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Gomer
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I lay awake waiting for you to call and say i miss you, forgive me, i love you ,
but it's someone else that calls to comfort me
i thought the tears i cry for you were long dry
but this day i cry and i cry for you
i don't love you, maybe
but i miss you
i miss my baby's daddy
why you treat me like this
i don't know
i go thinking you'll come back for me
but you don't
days, nights, months
i wait but you don't come
i seek love elsewhere but i can't stay there
because its you i waant
but you know what,
i know you'll make me unhappy
because you don't care
so why do i crave your attention?
why?
Do you ask "Why God, why" like i ask?
Do you still love me and baby like we do you?
Do you think about me like i think about you?
Do you wish that things can be better like i always wish?
Do you cry about time lost, love gone and pray we can get them back like i pray?
or am i gone with the wind in your life?
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Gomer
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I sat in Mr. Biggs
and behind me
some girl talking to her friend
i could see tears in her eyes
obviously, her hearts been broken.
and then am reminded of her
the one you say you don't love again
you say you love me now,
its me you want,
i know we gel
we love the same songs
though we don't agree on somany things.
but i know you love me
i don't
even though i can live with that
but are you ready to love for two?
i can't accept it,
even though i know that you really love me
genuinely, i know
i see it in your eyes
i can't accept it
because she'll be sitting with her friend
and with tears in her eyes,
her heart broken,
i couldnt possibly do this to her
i couldnt
could i?
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Gomer
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I met a guy on saturday at work, he likes me!
Do you know that i can't even remeber what he looks like and we've been speaking on the phone since?!!!!
he wants something,
but,
me,
i've alread started thinking that mmm all he wants is what is under the skirt
would he like to be friends?
get to know each other?
or after our first meeting, will he be putting his hands under my skirts?
you know what i mean,
all these thoughts just want to make me run, as usual
but how i for do?
i want to say let me try and see if this friendship will work,
but tomorrow i don't want to go beating myself and think of how stupid i always get,
lets see
maybe,
am going to call him now!
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Gomer
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I didnt need to call him! he did and he came to see me at the office i was so scared i wouldn't remember him, but i used ogboju! he's cool, and well kind of cute but, he kind of looks like he just want to hit and run do i want to find out? am i ready for this adventure? damn! i really do have a commitment phobia  what if he wants something serious? can you imagine, i was actually shy a whole me! especially when he said he liked my smile  i've started again going all soft for someone i just met don't i ever learn my lessons? , i still think of him, hoping he'll call he hasn't doesn't he miss me? doesn't he wonder how baby and i are doing? then i think of the other man who loves me unconditionally i smile because i know he does i remember the way he kisses my forehead and caresses my cheeks with that look of utter amazement in his eyes as if i was Gods 8th wonder! but why i can't i accept it? is it because he's engaged to someone else and he claims he loves me more? is it because i feel like second choice? i don't know , now i got this on my hands someone else! wow, life is getting more interesting , before i forget, my friend called me from lagos, he was robbed yesterday near 7up by one-chance so abeg, go home early from work and if you can't, shine your eyes  |
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Gomer
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i spoke to him again today
he called
i asked him what he wanted
i think i was too forward but i just wanted to know what he wanted from me,
he said -"me"
sigh%
i asked what can i do to chase him away?
he said all i had to do was tell him not to call again
and i did,
and i felt sad
was i too forward?
why can't i take it slow?
but at this stage in my life, i don't think i want to play games anymore
i'm tired of getting hurt
and maybe i should just be by myself
i don't know,
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Gomer
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Why am i so insecure
whichever ways he'll run soon enough
epecially when he finds out about baby
i noticed, they don't like extra baggage!
i need to really get extra busy
all this kind of thinking not good atall for the soul
he just wants to sleep with me, i know
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Gomer
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He was here yesterday
i walked him to his car
he made me sit in front of him, it felt safe
he tickled me and i laughed
and it feelt like we were old friends
he gave me a light kiss and i thot i had been transported
but wasnt that too soon?
is my doubt being confirmed the truth?
that he's hit and run?
what does he want from me?
he has a car, he's obviously cool but do i look like his type?
am no babe
am just me, plain ol me
so what does he want?
we'll find out
but the funniest is that i get easily enveloped
i like easily
and i think i'm begining to really like him
o bother
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Gomer
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My Past
« #7 on: April 15, 2006, 02:12 PM » |
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This world is a small place where i spent the night yesterday we were all just talking about where they lived before here and i just mentioned someone who i knew lived in that area and all hell broke loose they started reeling out names of other people too and my baby's fada's name was one of them, and he actually saw him last week where he went to drink i was in shock! Its a small world, it really is and its kind of scary i miss my baby's fada but he is so full of shit and i don't know why i still bother about someone who doesnt even bother about me |
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Gomer
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he came to pick me up
said he wanted to spend time with me
i thot he was taking me out
we ended up going to his house
i felt like a sheep going to be slaughtered
sounds funny but it wasnt at that time
we went to his room
he wanted me to stay on him
i said no
so we started talking
then he was kind of like yawning
then he went out and didnt come back in for like 30mins
i was like, "oh, so because i didnt want to get down abi?"
he came back and said he was going out and he'l drop me off
then we kissed
there was no magic, it was a demanding one
it wasnt soft.
there just was no magic,
and he said he wanted me
i said no
then he asked me do him a b.j.
my heart that was about to break but was still holding on to a little thread of hope that mayb, just mayb he's interested in me,
broke.
my heart broke
i wept on the inside of me
i had hoped he was genuinely interested
but it looks like he just wants to shag and go
and asking for a b.j made me feel like a whore
that was a painful realisation
i came back and i cried
i asked why
don't i look like someone you'd want to spend time with, laugh, play, take a stroll,
why does it always have to be like this?
you know,
we used to mail each other
talk for long on the phone during office hours
laugh,
and i'll really expect to see him after work
why did he have to mess something so beautiful like that?
why?
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Gomer
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Past Love
« #9 on: April 15, 2006, 07:24 PM » |
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I was going through my drawer
and i stumbled on your pictures
our picture actually
i stared at this stranger for a while and then i stared harder,
trying to recall exactly what it was like;
knowing you,
leaving you,
at first, it seemed impossible,
but then, slowly, slowly,
through the passage of time
you became wind
and the wind is so still
even starring at your picture is stranger
goodbye stranger
i'll put you where you belong
"outside"
i read this stuff somewhere and i wished i could write this and mean it for my baby's fada
i wan him out
he hasn even called to say happy easter
how lonely can it get, !!!>>>
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Gomer
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am at work today and am not sure what am doing right now
my mind is blocked
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Gomer
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Well,
found my journal back
how do you guys work this thing?
was talking to some guy about my career
i kind of feel empty
there just seems to be something am supposed to be doing that am not,
because i started working for a long time, that is ,like since i was 18 and somehow where i am now is not like where i imagined i will be
there's a particular key i havent used
there's a particular door i havent opened
i'm searching
i'm going for a workshop now and am hoping to get an answer,
i messed up yesterday
i knew what i was doing
but i did it because i asked myself what have i got to loose?
and guess what?
i lost my peace and my joy
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Gomer
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...mAn
« #12 on: April 27, 2006, 09:16 AM » |
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I don't know I feel like am floating I'm here but am not here Lost? I don't know, I'm sitting here on my table at work and my mind seems to be blocked! I see him almost everyday I don't know where this is going i don't know if he wants to get serious I don't know if he'll ever like me, like, really like me Do i want him too? yes, maybe I don't know, i seem to be desperate for companionship, love, friendship? I just want someone i can call or who calls me and we'l talk about nothing in paricular I want to go to the park and sit with him, with his arms around me, feeling safe without his hands going where i don't know (that realy spoils the moment) I want to go watch a play with him, sit and watch champions league!  sing silly songs with him, dance to Luther vandross on the balcony, take a walk and him holding my hand, like i was his and he is mine I don't want someone breathing down my back and wanting to kiss my neck, my face all the time I don't someone who just wants to straff and leave I want a friend I want a man who calls just to say "baby, i was just thinking about you now" or "baby, i just had a rough time with my boss and , " Do you think this man exists- the good one? i don't know i really don't |
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Gomer
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lonely
« #13 on: April 28, 2006, 07:15 PM » |
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All of a sudden i have this feeling to get married i want to go home to someone and curl in his arms i want to talk to someone about nothing and everything to be kissed on the forehead i feel so lonely he didnt call i had to call him today after 2 days  i miss him- gn funny though but its just so shocking to find he didnt miss me and he could stay days without talking to me my ex came funny i didnt feel nothing we went out for like a month- feb had some good times yet i see him today and i feel nothing am worried what is wrong with me? i think about my babys dady often i seem to always expect him to call but i know he wont, he wont that hurts but truth hurts i'm weeping in my heart so bad so bad |
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Gomer
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...dyvyn
« #14 on: May 02, 2006, 11:32 AM » |
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gn
he hasnt called
thats okay
thats life
the good one i was talking about
the good man
i dnt know but
i think i've met him
i'l call him dyvyn
dyvyn!
i gave him hell for three days but he still kept coming back
i said yes yesterday
he wants to hold my hand and walk with me
make me retrace my steps back to my first love
to forget the past and hold on to what the future has for me
risky?
yes.
life is full of risks.
the first day he spoke to me about it
i was scared
i was practically running away from him
he strucked a chord in my heart
no one has done that in a long time
he made me cry
he made me want, desire all the good things i need but didnt want because i was scared
i was scared
am still scared.
i don't know where this is going
i'm looking at it through his eyes
he'l do the work
i'l watch
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Gomer
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i'm screaming on the inside-
i don't want to love!
i don't need this!
why did i say yes?
i have loved before and lost
am afraid to love again
but,
my heart aches
to love and
be loved
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Gomer
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Everybody's looking for that something
One thing that makes it all complete
You'll find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be
Some find it in the faces of their children
Some find it in their lovers eyes
Who can deny the joy it brings
When you find that special thing
You're flying without wings
Some find it sharing in every morning
Some in their solitary lives
You'll find it in the works of others
A simple line can make you laugh or cry
You'll find it in the deepest friendships
The kind you cherish all your lives
And when you know how much that means
You have found that special thing
You're flying without wings
So impossible as they may seem
You've got to fight for every dream
'Cuz who's to know which one you let go
Would have made you complete
But for me it's waking up beside you
To watch the sun rise on your face
To know that I can say I love you
At any given time or place
It's the little things that only I know
Those are the things that make you mine, all mine
And it's the flying without wings
'Cuz you're my special thing
I'm flying without wings
You're the place my life begins
And you'll be where it ends
I'm flying without wings
And that's the joy it brings
I'm flying without wings
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Gomer
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i just discovered this today and it was like God was speaking to me
God help me!
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
I Corinthians 13:4-8a (NIV)
This verse describes the characteristics of true love.
These qualities can certainly be found in the person of Jesus Christ, and they can be found in all truly loving relationships.
The problem with trying to "find" love in our dating lives, is that too often we don't look for these characteristics. Rather we look at physical appearance, popularity, or wealth.
These are not the qualities that God looks at and neither should we.
Love is best seen as devotion and action,
not an emotion.
Love is not exclusively based on how we feel.
Certainly our emotions are involved, but they cannot be our only criteria for love.
True devotion will always lead to action - true love.
Sex is not love!
Our culture has taught us that sex and love are one in the same.
This is a lie.
Sex is a beautiful God-given activity that is wonderful when practiced within the boundaries of a Biblical marriage.
Sex is the completion of the binding of two people within Biblical marriage;
it is a God-given gift.
Sex is consummation of that union.
When two people break off their relationship after having sex, it is like ripping apart flesh. (true-i know)
We can only identify true love by:
looking at the Word of God
be completely honest with ourselves
understand the level of commitment that comes with true love
i would really love to experience in this new journey i have decided to take
this is true love
and this kind, will last
forever
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Gomer
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i can't concentrate yesterday we went by the river side dyvyn and me it was so nice but i just turned sour when he got so serios he even mentioned the "m" word and God, i freaked out i don't know but i just freaked out it was too soon i felt he was asking too much of me too soon and i walked away which i seem to be perfect at doing do i want to dream with him? are we going to compliment each other? i don't know questions, questions, questions |
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Gomer
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i was with him yesterday
dyvyn
i don't know.
do i like him?
do i want to be seen with him?
i don't know.
he said he loves me
and i had told him never to use the "L" word
but he insist that i got to get used to it
am i comfortable with him?
yes and no
maybe because i see the way he is devoted to me so i am basking in that feeling
but yesterday i let him know
i have a phobia for commitment
he shouldnt expect me to be at his beck and call, or let him know when, where or what i do
i don't know
he's not my type,
but
he can love me real good- i know
he's decent and well, a christain and he's got some values he believes in
that tells alot about a man- values.
can i love him?
i don't know.
i don't think i even have that capability, like that - like that
he's obviously not made now and i ask myself-
can i stand with him while he climbs up?
at this stage of my life- i don't know.
i've done my share standing with men in my past and the result- nil
i'm a believer of behind every succesful man is a woman
i have always believed that if i stand beside a man,
beyond the sky is the limit for him.
can i sacrifice that kind of time with him and stand with him?
thats alot to ask of me, now, at this time
if it was last year or 2 years ago- maybe.
he talks alot
i don't talk at all
what a combination!
i wish i can see tomorrow
i wish i can tell him to go
but he's gone in too deep to early.
its nice to be loved.
as much as i rebel,
my heart missed a beat when he said "i love you"!
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Gomer
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I wish I could laugh hysterically on the outside like I’m doing on the inside
I looked up to you to show me that for once things can be different
I really thot this will be but Saturday changed everything
I felt hope when we started but hope died on Saturday
Like the little plant trying to shoot out of the ground
You stepped on it and crushed it
The little plant’s dead
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Gomer
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i smile. life is beautiful there's a rush of warm feeling going through my bones. i smile because its so good to be alive the feel of rain pouring on me, cleansing me and then, as i inhale the smell of fresh air who said things are bad? it can only get better. i remember how it felt to love and be loved to spread my wings and fly i remember when i ran as a child swirling and dancing with abandon without any care in the world letting down my hair and running wild. i smile because it don't matter if i loose love today it don't matter if am sad and i feel so damn lonely it don't matter that i miss "them" in my life so much. i smile because, life is beautiful |
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Gomer
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I’ve been so many places in my life and time
I’ve sung a lot of songs and I’ve made some bad climbs
I’ve acted out my life in stages
with ten thousand people watching
Oh, but we’re alone now and I’m singing this song for you
I know your image of me
is what I hope to be,
I’ve treated you unkindly
Oh, but darling can’t you see that,
there’s no one more important to me
Baby, baby, can’t you see through me,
’cause we’re alone now
And I’m singing this song to you.
You taught me precious secrets
Of a true love withholding nothing,
you came out in front
When I was hiding,
but now it’s so much better
If my words don’t quite come together,
please listen to the melody
’cause my love is in there somewhere hiding
I love you in a place where there is no space or time,
I love you for my life
You are a friend of mine,
and when my life is over
Remember, remember, remember when we were together
And we are alone now,
and I was singing this song to you
We were alone, and I was singing, yeah singing
We were alone, and I was singing this song for you
Singing my song,
I’m singing my song for you,
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Gomer
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before you came
life was bleak, opaque
it seemed like i couldn't move on anymore
i wanted to die
but then i'l touch that big round pouch and i'l get the strength to carry on
at least for one more day.
the next day
memories, bad memories come tearing me apart
and i really, really want to give up
but then you'll kick just at that moment
to remind me that you're with me always.
i couldnt wait for you to come
i was so so anxious to see you.
years have passed now
but i remember that day like it was yesterday
it was so painful
i almost gave up
but i so wanted to see you
i wanted to love you
i wanted to forget the pain, the regrets, the betrayal, the heartaches
i knew you were going to be my savior.
with these thoughts,
i pushed with determination as i screamed out in pain
and you came out
i looked at you and i laughed and i cried and i laughed
i couldnt stop
oh God- it was you!
you were here at last
and you were so beautiful.
our first night together, i stayed and watched you sleep
i couldn't believe that you came out of me
that you were all mine.
from that day,
you gave my life a new meaning
i had a reason-
to live
to laugh
to dance
to live again.
you are my laughter and my joy
my today and my tomorrow
my love and my life
you are my Son, my baby boy!
now, after so many years
when you look at me and smile,
these lyrics of this song comes to my head-
thought I’d seen everything there was to see in this world
Now I’m not so sure I’ve really seen anything at all
I thought life could show me no surprises
And then you came and showed me I was wrong
I thought I’d been everywhere
I’ve climbed a mountain so high,
sailed the sea,
crossed the sky
And still I was nowhere at all,
until that day, you came to my senses
And your smile,
it made sense out of it all
I have seen the bluest skies,
rainbows that would make you cry
I have seen miracles that moved my soul,
days that changed my life
I have seen the brightest stars
shine like diamonds in the dark
Seen all the wonders of the world,
but I’ve never seen a smile
As beautiful as yours
thank you for choosing me to come into my life
i love you
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Gomer
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this is the second day and i have no idea what is happening to me
my mind is blank
i seem to be making quite an effort to think
i can't remember anything except i really think and its physically hurting me
everything i am supposed to do, i can't remember
its like files in my head are being jumbled up
tears threathen to fall so often for no particular reason,
am i approaching menopause?
its a bit too early isn't it
am even finding it so difficult to type this
whats going on?
God help me
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Gomer
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been a long time alots been happening i can't even begin to write about but i have lived through the whole experience and i am still alive but broken the worst thing now is that i really don't care about so many things anymore i'm almost loosing interest in my job- i love my job but the zeal ain't there anymore its crazy i went to my friends house and i saw how well he's done for himself and he gave me hope but somehow i still don't know where to start from but it was uplifting and listening to his story of how he climed to the top gave me hope i had an awesome experience with my byke friends it was AWESOME!!! i can't begin to describe how i felt each time i was on desire's byke and he was going fast, iy's own was the best, he wasn't scared of going so fast with me behind him i loved it i have always dreamt for years of having my own byke and i can't wait! it will be some day, wont it?! maybe i should start ordering for some kit that was my best week, havent had so much fun in a long time i want to start something of my own but i just don't know if it's the right time sometimes i am just so, so, tired but it going to get better, i know, i feel it but i just wish it will be so soon |
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Gomer
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i'd known you a while now
not personally though but you seemed like a good man
one day you said something to me
and it went through me
it wasn't just the words
but because i thought they were words from a good man
i couldn't look you in the eyes for some days
why?
i don't know
i don't want to think about it.
you hugged me yesterday
it was different
it was deep but
i don't want to think about it.
you came up the hill to see me
luther vandross was playing
i asked if you wanted to dance
you said you were shy
funny!
i'd never thought you as shy.
well we did, for 5 seconds!
i don't want to think about it.
you asked me too many questions
i wouldn't answer
because you could just end up as one of them
i ran away
you called
i didn't pick
why?
i don't know
i don't want to think about it.
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Gomer
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its been a whole month
a lot has happened
a lot i can tell you,
its been crazy
i went back to the mountains last month
it was as beautiful as ever
i had lost my dreams,
i just didn't know where they went to
i have walked about, groping the air confused trying to grasp on
but it just seemed like trying to hold on to sand and you know you can't,
it just seeps through your fingers.
it's cold up in the mountains
it was even tough riding my motor bike up there because of the fog
the sun only comes out for a while
and i basked in its warmth
because i didn't know when i'd see the sun again
but i loved the cold
but being up in the mountains made me want to love again
to love with passion
and not be afraid that i'd be considered too emotinal
to dance to the song my heart sings,
letting my hair down
swirling with abandon in my gypsy skirt
and not be afraid i'd be considered loose
my dreams,
left the mountains
i looked back at the mountains
so beautiful
the sight never seems to stop amazing me
who says there's no God?
who created all that?
i half expected to see pumba and timone running around with simba
in my minds eye i saw the zebras and elephants and giraffes bowing down to mufaza!
behind those mountains a dream was born
behind those mountains lay my dreams
every time i leave i feel as if i leave a part of me there
i feel empty but still full of dreams
mixed emotions,
don't know what tomorrow will bring with,
i see a couple with their kid and my heart breaks
i see the pregnant wife playing with her man
and my soul weeps
these feelings,
for a while,
because am strong
am untouchable
am a strong woman!
love,
what does it mean?
to love and be loved
the greatest gift on earth?
i don't know,
you give but you don't receive
you stretch out your hand and no one holds it
you lay in bed and no arm to wrap around you
you walk but you walk alone
you talk only the walls gets to listen,
music plays but you're dancing alone
love,
what does it mean?
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Gomer
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mE mAN
« #28 on: August 14, 2006, 08:27 PM » |
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i know
its been a while
especially since lancelot and i started together
its been like 3months
wow!
its the longest av been in a relationship a long time
only last week, he called that he didnt want to go on anymore
i made a mistake, but, i did it for him
he doeesnt believe me
but only the week before he said he loved me and he wont leave me
how can love die so quick, i ask him?
he's been like my strong tower
i don't know why i always do this
get attach easily
he brought laughter
no day passes i don't laugh
so when he said he was going, it was like he took all the laughter away.
we still talk
but the laughter is not there
i wonder how i can bring laughter back again
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Gomer
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HE BACK
mE mAN
i still feel empty after he calls
he calls everyday!
4,5,6 times
my heart swells, i laugh especially when i hear the laughter in his voice
i smile
foolishly!
but you know
its just like holding someones hand
but you're just holding one finger
because the other fingers belong to other people
other people are holding the other 4 fingers
one day,
i have to let go
am not looking forward to it but i have to
he's taught me alot
thers's no hitch in my business he don't know about and he don't see me through
i know i can count on him for sound advice
he told me that he sees greatness in me
small girl he calls me
big man i call him
but he believes in me
and i believe in myself though- not so often!
he's my man
he's my lancelot du lac
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Gomer
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Yesterday i left work early to do some runs around town
me lancelot had travelled on sunday and was not supposed to be back till tuesday
in the evening he called me
he said where are you
i told him
he said come out to the front and look
and there he was!
he was there
i thot i would fly
i really thot i would fly!
i was just smiling like a fool
but he had to rush home
he was late
he didnt call again
strange
i couldn't sleep
Today is a beautiful day
er called me today
he's an idiot
he's back from new york and he calls and he expects me to jump?
he's the reason lancelot almost left me
i did like him
but he just don't treat me with respect
that breaks me
he just treats me like a piece of trash
i don't need people like him who just take and add no value.
i've got like 3 proposals to submit and am excited about them
i know i'll clinch these jobs
they're exciting too.
me day has just started
have to check out a site in town today, later
still waiting for lance to call
still waiting
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Gomer
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he's dead
memories
i remember all the girls wanted to go out with him
he was the coolest guy around
and i remember telling myself
he will come and ask you out
i remember that day like yesterday
the day he asked me out
i said yes
the fights
the days he'l come to work to wait for me
first in the mornings, then in the evenings
how can he just die like that?
why?
when i started going out with my babys father 2 years later
there was war!
i saw him in church 2004
then i took my sister to say hi to him where he works
the last time he tried to call me, my battery died
2004, september
since then we havent spoken.
do you know why it hurts more
i've been thinking about him for the past 4, 5 months
i just wanted to talk to him
now he's dead
am not going to talk to him again
ever again
it hurts so so much
why did he have to go and die
them memories just come tumbling in my head
he dead, gone
why, why?
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