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My Husband Hates My Best Friend. What Should I Do? - Family - Nairaland

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My Husband Hates My Best Friend. What Should I Do? by luvme2(f): 9:33am On Jul 18, 2012
Alex has being my closest friend since our 1st year in the university. Infact, she is more like a sister to me than a friend. We know everything about each other, when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING. After school, I got married and my husband doesn't want me to have anything to do with her. He even refused my attending her wedding. NLDs please what do I do as I cannot choose between my husband and my closest friend?
Re: My Husband Hates My Best Friend. What Should I Do? by nat138: 11:10am On Jul 18, 2012
[color=#006600][/color][b][/b] OP have you ever sat down with your husband to discuss his reasons for disliking your friend? Also I think you should try and find out from your friend if anything has ever transpired between her and your hubby. You might feel you know all about your friend but there could be that one thing you don't know, because if your friend is not a wayward person then I see no reason why your hubby should dislike her so much. So ask your hubby lovingly if there is something he knows that you don't know about your friend.

Cheers

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Re: My Husband Hates My Best Friend. What Should I Do? by maclatunji: 11:46am On Jul 18, 2012
luvme2: Alex has being my closest friend since our 1st year in the university. Infact, she is more like a sister to me than a friend. We know everything about each other, when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING. After school, I got married and my husband doesn't want me to have anything to do with her. He even refused my attending her wedding. NLDs please what do I do as I cannot choose between my husband and my closest friend?


Unfortunately, you have to stick with your husband on this one but wait! Didn't he know her before he married you? How did he treat her then? Is it the same as now? Don't let me lie to you, I am 99% sure that there is a secret between the two. I don't know what it is, it could range from the obvious like romantic or intimate interest between the two to the absurd like they are both secret agents working for rival countries or organisations. The safest way to proceed (I think?) is to stick with your husband's side until you can extricate the real reason he hates your friend from him.

How would you do that?
Let him know that you are not challenging his authority but you need to know what he hates about her as that will make it easier for you to put her at arms length. He needs to understand that she has not offended you and any attempt to cut her off abruptly will lead to other people getting involved and you don't want it blown out of proportion. You need the information from him to prevent that from happening.

Note: Be sweet whilst you are at it.

Good luck!

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Re: My Husband Hates My Best Friend. What Should I Do? by luvme2(f): 12:35pm On Jul 18, 2012
Thanks guys, u've all been really helpful. He knew her before we got married but she and I drifted apart for some time and just got back together. That was when I noticed the hostility.
Re: My Husband Hates My Best Friend. What Should I Do? by maclatunji: 12:45pm On Jul 18, 2012
luvme2: Thanks guys, u've all been really helpful. He knew her before we got married but she and I drifted apart for some time and just got back together. That was when I noticed the hostility.

Then there is something between the two you don't know about, I am 99% sure. What it is I don't know.
Re: My Husband Hates My Best Friend. What Should I Do? by jennykadry(f): 12:52pm On Jul 18, 2012
Find out from him why he does not like her. There has to be something.
Re: My Husband Hates My Best Friend. What Should I Do? by tasandra: 4:43pm On Jul 18, 2012
Op why will ur hubby hate ur frnd 4 no reason try and find out.
Re: My Husband Hates My Best Friend. What Should I Do? by kulyie: 5:05pm On Jul 18, 2012
If u ask me,i think ur husby is actin up.i av a feelin dat somtin intimate was btw dem @ a particular period of tym whether before or afta marriage because u said he wasnt like dat bfor marriage.to be honest with u men dont hate for notin,4 example assuming i used to b friendly with my husbys friend and afta marriage i hated him,then somtin must be goin on somewhere because theres certainly no smoke without fire,as 4 askin ur husby,i think its not necessary,leave him alone and act like u dont know and ure not interested in d whole drama.d day he is willing,he will talk on his own without u askin because if u ask now,it is likely he cooks up one rooster and bull story 4 u or shun u outrightly.so galfiend,if u love ur husband dat bad,i think u should be able to sacrifice ur relationship with ur friend for ur husby because in dis institution called marriage,u cant eat ur cake and have it,replace d love n closeness u av 4 her to ur husby,try n av a different view of ur husby,see him as ur bestie dat u can discuss anytin with,no matter how trivial.me thinks avin peace n love in ur home is beta dan kipin ur bestie dat ur relatnshp will nt last anyway even if ur husby doesnt hate her,@ least she too will marry n av kids n with all dat ur closeness will b affected.av given u d one piece of silver i av,meanwhile i'm nt married,but i think my idea could still count

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Re: My Husband Hates My Best Friend. What Should I Do? by ronkebp(f): 5:45pm On Jul 18, 2012
Hmmmmm!!!!
Re: My Husband Hates My Best Friend. What Should I Do? by onyibor84: 6:36pm On Jul 18, 2012
What a story! Use reverse psychology on him. Try to criticize your friend in his presence and in different ways and when you hit the point he will take it from there.

2 Likes

Re: My Husband Hates My Best Friend. What Should I Do? by chaircover: 7:57pm On Jul 18, 2012
Does your husband accept your other friends? Yes then no need for alarm. . . . NO and then you may have a control freak on your hands and you need to be careful cos he is gradually going to strip you of your friends, family and support network.

back to your friend, There may or may not be something that he has discovered about her that he feels will be a bad influence on you/upset you/cause issues between you and him etc

It could also be that there is no reason at all, just that he doesnt like her. We all meet people in our lives that we dont just gel with and dont want to be around them.

From what you described anyway, I dont think the friendship is as tight as you think anyway; You dont just drift away from someone you claim was like a sister to you.

If your husband accepts your other friends and just doesnt warm to this one, then maybe its time to step back a little and trust your husbands judgement. Your first loyalty is to your husband and not to a friend, and although I cant imagine why he wont let you go to her wedding; weddings are generally free for all.

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Re: My Husband Hates My Best Friend. What Should I Do? by MRbrownJAY(m): 8:08pm On Jul 18, 2012
@OP
however you want to delay it, you will have to choose between your husband and this friend. there is NO WAY around it.
and since you had drifted away from this so called friend before, i see no reason why you shouldnt do that again.

i dont need to dwell on the "reason" why you hubby hates her guts, its irrelevant to the thread. he knew you without here in your life, and after marriage you suddenly added her, expecting him to accept her in your life, regardless of who she is.
Re: My Husband Hates My Best Friend. What Should I Do? by ronkebp(f): 8:10pm On Jul 18, 2012
hhmmmmmm hia!!!!!
Re: My Husband Hates My Best Friend. What Should I Do? by webprince(m): 8:52pm On Jul 18, 2012
luvme2: Thanks guys, u've all been really helpful. He knew her before we got married but she and I drifted apart for some time and just got back together. That was when I noticed the hostility.

Be 90% assured that its either your friend flirts with your hubby or your hubby had sex or almost had sex with her hence the hostility!

Stick with your husband and forget the friend that cannot truthfully tell you what transpired between her and your husband!
Re: My Husband Hates My Best Friend. What Should I Do? by webprince(m): 8:57pm On Jul 18, 2012
^^^ nairaland and auto-correct what with changing my **** word to "were intimate"?!
Re: My Husband Hates My Best Friend. What Should I Do? by Admonition: 9:17pm On Jul 18, 2012
Sometimes, we tend to worry over things that only add small value to our lives. This may be one of the things. I think it will be good to ask yourself; is my friend really that important as compared to my family(husband)?. Even if your husband is control freak, Your friend can never be a husband to you if problem arise in your family because of her. Dear sister, with patience and humility coupled with wisdom on your side, try to act on the side of your husband for a while until you will be able to extract the reason why your husband never wanted you and your friend together. Something makes me believe it is for your own good. A good husband will always strive to seek for the welfare of his wife and family, and that may involve ostracizing them from people that can bring mayhem to the unity of the family. My assumptions may be wrong though.
Re: My Husband Hates My Best Friend. What Should I Do? by agabaI23(m): 10:39pm On Jul 18, 2012
It is possible that your husband has a secret with your best friend or your best friend is hotter than you are and he is tempted whenever she visits
Re: My Husband Hates My Best Friend. What Should I Do? by Johndoe100(m): 5:12am On Jul 19, 2012
@OP

Look this is easy, You and your pal share most things no? Just organize for your hubby to screw your pal a few times I am sure he will see her in a new light. You know your friend, if she is lacking in the bedmatics department, brush her up. Believe me after this all three of you will live in peace ever after. Trust me.
Re: My Husband Hates My Best Friend. What Should I Do? by Billyonaire: 6:02am On Jul 19, 2012
onyibor84: What a story! Use reverse psychology on him. Try to criticize your friend in his presence and in different ways and when you hit the point he will take it from there.
Nice one, very nice idea.
Re: My Husband Hates My Best Friend. What Should I Do? by Ivynwa(f): 7:02am On Jul 19, 2012
Its either something intimate has gone on between your husband and your friend(and he is feeling guilty and fighting to stay faithful to you) or that your girlfriend is giving him the come-on (which he doesn't want to fall for, does not want to tell u about and wishes to steer clear of her) or that your girlfriend has exhibited some characters that gave him the fear that she may lead you into straying her way.

We are merely saying what is in our minds here and are not asking you to accost your husband and accuse him of these things. In order to find out the truth/reason behind it you have to work it out yourself girlie. It is not fair for a man to ask that a wife cut off ties from friends if his reasons aren't good enough or if the friends do not pose any danger to the wife or to their union. It's just like a woman asking her hubby to cut off ties with the boys or something. One shouldn't be made to feel like one has been imprisoned on getting married, I mean a wife should be allowed to relate in a healthy way with others unless in a situation the relationship with the said friend is no more healthy for example if she has slept wt your husband or was making a go at him then you should cut such a friend off.
Re: My Husband Hates My Best Friend. What Should I Do? by PrettyCindy(f): 7:04am On Jul 19, 2012
There is every possibility that your friend tried to seduce your husband but he didnt fall for her or nothing of such happened. Still there has to be an explanation for his actions.
Well, i will choose my husband and my family over a friend any day. Am sure she is aware of your husband‘s hostility towards her so she would understand.

Be loyal and truthful to your husband, don‘t behave like Gabby in desperate housewives who choosed her friend Bree over her husband.
Re: My Husband Hates My Best Friend. What Should I Do? by omamokta: 3:02pm On Jul 19, 2012
From personal experience, i had this type of problem with my wife and there is nothing intimate between me and my wife's best friend. Its just that my wife always look up to her as a mentor. It all started when i met my wife, i noticed that my wife's best friend ideologies about life is very different from mine. My wife prefers dancing to the tune of her friend more than mine, i tried stopping my wife from seeing her for a while and noticed the difference in my wife. Only for her to appear during our wedding, she was even the chief bridesmaid to my wife during our wedding. Troubles started erupting immediately she appeared and i did not take it lightly with my wife, she had to choose between me and her best friend. It baffles me that women accuse their husbands of having a crush on their best friend cos the man does not want their best friend around. Am comfortable with every of her friends except this her "bestfriend".

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Re: My Husband Hates My Best Friend. What Should I Do? by luvme2(f): 3:19pm On Jul 19, 2012
omamokta: From personal experience, i had this type of problem with my wife and there is nothing intimate between me and my wife's best friend. Its just that my wife always look up to her as a mentor. It all started when i met my wife, i noticed that my wife's best friend ideologies about life is very different from mine. My wife prefers dancing to the tune of her friend more than mine, i tried stopping my wife from seeing her for a while and noticed the difference in my wife. Only for her to appear during our wedding, she was even the chief bridesmaid to my wife during our wedding. Troubles started erupting immediately she appeared and i did not take it lightly with my wife, she had to choose between me and her best friend. It baffles me that women accuse their husbands of having a crush on their best friend cos the man does not want their best friend around. Am comfortable with every of her friends except this her "bestfriend".

Thanks.
Re: My Husband Hates My Best Friend. What Should I Do? by ronkebp(f): 3:36pm On Jul 19, 2012
omamokta: From personal experience, i had this type of problem with my wife and there is nothing intimate between me and my wife's best friend. Its just that my wife always look up to her as a mentor. It all started when i met my wife, i noticed that my wife's best friend ideologies about life is very different from mine. My wife prefers dancing to the tune of her friend more than mine, i tried stopping my wife from seeing her for a while and noticed the difference in my wife. Only for her to appear during our wedding, she was even the chief bridesmaid to my wife during our wedding. Troubles started erupting immediately she appeared and i did not take it lightly with my wife, she had to choose between me and her best friend. It baffles me that women accuse their husbands of having a crush on their best friend cos the man does not want their best friend around. Am comfortable with every of her friends except this her "bestfriend".

WHICH MAKES ALOT OF SENSE. I had a friend too my hubby did not want me to associate with, though she was not my best friend, but a good talking buddy. My hubby so much loathe this lady that i had to just cut it off with her. to make matters worst, she did not like my hubby too, only because she could read all over him that he does not like her one bit. The only valid reason my hubby gave was that she sleeps around with everything "running a race in men pants"..lol,that associating with her will also give me a bad image. So i just kawa!!! instanta.
 
Re: My Husband Hates My Best Friend. What Should I Do? by drnoel: 1:54am On Dec 28, 2012
luvme2: Alex has being my closest friend since our 1st year in the university. Infact, she is more like a sister to me than a friend. We know everything about each other, when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING. After school, I got married and my husband doesn't want me to have anything to do with her. He even refused my attending her wedding. NLDs please what do I do as I cannot choose between my husband and my closest friend?

there is rather more to this story that meets the eye and comments would come after u complete the story..
 
 
Re: My Husband Hates My Best Friend. What Should I Do? by Efemena_xy: 6:21am On Jul 19, 2013
^^ Why derail this thread with your crappy advert? You trying to avoid paying Seun for your advert?

Go open a new thread to hawk your wares, Mr.
Re: My Husband Hates My Best Friend. What Should I Do? by mgbeketoto: 7:02am On Jul 19, 2013
Lessons learned: IT IS NOT EVERYTHING YOU SHOULD DISCUSS WITH YOUR HUSBAND/WIFE! kiss
Keep your friends and husband apart. . .ALWAYS! kiss
I think you should find out why your husband is OVER-REACTING concerning your best friend.
Does he really care or is he being a CONTROL FREAK?

Has he chased her before? wink
THIS KAIN 'ACRIMONY' NA WAYA!!! cheesy

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