Her Husband Deceived Her:

My little cousin introduced her fiance to us (the Family) in Nov last yr and got married dis Jan. The guy said he works for an oil company at PH. My cousin is a PG student and lives in a one bedroom apartment. The plan was that she would finish her masters in April and relocate to PH to live with her hubby.
However, her husband has been staying with her at her 1 bedroom apartment since after d marriage since he said he was on leave and wanted to be close to his wife.
I just discovered that he was never working at PH but was putting up with a friend who works in an oil company. The guy is actually jobless. Now my cousin is pregnant and just discovered that her husband is jobless. They have now come begging on their knees and asking for a loan to start a business for the husband.
Her father is so pissed off that he says he never wants to set eyes on d husband. I feel insulted for being deceived. Do i raise mny for them? I dnt think d man is responsible and may not pay back. I' m confused and upset. What do y'all think?

Wat?
Sm men r jst unbearable, my dear, ur cousin is involved so pls do anyth u can, jst for her sake

How long did your cousin date her husband ? Didn't she go to visit him in ph or was he on leave then , didn't the 2 families meet. I live in ph, I know how girls rush 4 these oil company workers so they can be called a shell, total wife. Abeg d story get k leg, raise money 4 them. But your cousin must av seen the signs

Kai, see 4110. Interview the husband, why was he so deceitful? I hope he is a redeemable liar and not a hopeless one. You may want to set him up if he is a little bit reasonable. You know we love our cousins and don't want them to suffer.

@steph
Didn't u read d post? The guy was squatting with a friend and must have claimed that was his house. It's no news dat women could be silly when in luv. I dnt knw details of their dating as i generally like minding my business.
As a matter of fact it's possible dat my cousin must have been aware dat d guy was jobless but was in luv and wanted d family to accept d man.
My issue now is whether to help out or not. I want to help my cousin but since this guy has proved dubious i dnt knw if he shld be trusted with a large sum of mny. I feel insulted that we got played.

Gaggi: @steph
Didn't u read d post? The guy was squatting with a friend and must have claimed that was his house. It's no news dat women could be silly when in luv. I dnt knw details of their dating as i generally like minding my business.
As a matter of fact it's possible dat my cousin must have been aware dat d guy was jobless but was in luv and wanted d family to accept d man.
My issue now is whether to help out or not. I want to help my cousin but since this guy has proved dubious i dnt knw if he shld be trusted with a large sum of mny. I feel insulted that we got played.

You don't need to give them a large sum of money, just set them up on a small scale level and see how they handle it.

My family is pretty much reserved. It's actually d immediate family, her pops, moms and siblings dat shld knw d details of d relationship. Her parents are well to do and so finance for d wedding wasn't an issue. Even we d cousins contributed. Raising mny for wedding isn't really a big deal. It seems like d guys family is also comfy. I want to believe dat he is just a black sheep. I dnt really knw much abt d guy's end.
I feel bad dat as a 'soji guy' i couldn't spot a dubious character. I'm wary of being played again and dnt want to contribute mny for them. I luv my cousin, she is such a sweet girl but so naive. Her parents are so pissed with her and says she is a fool not to have done her homework well. I dnt knw, i hate to seem heartless but i hate to be played.

@ gaggi of course I read the post, seems u didn't understand my question, yes he was squatting with a friend and claiming the house was his, during the time she went to visit was he claiming to be on leave too, didn't she at least pay him a visit in his office. Well this is medicine after death, like CC said the marriage is already in trouble, since u care abt ur cousin so much, like I said earlier give him money, but check his character well b4 giving him money, he may just be a victim of unemployment

It's a pity that your niece fell for such an opportunist, a liar that could fool the whole family.

It's like you have no choice but to help out but before u do, try to find out if your niece knew that he was not working. If she knew, then they both fooled the family and you may help the husband out with capital to start a business since she entered the marriage without being fooled.

On the other hand, if the husband actually deceived her into marrying him, then you have to be very careful. This makes him a very dubious and scheming goat, so dont give him the money directly. Instead, let your niece be in charge of anything you'll be doing for them. Empower your niece instead but if you can help the husband with a job, please do, abeg no money o. I dont think he could be trusted with money cos he is using your niece. Such a man may start maltreating your niece once he is ok financially or worst still abscond with the money. I know I may sound as a pessimist, but how could you pull that on someone you claim to love. Definitely, it is not love, it is selfishness and wickedness. But your niece sha, hmmm.... She no try at all, she must be very very naive and vulnerable indeed.

I mean, it's no crime marrying a struggling guy that is still looking for a job but at least the wife should know what exactly she is going into.

If the woman wasn't pregnant, that marriage would be over. This is pure set up! See the man don catch maga and has assured himself a fund to set up a business.

Trust other fraudsters to take up this scheme for their next scam.

I don't get it! Why isn't HIS family helping him start a business? You mentioned that they are comfy and he appears to be the black sheep. If this is true, then you have a serious red flag! If his own family, the people that know him best, won't help him out, it means that they know he is no good and won't make good use of the money. In fact, he may have scammed them many times in the past!

Please, don't use your hard-earned money to fund the lifestyle of a man that fooled a woman and her entire family into marriage. A man like this is just dangerous; there are no limits to what he will do to get what he wants! If you want to help your cousin, give her a little change from time to time. If you MUST help the husband by force, then help him find a job but make sure a single penny of your money does not cross his palm.

You have allowed a scam-artist to join your family! Good luck with the many years of sorrow and pain he is likely to cause you all (because trust me, this is JUST the beginning of his antics).

A marriage based on lies is better annulled or something because he deceived his partner, put her in the family way when he is incapable of taking care of a family. If I were her I will not feel comfortable enough to get on with that lie-lie posy-posy marriage. Your family better be ready for more surprises from such drama king of a husband. How can her parents still tolerate such a person that deceived their daughter as a son-in-law? They better help the girl save herself from that crocodile before she gets swallowed beyond salvation.

Who tells such lies in this time and age if not a man with a serious complex problem? The marriage is based on lies and should be annulled. Actress Stephanie Okereke got her first marriage annulled because according to her, the ex-husband told her lies and did not inform her that he was married to somebody else abroad (the man denied that, I don't know the truth in her case but just saying that hiding the truth and lies can lead to the annulment of a marriage). Your cousin should return to her parents and have her child, is she not better off with a sane husband that she can put heads together with in making decisions as a family than with that snake in a green grass? Your family should sit together and deliberate wisely on this issue, the girl can return to her parents temporary and give him space to put himself together, you guys may test him and support him with a little fund to see whether he can show seriousness, pull his stories together and return for his wife with a serious mind. If not the girl can get the marriage annulled. He comes from an affluent family?? Onye nyelu ya? Onwelu family?(Who gave him? Does he have family? (My question is ridiculously funny but I learnt it from some of my Igbo people that use such sarcastic retorts that make me laugh. Please laugh. )
Seriously, are you sure that the people he showed off to you guys as his family are truly his family? A person from an affluent home has no need to pose up himself that wickedly and deceitfully. Bad-a-s-s lie-lie con-smiths that have the ability to show off a big company as theirs and recruit persons to act up like their employees in order to pull fast ones on the people they are playing mugus on. Are you sure that he is not eyeing her parent's wealth----to take stuffs from them all and take Ben Johnson, make una dey there. As una don read page 1 finish, una know wetin dey the page 2 of his action plans. A person that can play this kind of expensive deceit on another has a twisted mind. Watch out!

Please your cousin needs a good lecture from you on how to be studying/weighing/balancing/investigating the things concerning her. You give good advice here in the forum so you are in a good position to educate and stimulate her thinking. How can she get deceived like that? I bet she has been excited that she nailed an oil company husband and may have even been tripping to her friends like " My sweetheart works in an oil company la-la-la". huh! Some of our young women should begin to think "I can achieve big and be a big success like some men are" and quit jumping on the shoulder of men that they think are successful for them to carry them unto success. Isn't that why some of us women prefer rich men?

Who paid for the wedding?

cantell: @op,
No offense to you & your cousin, but you guys are really stupidd with a capital "S". Even people in casual relationships check out their partners before they go in deep.
Are you guys that desperate? For the love of God, Gino vegetable oil can also be classified as an oil company!

Lol @ Gino vegetable oil. Bros you harsh small o

Things like this are quite common.
I've heard of a situation where the guy deceived his wife that he has a masters degree but it was later learnt he was expelled during his undergrad days for cultism.

The deceit has happened already.
You can't throw away the baby and the bath water.

You guys should get the man a job (that is if he even has a degree)
You can sacrifice a small amount and watch how he manages it, that will determine if he should be helped further.

I also advice you guys to dig deep and know why he had to lie in the first place.
Most times you need to know a man's history before you can judge him.

Best of luck.

Nigeria we hail thee!

The land of serious opportunities opportunists

Men are quite good at lieing to ladies especially when they feel the girl is desperate or her family is rich.
Unfortunately the marriage already built on lies may not survive.
Anyway op i wont advice u give a penny to the pu.nk as.s because he will squander it all. Am sure further investigation will reveal his names are borrowed too! A man who could tell a lie of such magnitude need not to be trusted with photocopy of #50 note. If the toad is a graduate, u can help find him a job so that he will be able to take care of his pregnant wife.
Anyway, i doubt the marriage will last.

cantell: @op,
No offense to you & your cousin, but you guys are really stupidd with a capital "S". Even people in casual relationships check out their partners before they go in deep.
Are you guys that desperate? For the love of God, Gino vegetable oil can also be classified as an oil company!

.

@op, ur cousin as made a grave mistake n am sure she is regreting it now. D deed is already done n cant be reversed. Snc u said d guys parents are ok too,chilax n dont raise any mony for him yet,but if his parents dont,den u can asist with little to start with and c how he handles d little funds,if u are impressed and still willin to suport in a large way,then u can go ahead but not without u havin a serious man to man talk with him. I realy hope for d sake of ur cousin and her unborn child,he changes to a responsible man.

D Big question is-y did she marry him?4 love or financial reasons?
I agree he's a fuckin con man and ur fuckin cousin is not a good FUCKIN judge of character(99%women anyways)

I no wan yarn too much. . .d fuckin marriage is a fuckin big lie. .kill d fuckin marriage. . .hahhaha!YEPARIPA!

Like seriously?
People just wake up and marry strangers No background checks,not even one visit @ the so-called office/company etc ? You guys should expect more revelations and surprises as the marriage advances so y'all better put on your shock absorbers and sit tight.The guy might have a family somewhere,No? lol

OP,before your "reserved" family set out to raise money for this guy,it would be nice if you guys dig deep to know who he really is.You guys might just be raising his visa/ticket money,his kids school fees or his real wife's biz. capital.
Btw,is it that he NEVER worked @ shell,not even as a gateman or he DID worked there at a point in his life but got laid off during or just after the courtship/wedding

Thanks y'all. To those dissing me, i wldn't diss back as dis is my thread. I nor wan spoil am. I spoke with the girl dis morning and she is telling me dat she loves the guy and has forgiven him. All she wants is to help him start something and her parents have refused to assist because they are angry. Though one of her siblings gave her some mny secretly.
He could pull it off because of the oil company offshore thing where some weeks u are offshore and some weeks u are at home. She says he has a degree in Business Education from UNILAG. What kind of job will an Education graduate get? Maybe teaching. He is better off starting a biz. I dnt knw, they are both young, girl is 26 and guy is 28.
I've thought about it,I'm going to give them like 80k as my own contribution and wish dem the best. I guess dat amt won't kill me and i hope i'm not assisting him raise mny for a visa and disappear into thin air.lol. If they can get 50k from 10 pple they can start something. Everyone has his/her own cross to carry.

ifyalways: Like seriously?
People just wake up and marry strangers No background checks,not even one visit @ the so-called office/company etc ? You guys should expect more revelations and surprises as the marriage advances so y'all better put on your shock absorbers and sit tight.The guy might have a family somewhere,No? lol

OP,before your "reserved" family set out to raise money for this guy,it would be nice if you guys dig deep to know who he really is.You guys might just be raising his visa/ticket money,his kids school fees or his real wife's biz. capital.
Btw,is it that he NEVER worked @ shell,not even as a gateman or he DID worked there at a point in his life but got laid off during or just after the courtship/wedding

One of the reasons why I love my traditional values the more. Before any of us got married, my father and his brother travelled to do correct investigation before anything happened. My word was not enough for them, they had to do some background checks so tey they went to the guys village sef to do proper checking and this person was not even in Nigeria, talk little of someone who lives in Nigeria and she could not find this little thing out?

Jenny,Yeah right.When one brings home his/her suitor and the parents start asking where u work,who ur parents are,most folks assume they are being nosey or sizing up the man but we know they ask so they can call a family friend,a friend of a friend(theres always a network) to confirm your story and get hold of ur professional and family history.Amu oke kwa?Oke e nwere amu at all?LOL
@OP,I might be wrong but i think giving him money is enabling him.He has a degree thankfully,he should go and work and start now to be responsible.You guys can assist in the job placement sha but raw cash?i think its unwise.
On the bright side,ur lil' cuz enjoyed oh! 1 month of constant kpekusing from a man whose only job was to eat,sleep and fire on.Otu Ocha.