OluwabuqqyYOLO:
AudreyTimms, I was trying to stick to the past participle, hence the HADs. Thanks for the correction, you'll see improvements.
So, I made the cut?

Divepen1:
SenhorSean

WITHIN MOMENTS
It was a cloudless day accentuated by the tender sleet. It was hard to believe that in a few moments, something bad would happen to me...
I was there filled with random thoughts like i'm running out of time to get my life together until he showed up.
The unknown man had a scrawny mouth and tender arms... He didn't look dangerous, not even his lanky appearance warned me of my fate.
I can still vividly recall the record coming down my feet like a pointy piano - smash. I felt my life slip away till i passed out.

(Truth be told. I didn't feel this story. To me, it's sort of disjointed. I know you were limited by words but you could have done more. You tried and I give you kudos for your efforts. Well done!)

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OluwabuqqyYOLO
Baba returned oddly that night - no drumming, no fanfare. We had quickly gathered. Dende spoke first, we would no longer wait for Baba's death. We had then crept into his room, before the village would know he had returned, and had emerged with his limp body over Lamina's shoulder. In the morning, we had been (were) summoned by the chief and as we sat, we had[b][/b] dreaded that our shallow grave had been discovered. But as the cheif spoke, with grieving eyes, we had found out that Baba had died in a motor accident on his way back the day before.

(I know you were reporting an incident but I feel you used too much 'had' in it. But the story was captivating with an unexpected twist in the end. Kudos.)

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Firstgentleman1
TIME AND CHANCE
That day, Papa was disturbingly quiet; a demeanour uncharacteristic of him. He had been like that all day and everyone treaded cautiously. Then at dinner when Tade knocked down the enamel cup and papa didn’t bellow-in-rage, we knew something was amiss.
“The doctor says I have two months left to live”. Papa intoned at last, a quiver noticeable in his baritone voice. The silence in the room amplified until Mama let out a crowding wail.
That was two years ago and today at Mama’s funeral, Papa sitting beside me; I wondered the kind of twist fate played on us.

(Nice. I like the unexpected twist. You did well.)

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Vivypretty

My stomach rumbled while the parasitic worms bit into my stomach walls forcing me awake. It was 01:30am by my room's clock.
I crept down the corridor, trying not to wake my parents as I made for the kitchen.
I slid through the kitchen door which was ajar without causing it to squeak. Flicking on the light switch at the wall, I fainted. Pitch black darkness surrounded me as the arms of silence embraced me. I felt weightless as a feather as I hit the floor.
My ex lover, our gateman had been lying in wait.

(You wrote it pretty well, though I didn't quite like the way you ended it. I wish you had made it more captivating. Maybe you found your mum and the gateman fooling around, a knife through your sister's heart or bleeding out after taking abortion or suicide pills, your brother and your male cousin in a compromising position, your brother dressed as a girl, your father performng a disappearing act or is an alien etc. Sorry, your opponent's story captivated me more. Kudos to you. Someone should please steal her o. Are we allowed to steal our former team members? I sure hope so)

Audreytimms

Divepen1:
peacesamuel94

CRIME PANGS.
The hunger I felt then was different, gnawing. It was the kind driven, not just by the benign lack of
food, but by the even deadlier absence of the hope for food. I sought salvation from the goodly
Illusions of sleep, it did not come.The torment layed open like engraving in stone.
"Hunger Cannot kill a man", Baba says. And I never doubted Until then. Sleep had forsaken me. And Baba too.
So I had gone out, bearing emptiness in my belly, the intention to steal in my mind.
It was how I ended in the Police net.

(I don't understand your use of capital letters in the middle of sentences. However, I like your use of words and you did pretty well. Kudos.)

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Missnande


Drabble Entry

'Uloma can not kill me' Mama said vigorously as if trying to convince herself. I knew she was anxious from the darkening in her crease. My sister had really outdone herself this time, coming back from NYSC with the intention of marrying a Hausa chief!
Papa called it her madness in a good way (method to her madness) and it was meant to take her far because when she makes a decision, there is no turning back.
The Fufu and Onugbu soup I had been demolishing happily began to lose its taste. I knew I had to talk to her immediately.
Cc

Audreytimms

(I almost didn't believe you wrote this piece. I know you to be a good writer...well, from the previous competition. Maybe you faced every writer's dilemma- writer's block and decided to just pen down something. You didn't even edit well. What happened? I sincerely hope someone gives you another chance because I believe you just stumbled and fell but would be right back up on your feet if given a second chance. To be fair, I have to go with your opponent. Good luck.)

Firstgentleman1:
Hard decision but I will go with AudreyTimms. I hope to have nice and winning moments with you ma.


Thank you Royver for the review.

peacesamuel94:
i pick AudreyTimms. Thanks a bunch for the very humbling review


Big thanks also to Mr Royver, you guys are the best.

OluwabuqqyYOLO:

Lol, you amaze me. I did not know any of your reasons. Thanks for this, I had honestly been feeling that my art is out of date and sorts. Really, thank you. You won't understand what this means. I hereby pledge to bring the crown home this time around. And at the same time, you've put my silly ego in check.

piroux:
Aydreytimms, i feel like i let you down and i'm soo sorry. Thank you for giving me this oppourtunity though, i'm really grateful. I have learnt and grown so much, i can't believe it myself.

KimberlyWest:
Please Audreytimms I don't get what you mean by based on consistency.

Jetjacky:


Excuse me Miss, did you memories all this? And I do like your command of english.

GSteve001:
I'll go with audreytimms.

Divepen1:



Audreytimms' Team
6. Debbietiyan
14. Heryordele94
16. kimberlywest
9. Gmike2rule

Motto: Turning ordinary metals into gold with our words.

Blessytee:



I didn't do that ma. I only directed your readers to coolval. I removed the link when I noticed that somebody deleted the story.

amadiwati:

Tell them to write theirs and post let us read. We are quick to criticize! I just tire.

teel123:
Can i still follow. I hope some of the pages have not been removed . Pls i will lyk to read it all. Thanks

Audrey timm