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Ramon_Baba (m)
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Hi everyone,
I would like to hear people's opinion on Marrying Outside One's Religion.
I happen to know a friend who’s dating someone he loves and vice-versa. They seem to enjoy each other’s company and find true happiness together. In short, they both have what the other desire. The only problem is that my friend is a Muslim and his Girl is a Catholic Christian.
He isn’t really worried about the early years of their marriage but 5-7yrs into the marriage when kids are grown. He would want his children to practice Islam, but the Girl want the children to practice both and decide latter when they are matured. It is important to also note that, the girl doesn’t mind getting married to him as a Muslim and her as a Christian..
Should he just fashy they girl regardless of the love he has for her or Can they really work out their religious differences.
They both seem happy right now even though they practice different religion, but the problem lies with marriage.
************************************************************************
“What goes up must surely come down” What goes around comes around!!!
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nike4luv (f)
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wel..i think nothing is wrong with it as long as they love each other plus, dey serve the same God they should just try and understand the fact that they have different believes and they should respect that and all but i don't think anything is wrong with it
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hot-angel (f)
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Well..as long as love is there, religion is a small matter. When they love each other, then can use their love in conquering religion conflicts.
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DE-KING (m)
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Love is not enough my dear. The fact remains that this small thing we refer to as "religion" would still crop up sometime in future. Thank God your friend already has a feeling about it as you stated in your quote below He isn’t really worried about the early years of their marriage but 5-7yrs into the marriage
They should work it out now before getting married. |
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Ramon_Baba (m)
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Thank you guys for replying.
It's such a sensitive issue and sometimes I ask myself the same question. What if I happen to fall in Love with a Christian, as I am a Muslim? Surely, Love should conquer all things. Another question I ask my self is, what If you marry someone of the same religion and you don’t find the same happiness you found from a partner of a different religion?
I personally think God’s intervention is really required in a situation like this… Just like everything else we do in Life.
May God be with us all.
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kazey (m)
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As long as she minds her business, as in doesn't try to covert me, I am cool with the idea.  Back to the topic, Difference in religion does not have anything to do with happiness after marriage.Its a matter of just personal choice. Being in one religion, does not change your character nor does it have anything to do with how you react to things. Morality and religion are two different things. Faith in a specific religion helps in keeping morals, but morals can be upheld without religion. I do have atheist friends, and I tell you they are well morally inclined. So I am really surprised that this topic came up. The topic seems to take religion as a barrier setter to interaction or communication. The thing about religion is based on choice, and that is what I have discovered. It does not have anything to do with how good a husband or wife someone can be. So why the question? Some Muslims would go ahead and say i don't eat pork nor drink alcohol, and therefore i don't want to marry someone that does it. Well I would say thats silly. I am sure some Christians don't too. If it has to do with her cooking, let her know. I know she would understand. Its just like saying I am allergic to this kind of food, and my wife would not understand that. Surprisingly the religion Islam itself, allows Muslims to marry "People of the Book", Christians are addressed this way in the Quraan. So I think to a Muslim man , that is not a problem. What is necessary is respect, for each others faith, and everything would go on smoothly, just like basic compromises in marriage in terms of likes and dislikes. People keep shouting Love, whats up with the word? why is that we have divorces and fights in marriages daily? I am sure they are in the so called love circle. But things go wrong, what love is all about is compromise, care, responsibility and dedication. |
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Saint
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I actually know of a couple who are in this precise situation..
I respect the couple, because it takes quite a lot of understanding for a marriage of this nature to work..
The husband is a Muslim, and the wife a Christian.. The couple in question have 3 kids.. the eldest of them is a boy of say 6, and the second is another boy of say 4.. they are some of the most wonderful kids I've ever met, but why I highlight this because of the innocence of children involved.. In this kind of environment, their very innocence leads to a lot of confusion in them, because of the problems they usually have wrapping their heads around the most fundamental of concepts..
There was a particular day when one of them was very disraught, and on enquiry I found that it was as a result of his inability to go and see "Father Christmas" like the rest of his school mates.. For a kid of 4 not to be allowed to do what all his friends are doing must be quite disturbing to the kid..
And this is just one example of many.. the kind of questions these kids ask, one has to be very careful in giving answers, so as not to prejudice their minds or implant the wrong thoughts or ideas..
Unions of this nature require lots of love, compromise, understanding and patience..
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Ramon_Baba (m)
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Kazey! I perfectly understand what you are talking about. Just like now I have a girl friend that is a Christian and she has a beautiful personality and very good morals. Personally, I do not have a problem marrying a Christian. As a Muslim, I can’t even remember dating a Muslim myself. I have always dated Christians and never had a problem with it. Like wise my friend in question.
This is where I think the problem lies. A married couple should do things in unison. Imagine on a Sunday morning going to the mosque to worship (By the way, Muslim's also go to the mosque on Sundays, its called ASALATU) and my wife is on her way to the church, surely there will be time I wish she could come with me to the mosque so we could go as a couple and I am sure thoughts of that will go through her mind too. Now imagine where kids are involved, I want my kids to come to the mosque with me and my wife wants the same. Surely we can’t be interchanging every weekend because that would be confusing for the kids (Its just not practical). So what do you do?
I for one would love my kids to practice my religion, which means my future wife Insha Allah (God willing) would go through periods of unhappiness not being able to take her kids to the church on Sundays. On the other hand, we all know kids are more susceptible to follow their mother in the long run, so I might be the one going through spells of unhappiness.
Saint, your example brings back memories of when I was young back home in Niger. My mum would always take us to father Christmas and we would even celebrate Christmas with other members of my mum’s family. My mum was a Christian who converted to Islam when she met my dad. I can tell you guys she is even stronger than my dad in the Islamic religion. Anyway, going back to what I am saying, I don’t think I would be that strict with my children in regards to situations like that (referring to your example). There are some things you can't deprive your children in life………….
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IAH (f)
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Please don't tear me into pieces for sayng this but I'm very firm on such issues! I will never marry someone that has a different religion! Even in my religion which is Christianity, there are some denominations I cannot marry. e.g. White garment churches, Deeper Life, J-Witness,etc. Apologies to all the people that belong to those denominations here. I know there is no denomination in heaven but I can't marry someone I don't agree with in spirit, soul and body. Apologies once again ooooo!!! I am very sorry. I do have friends who are Muslims but that is where it ends.
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bioye (m)
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really, at times, i see religion as a burden that we impose on ourselves just to make life harder. if i love someone and she is so right for me before i knew her religion, why should that change after i find out that our religions differ? i am advocate for inter-religious marriages.
but i have found out that it could be difficult in practice mainly because of the other people involved - family, friends etc. but i think it's good for the kids - they get to know about the 2 religions and they get to choose sensibly the one that really works for them. it could also have the benefit of making the couple more considerate and understanding about the other religions and how similar we all are as human beings.
but let's face it - whether we like it or not Islam and Christianity are extensions of foreign cultures that are used as tools of colonisation. Africa, where art thy cultures?
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kazey (m)
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@bioye
chai which one u believe in sef? Allah or Jesu? or na Ifa?
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Ramon_Baba (m)
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It's a very complicated issue because lets think about it. You could marry someone from the same religion, same tribe, same everything but that still doesnt guarantee happiness.
Then again, you could marry a Brazilian, different religion, doesnt speak your native language but you are happy as a couple because there is understanding.......
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DE-KING (m)
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Life is full of ups and downs so, there's no where you can have total happiness except in God. Even with that you can challenges.
Understanding is relative to whatever situation you're in.
I still will not support marrying outside your religion because love is not enough to see you through when the storms starts coming.
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Hnd-holder (m)
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Marrying Outside One's Religion is Dangerous
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Weymola (m)
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I think we need to define this thing called love, what will or can you do for love
I'm a married man with 2 kids, I notice however that the love I have for my wife seems different to love I had for her while we were dating. It seems I have become complacent or the love has change, because when we were dating it seemed like I could do just about anything for her.
I have changed over the years - I seem to be bit more like my Dad with each passing year, my wife’s the same too she seems to be more like her mum. What I can tell from my experiences is that life is not static and we change as individuals, our beliefs and attitudes as well.
Marrying someone from a different religious background is very dangerous if done because of love, as love can and probably will fade. Religion if practised requires commitment and seeks to build a person spiritually. So a marriage with 2 different religions is a marriage going in two different directions - ultimately you will grow apart.
But hey same religion marriages break down and grow apart every so often so what else is new.
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mosiate (f)
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i can never marry outside my religion be it love or no love,i will never do that
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Bibi (m)
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Marrying oustide one's religion, culture or colour is for the strong hearted, those who will give it what it takes. Love is a great influence, however as we say love is blind, we are not blind to religious differences, colour or race. For those who do it, including myself, we never saw religion as a barrier. The real barrier is the family and immediate society. As long as the couple can deal with the society bias, they will indeed enjoy their marriage.
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kazey (m)
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now i am beginning to think, that Some people are racist here. In this present world? Goodness. I taught it was about religion not colour and culture. Please lets stay within the topic.
Please do elaborate on your reasons, just don't say its bad, and that means it is. Please don't end your reasons with just something like "It is dangerous". Expantiate please. That would be greatly appreciated.
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Weymola (m)
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Na waa O! kazey this topic is biting you
Personally I don't think racism is off topic here - In fact I have been expecting it to crop up within this thread.
Racism is a bias of colour or race, and is similar and sometimes connected to religious bias, hence it was probably mentioned here.
This bias will continue to live amongst us forever as far as I am concerned. As long as we have the right to choose what we prefer, then the biases will remain. I guess what we strive for is understanding this flaw in our nature and addressing it when appropriate.
This bias or fear of this bias has propably prompted this thread in first place. No man is an island - and we all find ourselves under the pressure of friends, family and the society at large, even more so when a marriage in pending.
Some people find it extreme and risky progressing a relationship that is not approved of by their friends or family. Others damn the consequences and get on with life. Either way you will still find its not all plain sailing.
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Bibi (m)
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Weymola....you speak with true wisdom  |
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Saint
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It's quite interesting to note that while most of the male responders have open views about it, most of the female responders are adamantly against it...  |
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Hnd-holder (m)
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I think we need to define this thing called love, what will or can you do for love
I'm a married man with 2 kids, I notice however that the love I have for my wife seems different to love I had for her while we were dating. It seems I have become complacent or the love has change, because when we were dating it seemed like I could do just about anything for her.
I have changed over the years - I seem to be bit more like my Dad with each passing year, my wife’s the same too she seems to be more like her mum. What I can tell from my experiences is that life is not static and we change as individuals, our beliefs and attitudes as well.
Marrying someone from a different religious background is very dangerous if done because of love, as love can and probably will fade. Religion if practised requires commitment and seeks to build a person spiritually. So a marriage with 2 different religions is a marriage going in two different directions - ultimately you will grow apart.
But hey same religion marriages break down and grow apart every so often so what else is new.
Marrying someone from a different religious background is very dangerous if done because of love, as love can and probably will fade. Religion if practised requires commitment and seeks to build a person spiritually. So a marriage with 2 different religions is a marriage going in two different directions - ultimately you will grow apart. That is the truth |
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Ramon_Baba (m)
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True love should have no barrier and should never fade! I believe love should be unconditional when it comes to marriage. When two people love each other for the right reasons and not for things that will age or might go away with time (e.g. money, beauty etc) The love shouldn't fade , because that is what will keep you two going till the end of time... and friendship of course. However, friendship without love is not enough either.
I quite agree to a certain extent, the family and society influences plays a major role in people's decision not to get married to someone of a different race or religion. If the two of you believe in what you are doing and don't really care what others think then it could work. Although it can be quite tough to ignore family and friends because, we all know in our culture when you marry someone you’ve married into that person’s family..........
To be honest, there's a part of me that tells me why should my partner's fate be a deciding factor in marrying her or not...........Just like race or nationality why should that matter as long as there is Love and Understanding.
On the other hand I ask myself why go into something that seems so risky (a lot more is required from both party to keep the marriage) and cloudy from the get go.
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Saint
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On the other hand I ask myself why go into something that seems so risky .....
The reason why??  It's simple... It's LOVE...  |
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Hnd-holder (m)
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There is nothing like LOve in marriage or blind love. We all love for that which complement us.
Love =[ beauty+ renounciation +wealth +fame +strenght+knowledge+x] It is some of these qualities we saw that bring the attraction which we call LOVE
Renounciation come in as Tribal Or Religion
and it it the last that sustain any marriage.
Elders know that after marriage if money or beauty or any one of the above is missing then problem starts, then you go to see your papa and mama or your pastor.
Koran and Bible says...
SURA 2 VS221] And do not marry the idolatresses until they believe, and certainly a believing maid is better than an idolatress woman, even though she should please you; and do not give (believing women) in marriage to idolaters until they believe, and certainly a believing servant is better than an idolater, even though he should please you; these invite to the fire, and Allah invites to the garden and to forgiveness by His will, and makes clear His communications to men, that they may be mindful.
Christian would say do not UNEQUAL YOKE GENESIS 28 VS 1Thou shalt not take a wife of the daughters of Canaan.
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otokx (m)
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i wont advise any body to marry outside his religion.
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osoba
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dear peole
what religion as done in the past is different at present,because i think of our great grandfather married out side the religion and they have better life that we at the present because you can think of so many think,s about today male and female looking for mr rigth onthe radio progamme because ,religion is telling them to telling them to keep away from oppenent religion which are not in the past but today ,people are using the aspect of religion wrongly please keep your heart to the almigth god lead your way think of the love the person have for you may muslim or chritian is not the point but true heart is the key to every relationship
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Hnd-holder (m)
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If u try that love in a SHARIA state only God will save u from amputation.
Love you say
"love the person have for you may be muslim or chritian is not the point but true heart is the key to every relationship"
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WesleyanA (f)
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HND, do you have kids?  |
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nddy (m)
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My mom was a muslim when she got married to my Dad , it took her 5yrs to become a christian, i also have an Uncle who is a muslim and his wife is a christian , and their marriage is doing great, they simply undertand each other and let their kids make the choice they want. I simply don't see anything wrong with one getting married to another person of a differentbelief
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loveth (f)
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since love is there no wahala,no kam. it is fine and nice.[b][/b] |
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loveth (f)
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since love is there no wahala,no kam. it is fine and nice.[b][/b] |
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