Really? Is that what you think? We are talking about real attraction here and not monetary things

Orikinla: Too much hypocrisy does more harm than good in relationships.
How many girls will admit that they indeed prefer to date older men?

As someone pointed out in response to my article on younger women who truly love older men, that "In all matchmaking ads, or websites, etc...it's always women seeking older men, or vice-versa, older men seeking younger women. Do you have any theory on why this is?"

married

The truth is that this issue can be looked at from three angles.

1 is the intension of the man and woman. If it is marriage for example it goes differently from a fling. Age is nothing when it comes to fling or getting off.

2 Speaking from a personal point of view, I hate seeing my sister with men her age because I see no future in such relationship. It is a cycle of heartbreaks because them marrying her is almost impossible. If its for fun, no problem but to give her heart to such is being stupid. I tell her he must be 3 to 10 years older.

3 All over the world, men marry younger women and no eye brows is raised but if a man dates and older woman, it becomes an issue. In Nigeria your Mum will call her a witch and your sister will challenge her not to come near her brother.

So in conclusion my limit is 3 years minimum and 10 years maximum.

@queensmith...on the surface your argument sounds rational, but in this world that we live in, if it's not criminal and it doesn't hurt the other person (i.e. if it's consensual as between two adults), then please your tag of perversion and any other name so called is not well informed. Couples with many years in between them have had both good and bad marital experiences, same as couples with relative similarity age wise. The lesson - Don't generalize and because it doesnt make sense to you doesnt make it wrong

Mynd_44: Really? Is that what you think? We are talking about real attraction here and not monetary things

What do u mean by real attraction? Of what attraction was Chief Banda(63), a Ghanian shipping Magnet, to Miss Edwin Banda(30) same Ghanian! Does this age difference justify any attraction, if not the dou?

Pennywise:

That is resentful. Equally resentful is if u are a 16yr old girl having se.x with another 16yr old boy.

no thats natural, sexx is natural and kids are always going to want to explore. . . . . . .with other kids. . . .naturally.

But it's exploition when it involves someone older, wiser and more experienced. This is the reason why countries have legal ages because given the opportunity men (and women) will try and take advantage of younger (weaker) people for sexual gratification.

betrani: What do u mean by real attraction? Of what attraction was Chief Banda(63), a Ghanian shipping Magnet, to Miss Edwin Banda(30) same Ghanian! Does this age difference justify any attraction, if not the dou?

Why I find it difficult to accuse women all the time is that there exist many obvious exceptions. One of such is that of Bianca and Ojukwu. What Gold was Bianca digging? Her Father was a wealthy man and also a Governor. She had all the boys having torn undies. She was Miss intercontinental. She was well read.

Abagworo:

Why I find it difficult to accuse women all the time is that there exist many obvious exceptions. One of such is that of Bianca and Ojukwu. What Gold was Bianca digging? Her Father was a wealthy man and also a Governor. She had all the boys having torn undies. She was Miss intercontinental. She was well read.

I must apologize for not giving further details! It doesn't have to be the cash alone! But some form of gratification must be involved! And its still out of selfish desires! Don't forget that Ojukwus name alone is worth more than Bianca's fathers wealth! Ojukwu may not have been a rich guy, but he wielded so much power! Afterwards who wouldn't want to identify or be associated with a famous person? But not someone 20 to 30 years older interms of relationships between a man and a woman!

Mynd_44:
Some women actually prefer older men because they feel they are more secure and matured you know

Yep you've got that right.

@ Orikinla I will admit that I prefer to date older men. Am sure you've heard the saying like fine wine men get better with age . Well that adage has proved to be true in my life

I'm in my late 20's and am often attracted to men who are older than me, am talking about men 6 to 10 years older. I feel very at ease and comfortable with men in that age group.Believe me its not necessarily about money or sex,its more about the ease of communication, good companionship and how well they listen when I need to talk through some serious issues.

Older men are indeed more secure and mature like Mynd said, I figure the experiences and challenges they've had at an earlier age moulds them into the men they are. Their younger counterparts on the other hand may only just be going through such challenges/experiences therefore they may be lacking in the areas of maturity and self confidence.

I've dated men in my age group and men 3 to 4yrs older than me, the experience has been energy sapping and emotionally draining. You constantly need to stroke and feed their egos,they expect so much from a relationship forgetting I have a life, other interests and extra curricular activities besides them.

Abeg abeg abeg, give me an older man any time any day life is just so much easier with them. Not only are they mature & secure with themselves they understand the concept of space in a relationship, respect for privacy as well as boundaries and the need to respect boundaries.

Dimples 316:

Yep you've got that right.

@ Orikinla I will admit that I prefer to date older men. Am sure you've heard the saying like fine wine men get better with age . Well that adage has proved to be true in my life

I'm in my late 20's and am often attracted to men who are older than me, am talking about men 6 to 10 years older. I feel very at ease and comfortable with men in that age group.Believe me its not necessarily about money or sex,its more about the ease of communication, good companionship and how well they listen when I need to talk through some serious issues.

Older men are indeed more secure and mature like Mynd said, I figure the experiences and challenges they've had at an earlier age moulds them into the men they are. Their younger counterparts on the other hand may only just be going through such challenges/experiences therefore they may be lacking in the areas of maturity and self confidence.

I've dated men in my age group and men 3 to 4yrs older than me, the experience has been energy sapping and emotionally draining. You constantly need to stroke and feed their egos,they expect so much from a relationship forgetting I have a life, other interests and extra curricular activities besides them.

Abeg abeg abeg, give me an older man any time any day life is just so much easier with them. Not only are they mature & secure with themselves they understand the concept of space in a relationship, respect for privacy as well as boundaries and the need to respect boundaries.

And u end up snatching other peoples Husbands abi? Making so much noise in the name of being secured! Mumu

If younger ladies feel secured in the hands of Older men, In whose arm, would the younger boys or men feel secured! Since these days is like younger men get the most relationship-related bashing than the so called younger ladies who "self acclaim" them selves matured ladies because they ve seen big daddy's Phalus!

For fun of it.

betrani: And u end up snatching other peoples Husbands abi? Making so much noise in the name of being secured! Mumu

Betrani

Who said anything about dating married men or wanting to snatch another woman's husband. Please spare me ooooh am no saint but I keep married men at arms length because am smart enough to know nothing good will come out of a fling or relationship with them moreover I fear my creator the Almighty God.Mind you not all men within the age group I like to date are married.

SMH at your inability to make your point without the name calling, you are a classic example of the sort of insecure and immature young men I like to avoid.

S-e-x is much safer with older men.
They are never in a hurry when making love.

It is like a father figure thingYoung women always want to feel safe and secured,like a good father can make them feel.Same applies to young men loving to be with older,lively and independent women that will give them rest of mind.

While the reverse is that the older ones,wants to relive their youths and be joyful.The thought of death,makes one want to get the best of everything while he/she can.

I'm a posh career woman in my late twenties, i've got young guies seeking 2go out wif me, but d truth is i prefare my man so so matured in apperance, God knows i want a man in his late thirties/early fourties, i just don't know why but i fell datz d age range i can flow with, there is this safety dat comes naturally being with them dat only u can explain, so gentle and mild,guess it's among reasons i'm still single, so it's nt gold diggin, or for intimate pleasure cos in my own case finance is nt a problem while d later is till marraige but i think datz what i want/desire.

Everybody wants something,but connecting facctor is happiness.Everybody wants to be happy,with the exception sadists and psychopaths,like bluetooth who just love to be sad.

queensmith:

Mrs Chima lets be honest with ourselves, will you benefit a pedophile by saying he simply has his own preferences? Somewhere the line needs to be drawn. As a female (i'm hoping normal) you shouldn't be attracted to an older man, when you look at an older man do you see a potential mate? An older man should be seen as a father figure, not a partner. It's perverted to view older men in any other way. It's a perversion.




Don't take it personally, for one in Nigeria the perversion is allowed so you are wrong for slating my views as Nigerian female hypocrisy (especially given most of them are probably married to older men).

Sexual perversion is when someones interests deviate from societal norms or is considered unacceptable. I don't understand how fighting in a war suddenly discounts the fact that you were sexually perverted? I mean is it supposed to make up for it?
Please let us call a spade a spade and not get overly emotional on simple things, it's perverted.

I find myself having to mention that fact many times on this website, very very disturbing. . . . . .very disturbing. At least an old white man will know that he's disgusting or that he's a pervert. I don't understand why others feel the need to defend themselves.

I can't help but to be real....if we are going to be technical....anyone that is even a few months older than you are "older" and vice versa. There many people who are trying to figure out how can a man love someone that has a disability, different nationalities, social class, and plethora of things.

It still fall back to their personal reasons why they are with such and such. It doesn't change anything because we have a personal opinion about someone's reason for such and such.

What are you saying, the op asked a question and I answered it.
intimate perversion is definitely relevant, very relevant. The only reason men can get away this perversion in this day and age is because of the fact that we are mainly dealing with legal ages.
It's still very much frowned upon regardless.

Personally I find it incredibly disgusting, everything about it is just sickening and pointing to the fact that these men are potential craddle-robbers. SO if a 50 year old is chasing a 30 year old female, the 30yo male should be chasing the 10 year olds? or wait 6 years for them to clock legal age?
That to one side, a 30 year old man has had 10 years of additional experience, doesnt it make more sense for him to share that with a woman more near his age? What exactly is he doing with a (relative) juvenile? I think it's very weird.Apart from the fact that any man more than 5 years older than me I will regard as a fatherly figure- I will never see him in that way, it's sick.

@queensmith,
I don't usually like jumping into topics like this because you're most likely to find the following people on the thread:

1. People who either are SO set in their own ways and become self opinionated and won't stop to hear and learn from others
2. People with a bad experience (and I can excuse you if you have a story of a crashed relationship that has to do with age difference)and cannot wrt the topic see a bright side to such story.
3. People who plainly do not know what they're talking about but pick up buzz words and start throwing them around on an online forum
4. Those who soon become too gender sensitive and emotional and thus allow that to obscure their sense of reasoning.

You use the words "PERVERSION"..."CRADDLE-ROBBER" so loosely I had to check my lexicon again to see if i was missing something.

The issue is not even about men/women craddle snatching...it's about younger ladies and older men or even the reverse. What we should have done was take the op to task and ask that He/She dcefines what range of age difference they are talking about. To assume that everyone older than whoever they are dating (by your standard 5 yrs)is perverted is to acknowledge your lack of understanding of the issues.

queensmith:

What are you saying, the op asked a question and I answered it.
Sexual perversion is definitely relevant, very relevant. The only reason men can get away this perversion in this day and age is because of the fact that we are mainly dealing with legal ages.
It's still very much frowned upon regardless.

Personally I find it incredibly disgusting, everything about it is just sickening and pointing to the fact that these men are potential pedophiles. SO if a 50 year old is chasing a 30 year old female, the 30yo male should be chasing the 10 year olds? or wait 6 years for them to clock legal age?
That to one side, a 30 year old man has had 10 years of additional experience, doesnt it make more sense for him to share that with a woman more near his age? What exactly is he doing with a (relative) juvenile? I think it's very weird. Apart from the fact that any man more than 5 years older than me I will regard as a fatherly figure- I will never see him in that way, it's sick.

Am guaranteein u dat 1 day, u'l look back @ dis posts of urs & wish u neva ran ur mouth like u'v just done. Were u harrasd as a child by a pervert or what? Y r u so hell-bent on dis pervert mata. Look, u cant eva compare intimacy btw 50-30years old man-woman and dat of 30-10years old man-girl. 4rm all indicatns dey r very different situatns. D 1st is btw 2 adults while d oda is btw an adult and a child. Ok? Please tink wel next tym b4 postin. D fact dat u tink upsyd-down doesnt mean oda ladies shd tink lyk u. 5years older=fatherly figure?! U definately nd help. GOD!!

The only thing perverted in a relationship is when an adult is in a sexual relation with a minor,a child.Like that of a nigerian law maker that is in a forced marriage with a child,yarima.

And these same nigerians are the ones that sometimes buzzzes about morals,when they are being ruled by paedophiles and bandits

Gbam!!!!!!!!!!!!

MRbrownJAY: @OP
you have to look at this issue constructively. here is what you should know:
people go about this issue for TWO different reason, A) for s[b]e[/b]xual gratification and B) for money.

- when it comes to s[b]e[/b]xual gratification, then older men seek younger women AND older women seek younger men.
- when it comes to money, younger men go for older women AND younger women go for older men.

queensmith:

He probably doesnt need to go to prison but there is something very wrong. I mean would you allow your 16 year old daughter to date a 21 year old? Or even your 16 year old son? What happened to their age mates?

It's definitely a perversion to intentionally go after someone much younger/older than you. If it isn't a fetish it probably indicates some deep seated issues with childhood. The man may be trying to relive his youth? Now does that sound healthy?

Those girls have issues and need help! This is what i'm trying to say it's not normal, it's bloody weird and not in a everybody-has-their-preferences type way, in a these-girls-need-their-heads-checked-immediately way!

And material benefit is the number one factor- you will rarely find a young successful professional woman dating 500years her senior, you will rarely find an old poor man with young rich chick for a partner.

I have 1 perfect word 2 describe u: OLODO. I used 2 av a friend whose grandpa is only 3years older dan his dad, now in their eighties. Now, dis simply means ladies datin much older men did not start today. Besides, avnt u witnessd scenarios where kings, in theis sixties, marry very young wives, in their 20s? If no, Check out stories 4rm d bible. Ok? Pervert!

na my choice

Well my experience goes thus: when i was like 16 i dated a 29 yr old. He was so mature and cute and was someone that gives good advice when u need it. We separated due to circumstances though we are still close but Since then i always felt more attracted to older men, i consider someone who is not 8 yrs older than me young.

I personally think why there's more attraction is basically because of the financial security, and arguably "maturity." I quoted maturity because most people think age determines the maturity of an individual, and this has been proven to be a wrong assertion... Experience, temperament, and knowledge determines the maturity of an individual - age is nothing but numbers.. Financial security is also subjective because there are many young guys out there who are financially secured... I just think most of the girls involved in this do it because they're naive - and probably because of the bad experiences they had in the past.. But they will later find out that it isn't greener on the other side.

I'm not against young girls seeking older men, and older men seeking young girls to prey on - but it becomes problematic when the two groups involved, do it for the wrong reasons...

I will admit that I prefer to date older men. Am sure you've heard the saying like fine wine men get better with age . Well that adage has proved to be true in my life

I'm in my late 20's and am often attracted to men who are older than me, am talking about men 6 to 10 years older. I feel very at ease and comfortable with men in that age group

say you're 28, someone 6 years older will be 34.

in what way is he an "older man" in the context you're implying?

the op is referring to men in the "sugar daddy" age range- namely 50- 60 and above.

a girl of 18 dating a 28 year old man doesnt qualify him for that title even though the age difference is 10 years. He's still a young guy.

even ten years older than you @ 38 still doesnt quantify the man as an old fuddy duddy.

people should get over themselves.

personally, i've seen mature younger men and irresponsible older men, so all these things are relative, like i've pointed out times without number. But people should continue deceiving themselves.

@ topic

peer pressure, greed, fear, hollywood, etc.

When an older woman seek a younger man, it is shun in our society but when am older man does the same then it is cool...hmm i smell double standard. Anyway I think younger men like older women for part of their clarity and substance and also their relaxed attitude about life: There's nothing wrong for seeking an older lady and same can be said to younger women who seek older men..

I'm 20, my wife is 55!

^^good for you!