So there I was, rolling on the bed around 2am on a Sunday morning. I had just finished watching the movie Never Back Down (for the third time I think) and for some reason, sleep wasn’t coming. My thoughts began to drift. From setting more effective goals, to building more confidence, to thinking back at some challenges I’ve faced, etc. The thoughts kept pouring in, unfiltered. As I kept thinking and reminiscing, I remembered a discussing I had with my friends a while back in school. In particular, I remember an opinion I had back then about the average Nigerian graduate.

I remembered telling my friends back in school that the average Nigerian graduate has a sense of “entitlement” rather than a sense of “responsibility”. I’ll explain what I mean in a bit. Back then in school, and I’m sure most of you in school will be familiar with this sort of statement, most people I met would tell me that once they finish with a grade of Second Class Upper, or First Class, they should start earning 200k and above (the price tag might have gone up right now), and work with oil companies, big telecoms, etc. From the way I see that type of statement, it is a sense of entitlement.

Unlike most of us think, or would have us believe, the average Nigerian graduate isn’t that lazy. If he/she was lazy, he/she wouldn’t have burned the midnight candle in school, slept in wooden chairs and desks during exams, and done all he can to bag a ‘B’ or an ‘A' in the respective course (not that he’ll remember anything about the course afterward, but you get my point). To me, I don’t see that as a sign of laziness. In fact, that is really hard work, and that sure isn’t easy. But how come after putting all the hard work and coming out with a first class, all we now say is we “deserve” to start earning big like it’s our entitlement just because we have a first class?

To put this in perspective, let me explain the other side of the coin. The sense of responsibility which we don’t have. Imagine if after putting all the hard work and coming out with a First Class or Second Class Upper, we do not think that we are entitled to start earning big bucks, but instead we begin to carry some responsibilities on our shoulders? (By responsibility I don’t mean financial responsibility of our younger ones or family, what I mean is social responsibility). What if an Electronic and Electrical Engineering First Class graduate wasn’t thinking of companies he is entitled to, or the minimum salary someone of his calibre can take, but instead starts using his knowledge to solve problems in his immediate environment or beyond? What if such graduate begins to feel the responsibility of solving Nigeria’s power problems on his shoulders?

There’s this popular saying “Knowledge is power”. And there’s this other saying “With more power comes more responsibility”. If we combine both sayings, we can therefore say that with more knowledge comes more responsibility. So my question is how come the Nigerian graduate is feeling entitled to earn big, and not feeling responsible for not making a difference with his acquired knowledge?

faith551:
Yea, I've heard all that a million times, been single for a year and some months now,you want the truth?
Waking up in the morning with no one to think of is really boring
Dressing up knowing that there's no special person to commend u is discouraging
Having all the food and space in the world will make u grow fat.
Sometimes I feel like my life is slipping away from me, If every single guy out there can tell the truth we all feel that same way. 6mnths is nothing compared to almost 2 years tho

Sadly, you're not in love with yourself. Do what you want to do and what you love to do. Make yourself happy. The rest comes easily.
Wake up in the morning and just greet yourself to a big smile in the mirror.
Dress up and wear what you want, appreciate how good you look.
Treat yourself to a nice meal, and eat healthy of course. Give your body well deserved exercises too.

If you don't love yourself, don't expect anyone to do that for you. What you should try to learn is how to love yourself.

So today, 5th of June, I was feeling a bit relaxed. Of course, being a Sunday afternoon, there’s not much to do besides watching a few movies, internet videos, and taking excessive naps. As I kept watching one video to the next, I scanned through the list of suggested videos and I came across one that caught my eye. The title was “8 perks of being single”. At this point in time, I am single and loving it, and what better thing to watch online than something to remind you that being single is super awesome. So I clicked on the video, and watched the whole 2 minutes of it .

What I found out was that the idea of being single is hugely misleading. Most of our perspectives have changed badly. A few perks listed in the video include “having more cash to spare” or “having the bed all to yourself” or “eating what ever you want for dinner” and some other superficial benefits attached to being single. Truth is, you can be single in the world we live in today and still have a different girl in your bed each night. You can be single and still spend on dates every single weekend. You can be single and still have different ladies cook your meals at intervals. So if all these things are still possible while being “single", then what are the true perks of being single?

Before I came to the understand what the perks of being single are, I had to do a few things. These are personal things I needed to do, and I am not imploring that it is something anyone should do. The decision was solely based on my own evaluation of myself and what I needed to do to be a better person.

Before the turn of the year, I was an extremely sexually active person. And it was basically impossible to have a female friend that wasn’t with benefits. In order to find myself, I decided to abstain for the whole year. To really see this through, I have had to break off contact with all my previous friends with benefits, or potential ones (by the way, I wasn’t relationship kinda guy in the first place ). So before the decision, I was technically single, but after the decision, I became truly single. Now that I’ve been truly single for over six months now, I can tell you a few true perks I’ve discovered.

Being truly single means that besides your family, you really have no other person you care about romantically. Being truly single makes you see everybody, including an attractive opposite sex as just another human being, and not a potential girlfriend, or a potential friend with benefits. You begin a conversation with them not with the hope of getting a number, or taking them home with you, but solely because you just want to talk. Yeah, just talk. Being truly single is the state where you are alone, you’re not searching, you’re not needing anyone for anything, and you’re are loving it. You’ll rather stay that way than allow anyone ruin that for you.

Being truly single means that you have enough time for yourself, to figure out what you want to do with your life, without adding any other person to the equation. This means you can wake up on a Saturday morning, and go hiking alone, go to the beach alone, go to the cinema to see any film you want to see alone, all without having to ask or answer to anyone to agree on a shared location or venue to go.

In essence, the true perk of being single, is the fact that it gives you the time to find yourself, love yourself, enjoy your own company, and live your own life. This state is not meant to last forever, and in fact, in order for you to have a good and lasting relationship, you need to have been truly single at one point in your life.

This period is definitely not a fixed period. It might be a year for some, for others they might need a few years, others a few months. Regardless of how long or short your true single life needs to be, just know that if you are single and you feel it is a bad thing, then you’re looking at it the wrong way. If you’re tired of being single, then it means you are tired of loving yourself. If you truly love yourself, then you really can’t be tired or scared that you’ll die alone. You simply keep loving every minute of it, and you’ll certainly not feel jealous of your friends in relationships because they are the ones missing out on what you’re enjoying.

Of course, for the sake of human survival, we all need other people in our lives. This is not to advocate being single forever. This is just to let you know that when you truly get the best out of being single, you won’t need to search for that special one, you won’t need to look for your life calling, you won’t need any external source of happiness, and you definitely won’t suffer from common relationship troubles like insecurity, trust, and fear of heartbreak (because you won’t be afraid of going back to that awesome state of being single). When you have really gotten the best from being single, everything else falls into place. I only came to this realisation from making my abstinence decision. Now I am truly single, and I am loving every single bit of it (pun intended ).