It has been scientifically proven that many men become unhappy after marriage. It may not be the nagging wife or lack of money but many other things are involved. Marriage may seem like paradise but men love freedom, we don't like being tied down and it goes against our nature. As single men we are completely on our own, to ladies it may actually be a bad thing but to men it is a chance to battle the hardship of life and come out victorious.
Why do men get married? Is it solely for the benefit of a companion to satisfy our sexual needs? In my own opinion sex is sweeter if there are different varieties..fat girl today or slim girl tomorrow..having sex with the same woman for over 6 years may get boring and monotonous and if that's the reason a man marries then his marriage days are numbered. Do men get married for the purpose of having a woman to cook for us and take care of the house? It is a sad fact that some women do not know how to cook and take care of a home and the ones that actually know how to, complain all day and nag the food out of the man. There are many other reasons to get married and I believe the most important one is to bear children but what about if the child is an olodo or physically deformed or has a congenital disease that would end up draining the whole cash? The high cost of school fees may also deter some men from having children.
Notwithstanding, marriage is a beautiful thing if a man marries the right woman but where can such a woman be found? Naija girls of nowadays are all searching for rich guys or want guys with the biggest male organ that can perform for 3 days and when they end up with a man below their expectations they begin to make life hell for the man. My question is this, since most men are unhappy in their marriage what can be done to make the situation better? Should the man turn to K-Solo/DKB and beat the woman or should he get a divorce? This post is for matured minds only as it can save a marriage from collapsing........Peace

I don`t think that women alone are to blame for this because the women in any society are a product of that society.
Now in Nigeria we have lost appreciation for true values like hard work, good character, Godliness and all that matters is Vanity, pomp and show.
That`s what makes a woman go for a rich man without even questioning the source of the wealth. That`s what makes building together out of fashion.
It all starts with the wedding- how much money is spent on weddings, why not invest the money in the home. Society weddings are great but not meant for everyone, depending on your situation.
Vanity makes people desire things that are unaffordable for them and that leads to discontentment and finances is a big problem in many marriages.
Even where finance is not a problem, the fact is that when you get so hooked on material things you tend to en-strange yourself from things that matter.
It is amazing that even our spiritual life is all pomp and show. Watch the way people dress to go to church and mosque sometimes. It is no longer about going clean and decent to encounter God but about showing the world what you have on the car you drive.

Is it any wonder that in such an environment, true love becomes elusive?
We need to get off our high horses and learn to live a life where moral values become values again. In such an environment marriage and family will do allot better.

I thougt women were the ones unhappy in marriage, going by the rate at which you see threads on cheatig husbands,lazy husbands,abusive ones etc etc.

Seriously though besides NL the reality of my life has been stories from close relatives, friends & acquaintances about how unhappy they are, the sort of crap they put up with, what spouses do or have done to significantly hurt them.

The picture I often get is one of gloom & misery, and I honestly don't feel inspired or even motivated to get married.The institution is unappealing even though I know my creator intended it for good.

It would be nice to hear from married men what makes them unhappy in marriage so I can have a balanced perspective on this. I only get to hear from women

I find it sometimes annoying the way people blame everything on marriage. I wonder, would these same people be happy if they were single ? Serious matters aside (domestic violence etc.), I don't think so. Most people I know who are in healthy and happy marriages are healthy and happy people, and they were before meeting their spouses : financially independent and wise, good at maintaining cordial relationships with everyone, good at keeping close friends over long periods of time, having healthy relationships with their own family, having dreams and goals and working towards them and so on.

My point is, if you can't make yourself happy before getting married, there is no way marriage is going to make you happy. You need to stand on your own two feet (emotionally, financially etc.) before thinking of going there. I see many people going into marriage with huge personal issues : low self esteem, bad relationships with parents/siblings, character issues etc. Those are already bad conditions to meet a good partner, but if you carry all your burdens and problems and doubts into marriage hoping the union will solve them... and your partner does the same, no wonder marriage ends up being a big mess !

Marriage is what you put in it. You should know yourself enough to take care of yourself and preserve your other half from your flaws, and make sure you bring the best to the union. That's why we say marriage is hard work.

Miss_Ife: I find it sometimes annoying the way people blame everything on marriage. I wonder, would these same people be happy if they were single ? Serious matters aside (domestic violence etc.), I don't think so. Most people I know who are in healthy and happy marriages are healthy and happy people, and they were before meeting their spouses : financially independent and wise, good at maintaining cordial relationships with everyone, good at keeping close friends over long periods of time, having healthy relationships with their own family, having dreams and goals and working towards them and so on.

My point is, if you can't make yourself happy before getting married, there is no way marriage is going to make you happy. You need to stand on your own two feet (emotionally, financially etc.) before thinking of going there. I see many people going into marriage with huge personal issues : low self esteem, bad relationships with parents/siblings, character issues etc. Those are already bad conditions to meet a good partner, but if you carry all your burdens and problems and doubts into marriage hoping the union will solve them... and your partner does the same, no wonder marriage ends up being a big mess !

Marriage is what you put in it. You should know yourself enough to take care of yourself and preserve your other half from your flaws, and make sure you bring the best to the union. That's why we say marriage is hard work.

Seriously U cannot compare a single guy and a married guy in terms of happiness...single men are simply just happy, nothing can change that but as for married men a lot of things happen everyday that make them sad inside and The bad thing is many wives don't notice at all

sanchez4eva:
Seriously U cannot compare a single guy and a married guy in terms of happiness...single men are simply just happy, nothing can change that but as for married men a lot of things happen everyday that make them sad inside and The bad thing is many wives don't notice at all

Seriously, I don't see the difference in terms of happiness. If truly you feel that marriage has made you sad, you either married the wrong person or married at the wrong time (ie were not ready to). And believing that single men are happy all because they are single... It's better to remain single then.

That being said, I don't want to sound too harsh either. Let us know the kind of things that make you sad in your marriage. There must be a solution.

Why won't people be unhappy in marriage. All my friends are married and few of them are happy. In nigeria, people see marriage as a status symbol more or less the same as having a degree, house or car. But marriage is not like buying a car or choosing a career; you can move house or change your car/ career as often as you like, you can choose self employment and set up your own business but unfortunately, if your marriage does not work out, your life is changed forever. Even if you get divorced, you cannot completely move on because traces of your marriage remains, e.g. children, mutual friends, shared assets, etc.

I'd like to get married someday but I'm not in a hurry and if I don't get married, its not the end of the world. Only fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

Miss_Ife: That being said, I don't want to sound too harsh either. Let us know the kind of things that make you sad in your marriage. There must be a solution.

I am not married o...are you?

muffins99: Why won't people be unhappy in marriage. All my friends are married and few of them are happy. In nigeria, people see marriage as a status symbol more or less the same as having a degree, house or car. But marriage is not like buying a car or choosing a career; you can move house or change your car/ career as often as you like, you can choose self employment and set up your own business but unfortunately, if your marriage does not work out, your life is changed forever. Even if you get divorced, you cannot completely move on because traces of your marriage remains, e.g. children, mutual friends, shared assets, etc.

I'd like to get married someday but I'm not in a hurry and if I don't get married, its not the end of the world. Only fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

If the marriage does nt work out, then whts τ̲̅ђε̲̣̣̣̥ solution?

sanchez4eva:
I am not married o...are you?

I am, and enjoying every bit of it.

Miss_Ife:

I am, and enjoying every bit of it.

That's very good but what about your husband..Is he enjoying it lyk u? Wht abt financial wahala?

sanchez4eva:
That's very good but what about your husband..Is he enjoying it lyk u? Wht abt financial wahala?

Well, I'm pretty sure he is enjoying it too.

Financial wahala as you call it is a shared burden in a marriage. It makes things harder, but it doesn't make the marriage any less sweet, because marriage is so much more than money. Yes, we've been through tough times and we argued about it, but we also prayed about it, laughed about it, fought and planned to get out of it. And I'm telling you, when you hold the hand of the one who was by your side all through the bad days and see your dreams becoming true, that's when you reach the essence of marriage. To outsiders we're just common people with a happy life, most of them wouldn't even imagine what we went through together. But we know, and sometimes we just look at each other and smile. That's why I'm saying people should enter marriage when ready and strong enough to fight for it and make it work.

Miss_Ife:

Well, I'm pretty sure he is enjoying it too.

Financial wahala as you call it is a shared burden in a marriage. It makes things harder, but it doesn't make the marriage any less sweet, because marriage is so much more than money. Yes, we've been through tough times and we argued about it, but we also prayed about it, laughed about it, fought and planned to get out of it. And I'm telling you, when you hold the hand of the one who was by your side all through the bad days and see your dreams becoming true, that's when you reach the essence of marriage. To outsiders we're just common people with a happy life, most of them wouldn't even imagine what we went through together. But we know, and sometimes we just look at each other and smile. That's why I'm saying people should enter marriage when ready and strong enough to fight for it and make it work.

So touching...I hope to find a woman lyk u..bb smile smiley

sanchez4eva:
So touching...I hope to find a woman lyk u..bb smile smiley

Tks

like i always say THE SMALLEST HANDCUFF IN THIS WORLD IS A WEDDING RING

hmmmmmmm

Alot of them are g a y and still in the closet!! Just Saying!!!

Forget about big p[i]e[/i]nis. The critical reason for unhappiness in marriage is MONEY. A man needs to fend for his family- he needs to substantiate family needs, take care of his wife and children- he pays for the miscellaneous and unexpected. On the contrary, most Nigerian women are slothful, and worse still, they nag on every thing their men err. I have a loving woman, but sometimes women erratic behaviour could make a man go nut! They want your whole attention everytime while you must still meet the needs. Moreover, they always feel insecure, I think, this promulgates their nagging behavior.

I am a married man and I am happy. However, as life itself is not a bed of roses, and violet is not blue, marriage is not meant to be appealing all the time. Most men don't want to tie the nuptial knot because of 'FREEDOM' and 'FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITIES'. Marriage is a very good experience though.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm na wa o u guys r making me feel marriage is hell y it is not. kai

Miss_Ife:

Seriously, I don't see the difference in terms of happiness. If truly you feel that marriage has made you sad, you either married the wrong person or married at the wrong time (ie were not ready to). And believing that single men are happy all because they are single... It's better to remain single then.

You don't see the difference because you are a woman.

Interesting thread...hmmmm.....

Its true.Most married men in Nigeria are not happy.

sanchez4eva: It has been scientifically proven that many men become unhappy after marriage.

Preach!

sanchez4eva: Marriage may seem like paradise but men love freedom, we don't like being tied down and it goes against our nature.

Y'all betta listen 2 him.

sanchez4eva: In my own opinion sex is sweeter if there are different varieties..fat girl today or slim girl tomorrow..having sex with the same woman for over 6 years may get boring and monotonous and if that's the reason a man marries then his marriage days are numbered.

thats what Im saying!!!!Preach on bro!

sanchez4eva: but where can such a woman be found?

those women went the way of Dinosaurs and the sabre-toothed tiger. They're extinct only to be talked of in stories and picture books.

sanchez4eva: Naija girls of nowadays are all searching for rich guys or want guys with the biggest male organ that can perform for 3 days

I had 2 laugh @ this one but they prefer the bolded one more. Naija girls will sleep with a herd of swine if there is money to be gotten.

sanchez4eva: most men are unhappy in their marriage what can be done to make the situation better? [b]Should the man turn to K-Solo/DKB and beat the woman or should he get a divorce? [/b]This post is for matured minds only as it can save a marriage from collapsing........Peace

I wont advocate for this but then most chics have a donkey strain in they DNA as they love guys who do such. they may come out in arms to deny it but we all know its true.

Babzilla:
Preach!
Y'all betta listen 2 him.


thats what Im saying!!!!Preach on bro!

those women went the way of Dinosaurs and the sabre-toothed tiger. They're extinct only to be talked of in stories and picture books.


I had 2 laugh @ this one but they prefer the bolded one more. Naija girls will sleep with a herd of swine if there is money to be gotten.

I wont advocate for this but then most chics have a donkey strain in they DNA as they love guys who do such. they may come out in arms to deny it but we all know its true.

This man you be akwa serious. You are terrific Bad guy!

mutter: I don`t think that women alone are to blame for this because the women in any society are a product of that society.
Now in Nigeria we have lost appreciation for true values like hard work, good character, Godliness and all that matters is Vanity, pomp and show.
That`s what makes a woman go for a rich man without even questioning the source of the wealth. That`s what makes building together out of fashion.
It all starts with the wedding- how much money is spent on weddings, why not invest the money in the home. Society weddings are great but not meant for everyone, depending on your situation.
Vanity makes people desire things that are unaffordable for them and that leads to discontentment and finances is a big problem in many marriages.
Even where finance is not a problem, the fact is that when you get so hooked on material things you tend to en-strange yourself from things that matter.
It is amazing that even our spiritual life is all pomp and show. Watch the way people dress to go to church and mosque sometimes. It is no longer about going clean and decent to encounter God but about showing the world what you have on the car you drive.

Is it any wonder that in such an environment, true love becomes elusive?
We need to get off our high horses and learn to live a life where moral values become values again. In such an environment marriage and family will do allot better.

Hmmm Maybe good sensible women r not so extinct afterall.

if you can't make yourself happy before getting married, there is no way marriage is going to make you happy. You need to stand on your own two feet (emotionally, financially etc.) before thinking of going there. GBAM!!!

Marriage is a lovely thing to experience, but many people go into it expecting a lot and forgetting that marriage is not a bed of roses. A lot of sacrifices and compromise must be made. If you're married for a long time and very sad with your marriage life, pls try to always go on vacations with your family at least once a year in a very different enviroment, alone with your wife/husband or kids if you have any, it helps a lot. Most men often find marriage boring after many years because they dont spice up their marriage life or take their wife out to experience a new enviroment and feel refreshed like new couples. This method is a big booster in marriage life, try it and your marriage will always have a new meaning every year. My 10th wedding anniversary is just few months away and I still feel I just married yesterday, marriage is indeed beautiful, no wonder God ordained it from the beginning of creation.

xyloxloto: Nice piece, like we all know the truth is always bitter most people do not like to hear the truth and say the truth but choose to listen and hear what they want to hear its a shame these days marriage is more of a convenience were both party involved just want to get whatever they can get out of it. i think people should not be pressurized into getting married and should be when one is ready all i see in our society these days is everybody following the bandwagon because others are getting married i must get married by fire by force even when its so obvious that they are not ready for such venture.

Amen amen amen

Reading some of these posts makes me wonder why some people don't see that unhappy people are people who continuously make choices that make them unhappy. They are simply skilled in making such silly choices and they have their spouses to blame for that?

I am happily married and I can tell you that I chose happiness long before marriage so I had no problems making the right decisions. Many people feel that marriage is suppose to make them happy.Nothing further from the truth. You are happy because you make happy choices and such choices include who to marry and how to continuously live with the person.

One very important thing that I must not leave out. If you are a person that is easily swayed by adverts/packaging you tend to make wrong choices. You need to look at the content of things even if the packaging isn't really appealing. Western media has made a majority of the world population to believe more in packaging than the real content. e.g you lots of people with lots of friends and posting lots of nice pictures on social networks. And they always tend to remember your birthday (lol). It will surprise you that those same people don't only look opposite of what they portray themselves to be but also behave completely opposite in real life.