I recently witnessed something that shocked me and made me wonder what has happened to the foundation of the family,if a couple of grown up kids could gang up and kick their aged father out of his own house?

The father in this real life story,had struggled all his life to train these four kids up to university level.
He had recently retired as a lower cadre civil servant,in one of the Federal ministries in the country.

In the course of his career as a civil servant he had managed to save up enough money to build a medium level bungalow,where he,his wife and four kids lived.

Now in his retirement,when he should be enjoying the fruit of his labour,his four grown up children and their mother ganged up to kick him out of his house,into the streets.WHY?

Well the reason according to the children,is that the their father recently collected his gratuity money and decided their mother was too old for him and therefore decided to bring in a younger woman as a wife to keep him warm in his old age.The children kicked against this and told their father that he could marry his new sweet sixteen OUTSIDE the house he built,meaning he had to rent a house outside where the new wife would stay.
The father agreed to these terms and conditions and everyone was living happily ever after until the mother of these four grown up kids contracted a strange sickness that almost turned her in to a lunatic who began mumbling and talking to herself.

The drama began,when these four kids who are university graduates decided to take their mother to a herbalist,instead of a psychiatric hospital.
The herbalist informed the stunned children that the cause of their mothers strange illness was their fathers new wife and that through their father the young wife had apparently planted some juju in the house that was affecting the mother and driving her mad.The children were up in arms and without consulting any elders confronted their father over the allegation of the herbalist.The father denied this accusation and insisted on the old wife being taken to a hospital for proper treatment.The children were having none of this and would not allow their father touch his wife.

Anyway last weekend all hell was let lose in the household when the four grown up children kicked their father out of his house,clothes,shoes,books and mattresses were flying through the air,till they rested in an untidy heap outside the house.

Finally the man himself was physically rough handled and pushed out of the house.
All pleas from neighbours for restraint fell on deaf ears.

Shocking situation:mother demented and living with a herbalist.Father thrown out of the house,into the streets.Grown up kids in the house refusing to take their mum for proper medical care.Young wife living in fear for her life.

What is the family turning into?

@chaircover; your last sentences had me laughing out loud.

It is bad when this happens in a family where old couples instead of sitting back and relieving their yesterdays together, something ugly rears its head...it's even more worrisome the examples the old folks are setting for the next generation... Well, everyone is to blame...the children, the old man, his new wife, his old wife and the rest of the family. Did the elders not discourage him as to getting a new wife? Which sane 'new' wife marries a man who has grown up children...not even young ones but grown graduates? The children are hurt no doubt but they carried the hurt too far...elders should have been brought into the matter...throwing anyone's belongings, muchless one's father into the streets in full glare of the public is not something to be desired. The old man behaved like an agbaya and refused to think through his decision and how it might impact his family...the 'old' wife should have demanded half of his gratuity...and asked that he move out (not divorce)of the house to his 'new' wife's apartment...at least that way everyone preserves their sanity...because not every woman can stand another woman with her husband.

A wicked man getting what he deserves. Shame.

From what i can read between the lines he couldnt have been much of a good father otherwise the kids won't have the heart to throw him out.

He is responsible for his wife's insanity clearly she is traumatized.

The kids, well only God knows what provoked them. I am certain he did worse than is written here. They better get their mom good treatment and leave the old man with his new burden because he has it coming. This is just a taste of what will happen to him.The second wife i bet may soon flee from the mess.

Yorubas say its painful whenever u find foolishness among people u expect to know better.so a man as old as dat can still think of having another wife afta all what he and his wife have experienced in marriage plus raising 4 kids.dis is rather unfortunate.1st of all d man has just shown his real character.all along he had tendencies for promiscuity but lack of money checked it,now he has money and his real self has showed up,to d old woman,i feel its depression mixed with shock,dissapointment,hurt and feeling of rejection dat made her loose her sanity,apparently she needs to be taken to a different environment and be shown love,care and compassion so she can get her sanity and self esteem back,den d old man is only paying for his foolisness and i dont feel sorry for him,i only feel sorry for d parents of d young girl dat wants to marry her grand parents mate.in addition dats what men will get for neglecting their fatherly role on d kids because if d father performed his fatherly role,dey wont b out of controll and wayward

chaircover: There are a lot of things wrong with this family and its a chain reaction that has now gotten out of hand.

The father started it and unfortunately things have gone beyond what anyone would have expected. You said it yourself . . . the man collected his gratuity money and decided that his wife was too old. A time that the woman who has been through thick and thin with this man all these years should be enjoying herself with her man, is suddenly no longer useful and kicked onto the scrapheap (sadly a very common occurrence).

This man as you said what a lover cadre civil servant so I can imagine how they must have lived from hand to mouth all these years. Is this how to pay back his wife? so if the children hadn't insisted that he marry his new wife outside, he would have brought the younger wife to come live with them? I am almost 100% sure that he did not send those 4 kids to university and build the house with his money alone and his wife would have supported him financially and morally over the years too.

Now back to the mental illness. who knows if the mental illness could have been brought on by the trauma of this mans shock treatment to his wife? As per the other wife being accused of being the cause of the illness, one hears this all the time in polygamous families. As soon as someone has a headache, the other wife is accused of causing it, so the accusations are not out of the norm in our culture. If the younger wife too hits her foot against a stone, the elder wife will be accused. This is Nigeria.

I am surprised though that with 4 graduates, none of them could think straight and take their mum to a hospital. Shows that having a degree in your hand doesn't mean that you are literate. Shame. . . . and throwing their dads things out of the house shows that they are rough street kids and that is a terrible thing to do to your own father.

Do I feel sorry for the man. Politically correct/church mind answer is yes. truthful answer from my heart NO

The man has done little wrong! Yes, his 1st wife and kids are bitter but heck! The man has trained them and is not abandoning his first wife.

Secondly, it is a fact that many Nigerians are schooled but not educated. This is the reason we are where we are as a country- people spend 4 or more years in institutions of higher learning and still think like secondary school students. If the woman is sick, get her psychiatric help. Yes, I am religious and believe in prayers but this must not conflict with proper medical treatment.

You cannot kick your father out of his own house especially on his own decision.

We don't know if the new wife really did what they are accusing her of

maclatunji:

The man has done little wrong! Yes, his 1st wife and kids are bitter but heck! The man has trained them and is not abandoning his first wife.

Secondly, it is a fact that many Nigerians are schooled but not educated. This is the reason we are where we are as a country- people spend 4 or more years in institutions of higher learning and still think like secondary school students. If the woman is sick, get her psychiatric help. Yes, I am religious and believe in prayers but this must not conflict with proper medical treatment.

You cannot kick your father out of his own house especially on his own decision.

Listen - you sanction polygamy. Just say it like it is.

Most of the responses on this thread indicate that the contributors DON'T sanction polygamy. And even if they do, this man should have made his intentions known right from the very beginning. i.e Why didn't he marry a 2nd / 3rd / 4th wife when he was as poor as a church rat?

I have no pity whatsoever for him. It just goes to show how greedy, inconsiderate and self-centred some men can be! They wait till the faithful wife bears all the kids, stands by him through the rough hard times, and most annoyingly, GIVEN THE BEST YEARS OF HER LIFE TO HIM!! D'you have any idea how painful that is to a woman, Mac??

And how does he thank her when he gets his gratuity payment? Drop her like a hot coal to go after some money-grabbing, spring chicken. Puuleeeezeeee! The kids are right jor. Only issue I have with them is that they need to seek proper medical help for their mother.

Let the man start afresh with his e-Yawoo (new wife). New wife wen wan reap where she never sow. Nonesense!

Okay, I'm not quite sure I understand the second half of the story, but I license that, if my father must have another woman, it must be outside the house my mum and I live in, irrespective of whether it was built by him, for him or with him.

maclatunji:

The man has done little wrong! Yes, his 1st wife and kids are bitter but heck! The man has trained them and is not abandoning his first wife.

Secondly, it is a fact that many Nigerians are schooled but not educated. This is the reason we are where we are as a country- people spend 4 or more years in institutions of higher learning and still think like secondary school students. If the woman is sick, get her psychiatric help. Yes, I am religious and believe in prayers but this must not conflict with proper medical treatment.

You cannot kick your father out of his own house especially on his own decision.

A man chose his new trophy over his family?! Sounds like abandonment to me. The only victim is the woman who's not getting the care she desperately needs. As for the old man, oh well, shyte happens. As you lay your bed . . . . . . .

Efemena_xy:

Listen - you sanction polygamy. Just say it like it is.

Most of the responses on this thread indicate that the contributors DON'T sanction polygamy. And even if they do, this man should have made his intentions known right from the very beginning. i.e Why didn't he marry a 2nd / 3rd / 4th wife when he was as poor as a church rat?

I have no pity whatsoever for him. It just goes to show how greedy, inconsiderate and self-centred some men can be! They wait till the faithful wife bears all the kids, stands by him through the rough hard times, and most annoyingly, GIVEN THE BEST YEARS OF HER LIFE TO HIM!! D'you have any idea how painful that is to a woman, Mac??

And how does he thank her when he gets his gratuity payment? Drop her like a hot coal to go after some money-grabbing, spring chicken. Puuleeeezeeee! The kids are right jor. Only issue I have with them is that they need to seek proper medical help for their mother.

Let the man start afresh with his e-Yawoo (new wife). New wife wen wan reap where she never sow. Nonesense!

How are you sure what my thoughts are on Polygamy? The thing is this, these kids are adults and he and their mother have trained them up to the point of being graduates who can fend for themselves. Now, the man gets his gratuity and he feels he wants to spend it on a new sweetheart abi? The first wife and her children can demand that the man should not bring her to their home, they did and the man accepted. The fact that the man still has property for his children to "throw out" and wants his wife to get proper medical attention shows that he is not callous, maybe selfish but certainly not callous.

In addition, your parents should have their way when you argue or disagree over a matter especially when it does not immediately concern you- it is not like the father told the children not to marry whoever they choose or what company they should work. There is no doubt that the man in question is marrying the second wife for the sex, you can call that selfish/immoral, I call it selfish but not immoral. What would be immoral is for him to keep the second woman or other women as girlfriends and still spend his gratuity on them to the detriment of the family and seeking to hide it from their knowledge.

What the first wife should have done is demand for him to fulfill his duties to her as a husband. If he failed, she could divorce him and get a hefty settlement.

You people are being sentimental, I am being objective. The father should just bear with the kids- but what they did is an abomination.

Efemena, our disagreement on this thread boils down to the question I asked on this thread https://www.nairaland.com/617453/ladies-which-would-prefer

^^^ Please stop this. The more you try to explain yourself, the more silly you sound.

Missy_B: Okay, I'm not quite sure I understand the second half of the story, but I license that, if my father must have another woman, it must be outside the house my mum and I live in, irrespective of whether it was built by him, for him or with him.

And the man accepted this condition.

naijababe:

A man chose his new trophy over his family?! Sounds like abandonment to me. The only victim is the woman who's not getting the care she desperately needs. As for the old man, oh well, shyte happens. As you lay your bed . . . . . . .

I know, the easiest way to bring the lioness out of any woman is to mention a second wife but seriously view this thread and think deeply about it https://www.nairaland.com/617453/ladies-which-would-prefer .

It is perfectly normal for a woman to detest/abhor/hate her husband having a second wife. However, how many women out there get the shocker of their lives at the burial ceremony of their "beloved" husband with one or several other women presenting his look-alikes to the world as his (il)legitimate children? Would you prefer that to knowing about the other woman if she exists?

Did the man share his gratuity with his first wife? that was what he should have done. that money was earn because of the support she gave her husband. for the husband to now want to bring in a new wife is horrible and big insult to his real wifey.
if the guy was wise and smart, half if not all of the money should be given to the woman. Maybe she would have had enough to seek medical help and not some cheap dibia.

jennykadry: ^^^ Please stop this. The more you try to explain yourself, the more silly you sound.

To women. Yeah! I agree. I am kind-of defending your worst nightmare here. All of you are praying upon prayer and hoping against hope that your husbands will stay true to the end. I say a big amen. I am on your side but I also realise that the opposite can/does happen. This should be your motto:

Pray and hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

And for the record, I prefer Monogamy over Polygamy. However, I respect both if properly practiced.

maclatunji:

How are you sure what my thoughts are on Polygamy? The thing is this, these kids are adults and he and their mother have trained them up to the point of being graduates who can fend for themselves. Now, the man gets his gratuity and he feels he wants to spend it on a new sweetheart abi? The first wife and her children can demand that the man should not bring her to their home, they did and the man accepted. The fact that the man still has property for his children to "throw out" and wants his wife to get proper medical attention shows that he is not callous, maybe selfish but certainly not callous.

In addition, your parents should have their way when you argue or disagree over a matter especially when it does not immediately concern you- it is not like the father told the children not to marry whoever they choose or what company they should work. There is no doubt that the man in question is marrying the second wife for the sex, you can call that selfish/immoral, I call it selfish but not immoral. What would be immoral is for him to keep the second woman or other women as girlfriends and still spend his gratuity on them to the detriment of the family and seeking to hide it from their knowledge.

What the first wife should have done is demand for him to fulfill his duties to her as a husband. If he failed, she could divorce him and get a hefty settlement.

You people are being sentimental, I am being objective. The father should just bear with the kids- but what they did is an abomination.

Efemena, our disagreement on this thread boils down to the question I asked on this thread https://www.nairaland.com/617453/ladies-which-would-prefer

Mac, Mac, Mac...Not only have you avoided the question I asked of you in bold, you really seem to be missing the point here.

This man never saw it fit to get married when life was at it's hardest. What we have here is a woman who held the sanctity of marriage dear and for all we know, give it her all and all. Whatever line of defence you've drummed up for this guy, his actions are what constituted to this poor woman's mental breakdown. Do you not think it's odd that ALL of his children seem to have staunchly stood up in defence of their mother?

Re: your bolded statement, what sort of argument is that? You're effectively saying that its okay for the woman to toil with the man through difficult times, and when it's time to reap the fruit of her labour, when she ought to put up her feet in retirement - t'is better for her to divorce her husband? When they finally get some hard earned money? Are you for real here? Or you just playing the devil's advocate??

I've had a read of the thread you refer me to, and I think (no offence intended) - that, that thread of yours is in really poor taste. You seem to be living in the middle ages where you assume women don't have freedom of choice, nor can think for themselves.

Why would I have to choose between a cheating husband or one that wants to marry a trophy wife? What makes you think women can't and don't cheat on their men?

Why don't you ask yourself what you as a man would prefer? A cheating wife or a woman who chooses to marry a second husband (so she doesn't live in sin)? It's called Polyandry.

maclatunji:

To women. Yeah! I agree. I am kind-of defending your worst nightmare here. All of you are praying upon prayer and hoping against hope that your husbands will stay true to the end. I say a big amen. I am on your side but I also realise that the opposite can/does happen. This should be your motto:

Pray and hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

And for the record, I prefer Monogamy over Polygamy. However, I respect both if properly practiced.

Now seriously, I'm beginning to feel embarrassed on your behalf!

Just in case you don't know, there are still lots of decent men out there who hold the sanctity of marriage dear, and would NOT dream of cheating on their wives. I think you're painting a poor picture of your fellow men and are also stereotyping them to be the typical dog-in-action.

Yes, some men do cheat and have wandering eyes - but women do cheat also. Only they're a lot smarter, more discreete and hardly ever get caught. I'll use the analogy of dogs and cats:

You ALWAYS get to see a dog doing their poo wherever, whenever, for all and sundry to see in public (Men)

You hardly ever, sometimes NEVER (unless in captivity), get to see a cat doing their poo in public. (Women)

Efemena_xy:

Mac, Mac, Mac...Not only have you avoided the question I asked of you in bold, you really seem to be missing the point here.

This man never saw it fit to get married when life was at it's hardest. What we have here is a woman who held the sanctity of marriage dear and for all we know, give it her all and all. Whatever line of defence you've drummed up for this guy, his actions are what constituted to this poor woman's mental breakdown. Do you not think it's odd that ALL of his children seem to have staunchly stood up in defence of their mother?

Re: your bolded statement, what sort of argument is that? You're effectively saying that its okay for the woman to toil with the man through difficult times, and when it's time to reap the fruit of her labour, when she ought to put up her feet in retirement - t'is better for her to divorce her husband? When they finally get some hard earned money? Are you for real here? Or you just playing the devil's advocate??

I've had a read of the thread you refer me to, and I think (no offence intended) - that, that thread of yours is in really poor taste. You seem to be living in the middle ages where you assume women don't have freedom of choice, nor can think for themselves.

Why would I have to choose between a cheating husband or one that wants to marry a trophy wife? What makes you think women can't and don't cheat on their men?

Why don't you ask yourself what you as a man would prefer? A cheating wife or a woman who chooses to marry a second husband (so she doesn't live in sin)? It's called Polyandry.

Pity, I don't have adequate time. However, the first wife can take active steps to ensure that she gets majority of the "benefits of the gratuity". You are woman now, how many of you would say yes to a broke man? I am reacting to this story the way it has been presented, it is quite possible that I would have agreed with you if the story was presented with different details. However, nothing can justify throwing your own father out of his own house.

Create a thread about what I think of Polyandry and I will respond. This thread is also taking us back to another age long debate: Are women equal to men in every regard? Your question about Polyandry is based on the mindset of absolute equality. The idea is cute. Unfortunately, that is not how God created the world. We are equal as God's creatures but we are not equal in terms of responsibilities and what is deemed right or wrong for us to do. This crosses all religious boundaries.

A man who is a serial seducer of women is seen as the "real man" ala James Bond. However, if a woman does the same she is a tramp- that is what the "liberal" society dictates innit?

Efemena_xy:

Now seriously, I'm beginning to feel embarrassed on your behalf!

Just in case you don't know, there are still lots of decent men out there who hold the sanctity of marriage dear, and would NOT dream of cheating on their wives. I think you're painting a poor picture of your fellow men and are also stereotyping them to be the typical dog-in-action.

Yes, some men do cheat and have wandering eyes - but women do cheat also. Only they're a lot smarter, more discreete and hardly ever get caught. I'll use the analogy of dogs and cats:

You ALWAYS get to see a dog doing their poo wherever, whenever, for all and sundry to see in public (Men)

You hardly ever, sometimes NEVER (unless in captivity), get to see a cat doing their poo in public. (Women)

@bolded, I couldn't agree more but... it is tiny minority.

Of course, women cheat like crazy, that is why the proverb "only a woman knows the father of her child exists"?

maclatunji:

snip...snip...

Of course, women cheat like crazy, that is why the proverb "only a woman knows the father of her child exists"?

^^ Lol!

Abeg, I nor get energy for you jor

Who cares what and who you are defending? Who has a problem with you defending anybody or anything? By all means go right ahead but don't become or act silly in the process. I honestly dont care about what happens to either one of them in this story, my concern is if the allegations labelled against the second wife is true or not.

Abeg I am done here ojare. This is the reason why I don't post more often here. Some comments scare the shait outta me cos I have had to shake my head and ask my poor self a million times if it's human beings that posted some of them or dogs now have access to the Internet.

maclatunji:

Pity, I don't have adequate time. However, the first wife can take active steps to ensure that she gets majority of the "benefits of the gratuity". You are woman now, how many of you would say yes to a broke man? I am reacting to this story the way it has been presented, it is quite possible that I would have agreed with you if the story was presented with different details. However, nothing can justify throwing your own father out of his own house.

Create a thread about what I think of Polyandry and I will respond. This thread is also taking us back to another age long debate: Are women equal to men in every regard? Your question about Polyandry is based on the mindset of absolute equality. The idea is cute. Unfortunately, that is not how God created the world. We are equal as God's creatures but we are not equal in terms of responsibilities and what is deemed right or wrong for us to do. This crosses all religious boundaries.

A man who is a serial seducer of women is seen as the "real man" ala James Bond. However, if a woman does the same she is a tramp- that is what the "liberal" society dictates innit?

Missed this response of yours.

Yes, I'm a woman and I'm not afraid to say "yes" to a broke man. Money is important, but it's not the be-all-and-end-all of a relationship. I've mentioned in a thread a couple of months back that I would prefer to work from scratch with my man to build a successful and loving home - I've no qualms about rolling up my sleeves and getting stuck in there! Yes, I would rather go for a broke man with potential and the makings of a good husband / partner (i.e sensitivity, genuine love, respect, hard working, intelligent, educated, etc). One who would treat me right, rather than one with lots of money who won't love and respect me, who'll give me grief every single day of my life. Life's too short abeg.

Re: Your point on religion - arguments based on religion tend to go on and on in never-ending circles, hence I choose not to get involved in them. You assume everyone is religious?

^Your being irreligious is an expression of a form of belief in itself. Hence, I lumped everybody together in that context.

You get what I mean.

LOL, @Jennykadry's outburst. No mind me ehn.

I haven't conceded to being religious or not.

I asked that question on behalf of those who don't practice any religion.

chaircover: Looks like someone has stolen macs user name. I cant believe that he doesn't see much wrong in what the man did. Even Richy saw it.

. . . . . and please dont even go into the wife getting a settlement from the man. No be Naija? How many educated high profile women do you know that got a penny as settlement from a philandering husband in Nigeria? talk less of a working class woman.

Let me go with you and then ask if it is okay for his kids to throw him out of his house?

Thumbs up 4 his children and their mother naim good 4 the old cargo

Efemena_xy: I haven't conceded to being religious or not.

I asked that question on behalf of those who don't practice any religion.

It doesn't matter I have lumped everybody together for my own purposes.

Who is accusing Mac (who is a moslem) of sanctioning polygamy when his religion accepts that?

It is clear that the whole issue affected the woman mentally, someone once narrated to me how the same thing happened to their mother when their father took a second wife and they had to be treating her in a psychiatric hospital. What even gives some men the audacity to turn around and consider their wives "unbefitting" after getting old with them? The children should get medical help for their mother and stop patronizing the native doctors-prophets-and-prophetess that only help in breaking families apart with their crazy divinations and finger pointing.

As per the man the right proverb for him should be "Onye kpatara nku ahuhu si ngwere biara ya ugwo/ He who fetched an ant-ridden firewood invited lizards". What is that other woman still doing in that place? She better find her way and allow this unfortunate family to pull themselves together.