Please check your mail and reply asap.

Inspired at it again! Please how much is this car?

Very nice guy I tell you!

@biolabee, thanks for the thumbs up!

Scheming? No, just trying to unmask the real face behind your Lagbaja

Chei, I don dey look for trouble. I hope I am safe.

Serubawon you can say that again! I should know

What on earth could be the matter Tgirl4real? Looks like Seru's story brought fresh tears to your eyes.

Ok Winneygirl, let me add yet another point.

7) Don't stay at the valley!

It is inevitable that in our journey in this world, we come to valley experiences. We get to a point that seems we are stuck at the bottom, no ray of hope in sight. We feel lonely. Darkness all around and all we can hear are just echoes of our lonleliness. What then do you do when you get to this point? How do you forge ahead in this situation? The answer- don't stay at the valley! Keep moving! Go through the valley and don't pitch your tent there. Learn the lessons but keep moving ahead, don't entertain fear. Soon you will be out of there.

David got to this valley and realized he has to go through and not dwell there. Hear him "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for Thou art with me ..." Psalms 23. Truth is, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Let that keep your hopes alive while you pass through.

A picture just came to my mind now of the valley of dry bones (Ezekiel 37). I asked myself why the people died at the valley. Many die when they get to the valley because they choose to remain there! That valley was full of very many dry bones. They got to the valley, remained there and lost all hopes and they all died. Hear what they said of themselves in verse 11 "behold, they say, 'Our bones are dried up and our hope has perished. We are completely cut off.'

So, remember when you get to the valleys of life, don't dwell at the valley, pass through it and keep the hope alive!

That's the way to go Winneygirl Winnergirl!

Tgirl, Thanks be to God.

What's with the 2 girls about 'Oga' today?

@Winneygirl, I'm glad we could be of help. Yes, you just hit on my 6th point in that statement of yours:

U gave me a lot of positive things 2 think abt.

That takes me to:

6) Think, say and stay positive

As a (wo)man thinks in her heart, so is she! Think about positive things. See a bright future, think constatntly about it. See yourself succeeding. Scriptures say whatever is good, lovely, pure, just, wholesome, of good report, think on them! If all you think about is gloom and doom, you won't be hopeful of a brighter tomorrow. So, think happiness, joy, success, and say what you think to yourself. Words are powerful. What do you say about yourself? Let no corrupt (or negative) communication (or words) come out of your lips! Shape your future with your mouth and stay positive and hopeful!

Twelve spies went out to spy the land of Cannan- 10 saw defeat, failure, impossibilities and all negative things about how they can't make it. Hear what they said about themselves "we were like grasshoppers in their sight". They were not hopeful and little wonder they didn't make it to the promised land. However 2 saw opportunities, possibilities, ability to overcome challenges, honey and milk, success. Hear what they said "we are well able to possess the land"! It's not surprising they made it to the promised land. They remained hopeful, confessed it and possessed it. Even at age 80, one of the two (Caleb) still possessed what he was yet to because he didn't give up.

You too can!

Serubawon, no shaking. We have started e-fasting for the great e-feast! Olori dear, I hail o- I know say you dey read the thread. Abeg we dey wait o. Please continue to keep our Serubawon on his toes because he has been sitting down for a very long time!!!

Winneygirl: @Serubawon & Tgirl4real,
P.S: Dis epistle requires some 'Analytical' skills. Where art thou??

Winneygirl, here I am, ma'am- thanks to Tgirl!

You are most welcome to this never-ending thread full of encouragement and hope.

How do U remain in a state of being 'hopeful'?

How do I start this? I wish I can say it is easy to always remain hopeful in the face of trials, challenges, tribulations, situations and circumstances of life. I guess you are a Christian, so permit me to steer my response in that direction.

The Lord says, in this world we will have tribulations. They must come. Those mountain top experiences don’t always remain so, no matter how we all want them to remain so. There will also be the valley experiences. But cheer up, He is the God of the mountain as much as the God of the valley! He said “be of good cheer for I have overcome the world”.

In addition to what my good friends Serubawon and Tgirl have just said, let me add my two cents. This may get a bit long but I will try and split it up.

1) The place of the Holy Spirit

I know of a place where it is easy! A place where you can run to when the billows of life try to cover you. It is high up in the Spirit! In those times when you are about to descend into that valley, switch over to the Spirit and fly away! Comfort and encouragement are available right up there. The Holy Spirit is the Spirit of Comfort. The Lord said He won’t leave us comfortless but He will send us another Comforter. Connect to that Comforter- He makes the yoke easy to bear and the burdens of life easier to carry.

2) The place of encouraging yourself in the Lord

There will always come a time when like David we cry until there is no more tear and strength. Wives and children taken captive in Ziglag, city burnt down, properties burnt down and no hope again. Even friends and servants started to stone him for bringing the calamity upon them. But David encouraged himself in the Lord. And strength came, assurance came, and hope came alive. How did he do it? I am sure he started singing psalms, meditating on the goodness of God in times past, thinking about how He delivered him in times past. He must have meditated on the Word of God and His testimonies, knowing that the present situation too shall pass!

3) The place of faith in God's Word and His Promises

Do I talk about Abraham? And the hopelessness of his own situation? People must have mocked him over the years calling himself the father of many nations when he didn't even have a single child! It couldn't have been easy for father Abraham. Years after years when it seems it won't happen for him. What did he do? He held on to God's Word for Him. He kept the faith. He kept reminding himself of God's promise. You too can do the same. It is a sure way of remaining hopeful, knowing fully well that God cannot lie! That one day, it will come to pass, whatever He has promised you.

4) The place of rejoicing

Learn to rejoice. Abraham rejoiced and kept giving God glory even though things didn't look good to him. David was a troubled man, but you can't beat him in rejoicing. He sure knew how to rejoice. When you rejoice, you remove yourself from your present situation.

5) Stay connected and don't be a loner.

This is a sure winner. Do you know how lions kill their preys? The lion follows the herd a little from afar. He doesn't attack when they are together. He roars with a loud roar to instil fear in the herd. But as long as the herd stays together, it won't attack them. So he keeps roaring seeking whom to devour until one of them out of fear strays away from the group. Then the lion goes after that one. The roaring of the lion is to cause fear and confusion. So also the roaring of those situations of life. But instead of running away, stay connected to where you can be encouraged in those times. Then, you receive strength, comfort and encouragement to forge ahead. It may be your church, fellowship, group of committed friends etc

Tgirl4real:
I will look for Analytical for you.

Well said overthere Tgirl, well said. Well, you sure looked for me!

Happy New Year to all wonderful friends here. You were a great part of my 2012 and I can only pray that we will all live to enjoy greater things in 2013. Welcome aboard Flight 2013!

@Serubawon, please the whole house is waiting o. How is Olori? I'm sure the Lord is busy at work in your relationship. This has to be that year we have all waited for. Can I hear an Amen?

@edakedkay, congratulations! She will live to become all she is meant to be IJN. Have plenty of rest and do not give room to worry. You deserve all the rest you can get. Love to hubby.

All,

I took my seat earlier on but left at a point and totally forgot about this thread. Reading through the posts, I don't necessarily see mutually exclusive views on the subject. What I see is an issue seen from two flip sides- same coin, two sides. There is the truth side as represented by TV01 and there is the grace side as presented by OP and co.

I totally understand where TV01 is coming from. He presented truth as it should be. However truth has a deficiency; it is merciless. This is where grace comes in. Grace without truth, however, is not just! That is why the two must go together for balance. Take the work of Christ for example, he fulfilled the demands of truth/justice and purchased grace for us.

While marriage should be the way it is meant to be, the reality is that some marriages are not. While it is desired that the TV01's template be followed- seeking God's counsel before, not being unequally yoked, aligning with God's will for one's life, etc, how do you deal with those already in the difficult situation? What do you counsel and how do they come out of the situation? That is what TV01 did not address.

On the other hand, for those already caught in the web of a difficult marriage, where do you draw the line and where does grace stop being taken for liberty to continually misbehave? If you counsel staying in a marriage by all means, there are some who have died as a result. Where does it stop? How do you draw the line?

Personally, I believe in marriage. I believe in 'till death do us part'. This is why I sought out a godly christian spouse from the onset who has the same aspiration, persuasion, belief etc as me. We started with God and by His grace, we are more than 11 years and still growing strong. Am I saying we didn't have challenges? Nope. We do, but with same faith in Christ who brough us together, we have the same platform to approach the throne of grace to overcome jointly. It becomes easier, knowing the two of us are committed for life! Divorce was not going to be an option for us- that we settled long ago.

On the other hand, I once had the sad task of advising a friend to go ahead with his divorce after all efforts at reconciliation have failed. Do I tell them to stick to each other by all means when they don't want to? I cannot. God hates divorce. And a host of other things like has been pointed out- violence and wickedness part of them. I didn't know I will come to apoint that I will have to agree to such decision. But I did. God is interested in the total wellbeing of the individual.

Like I will always counsel, I believe most issues are not beyond reconciliation and that should be what to earnestly strive for. For christians, there are channels for such reconciliatory moves. And those should be fully employed. However, if a spouse doesn't want to stay any longer, there is little one can do. In any case there is no marriage in heaven!

@edakedkay, your story is touching. Like others have said, please don't neglect your drugs. Take them while you keep praying for your healing. Besides, you are betraying your great husband by not taking them since he is not aware. He has enough on his hands. I'm sure you can do that. Take care of your health. God bless and keep you to term. Cheers.

Happy Birthday to a great guy! Been so busy I missed this. May you experience joy as you have never experienced before henceforth. As you step into a new year, a new chapter is opened for you. Break forth into the season you have long expected in Jesus name. Congrats and welcome to your season of joy unspeakable.

. . . grabbing my seat at the far side of the hall, ready to enjoy this . . .

@Uju, you survived and I am sure you it will stay that way. Please take care to rest and take care of that body. Thanks for that comment:

@Serubawon, Professor ke? Just trying to be myself and lend my two cents. Thank God for His grace.

I am glad she has opened up most of her past to you. What she needs is an assurance from you that she can trust her life with you. Like CC said in one of her posts, for her type, this will not be through mere rhetorics. It has to be by action. Such people are action-packed and action-motivated. Convince her beyond all doubts that she has come to her destination. Be yourself and put in those actions of love and maturity you are capable of and you have won your gem for keeps.

Yes, I agree she can shine through anything. She thrives on obstacles and challenges. She attacks problems with gusto and grace. Give her a mountain, she goes through, around or above it. There must always be a way out with a choleric. She will achieve her purpose with or without, which brings her into conflicts with people as she is not afraid of stepping on toes!

To tell the truth, personally I had wished you will find a single mother - widow (nothing against her though). But then, I am not God! Your kids need someone with a motherly experience which she has. She will be bringing that experience to bear and I am sure the kids will be okay. About her parenting style, expect a disciplinarian! She is firm and stern and won't spare. Don't think she doesn't love them. She does. But she is not given to pampering. I pray God gives you the wisdom as you prayed.

The story continues . . .

Now this Olori is something else altogether . . .

serubawon:

Analytical Baba!!! Always on point. However, please lend me your thoughts and expand on the last sentence. I'm sure this is going to be very interesting....

@Serubawon, how do I start this? I was hoping you won't ask. So much to say, but let me try and make it about my unfinished sentence. I remember earlier on in this thread, somewhere, I wrote that what you need is not another Mrs Serubawon, but someone that will be right for you, considering the circumstances. While I don't want to be presumptious, which is why I am a bit reluctant, I can say from what you have written about her here that she is a good fit from so many angles- faith(?), age, experience, etc.

I am happy that you found someone you won't have to compare your late wife with because they are so different. I am also happy you can actually think about her now without the pains again. This is when you know your wound is healed- when the pain is gone, even though the scar may never go away! Until this is done, I think the person is really not ready for another relationship. It may inflict more injury on the wound! So praise God your wound is getting healed. This will bring me to Olori and her own wound.

She is definitely an interesting character and you two present a complimentary blend of temperaments which should be exciting and fun-filled if well managed. Undoubtedly, your cool, calm and collected, predominantly phlegmatic temperament will find a good match in her predominantly choleric temperament. While you are attracted to her driven, focussed, determined, goal-oriented and stubborn approach to life and issues, she is sucked in by a guy that never gets angry at her anger and tantrums and seems so cool to even see her in the mood! This can almost frustrate and confuse a choleric so used to be in control and getting her way. Moreso when this particular choleric also has a good dose of melancholy.

This explains her extreme swings. She may be very angry this minute and be very romantic and sweet the next. Isn't it a good thing when such a person meets Mr Cool, never-fazed, never-ruffled, composed guy who has the capacity to absorb all the fire and thunder? And will it not be wonderful too when the somewhat laid-back phlegmatic Mr Serubawon gets a jolt of purposeful, goal-driven career-changing energy from the ever focussed choleric Olori? This is talking from a temperamental point of view.

I am sure by now, you know you will have to cope with anger issues and depression. When she outbursts, it is total. But then she empties herself! And it ends right there and then. You will be amazed she is all over you by the next day! One thing for sure, there will never be a dull moment in this relationship. She will get on your nerves and drive you literarily! She is being to type and not testing you. That is the way she is wired. She gets things done and is born to lead. She is independent and knows what she wants and how to get it. You will have to support her in letting her play to her strength. Make her your tag-team partner. You will be unbeatable!

Her experience of divorce played into her melancholic weakness, hence her fear of being hurt again. She can be very trusting, but don't betray that trust. I am a bit surprised though that you refused to discuss that aspect of her life together. I wish you will discuss and get her to open up that part of her life in order to get her to heal totally and let go of her fears. Get her to talk about him, the hurt, the divorce and how she was able to move on. Don't pretend it is not an issue. Not that you want to find out, but because you will get to know her the more and thereby get her assured of your trust and love. She has to let go and love again. I trust you can do that.

Above all, please pray and trust the Holy Spirit to tranform you both. He can blend any temperaments to his glory.


[size=4pt] Getting too long, have to cut it short. [/size]

Awwww, Ujujuoan, that was nice of you My post was not a reprimand though, but to further clarify one of my earlier posts.

@Jenny, may you live long!

@Serubawon, I will be back . . .

Serubawon and all, this is surely one thread that is not going to die easily- with all the drama here!

serubawon:

@Ujujoan. I think what analytical meant was all the years between now and when my late wife passed are considered lost years of marital happiness, I guess. I'm looking forward to making up for lost time.

@Uju, ok, let me clarify myself a bit. Maybe the word 'lost' is not the right one to use but I couldn't find any other to use. It is to be read as 'missing' and not as 'wasted'. Let me start by saying what I did not mean. I did not mean the years were wasted, neither did I imply that one has to get re-married ASAP when a spouse dies, as that will depend on the individual's wish. Also, I did not mean that singles (whether primary or secondary) cannot live fulfilled or satisfied lives. Far from it. They could and should. In fact, certain things are better enjoyed or done while single, free from spouse's (dis)approval, querries, accountabilities, considerations, understanding and what have you.

Having said this, however, you will agree with me that our friend has really missed some years. He has lost some years to death. Death stole his wife and away with her, the beautiful relationship they had. He lost the companionship he used to enjoy. He lost the visions and dreams they both had of a future together into old age. Death stole his peace, his home, his joy, his smiles. He lost the mother of his kids. Didn't you read where he wrote his kids could count the number of times he had smiled in 7 years? Now, that is a loss if you ask me.

Do I talk of the number of times Serubobo would have cried long into the night, or calling out Mrs Serubobo forgetting she is no longer around? I shouldn't go there at all, so as not to revisit the healing wound. Come to think of it, Serubobo also lost 'kpekusing' for 8 years running now! That should count for nothing less that 1,000 moments of sheer ecstasy lost! Especially, since we all know he is neither a monk nor a eunuch. Forgive me all. Uju asked for it!

This thread alone is an evidence of that loss. It started as a cry from deep within a man who has lost something precious. But I am happy it has morphed into one of hope and expectation, drama and laughter. So, when I prayed that the lost years be restored, I was sure our friend serubobo will truly understand what I meant.

@Seru, you have ready-made sketch for your book on this thread. Just to put more flesh to it is what remains. It will be a best-seller. Only that the story is not ending yet!!

---

Now this Olori is something else altogether . . .

Ujujoan:

Years lost As in

Uju, Uju, Uju, how many times did I call you? Don't look for my trouble so early this morning o! I am not yet in my full stride. I guess we have to ask Serubobo to throw more light on that

How have you been BTW?

salsera:
Na d same analytical be dis? I always appreciated your posts

Wow... Nice to know you are well.
Our dear serubobo has found olori.

Do you still counsel?

Salsera dear, na the same Analytical o, another one is a counterfeit! Thanks for your comments. I am well- just so occupied with a lot of things, lost someone close, had health challenge, busy at work, and now at the very edge of a breakthrough!

I can see Serubobo has finally found the one that went missing for 8 years! I am so glad for our friend. Seems we have to have that wedding here on NL! His story has touched us all and I am glad it has a happy ending.

As for you Salsera, you sure added some flavours. Your sense of humour, inquisitive and curious nature and love of adventure are all worth commending. Keep it up. Someone must be watching

Do I still counsel? Bring it on!

prittigrrr: Serubawon is a prophet. I reconciled with my ex. With prayer, fasting, and godly counsel, we remarried after 10 years divorced. He was my friend and waited 8 years the first time for me to see he loved me. He is a patient man. For 10 years he waited for God to melt my heart and allow his return to it. When I lost my grandparents and suffered in my career, he became a listening ear. He did every task I required of him without complaint. Our families were so happy for our reconciliation. I'm blessed.

This thread is a classic- complete with plots, side-plots and even comic reliefs!! Congrats Prittigrrr! This is so amazing. I am so happy for you. What a journey this has been. I pray the Lord make you both better than what you were and more fit for each other. You have the benefit of hindsight now and you have been given back your lives to live again, so to say. Please make a splendid time of it. Love to Mr Prittigrrr.

Like they say in Nollywood, "To God be the glory"!

serubawon: . . . Also thanking 'Analytical' (wherever he is) . . .

Serubawon, so love has finally found you!!! It's surely been a bumpy ride. They say all is well that ends well. Happy to hear this has ended, or rather almost ending, well. I am so happy for you and Olori. I pray all the years lost be restored seven-fold in a glorious and blissful union. You are a man that has been tempered by love, pain, loss, agony, self-control, patience, long-suffering, endurance, hope, love (again!) and finally self-rediscovery! Surely you are on your way to recovery. She will, no doubt, be in safe hands. Congrats, man! You deserve the best there is.

So much was happening on all fronts that kept me away from NL.

Cheers.

The OP should be ready to be part of the bill. But 80%? I don't think so. Really, I don't even have a problem with that. My problem is why the deadline even in the face of the financial challenge? Personally, I wouldn't put myself under such a pressure. I would either scale down the wedding or shift the date.

I still don't understand whoever gave them (or rather him) the August deadline that cannot be shifted till he has enough to reasonably foot the bill! I think every man should be proud of being able to provide and meet his obligations. Yes, the unforseen has happened, then the plans should be flexible enough to be adjusted.

Borrowing is a no-no. So I am on the side of the man on that. On the other hand, the attitude of the OP is off-key. Couples should derive joy in being there for each other. Howver, if it means the bride has to carry major part of the bill, then wisdom calls for a shift in the wedding date. I definitely won't be a happy husband, knowing that I couldn't meet my obligations during my wedding. Ego won't allow me.

---

Outstrip: Okay I am still trying to understand why you rent a home and spend that kind of money to renovate it. What were the renovations he had to put into another persons property that had to compromise the funds they had set aside for the wedding

It actually does happen! Some shylocks of landords will collect 2 years' rent upfront for a yet-to-be-completed building with a promise to complete it before the tenant moves in. But once money has exchanged hands, you may have no other option than to renovate/complete by yourself due to delays etc. It happens a lot in this country.

sookoo: @Analytical
You are a great guy with the way you treated you wife!and you are so poetic!your write up made an easy an interesting read!why not try your hands on a novel?

Thanks man. You need to see that woman adore me like a king! Of course I don't expect less because I treat her like a queen she is! You make me remember those poems I scattered her brain with so many years ago- specially written for her. I think I need to fetch them out or better still go into that mode again. Na work and huzzles no dey gree man compose again o! Thanks again.

rokiatu: Mr Analytical, you are something special. Nothing is sexier than a gentlement. Your wife is indeed a very lucky woman. Keep being yourself.

Thank you ma.

drharry: 1st trimester....nausea , frequent episodes of vomiting, chei!...Rubbing her back while wondering why i put her to this....
......threw away all my expensive perfumes
......learnt how to cook whatever she had to eat
......remembered hw i came back from work thru a hectic traffic and as i arrived she said she wanted chicken and chips taht night. I had to go thru d same traffic and came back 3hrs later...food cold of course rejected...


2nd trimester.....d story continues...

This the experience of a true husband! So familiar.

@Chaircover, na so me I dey think sef whether Mr CC na my brother! Correct man! Hail am for me. You sabi how na!

Talking of crying, I remember one day when she sighted a roadside seller of 'African salad' (a mix of raw vegetables, onions, palm oil and other stuff) and she said that was what she wanted. Naturally, I wouldn't mind, but she had been exposed to food poisoning before due to unhygienic roadside food. So, I said she couldn't have it because I didn't trust the hygiene, moreso she was advanced and I didn't want her to risk any infection. I saw fire that day. See cry like say somebody die! See tantrums! Wetin I no do to calm her down?

We still laugh over this episode anytime we remember!