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Gomer
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i got this from one awesome management book i am reading:
don't play with fear in your heart
if you play with courage
the worst thing that can happen to you is a loss.
since we will all loose many games in our life time,
we might as well go down with honor
and make every game as instructive as possible.
playing passively and getting routed is no fun at all and teaches you nothing.
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Gomer
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hey,
i know you are not online and it is 2.48am
i can't sleep
i just finished some paper work from the trip i made which i need to submit next week
got to travel next week again
am so hapy for the workload
it keeps me sane!
i want to be free
i want to love
i know i am loved
i know you love me but i can't love
i thot saying it will make it come to pass but it hasnt
i think about my babys daddy alot
i know he doesnt love me, i don't love him too but i can't seem to let go
i ask myself, why he treat me like this, why he treat baby and me like this
i have moved on, i have made myself a strong woman, i am cold but i still hold on
i know i can't and wont marry him, then what is wrong with me? what?
i just want to hate him
you know when i think of you, i feel warmth, i can almost feel your love for me seeping through my heart
why can't i receive it?
i want him to love me
i want him to look into my eyes and i want to see respect, i want to see love, why can't he just love me, why?
why can't he even love me for the sake of our son?
am listening to lagbaja, never far away
you know, when i first heard that song,
it was just him i thot of
how does he do it?
days, months, he doesnt call
what could have done to make things right?
where did i go wrong
what didnt i do?
does he think of me like i do him?
oh i hate him so much for this
how, did it all fall apart?
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Gomer
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Life may not be the party we hoped for
but, while we are here
we might as well dance!
Life is beautiful!
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Gomer
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???
« #35 on: September 14, 2006, 02:37 PM » |
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don't know what i've done this time
he don't call
and he don't pick mine too
or he switches off.
raking my brain to try and remember if i done something wrong,
i just can't remember
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Gomer
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its funny
but i think about you almost everytime
everytime is an understatement,
everyday is more like it
you and me connected
always will be
our son,
some people ask me," you still love him don't you?"
and i go like," me- no way".
is that the truth?
i don't know, really, i don't
when i think of all the things you put me through,
the denials, how you maltreated me when i was carrying him (thats even in the past, what of now?)
how you stay away,
how you didnt even call to speak to him on his birthday,
how i have to pay all the bills(i am not complaining but sometimes i wish i could share with someone)
my heart just fills with hate
at that point, i know i don't love you, no way
but,
we used to be friends
best friends
what happened?
how could you throw that away, how?
i remember one incident
some years ago
before i left for school,i sent you a note, it was a matter of life and death, i needed to see you that day
you came!
we werent even dating and you was so sick that day, and you came
and you took care of the situation, you were ready to kill someone for me that day
i smile remembering that day like it was yesterday
i miss you
yes i do
i miss your smile, your jokes (you always had one!)
everyday am tempted to pick up the phone and call you and ask how you are because i worry about you
i have deleted your number so many times from my phone
yeah, yeah!
its etched in my heart!
christmas is coming
i feel sad already
because it reminds me of the first christmas with our son and you werent there
you didnt even call
you didnt even send gifts
people say,"forget him, he's no good"
i try, i really try
i just don't understand why i still try to hold on to something thats dead,
it must really stink but i still hold on
maybe somewhere i still hope
you'll come back
with a bouquet of roses,
saying you sorry, and i see you really sorry
but i know it will never happen
you?
i could as well wait for pigs to fly
you and your proud self
i have moved on
i am doing very well, much more than i had expected over the years
i wish you could see me
i wish i could see you
i wish you could hold me
i wish you could love me
i wish you'd come home
please come home, please
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Gomer
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a stone's throw from heaven
there was no reason to awake
the morning was dark and cold
the sun was reluctant to rise
my heart was afraid to beat, afraid to hear a call
the call that got me waiting and might never come
i did not breathe, i did not cry, i was wise
still i receive no embrace, not even from Sheol
my God, my God. we love each other, my God and i.
He is everywhere but not here when i need the embrace of a man
He cannot kiss me, He cannot love me the way a man could
my God, He created every good thing and he created an ache within me, an ache only this man can fill
i miss him, this man, so much; i wish i never knew him.
it has been five years and some have waited longer
i longed to be with him
but this day the walls of the bedroom echoed, "you are a stone's throw from heaven".
though the words did not lie, it understated the nearness of heaven.
heaven had come in my life time, here and now.
heaven's breath i felt whisper over my shoulder.
heaven called my name playfully "Sisi mi"
heaven pulled me closer to himself as we lay carelessly in bed.
heaven had come for me.
what is heaven and who is heaven?
this cold, dark morning, i dreamed a good dream
this dream did not run from me even when i awakened.
heaven remained.
when he laid his hand on my left breast, my heart could feel his touch.
heaven in my lifetime
he held me so close he seeped into my soul
the cherubs applauded our union
heaven in my lifetime
i had cursed myself, thinking he would never be back.
he is back
heaven in my lifetime
culled from
orita meta
the crossroads
"Cecilia"
by
peju alatise
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Gomer
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i just realised that he was a man too,
my friend
and i wonder why i didnt realise that all along
that he is just like any of them
he wants one thing
he wants to stick his ego into my pride!
the jerk telling me he misses his girlfriend this morning
so, then, what am i?
a tool?
what he runs too when he needs release?
we fight almost always these days, shouldnt that tell me something?
why do you always behave like a fool, my dear?
why are you always trusting?
meKnight hasnt called me
2 days! he's been gone almost 2 weeks now
we had a small argument
he doesnt believe me, that am faithful to him, i don't why
i don't know why i always feel crushed when he hasnt called
i miss him badly
he always tells me about all these men but i don't listen, why?
he says he loves me but i find that so hard to believe, why?
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Gomer
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meKnight was here yesterday!
i was so quiet
we went home together
we talked a bit about nothing in particular
we ate (don't eat much these days)
and then we travelled!
he took me to mount kilamanjaro in kenya, and then we went to new-york where i climed up the statue of liberty
i thot that was all, but, that same day we went to paris
the eiffel tower!
he took my hand, up and up, he led me
as i climed, the view was amazing, the wind up there took my breath away
it was simpling amazing!
we came back home
to the mountains
and he took me in and wrapped his arms around me
i felt as if i had come home
we talked and talked and he made me laugh so much my sides hurt (he always makes me laugh)
he says 'tell me who's the man?'
and i couldnt deny it this time, he won, he was the man!
i wish he would never leave
but, you know, i just live on borrowed time
because he'l leave again, always.
she called him while we were together, i knew she was the one
i think she knows
i think they were talking about me, i knew, i know him well
i felt open, exposed, violated
i wasnt jealous, but i felt alone because i thot i was the only one he talks to like that,
i was hurt because he told her
i thot i was his 'special one'
i just felt lost
but i still love him, meKnight
he knows that, thats why he treats me like that
he bought me a gift
that was nice of him
but i have told him, i want nothing from him
just his love
he's travelled again, one of his numerous trips
i will miss him, no, i miss him
(girl, get a life
don't let no man weigh you down
they're not worth it)
i wish i would listen, i wish.
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Gomer
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its been crazy at work this past few days
a contract gone wrong
a deal i just need to get right this time if i negotiate properly
i seem to be broke which i havent been in a long time but i seem to be counting pennies
but,
things are looking up, getting better
my God lives!
my best friend,
i was just being a fool
i know he's my best friend but,
meKnight calls him cameleon!
i don't even want to write about it
but we've made a pact
him and me
friends forever, no matter what
he tells me stuff he's up too
it hurt sometimes but i think thats what i need to get over him, as in, you know, that kind thing
i've known him for almost 10years
i've liked him for as long as i can remember
but i love the fact that i've got a friend, a close one
am still skeptical because i never trust
but lets see if this friendship would live long
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Gomer
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yesterday was crazy
me past came again, hunting me, in the morning
my hand was shaking
my thoughts incohorent
i wanted to come out of the car and start running
my inside was screaming
i didnt know what to do
i had to be right for the meeting
my folks not talking to me and i am not talking to them
is it affecting me?
i don't know
i just wonder when they'll start treating me as an adult
when will they seek my consent before they make crucial decisions concerning me
i don't talk sense they say
its always been like this and it makes me break away from them
sometimes i really don't care
but you know what people say, family comes first
i don't know
my whole body aches me, i don't know whats wrong
i feel myself slipping away from myself leaving me so weak
tears fall so easily these days
i hardly cry
i have always considered myself strong especially emotionally
but it seems like my walls are crashing down around me
dear God, i need a miracle
sometimes i tell myself its nothing
but sometimes my mind seems to have the upperhand
i love work!
it really helps
my colleague say am not normal
but they don't know
work keeps me sane.
my friend, my best friend
i really wish he was
but i don't understand this friendship anymore
i see him and i see my babys father
because he treats me that way he treated me when he wanted to cut off from me
---------------------------------------
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i need to get back to work, i got a zillion and one things to do
i really need to
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Gomer
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my best friend,
he was telling me about his girl this morning
how much he loves her
how she called this morning and was praying for him and blessing him
and him wondering how come he deserves a girl like that especially him cheating on her and all that
how he wants to explore their sex life, blah, blah
and me listening and hurting at the same time
hurting and smiling!
he's my best friend
but i wonder why he lead me on the first time
it hurts still
i wish he had just left it at best friends
am happy he can call and tell me personal stuff, he trusts me
i don't know
i told him to buy a gift for the number "1"!
and am helping him pick it
such is life
friends forever!
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Gomer
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i went out on a date with my best friends brother
i knew he was going to come to the place we were
when we stepped out, i felt him and then he called to say he was around
i was paraniod because i didnt tell him who i was going out with
he knew
he knows
is he hurt?
i don't know
but why should he?
he does worse to me
am i trying to get back at him?
i don't think so, i really like his brother and i enjoy his company
but he's kind of the quiet one
and i wish i really know what he wants
but you know them, they lie
i have just got to learn to take things slow
to guard my emotions
i got a wonderful deal on monday
wow!
God's been really good to me
even though i mess up real bad, he just still loves me
this project is going to be a real turning point in my life next year
thank you Lord! really!
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Gomer
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its been a long, long time
so much has happened
but am back now and i got lots of things to tell you
the elections has just ended
don't know if katakata will bust soon
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