[size=14pt]Re-directed from here.[/size]

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Hi All.

Do you have a word of encouragement?  You want to admonish others?  Do you have a topic to study together with others?  Or is it a question?  Do you have a song to share, an issue to pray about?  Maybe yours is a word of revelation or a testimony?  Or perhaps you want others to share your burden(s) in the true spirit of Christ?  Then lets have a fellowship here!


Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God. (Colosians 3:16)


Not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near (Hebrews 10:25)


But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called "Today," so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. (Hebrews 3:13)


"For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst." (Matthew 18:20)

Atmosphere

Let's do this in an atmosphere of love, unity, peace,true fellowship, respect for each other and being our brother's (or sister's) keeper.  Let's refrain from things that divide us and keep it clean.  Folks, lets have a real christian groove here and make this thread a rich christian online experience!  We can do it!!

Admission

For those who have accepted Jesus Christ as their Saviour and Lord or those ready to become part of us or fellowship with us.

Welcome to Fellowship!

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Hi all. A very wonderful year to y'all. It's been wonderful having this thread on for some time, even more so for the wonderful messages, encouragement, songs, testimonies and fellowship that have been shared. My sincere praise for all who have been a part of this and have kept it going. The Lord bless you real good.

According to the policy of this forum, I have been notified to create a fresh thread with the same title, as this one is over 100 pages and will be locked for posting very soon. This will be done shortly and traffic directed to the new one.

Thanks and God bless you. Have a glorious 2011!

Analytical.

@Sienna, I guess I understand where you are coming from now.  I didn't realise there is a Part 2 on another thread!    My reply was based on the update on this thread.

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Wrote that before your reply. I just discovered a Part 2 somewhere. I guess things took another turn after the make-up. I need to go through that story now.

Let me make some sense out of all these. I will be back. . .

@Siena, it's pretty obvious you didn't read through all the responses!  Your post and advice is so un[/b]Siena, almost like you didn't write those.  I have read many of your posts.  As we speak, the OP's marriage is so blissful right now.  She gave a testimony of the good times they are having now!  Read through.

BTW, how is the pretty baby doing?  Congrats.

@Cryptic, I am happy to deflate that generalisation you have up there!  I came from a polygamous home!  I don't treat my wife with disdain or disrespect.  She is my jewel.  I adore her.  We just marked 9 years of marriage.  Whatever anyone wants out of life is his/her responsibility.  Though background may affect one's outlook on life, onus is on the [b]individual (with emphasis) to effect a change to stem any negative outlook fostered by background.

Joagbaje:

Analytical,
I just read your last post. Its now i get your point that You are not dealing with pentecostalism as a name. which was my bone of contention. well our focal points are different. You are dealing with the fact that it was not a coincidence while I was dealing with the name.

You are just hitting a small part of what I am about.  When we reduce christianity to nomenclatures and obervance of certain days, it takes the Life out of it and what you are left with is just a form of godliness, a mere religion.  That is why I talked about the significance and meaning of things.  Take baptism for example.  Was that originally a christian tradition?  No.  But it took a christian (real) meaning when Christ came.

If Paul for any reason celebrated pentecost which i doubt, Certainly it must be as a Jew and not as a Christian. But there is no proof Paul observed or celebrated pentecost. Remember it was nt just a festival . it was a public holiday like christmas or independence celebration.

Was Paul practising Judaism after he became a christian?  Like I said, look beyond celebration of the day to what the event at Pentecost signifies and the importance or real meaning becomes clear.  Ephesus and Corinth were not Jewish cities.  They were Gentiles and did not observe Jewsih holidays.  Jewish feast (holiday) of pentecost wouldn't have made any sense to them nor have any meaning to them other than the christian experience that happened at Pentecost which I believe Paul, now a christian, was refering to.

So is there a bible reference to what point it ceases to be a jewish feast. Do you now celebrate pentecost now?

The Feast of Pentecost, otherwise called the feast of weeks, is still observed till today in Israel and in Judaism, just as other feasts, including that of Passover.  When we celebrate (even though celebration in itself is nothing without what it signifies) the death and resurrection of our Lord Jesus, are we celebrating Jewish passover?  But we know He is the Passover Lamb!  Christ fulfilled that and to us christians, there is a new meaning to it.

In the same way, the Holy Spirit came at Pentecost and fulfilled the prophecy and promises and to us as christians, there is a whole new meaning to it.  Pentecost to christians is not a festival, it is the coming and baptism of the Holy Spirit, the empowerment of the church and the birth of a new dispensation.

What has been happening is taking an aspect of our faith, or a revelation, and running with it, sometimes as the whole truth, thereby forming denominations of it- baptists, pentecostals etc.  But to label such truths as unchristian is to fall into another error altogether.

God bless.

@OLAADEGBU, I am doing great. 

OLAADEGBU:

Hi Analytical, how are you doing?

. . . but what amazes me is why folks would label themselves as Baptists, Roman Catholics, Pentecostals, Lutherans, Wesleyans, anglicans and not as Christians, did any of those religions, organisations and individuals die for them? Why do they find it difficult to refer to themselves as Christians or followers of Jesus Christ?

It didn't start today.  It's all carnality.  See  how Paul put it:

1 Corinthians 3

3 For ye are yet carnal: for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men?

4 For while one saith, I am of Paul; and another, I am of Apollos; are ye not carnal?

11 For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ.

I am proud to say I am a Christian.  No further adjective is needed to qualify that.

God bless you richly.

OLAADEGBU, funny enough I wasn't even talking about pentecostalism (whatever that is!) but correcting erroneous assertions by Joagbaje.

Joagbaje,

Joagbaje:

Nuclearboy and Analytical.
pentecost was a jewish festival, Paul didnt have anything against it. He didnt ascribe impotance to it as regards the holyspirit. Just thesame way he goes to the synagogues on Sabbath days . Does that make him an observer of sabbath or make sabbath a christian observation?

I asked you a question you didn't bother to answer.  When Paul talked about Pentecost, was he refering to a Jewish festival, bearing in mind that the church at Ephesus where he was writing from and the church at Corinth he was writing to do not observe any Jewish feast?  They were christian churches.  But all understood what he was talking about.  Or did the Gentile churches observe Jewish festivals?

Let me repeat:  Feast of Pentecost was a Jewish feast until the Holy Spirit came to fulfil prohecies given ages before about the outpouring and enduement with power and the promise of the Father which Jesus spoke about.  From thence, it took a christian meaning which the apostles and early church well understood.  It is in the same vein that the Feast of Passover took a christian meaning when the Lamb of God was offered as the eternal sacrifice on Good Friday, the day the passover lamb is slaughtered.

Before you misunderstand me, I am not talking about observance or celebration of any particular day.  That will be superficial.  I am talking about the meaning and significance of fulfilment of OT shadows in the NT, which you flippantly refused to acknowledge.

You make me laugh when you stated Paul didn't have anything against Jewish Feast of Pentecost.  Brother, it seems you have not studied the NT well.  Was he going to a feast with a couple of turtle-doves as sacrifice and a bunch of farm produce to be offered at the altar in the temple before the priests?

Joagbaje:

It is a speciall day that Jews and proselytes from all over the world come together. Just like Christmas is a worldwide celebration today for christians. The message of the gospel is for all nations, there would not have been a better time for that.

And I ask you, is that the only day in the Jewish calendar that Jews and proselytes come together from all over the world?  Do your study very well.  Why did the Holy Spirit choose to come at this particular celebration and not any other?  Someone just pointed you to Peter's sermon, refering to Joel.  Why did he connect the occurence to a prochecy and not just telling the people that it is because they gathered from all over?

Joagbaje:

But the fact that such event took place on the day of a jewish festival should not cause us to be named after such. nor holy Spirit. The name does not have any spiritual significans or fulfilment. It means "fifty" There are certain spiritual figures or numbers God uses that had meanings such as 3 (Godhead) or 7(fulness). We study about the 7 spirits of God. 7 lampstands etc that represents the fulness of the Spirit. But fifty doesnt have any prophetic interpretation. And we should understand that this name pentecostal was not attribut to the church until just about 100 years ago , after the Asuza street revival.

Either you didn't understand my point or you just want to remain at the surface.  Who is talking about being named after Pentecost or prohetic interpretation of 50?  Go over my posts very well.  I have been trying to debunk your assertion that:

1)  The coming of the Holy Spirit at Pentecost was 'mere coincidence' (which you grudgingly have accepted)

2) there is nothing pentecostal about the church and

3) that Pentecost is a Jewish festival

I don't want to go round in circles.  The christian church was born and empowered on Pentecost day when the Promise of the Father (the Holy Spirit) came and that fulfilment of prophecies makes it an integral part of the church of Jesus.  The old has given way to the new and better covenant.  And what a way to confirm that than by the firstruits of the harvest (the multitude that surrendered their lives that day)!  Whatever happened at Asuza was a revival of what used to be, it wasn't the origin.

God bless.

Joagbaje:

God forgive you. Why don't you do a re study yourself . I know you are only walking in what your fathers handed over to you without finding for yourself. There's nothing Pentecostal about Christianity or the holyspirit. The church were in the upstair room away from the Jewish Pentecostal who were celebrating downstairs.

Joagbaje:

thanks for the enlightenment. I did some studies on this too. But one fact remains,:There is nothing Pentecostal about the holyghost nor the church. It is time we re examin some of the handovers of the days of ignorance.

Joagbaje, obviously you have refused to see the link between the type and the real thing!  In as much as I don't subscribe to calling ourselves Pentecostals ( or whatever nomenclature), since a Christain should simply be a Christian, waiving away the significance of the event at Pentecost is denying the fulness of the message we carry. 

So significant was it that Christ told them to WAIT for the enduement before they could be witnesses unto Him.  And we all know what happened when the power came, thousands were saved that very day!  The christian church was born and empowered on the day of Pentecost.  How could anyone say there is nothing pentecostal about the church?

Pentecost took a new meaning, a christian meaning, when the Holy Spirit came.  Did I sense a contempt and lack or reverence for the Holy Spirit in your posts?  Repeatedly, your posts demean His Holiness!

Would you be more christian than Paul and the early church?  There are references that indicate that at least the early church understood the importance of Pentecost (the real pentecost and not the Jewish feast) long after 33 AD. 

Acts 20 vs 16:

For Paul had decided to sail past Ephesus so that he would not have to spend time in Asia; for he was hurrying to be in Jerusalem, if possible, on the day of Pentecost.;

And this is Paul writing to a christian church:

1 Corinthians 16 vs 8-9

8 But I will remain in Ephesus until Pentecost;
9 for a wide door for effective service has opened to me, and there are many adversaries


The question I ask you is this:   Was Paul talking about a Jewish feast to a Christian church?

May God grant you understanding.

Joagbaje:

Firstly there is nothing pentecostal about christianity. It was a jewish festival. It was mere coincidence the holyspirit came during pentecost.

Haba Joagbaje!!!!   I am shocked beyond belief that a Christian, a pastor at that, will make this claim above.  You have been well answered as shown below:

aletheia:

"Mere coincidence?" Pastor Joagbaje, you need to choose your words more carefully or did you actually mean what you posted above?

Pentecost

The word derives from the Greek for "the 50th day." It was the Jewish Feast of Weeks (Exod 34:22; Deut 16:9-11), variously called the Feast of Harvest (Exod 23:16) or the Day of Firstfruits (Num 28:26), which fell on the 50th day after the Feast of the Passover.
Leviticus 23 describes the sacred nature of the holiday and lists the appropriate sacrifices. The events of Acts 2 transformed the Jewish festival into a Christian one.
A study of the old testament feasts ordained by God will show you that they foreshadowed the Messiah.

"Mere coincidence?" Not at all.

petres_007:

I agee with the emboldened part above ^^^

To add to the above, methinks God picked that day deliberately as folks from all over the place were going to be there, hear about the Gospel & take it back with them. 

. . .

[/i]

Let me throw in a bit of illumination in addition.

The OT foreshadows the NT and so, the events, precepts, laws, feasts etc of the OT definitely find fulfilment in the NT, and some are still to happen at a future date (i.e. not yet fulfilled).

A careful study of the feasts of the OT by a bible student will reveal the parallels in the way the feasts of the OT find their fulfilment in the NT.  To say the coming of the Holy Spirit on the day of Pentecost is merely conicident shows a lack of understanding.  This is equivalent to saying Our Lord Jesus' death on the day of the Feast of Passover is merely a coincidence!

God, the Great Designer has already designed the time-table of events in history and none is coincident.  By the enactment of the covenant with the people of Israel (the OT church), He was revealing the type/shadow, to be fulfilled in the actual/real (the church/ Ecclessia).

There is a lot to be said here, but for brevity let me highlight some of the feasts of the OT that finds fulfilment in the NT, at the exact time and date it was celebrated in the OT (reference Leveticus 23 vs 1-44):

1. The Feast of Passover where a lamb is sacrificed on the 14th day of the Hebrew month of Nissan to remember when the passover lamb was sacrificed on the eve of the deliverance from Egypt- found fulfilment in the sacrifice of Jesus as the Lamb of God, at the exact date and time on 14 Nissan 33 AD

2. The Feast of Unleavened Bread celebrated on the day after Passover is a solemn assembly eaten in a hurry - found fulfilment in the burial of Jesus as he remained in the grave on the 15th day of Nisaan 33 AD

3. The feast of firstfruits is celebrated on the 17th day of Nissan signifying the firstfruits of harvest of the people of Israel- found fulfilment in the Ressurection of Christ and His showing Himself to the disiciples at Galilee a day after he arose from the grave on 17th day of Nissan 33 AD as the firstfruit from the dead!

4. The feast of Weeks also called the Pentecost is celebrated on the 50th day after Passover.  It is the day after 7 weeks from the feast of passover.  It is the day the Law of Moses written on the tablets of stone was delivered to the Israelites from Mount Sinai, signifying the birth of a nation, among other things, and the covenant of God to His people.

You will remember that after the resurrection, Jesus told all His disciples to remain in Jerusalem until they receive power from above to make them witnesses unto Him.  It was on the same 50th day after His death that this found fulfilment.  Acts 2 records this.

The Lord chose this day of Pentecost for that fulfilment by the coming of the Holy Spirit, signifying the birth of the New Nation- the Church, and the giving of the new Law of the Spirit, written not in tablets of stone, but in the tables of the hearts of men, as New Testament/Covenant people of God.  This is the seal on our salvation.

Just as everybody was supposed to be gathered at the Feast of Pentecost before the Lord in the OT, every single one of the believers (about 120) was present on this very day in the NT when the Holy Spirit came from above and in cloven tongues of fire and the  people from every nation gathered heard them speaking in tongues in their languages.

Mere coincidence?  Not at all.  It's part of the grand and divine time-table of God.

I will continue shortly about the remianing 3 feasts in the Jewish calender. . .

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On a 2nd thought, permit me to stop this here so as not to divert the topic. However the remaining 3 feasts in the OT are that of Feats of Trumpets, Atonement and Tabernacles and all are shadows of the NT.

@Davidylan,

davidylan:

Your post is as usual spot on! But it is imperative to say this . . . no everyone here i'm sure believes in fellowship together whether in a large or small congregation . . .

however you shld also note one important thing in the verses you quoted, even though they met in large synagogues . . . one thing was not forgotten . . . fellowship from house to house! This is something that has virtually disappeared from our large empires today.

This is my point, David.  However, I know of quite a lot of churches that do have vibrant house fellowships.  When the motive is not self but the Lord and building up a people for the Lord, then people will not so much depart from the pattern.

You know what I did when I moved into an area where there was no house fellowship?  I approached the church leaders to have one located near me.  We (about 7 or so) met Sunday evenings and had great fellowships.  We could study the bible together, ask questions, pray (really pray) for each others mundane needs and help build each other up.  These were people that were there when we had a baby, will come to the house to help my wife at home and all sundry things.  We have such scattered all over the cities.

My take is that the people that do not believe in any fellowship together, small or large, are definitely missing on some important experience of being part of the household of God.  Hebrews 10:25 addressed that.

While it doesn't mean they are not Christians, it does however mean they will be lonely!  Let me draw an analogy here for some sport lovers.  Consider your favourite team playing against your main rivals, say Arsenal vs Man U.  Will you have the same experience watching the game:

1) alone in your bedroom in front of TV?

2) with a group of friends (say 8 ) in a friend's sitting-room or

3) being in the supporters stand in the stadium with 40,000 other fans at the Emirates Stadium?

Think about it!

@JeSoul,

JeSoul:


Analytical,
 long time! how you dey? as always you have shed some good light on the topic. Few comments:
 Perhaps it got lost within the thread that the small-churchers are not against large meetings at all. Not at all. However the weekly gathering that we have come to call "church" is what we're saying the size should be as small and manageable as possible. There is plenty of room and examples of mass gatherings as we see Jesus and the apostles doing. And it not so much they must meet in a "house" but moreso the gathering of an intimate group. Hope this makes sense?

I have been around, mostly reading, but dropping a line once in a while!  Hope you are cool?  Keep loving the Lord.

I quite understand the points made by everyone as I went through all th e inputs.  Not, it's not lost.  Mine was to reiterate that the early church met as large congregation and also from house to house.  Moreso when some were saying the size of a church (note: believers not building) shouldn't be more than can meet in someone's house and citing it as the sole practice in the early church.  That is not the complete truth.

We will run into a problem when we try to put a figure on what the size should be.  How 'small' is your small?  However, the need for fellowship, intimacy, communion of believers, help etc is better met when the congregation is in smaller groups.  Then you know each other truly and can meet each others' needs.

I don't think the location or making a distinction between house and church is what Paul was going for here . . . but rather saying, "you can eat and drink to excess while at home alone, don't do it while in church" - and church being the operative word connoting "the gathering of believers", not insinuating the church cannot be at a house (as we indeed already know of several in the scriptures that were located at houses).

I hope I didn't misunderstand you , please correct me if I did. Thanks and Godbless!

It was when I read your comment I realized I probably gave that impression.  I was trying to draw attention to the fact that the early believers actually gathered together as single congregation as well as met in their houses, weekly.

Hope to shed more light on this . . .

KunleOshob:

You ought to read his analysis on the tithing scam, i am sure you would appreciate his "pin point" analytical skills better. 

@KunleOshob, I am throwing you a challenge!  Please post the link to my analysis on any tithing thread (I deliberately refrained from them) for all to see.  Just one post apart from this, which is merely a comment on another post, if my memory serves me right.  Or you render an unreserved apology for your attempt at sarcasm. 

You know what?  You don't have to be so critical (almost tending to outright insultive) of any and everyone who happens not to share your opinion on any issue (in various threads) and I am not speaking of myself.  I speak to you in love and as a brother in Christ.  Ordinarily, I wouldn't even comment on your post.  So this is not an attack but a concern.  Take heed bro!

Cheers.

Brother, I got your call on the other thread. I have been tight for a while, but I do crash in once in a while to post. I get to read most things here, though. Keep the forte bro.

And all the saints in the house, God bless you. Let me drop this for y'all:

2 Corinthians 4
8 We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair

9 Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;

10 Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body.[color=#990000][/color]

Keep the flag flying!

Folks,

Just to make some quick observations:

The scriptures made it clear that the early church not only met from house to house (smaller groups), they actually also met in large congregations using upper rooms (more like halls in the upper floor of buildings), Solomon’s Porch (a large space within the outer court of the temple) that can take a large gathering etc.  They all couldn’t have been living in Solomon’s Porch!

Acts 2:
46 And they, continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, did eat their meat with gladness and singleness of heart

47 praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord was adding to their number day by day those who were being saved.

Acts 5
11 And great fear came upon all the church, and upon as many as heard these things

12 And by the hands of the apostles were many signs and wonders wrought among the people; (and they were all with one accord in Solomon's porch.

14 And believers were the more added to the Lord, multitudes both of men and women.)

42 And every day, in the temple and from house to house, they kept right on teaching and preaching Jesus as the Christ.


As the number grew so did their needs and they continued to meet as a congregation and from house to house:

Acts 6

1 Now at this time while the disciples were increasing in number, a complaint arose on the part of the Hellenistic Jews against the native Hebrews, because their widows were being overlooked in the daily serving of food.

2 So the twelve summoned the congregation of the disciples and said, "It is not desirable for us to neglect the word of God in order to serve tables.

3 "Therefore, brethren, select from among you seven men of good reputation, full of the Spirit and of wisdom, whom we may put in charge of this task.

Then entered Stephen and the other deacons selected to take charge of the daily administration of needs etc.  There is nothing wrong in coming together as large congregation but care must also be taken that no one is neglected by also meeting from house to house and in smaller groups.  This was what the early church did.

Check the Church at Corinth below and notice how distinction is made between when they come together as congregation and when they are in their houses:

1 Cor 11
18 For first of all, when ye come together in the church, I hear that there be divisions among you; and I partly believe it.

20 When ye come together therefore into one place, this is not to eat the Lord's supper.

21 For in eating every one taketh before other his own supper: and one is hungry, and another is drunken.

22 What? have ye not houses to eat and to drink in? or despise ye the church of God, and shame them that have not? What shall I say to you? shall I praise you in this? I praise you not.


The early church was not a perfect one, just as ours is also not a perfect one.  They had their own Annanais and Saphirra etc  Even in the midst of the 12 small group close to Jesus, there was a Judas 'The Betrayer' Iscariot, a Peter 'The Denier' Simon and a Thomas 'The Doubter' Didymus!  Acts 6 sounds so familiar, especially when the church is growing, hence the wisdom in appointing deacons who attend to the needs of the congregation.


JeSoul and all who love His appearing, God bless you richly.

Yes! Love is one of the best things in life, nay, the best thing!

Hear from the horse's mouth:

Damysa:

@Jennykadry, sorry didnt come back early y'day, was so busy.

hmmmm!!!! my marriage have in 'cloud 10' lately and I thank God I came to Nairaland.
things are moving faster than I expected. our communication has greatly improved and his committments to the family has been awesome. he spends good time at home unlike b4, he's getting more and more responsible for us as 'his children'.
Tells me where and what he does, calls when he is delaying outside, provides for the home without me asking etc.
It's as though we are just knowing each other kinda.
I really didnt do much talk but actions and suddenly things started falling into place. was thinking of talking to him about his attitude to my surprise he changed all by himself.
Last saturday he said he has missed staying home for a long time and just fuelled the generator and stayed home althrough the day hmmmmm was very surprised, kept asking myself if this is for real?

We now joins me in prayers like we used to do. He's just been very loving and u bet am having the best time ever.
Have suspended my biz 4 now, just watching and being a good wife, supporting every of his moves.

This man likes been treated/pampered like a baby sha. I hope for better days

To all who contributed I say thank u.

To all whose advices hve helped me, I appreciate u. I wanted to refrain from mentioning names but can't just forget people like ANALYTICAL(wish I knew u in person), ogamadam, ninapha, chaircover, apocalypse, SAlady, Jennykadry, Grpcaptain, outstrip, beejaei, sistawoman, Nikkygal and so many others I cant remember now, thank u for saving my marriage, May also meet u at the point of your needs. AMEN

Ayettymama, you should have read further! Good news is that they are mending their marriage as we speak. And she is loving it! There is hope, even for the most troubled home.

@Bournvita, well said! God bless.

nepele:

I am so happy to see this topic.

Analytical: I´m so touched to read your advices.I am having a hard time with my husband and i realy don´t know what to do.I would appreciate so much if you have time to hear my story too.May I ask if you have any email where i can post my story?

God bless

Hi Nepele. I am sorry I couldn't reply your post earlier as I was offline for the Easter holidays. Feel free to share. My email ad is on my profile (click on my userid when you are online). A problem shared is half solved. It's cheering to hear you love your husband so much. Marriage was instituted by God for companionship and love among other reasons.

Waiting to lend a listening ear. . .

God bless your marriage.

The great Davidylan! What can I say? Just be ready to pay my consultation fee And don't you think it's about time? I wonder what you are waiting for

Damysa,

I am happy for you.  I am not surprised things have taken a turn for good!  I thank God for you.  Keep doing what you are doing and enjoy the husband of thy youth.  Marriage can actually be enjoyeable.

This man likes been treated/pampered like a baby sha.

We men all do!      I am happy you came to this realisation.  Never forget he is your baby boy.

God bless your marriage.  And to all whose contributions made this marriage bounce back, I say God bless you too.

Spicymum, I am sorry I have been down a bit.  You have got wonderful posts here and most of the things I would have said have been covered already.  Kudos to y'all.  Chaircover and busy_body, I am just loving you both!    However to address your reply from my point of view, let me add a bit here and there.

Your husband doesn't want divorce.  So that is good news.  Please stop all your searches looking for one behind him.  This requires a change of view from you.  At least you can start from there.  Divorce comes with its own baggage which you carry into the next relationship.  There is a child involved as well.  So let's put that out of the way and focus on how things can improve between you two.  Alright?

The problem seems to start from the very beginning.  Please know that there is a world of difference between courtship (no matter how long!) and marriage.  I know what I am talking about having gone through a long courtship myself.  The real deal starts from the wedding day, when you begin to live with each other and see that the once impressive prince actually snores so much and the once elegant lady cannot lay bed after her.

There are hidden things about each other that reveal themselves day to day as you live with each other that you can't notice because you were trying to impress yourselves (even if unconsciously) during courtship.  Because of this, the first couple of years is important in any marriage and that is when nothing should separate the young couple as they start their lives, not even distance or jobs!  That is the period to lay the foundation, bond together and ride on the tempo of hot love to overcome whatever frictions might occur.

Unfortunately, that is the period you had to go back to Canada.  This hasn't helped the relationship.  Do you even know the bible advises newly married couple to be exempted for 1 whole year    from any form of work or war (in the old testament) that could potentially separate the newly wedded so as to enjoy themselves and bond together?  That is the prescription for honeymoon!!!!!

So, you are right in saying the distance took a toll on the relationship.  Howver I believe things can still be repaired by working on your communication and finding your way back to his heart.  You must have learnt how to please him in all the years of courtship, what excites him etc no matter how controlled he is.  He must have soft spot for something.  Get to him through that.

If he is not answering your phone calls, I think there are other several ways of letting him hear you.  Send e-mails as some have said.  Drop voice mails for him.  Send loving e-cards that convey your loneliness and how much you are missing him in your life, how life without him by your side is so dull daily, how your baby is missing dad and wants to hear his voice and be carried by daddy!  Attach pictures of your baby with the e-cards.

It looks like somewhere along the line your hubby had a change of mind about relocating abroad.  Something must have caused it.  Try and find out.  Could it be he is doing so well here in Nigeria and finds no reason why he should throw it all away for the unknown, just as some have said already?  How is he doing presently on the job?  That is important as well.

Soften the ground between now and 5 months' time.  Don't report him to anyone.  He doesn't like that.  Like some suggested, let him know you are missing him and can't wait to round up your studies in August.  If you haven't been working since pregancy, does that mean he has been responsible for the upkeep of you and baby?  Thank him for it.

I will suggest like some have said, get ready to come back to Nigeria as soon as you are through with your studies.  Afterall, you delayed 100% for him for him before.  That shouldn't be too difficult for you to handle.  You need him and he needs you.  It’s time to ignite that first love that made you hang in there with him for 8 long years of courtship.  You can plan to relocate together if you both decide in future.

You see, it can be very frustrating for a man to be married and yet be without his wife and baby for a long time.  Body no be wood.  And from what you are saying he doesn't even look like the outgoing type.  So you can imagine the turmoil going within him!  Hopefully, things can be mended and you will smile at the end.  Then you can trash out your differences.  I pray so.  It takes time to blend.  And it is not done over the air.

God bless your marriage.

@ Nikkygal, thanks for the compliments! I just made an input on the other thread.

Cheers.

Spicymum, in addition to what chaircover wrote above, could you please explain:

1.  How long you were married before you left Nigeria for Canada?
2.  Was he in support of your leaving for further studies then?
3.  How long have you been away now?
4.  When do you plan coming back, if at all?
5.  How long do you spend with him when you visit and when was the last time you visited?
6.  When are you ending your studies overthere?
7.  Was there any agreement to come back immediately after the studies?
8.  What does he do in Nigeria and what do you do presently overthere?

The answers to these may just hold the solution to your predicament since you said you noticed the change immediately after you left.  I will wait for your reply before proceeding.  Unfortunately,  I don't advocate divorce and don't know of the procedure.

Best wishes.

Chaircover, I couldn't have said this any better!

God bless you too Chaircover. Love your input as well.

Cheers.

About the career issue, the two of you can make the best out of the situation.  Here is how:

He is presently working and is earning more than you, even though he doesn't enjoy the job anymore and is ready to go into an 'exciting' field of marketing.  Great!  You are already into marketing/ brand management and will soon round up your education.  Add to that your enterprising nature.  Good.  Hope your course is along the same line?

Have a goal of setting up a Marketing/Brand Management outfit or something along that line.  Sure the two of you can team up on that and make a success of it, with your experience and his managerial course and interest.  Think about it.  Don't bring it up yet before he sees it as another of those antics from you.  Just think of the possiblity and raise it up when things are better.

The two of you can save up some funds.  Combine your resources.  And have a common goal.  Let him be the MD and you the GM or whatever.  By all means let it be a joint show where the two feel belonged.  With your passion and his interest, you can make it.

Best of success.

Damysa, I am neither a genius nor a psychologist, professionally, that is!  Let's just say I  enjoy counselling people, encouraging and motivating them to be the best they could be.  I am a christian and pastoral by gifting (I don't pastor a church though!).  Also, I am married (9th year) with kids (3) and can counsel by experience.

I saw a sincere and genuine distress call from you on this thread.  It is encouraging to know you want to make the marriage work and ready to give it all it takes.  Also, I sensed a hurting heart and couldn't hold myself back from responding.  I bless God that my posts are useful to you.

Try and apply those tips you have gathered in this thread.  Give it your best.  I am not saying it's going to be easy, but it is definitely possible and achievable.  Your marriage can work.  Don't allow any negative thoughts again.  And refrain from using desparing words from now on.

I think part of the problems we have in marriages is the way we think the work has been accomplished immediately after the wedding reception, when in actual fact, it has just started.  Show me a garden or farm that is not blossoming and I will tell you the gardener has neglected to weed it, nurse, nurture, dress and prune it.  He has allowed weeds and thorns to overgrow the flowers and plants.  Gardener Damysa, get to work!  Your garden can be beautiful again.

Not too long ago, I had a problem.  Our property we were developing was bulldozed!  My wife was heavy.  So naturally I couldn't  let her know.  I was soaking all the hurt and disappointment all alone, protecting her from shock because of her state.  You know what?  I didn't know I was getting so irritated by little things at home and sort of pouring my frustrations on her.  It was when I informed her some months after delivery that she recalled how I was getting so impatient with her and all that.  So it is so easy to transfer such on people we love.

Your husband is definitely not happy with himself.  I am sure you must have read Maslow's theory of motivation.  He needs self actualisation.  His job is not giving him satisfaction again.  He cannot seem to get a new one.  So naturally, he reacts, unfortunately, in the negative way.  This is where you come in.

Let me wow you a bit.  When he comes from now on with those tales and complaints etc. try and give him a listening ear instead of complaining how tired you are, just coming back from work and attending to princess.  Really give him a listening ear.  Let him pour out his frustrations instead of bottling them.

Show him you are interested.  Stroke him while at it.  Use your femininity to calm him down.  Massage him while he talks.  Use your body to soothe him.  What are those lovely b.reasts for?  Give him a real therapy with them.   I am yet to see a man that will reject them.  They are not just there to feed princess alone.

Praise him for the efforts he has put in to improve.  Tell him how brilliant he is, being a Mechanical Engineer passing Marekting exams etc.  Swell his head with admiration.  The sparks will come back.  He will want to impress you and things will definitely change.  Praise looks good, even on God!  Why do you think those musicians make the most stingy of men empty their pockets on them?  Praise-singing of course!  Time to sing the praise of your husband.

When he sees genuine interest coming from you, he will respond.  Try also to earn his trust and respect him.  Love bears all.  About the STD, please let both of you treat it properly, so that that could be dealt with once and for all.

Cheers and God bless.