Atheist:-D:


Not proper to marry a divorcee? So if someone gets divorced they need to live in sin? Or not have intimate relations until they die? This is the sort of stuff that makes divorcees and single mums second class citizens.

makky: Please the only thing am gonna say is if u DO NOT love this man, please let him be, tell him the truth and i bet he will be ur good friend and confidant and probably even take u to the US with no strings attached. When men get older, all they need in their lives are sincere companions who will give him joy and make him relaxed to live longer. He loves u too much for u to hurt him and deceive him cos its too clear u are going to break him to bits if u marry him out of pity. As u search for a single guy which is NOT impossible to get, I pray he gets a woman too who will stay and he really needs a woman in her mid 40s too, those can stay. Hes 55, pity his heart, let him go peacefully and i will pray God helps bring ur man to u... No time is late, am glad u already have a daughter!

moffy2: My case is a bit similar to this Story, that's why i decided to start a new thread. In my own case am a single mum.

My boyfriend left for US last year when i was 3 months pregnant. I sold my investment in the money market and one of my plots to send him abroad. He promised to get in touch as soon as he settled down, he got in touch few times and that's all.

After he left, i discovered that he took 6 pieces of my jewelries and sold them. I got to know this through the chats he had with his friend on my blackberry before he traveled.i asked him when i discovered and he couldn't deny it. My family is totally against him.

He has not been responsible for our child. I have been the one taking care of all responsibilities even before he traveled and up till now

i met this divorcee in January 2010, though i was hoping to get a single guy , but the single guy i got along the line was the father of my child who irresponsible. He filed for me last year not knowing that i was pregnant. When he sent the forms for me to fill, i refused and he was angry that i made him waste money.

i didn't really like this man because he is 20yrs older than me. I Am in my mid 30s, he loves me so much that when he head that i gave birth this year and heard what i was going through he felt bad and he still wants to marry me.

He is not based in Nigeria, and he has decided to file for me and my child, if am really interested to marry him.In the case of his children, they are based in the States and the first child has been calling to ask about my baby,because her father told her about us. She is even planning to come to Nigeria for summer and asked if she could stay with me.

Their mother has remarried since and they were divorced over 10yrs ago. He told me that he brought a woman in some years back only for the woman to dump him and bring her husband/bf in later. So he is trying to be careful again.

i still hope i will get a single guy but am scared of falling into wrong hands.
I find it hard to love this man. People tell me i will grow to love him, but my worry is, what if a single guy comes along, will i not break his heart?

brito: Do u go to church? Meet your Pastor for counselling and prayers.
Its not proper to get married to a divorcee, its not scriptural. seek proper advice
before jumping in. You may regret later in your life. "LATE" is better than "TOO LATE"

jp philips:


you have a child but you wish for a single guy? how old are you again? mid 30's? leaving where? Afghanistan i suppose.
good luck in your search, you can as well raise the bar a little by ensuring that the single guy must be cute, rich and a virgin.

2mch: It is only the end of the world for you if you think it is. Does marriage define you? Does it make you a different or better person? What excatly do you really want? Please dont underestimate the need for mutual love. It is very important. I dont know how people say love is not important. They may be people that have had to settle because no one wants to be with them, maybe badlooks, no money etc. But when they somehoe get one of these things they start looking for love. You see them on NL saying i never loved my spouse and they irritate me etc. He knows what he wants from you an d has seen it, but that feeling has to be mutual. How can you marry someone you dont have feelings for? chei. Dont underestimate certain requirements of marriage if you dont want to be worse off than you are now. Your child deserves happiness and a healthy environment. That healthy environment can only come when mummy is happy. If this is not what you want for your life, wait for it. It will come. Dont rush.

2mch: It is only the end of the world for you if you think it is. Does marriage define you? Does it make you a different or better person? What excatly do you really want? Please dont underestimate the need for mutual love. It is very important. I dont know how people say love is not important. They may be people that have had to settle because no one wants to be with them, maybe badlooks, no money etc. But when they somehoe get one of these things they start looking for love. You see them on NL saying i never loved my spouse and they irritate me etc. He knows what he wants from you an d has seen it, but that feeling has to be mutual. How can you marry someone you dont have feelings for? chei. Dont underestimate certain requirements of marriage if you dont want to be worse off than you are now. Your child deserves happiness and a healthy environment. That healthy environment can only come when mummy is happy. If this is not what you want for your life, wait for it. It will come. Dont rush.

moremi2008:

Our forefathers had happy arranged marriages. Love is much overrated. Please stop peddling the rubbish your colonial masters handed down to you from Sinai.

2mch:
No its not. Love is a very very important aspect of marriage. Those your fore fathers had extremely miserable and unhappy wives, who were trapped in a loveless marriage because of financial issues and family frowning on divorce. A lot of them also eloped back then to avoid being forced into marriage. Also, life was much more different and less immoral. You expect her to marry and turn to the lady on the other thread who is now in love with a small boy and wants to fade with the old guys money. Madam, marry who you love and who loves you too. Never listen to all these desperate talks. I see 50+something year olds getting married to their widowed or divorced mates everyday. Nothing do you. Be proud of who you are and you will attract people with your confidence. Being a single mother is not the end of the world neither is it a handicap or a minus to you. If you respect yourself and make your child the focus of your life, you will attract a man that needs a wife that understands and values family

moremi2008:

Blah, blah blah... love is nice to have but you can't base a marriage on a flimsy, transient emotion. If I married every woman I fell in love with, I would be a serial divorcee by now. The type of love you're describing will wear thin after a few years and what's left after that are the true makers or breakers of marriage: harmony, character, compromise, forgiveness, patience, faithfulness, selflessness etc. How old are you? You sound like a bloody teenager.

2mch:

You dont have to like or agree with my opinion. You can move ahead, drop a comment and make a point. You can also keep it moving. I did not bother to read your comment because the previous ones did not make sense. If you insist on living in the 18th century, slit your throat and ask God to transport you back there. Life and reality is different. Make hay while the sun shines, or be stuck with gold diggers and leeches. The choice is yours.

moremi2008:

Blah, blah, blah... and yet you quoted me! Bloody dunce! Get the fck out of here with your bullsh*T! It's nobody's fault that you're daft and inexperienced!

Busy_body:
Misleading topic.

Rather, you cheated on your divorcee dude with a single guy who dumped you after he got you pregnant, yet this divorcee still wants you but your heart is set on hooking another single guy.


I doubt if you are still under the same parental/peer pressure that led to all this, so why not do yourself a favour and slow down in this getting married by hook or crook ratrace you have embarked upon, and spend time bonding with your baby!


And please, do this divorcee a favour and release him, because you are about to do the same thing the 2nd wife did for him. I pray God give you your bone of your bone IJN.

moffy2:

Aint desperate to marry please! i just dont want to waste his time and money again! I said i still hope to get a single guy! if i were i wuld not cme here!

chaircover: The way I look at it is that You dont solve a problem by creating another problem and one will only build shaky houses on shaky foundations.

From what you have written, you misjudged your ex and that is the more reason why we should look left, look right and look left again before crossing the road when it comes to men and relationships.

You fell pregnant for a dishonest man who lacks integrity. A thief and a user who has now gone,leaving you to pick up the pieces.

Another man comes into you life, but he has a whole heap of other problems. He is 20 years older than you, you dont love him, and he seems to be buying your love with green papers. How well do you know this man? why is he divorced? at 50 why is he so keen to get married again? why do women leave him, so many loose ends and questions.

Deep in you, you want to marry a single man, but you are now considering the other extreme so where do u see urself in 5 years time with this man that you dont love? By then the novelty of green card/yankee would have worn off and the reality of being married to a man you do not love dawns on you.

Personally if i was in your shoes, though easy to say, I will take a step back from this relationship and re-evaluate things. You already have a daughter who is growing up without her daddy, the least you owe her is a stable upbringing as possible, so before you take her halfway round the world, be very clear on your expectations and who you are trusting them with.