@davidif

I co-sign on your statements. It's embarrassing as an American that all the world hears about anymore are these celebrities, half of them low-life pieces of self-destructive trash with no morals or common sense.

It's getting to the point that celebrity news it taking the place of real journalism, but luckily there are journalism who have flat out REFUSED to read on air celebrity news. They refuse to compromise their intergrity and intellect just because everyone else is doing it.

The sad thing is that the world judges us by this "news" and thinks we are so shallow. The media force feeds us, we'd rather NOT hear celebrity news ALL THE DAMNED TIME, it gets old.

I think Naija had reall problems and issues to be concerned with celebrities, and let's face it, American celebrities have FAR more disposable income to show off.

Seems to me the answer is simple, He's trying to control you and subdue you. I'm not going to suggest how you choose to handle your marriage, but keep in mind there's ALL KINDS OF ABUSE. A man DOESN'T HAVE TO BE HITTING YOU TO ABUSE YOU!

Some food for thought (excuse the pun, )

@ early question "Why is it called EVERYBODY HATES CHRIS"?

Because it's a play on words, at the time Chris Rock put out this show, another comedian Raymond Romano had the show "Everybody Loves Raymond". So Chris Rock just kind of played with the title.

Also, the little boy Chris is always getting into situations and he feels odd and out of place alot. The show is semi-autobiographical. Not everything happend to Chris Rock but he did go to a school like in the show, his mother IS named Rochelle, and a lot of what happens in the show is based on some things that Chris Rock went through.

I think it's easy for some people to say "Black and Proud" is a cliche, because some don't know what it is to be a second or third class citizen for being black.

In "Yankee", blacks literally had to fight with their lives for the opportunity to be treated with human dignity and equality. African Americans since slavery and slavery in of itself taught us as as culture that indeed black was dirty, evil, disgusting. Hell, it's 2008, and in some parts of the US, there are people who STILL find blacks dirty and disgusting. They will say black people "smell" a certain way (dirty) our skin is ugly, we're "ghetto" (though a lot of us aren't", we're this and that.

Some of you readers will never know what is it to have dogs sicked on you to tear at your flesh, to be hung from trees, to have people burn you with fire, spit, pee, defecate, rape, throw food on you, etc simply because of your race. But that is what my people went through, especially during the civil rights movement of the 1950-1960s. And you wonder why African American's had issues with pride?

Even the term "Black" was radical at the time. We were colored, Negroes, Niggers, Nigras, spooks, tar-babies, etc. but Black was strong. And we needed that strength and pride in ourselves after 300 years of dehumanization.

So with that, when a "sista" or someone wears straight hair or chemicals, they can still be proud of who they are. I like straight hair, I wear natural hair too. I like having options. I'm not the least bit ashamed of myself, but my ancestors gave their lives so that I could be "Black and proud".

Souljagirl:

but alas, when i came to yankee, black is black, whether you're a light skinned or black-as-midnight dark skinned, all na the same to oyinbo man.

And that's what our Naija brothers and sisters need to understand: They have it good outside the motherland, especially in Yankee, because of "I'm Black and I'm Proud". If it wasn't for our movement, you all would have no mobility especially in this country.

I agree the "sistas" especially don't need to be so antagonistic, but if the "brothas" and "sistas" weren't so vocal, if we didn't fight for our rights and humanity, things would be a HELL of a lot different for other black immigrants.

RichyBlacK:

Thanks. Though they are drama queens, I still love 'em AA sisters.

@quote:

On the one hand, I want to say that labeling us as 'drama queens' is unfair because we are all not, but second if we are, it's a learned behavior.

Which leads me to:

RichyBlacK:

@mazaje,
I've dated more than my fair share of "strong black women" and with time I've come to understand their MO. The real issue is that many of them come from broken/unstable homes. This is not saying that people from broken homes always turn out this way (A => B does not mean B => A, thank God for logic!), but that of those who turn out to be angry, the majority are products of their tumultuous backgrounds. At a young age they're made to believe that men will be the source of all their problems on earth.

Thanks to biased family laws that favor women in the US, after the divorce, the mother starts telling her daughter that her father is a "dog". Eternal pampering is reserved for their sons - thug-life is the sure destination [this is a whole different topic].

Not college-educated
The daughters grow up with some level of distrust for men. They self-fulfill the prophecy of their mothers by seeking out dog-like men. They avoid the men with character, compassion, humility and strength for the those living the thug-life - the bad boys. Those who do not fit the bad boy label, i.e. the good boys, are dismissed as "not cute",weak, lazy and unattractive. Of course the bad boys live up to their names and their anger towards men is only multiplied. The good boys are long gone, taken by more stable black sisters or white, Asian, or Latino women. Loneliness sets in and they now are determined to chart their own course - have babies! The intent is to 'create' a good man (better than their fathers and boyfriends) and a better woman (better than themselves). After several kids from different men, the cycle continues.

College-educated
They grow up being told to be focused and not allow any man to tell them what to do. Many times, they're indoctrinated with the idea that personal success (having a good job, buying a house, a nice car, etc.) is incompatible with success in relationships, a.k.a. marriage. Oprah is promptly used as the shining example. In a society like America where black women outnumber black men on college campuses, and where in every American family-based sitcom (except for a few like The Cosby Show), the man is portrayed as goofy, childish, stupid, or incompetent, the woman graduates from college with a warped view of men - dumb, need help, "can't write a check", can't balance an account, not educated, and mentally stunted. They meet a lot of men who confirm such stereotypes, but also meet well-educated brothers that they know not how to deal with. It all ends in what Abami Eda called "Power Show"! After several failed relationships they then decide to have kids. A black male victim is sought out. It ends in no marriage or marriage and then divorce - divorce due to "I'm college-educated and you're not"; or "I'm college-educated and no man tells me what to do"; or "I pay the bills here, how dare you?"; or "I make my own money and don't need your trifling ass!"; etc. She gets the kids and the cycle continues.

I must admit this is correct on many levels, especially the insight behind the uneducated and educated AA sisters. I have to speak on my behalf, and on the behalf of others; that there are many sweet and loving AA sisters, black women. But people are a product of their environments and times. I know the hardest thing for me that I've had to learn is that it's okay to be strong in dealing with 'the world' but reserving a tender place for special people/that special man. On the one hand, so many women my age, that were children in the 1970s and 1980s, we are the daughters of the "women's liberation" movement. You know, we were taught you weren't really a woman unless you exhibit masculine qualities.

I know this is illogical but that summs up the ideaology of those times. I know (now) that makes no sense and it's unattractive, but you have to understand we were/are brainwashed into that thinking.

Furthermore, there have been so many men that frankly haven't lived up to their potential; they disapoint, they abuse, they are cheaters and liars. And it seems like a lot of men feel we are supposed to keep enduring the pain and losses in love and expect to keep a fresh and sweet perspective and attitude (?).

What I have learned personally is that we as women can remain sweet and attractive by being smart in the first place about our choices. We have to be more responsible and accountable about who we choose to love. We have to not be victimized by our choices (becoming combative and bitter) but learn from them and get to the bottom of why we keep choosing the wrong men to begin with. When we stop being victimed, we can stop being defensive and stop hiding behind walls. Then we can be open and inviting for that next man who (hopefully) will be worthy of our love and respect.

I just found this, the poem brought tears , I could relate to a lot of that.

But the last verse brings me something else. Let's talk about the myth of the white woman.

Why do Nigerian men have the impression that white women are angels on earth?

I like white women as people and friends, but they have their issues too. My best friend right now is a white lady. But she's rebellious, mouthy, all the qualities Nigerian men hate and sterotype with "strong black women".

Why do you men believe the myth (and it is a myth) that white, Asian, Latin, ANY WOMAN BUT BLACK are God's gift to man? As a woman who has befriended many other women, you know we all are the same at the end of the day.

So no one has any regrets, huh?

One thing I love about Carribeans is that they never completely lost their African heritage/customs. (Carribean slaves were allowed to keep their African heritage a lot moreso than the U.S. slaves; the U.S. slaves were terrorized into dropping alot of their culture and all of the language).

So, it makes sense that they could indentify with the customs and themes in the movies. I'm going to look up this store in Florida, and see about buying some.

By Georgia East | South Florida Sun-Sentinel
September 18, 2007
Article tools
E-mail Share
Digg Del.icio.us Facebook Furl Google Newsvine Reddit Spurl Yahoo Print Single page view Reprints Reader feedback Text size: They've never walked along the dusty roads of Lagos, Nigeria, or set foot in an extravagant mansion in Ghana.

But fans of African movies now being sold in South Florida say they find themselves glued to their screens because in so many ways, the faraway continent feels so familiar.

"It's everything from the drapes hanging at the entrance door in the kitchen to the way people go down on their knees before saying good morning to their elders," said Hermante Leonard, who sees similarities to her Haitian culture in the movies.


Despite mediocre sound quality and a lack of special effects, Nigerian films are growing in popularity in South Florida, especially among Caribbean natives. In strip plazas in Lauderdale Lakes, Miramar, West Palm Beach and North Miami, vendors who used to specialize in movies from Jamaica and Haiti said they've recently switched their focus to African films because of the demand.

"These movies are entertaining," said Fay Bailey, a retired nurse from Jamaica. "They showcase the beauty and strength in Africa, and there's more laughter than anything."

Fans say they help satisfy a need here, where mainstream films starring black performers are few and far between. They like the intelligent dialogue, relative absence of nudity and the prominence given to areas of Nigeria and Ghana not usually seen on Western television.

The Nigerian film industry, often referred to as "Nollywood," churns out about 1,500 new movies a year, making it the third largest in the world, after Hollywood and India. Industry analysts estimate it grossed $286 million last year, compared with $2 billion brought in by Indian films.

African movies are performed in English with story lines that center on infidelity, family cohesiveness, folklore and spirituality. Unlike Hollywood blockbusters, however, these films are usually made on a shoestring budget of about $20,000, and sell here for about $10.

Caminito Rose, who is originally from Haiti, began selling the movies about four months ago in his North Miami store, Lionel Productions African Movie Mall.

He said on an average Saturday he sells about 400 Nigerian movies.

Fans say it's not the price but the story lines that keep them wanting more.

Hopeton Green, of Lauderdale Lakes, said he buys them because "the backgrounds reminded me so much of Jamaica. The way the people dressed, their demeanor. The accent was the only thing that really marked the difference."

Leonard said she became hooked after watching Blood Sisters, about a bad sister trying to destroy the good sister's life.

So about a year ago, she started selling the movies at her music stores, Se Mizik Lakay, in Lauderdale Lakes and Oakland Park.

Other retailers say their clients introduced them to the films.

"I started selling them about two months ago because people came to me and asked me for certain titles," said Jerome Altidort, manager at VS Music Store, in West Palm Beach, which specializes in Haitian music and movies.

Nigeria's movie industry got its start in the early 1990s, when Nigeria was undergoing a financial crisis and foreign films were scarce.

Experts say violence at that time kept many Nigerians from going to local theaters.

To fill the void, local directors began filming with hand-held cameras and producing movies on a shoestring budget. The video films, as they're called, often have sequels and, in some cases, up to four or five parts.

Some movie watchers say they block out time to watch the films, which are usually about three hours long, because once they get into Part 1, it's difficult not to watch the sequel.

"I know it sounds [like a] cliche, but you really feel like you're experiencing your roots," said Opal Brown, of Pembroke Pines.

Industry specialists say easier access to the films is increasing their popularity, especially in New York City, Washington, D.C., and South Florida.

"The distributors of these video films don't have to rely on a huge marketing strategy," said Onookome Okome, author of the upcoming book Nollywood: Cinema, Culture, Society.

But piracy is also a big issue and local retailers say it's hard to compete with the copiers who sell at rock-bottom prices.

"I used to have a lot more customers, but the piracy is slowing things down," Leonard said.

Back at African Movie Mall, patrons Fay Bailey and Cherley Sanon are debating which story lines are more intriguing.

Sanon, who is Haitian, watched her first Nigerian film about three months ago in a hair salon.

She now has 20 titles and said she likes the movies that show off the affluent Nigerian neighborhoods.

Not so for Bailey, who countered, "I like the movies that bring me right into the villages."

More articles

Copyright © 2007, South Florida Sun-Sentinel

I would ask God also what the future hold for me, but also

1. Will I be as successful as I hope to be?

2. Why did I endure the trials and suffering that I did from the people closest to me?

3. Is he pleased with my heart and spirit?

4. Will I live to see old age?

5. Will I have a family of my own?

6. What was/is my great purpose in life?

I read some advice on another post where someone advised someone not to blame themselves (for the wrong they might have done to mess up their relationship).

I was just curious, What are some things you all have done that you wish you could take back that you may have blamed yourself for, or wish you had forgiveness for, or have been forgiven of?

zignorr:

dude, no money . . .no romantic! It takes money to looks good, b/4 you can even think of babes
I didn't mean that you should have millions . . .but you must have money. There is no free thing.
Any single babe that tells you that you can be romantic without money has reached her peak
That is b/w the ages of 30-45 she just want to appear not too demanding so that she can get husband

Uhhh, NO! A WOMAN 30-45 can say this because she's a WOMAN, and can provide for herself, and she doesn't need to play school girl love games to get stuff. A WOMAN that can provide for herself doesn't need to play herself out for stuff, she needs love and respect.

@Oscar

Oh, we missed each other by one day. I'm April 16th. I found one person who is my match.

But we are both fiery Aries

I heard this on the radio, this was actually a song from the late 70s called "The Pina Colada Song".

Waaaaaaaaaaaaay before anyone had a personal computer, and they had to post personal ads the newpaper, the dude in the song posted a personal ad looking for a lady. He was sick of his "old lady".

The lady responded that she was looking for a new man. They wrote back and forth, and they agreed to meet at a bar and drink Pina Coladas, take a walk on the beach, etc.

They met at the bar, and realised they had been with each other.

In the song, they rediscovered each other, and fell in love all over again. It's a shame this couple called it quits.

Now, in the song, the guy was looking for commonality, and spice. He said "Me and my old lady had the same routine".

This is very dangerous, but real for married couples.  I think part of the problem is that people stop discovering each other. Or maybe one person grows and the other person is stagnant. Or for lots of reasons, the romance dies.

I think all couples can come to a place where they resent each other, because the romance wears off, and they see the "warts and all". Bottom line, we MUST work hard to keep those fires burning, and be the person our mate fell in love with, or reinvent ourselves, or keep ourselves interesting to keep our mates on their toes.

  Boredom is the DEATH of any romantic relationship. 

ETA: The way to be interesting to other people is to have interest of our own. You can't look to another person like husband, wife, kids, social status, work to define you. You have to have your own interest, passions, hobbies, etc, so you can be proud of yourself, and be fun and interesting. Then you'll draw people to you if you're single, and you'll keep your partner attracted to you if you're in a relationship.

Wow, as a side note, I must say how impressed I am with a lot of these answers.

I know a majority of the posters if not all are very young, but the advice is so strong and wise.

(Except "get over it", that's a cruel thing to say, and it's not human to do that, the heart isn't a machine or toy with an on/off switch)

But point is, It's true that people will only respect you as much as you respect yourself. Don't play the game of waiting on the side. This guy used you, plain and simple.

Now don't feel bad or sad. People asked were you a nag, clingy, etc?

Maybe you were or weren't, but no one is perfect right? Just learn from mistakes/character flaws, and work on those things so you don't drive other people away.

Having said THAT, there's never a good excuse for disrespect from someone in your life. This guy had no excuse to disrespect her, I don't care if she was hell on wheels, there was, and there is a better way things could have been dealt with.

I learned a saying when I was young, and I kept it close: "I don't treat people like a gentleman or a lady because THEY are. I treat people like a gentleman or a lady because I AM".

The meaning: A good person treats people with dignity and respect as much as humanly possible.

Sometimes, people have to grow up a little to do this. And sometimes, people never grow in this area. And sometimes, a person is just a bad person, and you can't change them.

I know you don't know me, but I do wish you well, and be glad you have people who care about you as a person, and that you learned some good lessons while you are still young. Everyday is a new opportunity to change and start over fresh. 

@Kobojunkie

I like your advice the most, when you told her to forgive herself. I know I have this problem, and so many women blame themselves, and they take all the blame, and people blame them. Blame is like poison, and serves no purpose. Even if you messed up, so what? I know it hurts, I hate messing up. But you can only grow from it. We don't grow from success, we grow from failure. Forgive yourself for not being the perfect woman; no one is perfect. Either way, I still say he had no right to disrespect you. You could have done everything right, and he still would have disrespected you, because that's the kind of person he is. Nothing you can do.

debosky:

I doubt that greatly, Nigerians can write, but movie 'producers' are not interested in true writers, they just cik the popular actors/actresses at a given time, and then concoct a 'script' involving them based on the current rave of the moment - love story, 'epic', rituals, politicians, campus issues or whatever,

these guys are for the most part not interested in making good movies, but basically want to make money. There are some well written scripts, but those are usually plagiarized and poorer versions produced multiple times afterwards if the first one sells.

By the way, its not really the job of English teachers to teach creativity, it comes from the heart. If anyone is seriously interested in writing scripts, he/she should check out the dating section of nairaland, some of those stories don't even need much scripting. They are bestsellers all on their own

ROTFL, at the dating section comment.

As to English teachers teaching creativity, maybe not. But I will say it was my English teachers that told me that I had creative writing talent, and encouraged me in that.

In my humble opinion, maybe creative writing isn't encouraged, because in Nigeria, it's not seen as a viable skill.
There simply isn't money by and large to be made in the arts and entertainment, like the US, so to encourage a child in creative writing wouldn't be wise.

Am I right or wrong on this?

Having said that though, it's true that some talents can't be taught, one is blessed with it or not. On the other hand, talent has to be developed and refined, or it dies. English teachers can help with development and refinement.

, and speaking of dogs and females, it was common knowledge that Leona Hemsley was a QUEEN BITCH!

She terrorized the staff that worked in her hotels, and she went to jail in the late 80s for not paying taxes.

She is remembered for saying "We don't pay taxes. Only the little people pay taxes". She was the eptimome of greed and selfishness.

So, it's of no surprise that she left the money to the dog.

For one, she had no respect for human beings. Secondly, I'm sure she related to the dog better than humans, being the bitch that she was.

I have some questions and comments:

First of all, how can I get ahold of some Nollywood pictures here in Yankee?

Second, yes, comparing Nollywood and Hollywood are like comparing the poverbial "apples and oranges", and not even that.

Why?

I believe the main difference is culture. But deeper than that, I believe the reasons why American movies are so rich and varied is because American culture itself is so individualistic and mixed.

When you think of all the races, ethnic groups, and nationalities in American, there are millions of different stories to tell. Add that to the fact that ours is a culture in which we are encouraged to do and be whoever and whatever we want.

On the other hand, Naija culture, while richer than ours because it's undiluted, is very distinct. Naija people have a certain "way of being" for lack of a better term.

For example, if the movies have lots of religious themes, it's because Nigerians are very religious people. A film where the preacher saves the day would NEVER fly in Yankee, because our culture says one's religion is a very personal thing that isn't discussed or flaunted, lest you start arguments and factions. Our country is based on religious freedom, and part of that is the freedom NOT to practice religion. I'm not saying it's better, or that we are godless. It's just the way it is.

Secondly, Hollywood movies didn't start out so varied and rich. The silent films started with a basic "good guy/bad guy" premise, cops and robbers, cowboys and Indians, a handsome prince/pirate/wealthy guy that "gets the girl"

In time people wanted to see richer "fantasy" type movies, because silent movies became talkies, America suffered "the Great Depression". As everyone was poor, they wanted to escape and see movies about the rich.

Then in the 1940s, you had "war movies" cira WWII

In the 50's, the country was prosperous, so you had very glamours stars, and movies for teenager, with the invention of "Rock and Roll".

The 60's gave us more "youth orientented" movies. The 70s gave us epics, and classics based on rich character stories. The US was in a recession, people were angry about the Vietnam war, lots of stuff going on.

I could go on with the 80s, the 90s, etc, but the point is that the storylines of the movies grew as society changed and grew. Writers could tell and sell richer stories, because the public was ready for more as time progressed. Along with this, the movie industry was able to build upon itself. California's industry used to be primarily farm goods. There is LOTS of farm land in California. But with the growth of Hollywood, and entertainment, the tourism and entertainment revenues are able to sustain the whole country, let alone the state. Certainly, California is one of the most expensive states to live in.

I must agree that, If Nollywood wants to grow, it MUST put quality of quantity. The early Hollywood script writers wanted to tell their stories, rich stories, and that's why the movies of the "golden era" are still classics generations later.

I think the world would support, and embrace Nollywood films, if they represented well. I could see Nollywood films blowing up the way Bollywood films have. Bollywood films have practically become mainstream now.

I think too, Nigerian writers need to tell stories that the world can relate to. You know, it took for me hanging out here in this forum to FURTHER see that people are people essentially.  I say, put stories out there that people around the world can empathize, or at least sympathize with. Let the Nollywood filmakers show the world that their art is worthy of respect, and not just some quaint sub-culture stuff.

Like anything else, if you want people to respect you/your art, you have to first respect yourself/your art.

@Pamddi

Fair enough about the need for SOME money. But I took it as the poster has a little bit of money, not much.

Guys, especially younger men, think they have to be a "baller" to impress a lady, but it's not true

It's not about "stuff". I can buy my own "stuff". Most women can nowadays. Personally, I'd be willing to be the breadwinner in a marriage for a man that proves his worth to me in the love and respect he has for me.

Now I know this fellow is just looking to date, but the point is he needs to feel like he's good enough for the lady he has an interest in if he focuses in the intangible qualities, instead of acting like a money-grubing ass.

I too commend the poster for even having the humility to ask. It takes a REAL man to ask for help.

It is very possible to be romantic without money. Tell her sweet things. Go to nice places that are free. I would say cook her a nice meal, but I don't know if this is done where you live, lol.

Write her poetry, or copy some nice poetry and put it in a letter.

What is romantic for me, and is free is honesty, respect, and honor.

These things are free, and yet priceless.

@Sienna

We are matched Bdays, April 16th

Who else?

Well I guess my informal education here at Nairaland has payed off, LOL!

But seriously Michelle, I wish you well, I think most people do. They wouldn't waste their time posting if they didn't care about you as a human being.

Yes, there are some that only want to see Naija with "their own", but , oh well,

Again, hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. Hugs!, please do keep us posted.

And not to hijack the thread, but for the American ladies, how did you meet your good Naija men? Where can I meet another one, LOL?

I want to weigh in on this:

@His Michelle, I can relate to you on several levels:

I'm American. I've been swept off my feet by a Naija man (though it didn't work out). I've been involved with men outside of my race, and culture (non-Americans)

I am in my mid-30s. I know what it's like wanting love, and wondering if it's going to happen for you.

But I have to disagree when you say all American men want models or money-makers.  Flat out, they don't.  Secondly, by your post, by how you word it, in your own estimation, you're not that pretty, and don't make that much money, so you're taking yourself out the dating game with Americans. I have to say it sounds like low self-esteem. I've had to work on that too.

I can also relate to being very adventerous, and open-minded. I feel like I want a new life in a different country.  I thought about the possibilities when I fell in love with "Naija man".

But hanging out here, and learning about the culture, and what made "Naija man" tick, I learned that part of the reason why we didn't work out is I was approaching things as an American, and he was approaching things as a traditional Nigerian. 

And yes it sounds super romantic to expose your child to new cultures. I would love that for my children. However, at your/our age, you/we have NO CHOICE but to be pragmatic before romantic, especially when their's a child involved. But aren't our lives important too?

Fact is too, the only way you can know someone is to be up close and personal in their lives. Phone and emails are all very romantic, but it's not the real deal.

Fact is, blood is thicker than water, and despite whatever "friendship" you may think you'll have with his ma' and relations, don't think for one minute they won't take his side against yours when things go sour, or he plots against you, etc.

And BTW, from what I know, you can't just "be friends" with ma', like you would an American mother in law, and American mother in laws can be tough to crack. You'd be dealing with a whole different world of unspoken rules and customs trying to be part of the family.  You can't be too familiar too soon with a Naija family like an American family. It would be disrespectful to them.

I'm not going to lie, I would take another "Naija man" any day to an American man, because for me, a Naija man has so much more to offer me mentally, and otherwise. But I'm very aware and educated to the fact that it wouldn't be easy.  I'm aware that to be with a traditional Nigerian man, I would have to give up a lot of myself (American ways) and even if I won him over, the family might not accept me, and even if they did, the friends might not.  For Americans and westerners, they would battle this. But MOST traditional Nigerian men are not going to turn away from family and friends on your behalf.  I would love to try with another Nigerian man, but I clearly see now, it might not be in my best interest.

And one of the posters was right: It's all about the extended family system, and what's yours is theirs, no questions asked. Ma' will come and go as she pleases, and any other family members.

Look, I don't know you, but I saw pieces of my past self in your post. If nothing else, be practical for your child. Don't make decisions based on best case scenario; hope for the best, but plan for the worst.

Also, you did ask everyone's advise. A lot of people gave you the other side of the coin. I know you might not like it, but you asked for the honest truth. I agree he should just visit you on your turf, where you'll be safe. He could still run a game on you, but be on the lookout for "red flags".

If nothing else, there are good American guys out there that aren't shallow or money grubbing. Believe in yourself. Change what you can, and accept what you can't, and someone will love the YOU that YOU learn to love.