Marital Rape

Ajisafe, read my posts again, no where did I advocate bribing the woman to give sex. That's missing the boat completely. I'm saying: PAY ATTENTION TO MEETING YOUR WIFE'S EMOTIONAL NEEDS. When you do that as part of your responsibility, chances are that she won't hesistate to meet yours either. The sexual act is not one of compulsion and I certainly don't believe it should be one of obligation either. It should mutually enjoyable and satisfying, and it can only be that way when both parties in the marriage relationship are fulfilled.

What's wrong with finding out what your wife's needs are and committing yourself to meeting them? I know, it does sound threatening to a lot of men, it did to me too at first! But the bottomline is: that's your responsibility. The woman you married has emotional needs that should only be met by her husband. Is it a sign of weakness to please the wife you married? I find that rather amusing, it smirks of insecurity.

No where in my posts have I said a woman is equal to a man. Infact I personally don't believe the equality equation comes into play as far as men and women are concerned. Both are different and neither should be subservient to the other. Yes, when it comes to the punchline, I call the shots and take responsibility for actions as the leader in my home. But my wife has a strong say in the decisions that we make, and I do all within my power to please her and address all of her concerns while making decisions. Is that a sign of weakness? I certainly think not.

When two people come into a marriage relationship, both should be as fulfilled as possible. She commits herself to finding out what his needs are and meeting them, and he commits himself to finding out what her needs are and meeting them. Is that such a strange concept? Most men I speak with expect their women to meet all of their needs but shrink back in "fear" when the topic of meeting the wife's needs (outside of sex and money) come up, and then they try to get me to talk some sense into her because according to them, she's been acting wierd and is no longer the woman they married. Usually the problem is simple: the woman is emotionally starved! And i'm not talking sex.

I personally think it's irresponsible of any spouse to  neglect their duties to their partner. As a husband, your number one duty is to find out your wife's needs (physical, emotional and every other need) and meet them to the best of your ability. That's your job as her husband, and her job as your wife is to do the same thing with you. If this thought makes any man feel threatened, then i'll say he's insecure.

moneybags gets the women drooling again.

You make very valid points . . . i'm just wondering if men do have needs and whether they shld expect them to be met too.
My second question - is sex all there is to the needs of a man? can't he be emotionally starved too?

thank you.

Yes, men have needs, and it's the wife's RESPONSIBILITY to find out what those needs are and meet them to the best of her ability. It's a two way street! Neither party in a marriage relationship should be left to starve emotionally.

And no, sex is not the only need of a man.  There are other needs too, but then you make your own list. For me, respect and honor are extremely important. How my wife relates to me can either mend or shatter my ego as a man. She knows that respect is important to me and goes out of her way to show it, even in times when I've totally messed up (and I'm not talking infidelity here). There are other things that are important to me that she also tries to meet to the best of her ability. It's a two way street.

Now the question has often arose while discussing with couples: if both parties are warring and there's a total breakdown, who should be the first to instil some sanity in the relationship? If I'm addressing both parties, I'll challenge the man to do so as the head of his household. So, let's say i'm in a situation where my wife is simply not into meeting any of my needs, what I'll do is to ensure that I meet  hers all the same. It's my responsibility as her husband, irrespective of how she responds to me in return, and I won't neglect to fulfil my responsibilities toward her simply because she's neglecting to fulfil hers -- who'll end the madness then?. With time, you'll begin to see the fruits of your effort and a changed wife before your eyes. Trust me, I've been there! It's much better than running out to mess around with another woman. I'm totally committed to my wife, and am committed to doing anything to make our relationship the best it can be. It's that simple.

even she does,by the time you go around the huts of aishatu,mukinatu,salifatu and memunatu,one must say yes.

since morning?  Mr. Nwando is too late joo.


Learning to meet ur woman's needs and meeting them because it comes naturally to you are two different things entirely. Both however entail "working at ur marriage" however way u look at it. that u've not met such men is no proof that they don't exist.

To some extent,a lot of moneybag's advice is useful only in circumstances where you don't really love your woman and you are trying to give her the impression you do.

I'm back on nairaland _{while he watches politics}
They can only try to intimidate him (moneybags) but they forget he is a married man speaking from a wealth of experience.
All these neonates think you can marry wife and live peacefully with gra gra
after they don marry,make them come talk.
How many men who have opposed him are married?
how many?
let them raise their hands let's count the abused wives of Nigeria

reloaded you don return ?

spot on!
That is what i've been trying to get moneybag to understand. If you truly love ur wife meeting her needs just comes naturally to do, having to daily remind yourself of the things you must do to make her happy suggests u're just struggling to pretend to be the model husband.

I said earlier (perhaps the analogy may not be very correct), parents don't need to work on pleasing their kids . . . they just do it naturally as parents.

 
Moneybags,you have basically (in the above post) given a recipe for a loving relationship.
It almost looks like I'm listening to our premarital counsellor over again.
Most men think it's weak to please their wives but they forget that therein lies the key to a loving union.
Some men shout submission,submission and think it's easy to submit to a husband that treats his wife like he's her  headmaster.
Let your friends call you woman wrapper,at least the woman is yours and there's peace in your home.
Any woman would gladly and willingly submit to a man that treats her like a queen.
anyone can take the above assertion to the bank.

he has been fed and kissed .
The love never begins in full force till Larry king is over.
That was in our prenup ROFL

So, he's a political animal just like me. Whoa! I like politically astute men.

politics and sports especially basketball and soccer.
That's why I come to nairaland at those times.

@ Nwando,
Haba! "4Play" was right ke. Be easy on him now.

Anyway, invite Mr. Nwando to join Nairaland forum. Abi which one now?

4Play, when you gte married, we will listen to you. Olodo

I'm suspecting that will be in 15 years time when you go back to your village for your child bride

if those "conditions" are not met we wont ever need to wash the marital bed sheets?