7 REASONS WHY FEMALES GET HURT IN RELATIONSHIP

I wonder why I keep putting off the sequel to the piece “LOVE WAN TITI” despite my readers craving to see the conclusion. Well to tell the truth, I have not been sleeping well so I have lost all effort to write. I forced myself to sleep at 3.00am this morning after entertaining myself with the DVD - 24, Season 5. The film was so gripping that I forgot the time and the fact that I had to work the next day. I was immediately awoken at 6.00a.m to do my normal chores before bolting to work when this article I am about to write came to me


1. Self Centeredness

Most females enter relationship (consciously, subconsciously or unconsciously) with a self centered motive. No wonder comments like “he has not asked me to marry him and I have let go of other suitors”, “all men are bad”, “I have feelings for that guy and he is not asking me out”, etc. Since females are crammed and mostly stuck on relationship issues, it suffices to say that they make no effort to understand the male counterpart. If the male counterpart does not meet their preferences, they get worried unnecessarily and develop a pattern of helplessness. They fail to see their contribution in the whole relationship problem and continue casting blame. This in itself is one of the greatest issues of relationship amidst other self imposed vices.


2. Openness in Communication

Females have a firm belief that they are wired naturally not be open in dealing with their male counterparts. Imagine a female going steady with a guy for 3 years and expecting to get married without voicing her intentions. Why spend 3 years with a guy and you can not tell him how you feel? Why believe that you will lose something by speaking openly with a guy you intend to marry? The only thing you will lose is pride and fear. My dear females, you are not wired to be closed, you chose to be closed because you are afraid of the outcome of being open.


3. The Weakling Mentality

Females actually believe they are the weaker sex so they allow the man define their happiness. The cultural conditioning gives them this “I need to be pampered and taken care of” mentality. Truth the told, you are created to be a help-meet to a man not to be pampered by a man. You may not be as physically strong as a man but you have a stronger influence. What you lack, you are compensated by other sense of strength. Females fail to maximize their potential for the good of the relationship but sit back defining set of roles for themselves.

A female friend complained to me that she has been slapped by her husband and she wanted a divorce. Then I asked what she did but she claimed she did not do anything. I asked her if her husband had a mental problem and she looked at me obviously shocked with the question. She said no. I asked her if she has ever heard or seen her husband slapped other females like his colleague or even her sister. She said no. So your husband woke up one morning looked at you and slapped you. She did not wait for me to explain as she called me a chauvinistic pig. After much discourse, she finally made me understand she had nagged and insulted him because he failed to keep to a promise of buying her a shoe.


4. Trust is not Love

Many females do not know the difference between trust and love. The story above indicates females’ inability to love without trust. From my friend’s story, that was the first time the man hit him and she was obviously shocked at his reaction. Since, I can not judge the man without hearing his own side of the story, I told her she was expected to love her hubby and trust God. Man is fallible, no matter how wonderful he appears and perfects himself to be. If females have it in the back of their mind that every man out there is not perfect, it will easier for them to transit issues flawlessly. They will commit their man to God, and confirm his strength not emphasize on his weakness. Jesus loved humans but did not commit himself to them because he knew they were weak.


5. Lack of Kingship

Most females lack Kingship; they fail to understand their rights to protect their relationship territory. God made man; male and female he made them. The first assignment he gave this male and female is to dominate their territory. Most females do not know their role as partner to their husband. They are expected to lift their families to God and bear the burdens of the relationship with the man. A girl is going out with a guy and she is praying for the guy to ask her hand in marriage instead of praying for the guy’s solvency to life’s issues like financial, political and social. She expects to be a liability instead of an asset to the man. She looks down upon herself and tells God that only this man can make her happy. If you pray for the man’s success (not putting one leg out and one leg in), God will reward you with the man.


6. Commit to the Relationship

Females get overwhelmed by deep emotional turmoil so in order to free themselves; they look for the easy alternative which is to guard their heart from such pains. This alternative could easily be avoided if their perspective to relationship was different- commit to the relationship not to the man. The man is subject to change because he is human and it may be difficult to handle such evolution. You will be able to adapt to his new state of mind of the man, if you commit to the relationship instead of the man. An example is a man that looses his job and decides to drink as a solace to his problem. If you commit to the man, it will be difficult to pray for him without seeing him in the light of his present position. This nullifies your belief which is a prerequisite for answered prayers.


7. Lack of Purpose

Before a woman enters a committed relationship, she is expected to have a defined purpose which should align with the purpose of the proposed man. When a female has a purpose, it is easy to decipher your emotional weakness when choosing your life partner. If you base your relationship on an ephemeral stuff like the kind of car he drives, how good he is in bed or how tall he is, you will end up getting hurt after 2 years into that said relationship. Choose your partner based on purpose so you will have something to hinge on during crisis which is inevitable.

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Written by Dipo Tepede, Nigerian Poet at cited source:
http://www.dipotepede.com/2006/09/14/7-reasons-why-females-get-hurt-in-relationship/

Good job Uspry1

Ladies please read this article before you bring your problems to Nairaland to cry for help.

I will go with #3 and #7 as the main killers.

The article made a whole lot of sense but the "slapping" part.

I am curious to know what she did when she got slapped.  I hope she moved into another bedroom for one month.  Don't care how much she nagged, he has no right putting his hands on her.   While it is not proper for any woman to insult and nag her husband, it makes him more of the fool to lay his hands on her.  Women will always go over board with their foul temper--but violence is never the answer to retaliate with. That is just plain sick.


#7 especially.  How can any woman go into a relationship without a purpose and expect not to come out hurt?

lol

Nice article . . . i particularly liked the part about communication. Women expect you to read their minds and do what they expect without them having to open their mouths.

MoOdYLaDy:

That because most women "Date to Date, not "Dating that will lead to future"

Some females go into relationship to avoid loneliness

Hmmmmmmmmm! Well, to each his own.  I think people should marry to avoid loneliness not just "date" to avoid loneliness.  What a "cheap" bargain!

almondjoy:

Hmmmmmmmmm! Well, to each his own. I think people should marry to avoid loneliness not just "date" to avoid loneliness. What a "cheap" bargain!

Its all about the same thing. People date for companionship to evade loneliness

and people marry for companionship to evade loneliness and procreat if neccessary.

The only difference with the two is while the later can procreat legally the formal cannot.[color=#990000][/color]

mellow:

Its all about the same thing. People date for companionship to evade loneliness

and people marry for companionship to evade loneliness and procreat if neccessary.

The only difference with the two is while the later can procreat legally the formal cannot.[color=#990000][/color]

Okay--fine. But there must be a purpose agreeable by both parties so no one gets hurt.

good piece here !

ladies, shey una don hear?

I love our post so much especially 3 & 7

i must tell u that ur post made a whole lot of sense to me but that one that concerned creation story was wrong
see in the book of genesis wen God created man and every thing he said it was good and perfect then there was no woman in sight then he proceeded and said lets get him an helper so woman from the onset was an helper so intil they seem to accept that fact not that they are the house helps cooks or stuffs but they are the emotional stability of man they are the one that gives succor to man and not being the boss if any woman does this then her home wud be great she wud get love care and affection

;d

the bad news is that our ladies will still read this and not learn from it, sometimmes i wonder what they want men to do for them

@ above
lol. dont mind them jare my brother

good piece from uspry1. I have closed my lips on this matter. The number one issue is my catch. Thank you very much.

Idiot! So u expect me 2read all that. right? Use am right book, gals go patronize u!

@ post
nice one

They get hurt because the don't eat beans.

Beautifully written article. So true.

nice post. i agree with all the points except 4. for me love has to be based upon trust. why would i want to join my future with someone i can't trust. trusting someone doesn't mean u think he is infallible. obviously we cant trust humans the way we would trust God. i trust my mother to make decisions regarding me based on what she thinks is best for me. but i realize that she is human and is prone to mistakes. but it's easier to forgive her because i know she does her possible best for me. i need to be able to trust a husband so much that i can take his word when everyone around disagrees with him. we hear stories of women getting HIV from their husbands, or men using their wives for juju. i need to be able to trust a man not to do something like that.

oh! Really. U girls make me laugh, lol,

Very nice post, very well spoken. I agree wt GL on the trust issues. I shd also trust my man not to hit me, for whatsoever reason. Without trust i'll be on edge constantly wondering if he's in jail or fomenting trouble for us wt the neighbours or worse. No peace of mind in that.
I have to say i've actually learnt something from this piece. Cool.

Lilian i dey feel you.

it is true,poster u really tried.thanks a millon

lol, that was cool!

Wow wonderful post,felt the number 7 the most: LACK OF PURPOSE.

And to my greatest surprise, I cannot find those gossips on this thread.
Prolly becoz the thread is too expensive for them to comment on.

Pple liKe sweetpie, mama-gee, sis-Kill,oyinda, stillwater n co.

nice thread. But am being truthfull am not perfect am puting all d aformentioned things into consideratn yet, my fiance is still havin an afair wit his ex-girlfriend. Despite d fact that we av started a counsellin class in my church. wat do u tink i shud do.

Gbemyte:

nice thread. But am being truthfull am not perfect am puting all d aformentioned things into consideratn yet, my fiance is still havin an afair wit his ex-girlfriend. Despite d fact that we av started a counsellin class in my church. wat do u tink i shud do.

i think u should confront him with the facts and see how he handles it. and maybe pray about it too. i would be wary of a guy who is having an affair while undergoing premarital counseling in CHURCH. guys sef!

Gbemyte:

nice thread. But am being truthfull am not perfect am puting all d aformentioned things into consideratn yet, my fiance is still havin an afair wit his ex-girlfriend. Despite d fact that we av started a counsellin class in my church. wat do u tink i shud do.

did you say fiance all the signs say no. there's a big red flag with a sign that reads "WARNING, no go zone".
Run faster than your legs can carry you.
I commend you for being strong, but this is unhealthy.