The Twelve Disciples

It has come to my notice that most people don't know that Nigeria was the first place Christ came to, to select his twelve disciples from. So I'm giving you an eye-witness' account of all that transpired.
The first place Christ landed was warri. He saw Gordons fishing but caught nothing. The fishes pro'ally thought he was a demon cos of his blackishness and ran for dear life! Who wants to go to hell anyway?
Next, He saw the mischievous brothers, I-go-die and I-go-save, where they were trying to 'roast' oil pipelines. Christ knew He had to call them into the ministry for the sake of humanity--those two boys were a two man Boko Haram--and call them He did!........

......There was a marriage feast in Sapele, and Christ was invited. Klint-de-drunk came uninvited, without shoes,that guy is another GEJ, and stole his way into the wine store-room. He(Klint) sat on the floor and emptied the store-room into his stomach.
When it was time for wine serving, none was left! Christ was, therefore, called upon to save the day. And as much as He hated it, He did it still. Water was drawn from River Sapele into some jars, and Christ turned it into wine, hence the name, Sapele water. After this, Klint brought a drum of Sapele water and asked Christ to turn it to Champagne for him. So Christ asked him to follow Him and He'd turn River Niger to his choice wine.........

Let's go on commercial break.
One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with him standing right there. "NOOO!" he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same. Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling. "MY JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!!!" he exclaimed. "Your a lawyer aren't you?" asked the policeman. "Yes, I am, but what does this have to do with my car?!?!" the lawyer asked. "HA! Your lawyers are always so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing did you?" the cop said. The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed "MY ROLEX!"