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BitterBitch (f)
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Hi Everyone,
I am new to the board, but really need some advice.
I have been friends with this Nigerian guy now since July '05. We have never been intimate, never kissed or anything like that. He travels a lot, and daily we talk on the phone. He calls me when he arrives at his destination, and several times thoughout the day, usually when I am getting off work or on my lunchbreak, and we call each other pet names, like Babe, sweetie, etc. Well, I have really grown to like him, because we have grown as friends first, but I am not sure how to tell him.
If he was an American man, I wouldn't have a problem expressing myself, but because of the culture differences I am not sure if it wise. I only hear of him associating with other Nigerians, but he always in communication with me, from making sure I get home ok, asking if my child is ok, and just being very sweet to me.
Each time he comes in town, we see each other, either for dinner or a movie, etc. Recently he purchased a home, and he invited me over, and he greeted me with a hug, which is normal, and we had dinner, which he cooked etc, just a lot of fun, but no intimacy (which I could have used but didn't want to be aggressive). Am I missing something here or is there potential to be a relationship?
He says he can't keep a relationship because of his job, and he is gone quite a bit, but I think it's worth a try, and he is always saying when I get back, lets go do or that, but I am never with him with the many parties he attend with his Nigerian friends. We both are in our late 30's, but this is new ground for me. Any advice on what I am seeing or not seeing?
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larger_20 (m)
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Hi Everyone,
He says he can't keep a relationship because of his job, and he is gone quite a bit, but I think it's worth a try, and he is always saying when I get back, lets go do or that, but I am never with him with the many parties he attend with his Nigerian friends. We both are in our late 30's, but this is new ground for me. Any advice on what I am seeing or not seeing?
I am guessing u havent had sex since 2005. Please don't hit my pervet mind. I think the guy likes u but not intrested in anything serious. Some guys can be like that. You could talk to him about marriage to see his view. Good luck sha |
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BitterBitch (f)
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No I haven't had sex since April 2005 (by choice),  We have talked about views on marriage, and he appears to be on the same page. He is Americanized in a lot of way, but just don't have friendships with Americans that I know of. We often talk about things that we do as Americans vs Nigerians, so we both are educating each other, although he is not new to American women.
I just don't want to say anything and then have egg on my face, because, as you said, he is not looking for anything serious.
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larger_20 (m)
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eww i know how it feels. Well in that situation, just try your luck after all u have nothing to loose. Its a yes or no answer. You r not getting younger either so don't wait. Go for it and if he is not ready for it, then broaden your search for mr perfecto and try a second spin. Good luck
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whitelexi (m)
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Nigerian men associate alot with nigerians but are really friendly with foreigners. I'm guessing he feels just as u feel but is also not trying to burden u with his feelings right now especially as he's never around. My advice: give him the green light and then wait and see his reaction. Give him some sign to show him that u will not run when he gathers the courage to express his love for u. It is very rare for a Nigerian man to spend so much time with a woman from a different culture when he has no intentions, but there again, some men are just like that. give him a peck sometime, hug him longer than usual but don't say anything about a relationship, allow him come out with it because u may give him the wrong impression if u don't. Best of luck!  |
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jolie (f)
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Hi there, I am a Nigerian babe and i would like to tell you that the guy does like you but he doesn't want to commit to a relationship. Men get lonely too and he likes the idea of having someone to call and share intimate greetings with not like just anyother friend, but he would rather just keep it like that for as long as he can. If you really want to tell him how you feel i am all for that atleast let it not be that you never tried but, this can't continue the way it is.
I do hope he changes his mind to start a relationship and for a guy that just bought a home, I think he is preparing to settle down even if he doesn't know it first.
Best of luck!
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larger_20 (m)
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@jolie, the guy likes him but not intrested in relationship. Must a guy be in relationship to like a g irl?
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jolie (f)
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@larger 20, a guy doesn't have to be in a relationship to like a girl but when he starts getting very intimate with her then i think he should try to show some form of committment.
where would we all be if we just have shallow relationships that lead the other party into thinking they are really liked.
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larger_20 (m)
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@ jolie, I don't think so. Follow your mind, I know why the girl is conceern in the first place is that she is getting older and still single. hot girls really like this type of relationship because every guuy wants a peice of them. I don't think the guy should show some commitment. There is no string attached. I think the girl should expand her horizon. Its ok to limit her activities with the guy once she starts seeing someone else or dating someone else. As far as its just plain talk, i don't see anything wrong with it. Even if she is sleeping with the guy for the fun of it, that is her choice. Some girls can't wait, i know this for sure
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BitterBitch (f)
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@larger, please don't misunderstand that I have a problem being single, and if I implied that, that was an error. I am single by choice because I don't have time for the bs. Even though I mentioned being intimate, please don't mistake it to be that I am going to fall for the okie doke, and just have sex and mosve on. He is a really sweet guy, and I am please with the responses that I have recieved in this post. I will just player by ear, and probably lean toward what Lexi state.
Btw, someone called me a He, I am a female, he is male.
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larger_20 (m)
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Btw, someone called me a He, I am a female, he is male.
 sorry o! |
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