do you find a meagrely 10 men out of 160 million population?
these things are not written on their foreheads.
my friend, it's a needle in a haystack.

I agree that there's alot more marriageable women than men (because most of them are retarded). But there is still enough for the women not to resort to such desperate situations.

Sisi_Kill: I won't be surprised if in the near future we get a COOGER WEDS QUEENSMITH invite. I swear you two have such good chemistry it is almost palpable.

I may need to redirect you to some other threads!

queensmith:

I may need to redirect you to some other threads!

I have seen the other threads, that's how I came to my conclusion.

I knew they were going to do it.

I knew coogar and queensmith would ultimately get married.

Happy married life homie

Why are you guys derailing the thread with daft, teenage gossip! Nobody cares who Dayokunu is kpekusing! Take that sh[i]i[/i]t to the Romance Section, please! People that get laid in real life don't discuss it on the internet!

Every time I see this thread, I end up humming

And I am telling you
I'm not going.
You're the best man I'll ever know.
There's no way I can ever go,
No, no, no, no way,
No, no, no, no way I'm livin' without you.
I'm not livin' without you.
I don't want to be free.
I'm stayin',
I'm stayin',
And you, and you, you're gonna love me.

dayokanu:

Damn I am busted!!

Bisi, Why did you tell tpia the details of our sexcapades? Now everyone on NL would knw

j/k!!!!

stillwater: Every time I see this thread, I end up humming

And I am telling you
I'm not going.
You're the best man I'll ever know.
There's no way I can ever go,
No, no, no, no way,
No, no, no, no way I'm livin' without you.
I'm not livin' without you.
I don't want to be free.
I'm stayin',
I'm stayin',
And you, and you, you're gonna love me.

The song appeals to me too, right now I am watching an American Idol episode in which one of the contestants sang the song with another musician.

I'm staying
And you, you, you 're gonna love meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

@Poster
If you are staying (I'm actually singing this)
then you you you gotta love himmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

You seem to have grudges dear, free up your mind Babes.

chaircover:

Sorry no mail fron you yet. . .I wasnt ignoring you

I sent it 2 days ago. Will resend it tonight.
Thanks

OP, since u said Jesus lives in u, i'll like to base wateva i am going to tell u on his word.
First, d notion; "fall in love" is actually an abberation. Wat d bible says is Love! D world makes it look as if it isn't in ur power to love, as if it is an emotion dat just happens but no, it is something we decide to or not to do. Gal 5:22 (nlt) "but when d holy spirit controls our lives, he will produce dis kind of fruit in us: LOVE,..." Dear, let him his work in u. U'll soon learn dat love expresses itself in been patient, kind, humble, courteous, yielding, forgiving,...(1cor. thirteen-four). Den you concentrate on wats needful.
Know dis, for as long as u let d devil, he'll continue to steal from u ur joy & happiness in marriage so decide wat u want. I believe u can make it work if u mean to. God bless u.

My dear this problem is not unusual in marriage.
Fact is that you have am man who is actually worthy to be loved and
you are worthy to be loved.
So yes you both made some mistakes that is human and only strengthens the relationship.
My dear all the components are there it depends on how you mix the brew.
Fact is that you have a problem with sex!!!! You may not realise it but you do.
Now do not think that because you made love to another man and liked it means that the problem lies in your husband.
On the contrary there are some people that have problems making love to a man they love, the just have some odd tendencies and hate to admit it.
I wonder sometimes what would happen if every man and woman could read what was going on in the mind of the partner they are making love to.... it would probably end up in desaster.
Fact is that most women to enjoy sex use their power of fantasy to arouse them, ( okay sorry to leak the secret).
You are wasting so many years you could have enjoyed in happiness.
You need to use the power of suggestion and learn to love the man... one can learn to love and also to have sexual pleasure.
Get rid of your hang ups and start telling yourself that you love him. Then go on to get things going.
Tell your husband what you want, many women just prefer love and affection, take your time and don`t just jump into the covers. I mean it would be okay for your husband to go slowly and not move to the next step, till you are comfortable with it. So sitting together on the sofa with your heads on his laps and feeling good with it is a major move and enough for one night.
The problem is that you need to be honest about it to your husband. This is not about love but about sex.
When you start having good sex with your husband the relationship will improve in other ways too.

Better stay o!
Just 'chop and clean mouth and nyansh' once in a while like I DO!
The 'bia-bia' is not blacker on the outside!
Neither does a blokos stay strong for h-ever! It gets to a stage. . . VIAGRA CANNOT EVEN 'ELP!
At least you 'ave the memories!!! THE BEST PART OF MARRIAGE!!!
Amen!!!

i have neva commented nor post before...dear i really feel for u . luv comes to dos who blive altho de ve been hurt, luv comes to dos who hope althogh de ve been betrayed. luv comes to dos who truely blieve in luv.....i can go on and on. u nid to work on urslf and stop dat believe dat u ll neva luv him, sit and have a hrt to hrt talk with him, talk abt d past deeds and trash it out once and for all...u cant carryon like ds, u deserve to b happy.

i was once in a similar situation only dat we re nt married . i was in a relationship for 7 years without any iota of luv though d relatnship ws on and off and i ws naive buh i had to opt out cus i knw i could neva luv him cus i neva luved him. he wasn't just my type and he knew buh kept on persuadin me.....buh i latr broke up wt him amicably.

dnt mind my typing. am usim my fone

preety jay: i have neva commented nor post before...dear i really feel for u . luv comes to dos who blive altho de ve been hurt, luv comes to dos who hope althogh de ve been betrayed. luv comes to dos who truely blieve in luv.....i can go on and on. u nid to work on urslf and stop dat believe dat u ll neva luv him, sit and have a hrt to hrt talk with him, talk abt d past deeds and trash it out once and for all...u cant carryon like ds, u deserve to b happy.

i was once in a similar situation only dat we re nt married . i was in a relationship for 7 years without any iota of luv though d relatnship ws on and off and i ws naive buh i had to opt out cus i knw i could neva luv him cus i neva luved him. he wasn't just my type and he knew buh kept on persuadin me.....buh i latr broke up wt him amicably.

dnt mind my typing. am usim my fone

7 yrs wasted with someone you never loved? You get time o.

Gerrout! Exactly, what I have been humming. Weird

But OP it could be your hubby singing this for you oh...he might be doing all his best to make sure you love him.

stillwater: Every time I see this thread, I end up humming

And I am telling you
I'm not going.
You're the best man I'll ever know.
There's no way I can ever go,
No, no, no, no way,
No, no, no, no way I'm livin' without you.
I'm not livin' without you.
I don't want to be free.
I'm stayin',
I'm stayin',
And you, and you, you're gonna love me.

Jeehova!!
How do you survive the cold nights without the strong hands of your nigg@ around you? @ poster. You dey try. I for don kolo mehn! For God's sakes you married him,and for 12 years,you just endured his presence and even stole a few shows outside your matrimony.

IMO,your marriage have what most Naija marriages lack,friendship'. Its now left for you to work on the sexx part.
Whatever it was the dude did to you over 12 years ago,I think he's paid for it in full. Its time to start enjoying your marriage.
I feel bad that I just saw this topic now,my bobo took me clubing last night and we got home by 3 and he guy no gree me sleep. So I slept all day.

Nne!! You are missing a lot o! Get your grove on before you age unexpectedly.
Gbam!!

[quote authobisiback post=10857817]Yes i am holding on to my marriage i am not leaving, we have 2 beautiful kids. I just need to know if anyone knows where i can buy love.

He is good looking, everyone likes him, he is generally an ok person. Though he has hurt me in the past but to be fair he is not the worst man. He is not violent as well. He provides the little he can i help out as well.

My only problem is i do not love my husband, we have been married for over a decade i have tried and tried and tried as much as i can but i just cant find any emotion however small for him. Something happened shortly before we got married and i found that the love i had for him grew wings and flew away but stupidly believe i could grow the love back with time but after 12 years i still cant find it.

Sxxx is a challenge for us we do it for marital obligation not for pleasure infact i never for once enjoy it with him, its sad, its killing i wish i enjoy it like every other woman but as much as i try i cant find any emotion. We dont kiss i find it disgusting, dont hug it makes no meaning to me, we dont make love it irritates me we do however manage to have sxxx

I feel nothing, absolutely nothing for him, we relate as friends not husband/wife. He has tried his best he has resigned himself to fate, i have as well but sometimes its killing to live this way. I feel for him i really do no man should live like this. He never consider leaving, i do at times but i cant, i am not.

Where on earth can i buy love?[/quote]

You need spiritual deliverance.
There is nothing like LOVE in marriage on this earth it dose not last. Marriage is tolerance not love once you tolerate and forgive and forget then you feel happy ok. Embrace and Invite God in your marriage then you will feel the love of christ Jesus whom died for our sin