Husband Left Me. What Can I Do To Get Him Back? Or Should I?

its not a virtue.but marriage certainly isnt a neccessity.must I jump into marriage for marriage sake.moreso when Ive not found mrs right.abeg I don't want 2 f**k with the wrong nigga just because I want to get married at all cost.

totally out of place."f**king with the wrong nigga" is just a saying,so don't interprete it literally.

I bet you are looking for an intelligent girl.

Reloaded. But she is feisty.Olodo.asiwin and all that. No no the odds here are too many for you my friend. How about Uspry1.

Just updating the situation… I have decided to move on with my life. I told him that I can’t be waiting for his decision forever. I can’t give him more time, because I have given him enough. He is doing the kind of business that takes him out of the country most of the time. Let’s say like 6 months in a year. And when he is at home, he works like from 8am to 10pm. So he has had lot of time without me. He is working a lot, but he does not give me money. That’s why I stopped asking him. If I tell him I need to buy food or something for the children, he will tell me to beg my mom to give me money. And I will never do that. We have not spent much time together for a long time. He also visits his mom very often, but he never takes me or the kids with him. We have been together for 6 years and I have never even met his mom.

In my opinion, we are like a strangers now, we have nothing to talk to each other. This marriage could have been saved, if he just showed me, that he wants to spend time with me. But he just kept on avoiding me for a long time. So I think now is the time to believe his words that he does not love me anymore. Still, he is wondering why our marriage couldn’t work. And he feels bad about it too. I tried to explain him that wife needs attention and caring, but he did not understand. I wanted us to be a team, I wanted him to support me and appreciate me, but he didn’t understand.

But eventually I am feeling better. I told myself to stop loving him and it is actually helping. I am concentrating on me and children. I have realized that I can’t change him to be a family-man. But I feel betrayed tough. When we got married and had children, I told him that I am worried because I don’t have education yet. He said it doesn’t matter, because I could still study after the marriage and babies and he will give me all his support. But when I started studying he did not support me at all. He just warned me, that it is going to be difficult to take care of the children and study at the same time, because he is not going to help me.

But right now, I am ok. I feel strong, as I see how well I am doing without him, both financially and mentally. I am happy to see my children happy and healthy, and I want to work hard to provide them good life. And he does not even appreciate it. I am not seeing him anymore, I am not calling him, I am not asking his help. I just want to forget him and move on. I did not talk to his family about the situation, let them blame me, let them think I am a bad wife. Let them think their son is a good man. I do not care anymore. I think I was never a serious wife to him.

Thanks you all of your support and advice. I really appreciate the effort you have made trying to help a stranger. God bless you!

Life is fickle the key is too keep sight of the bigger picture, yourself and the children.  True strength is to pick yourself back up when you have been knocked down.

All the best   

@d-reloaded

I wish my mom would have taught me something like that, about men and life. But she did not, so did not my father. I really did not have anybody to look after me and to advice me. That is why I ended up like this, I guess. But believe me, I will be there when my children need me.

@d-reloaded

We have 2 children, husband is nigerian, i am european.

God bless you!  I wish you all the best.  It is not going to be easy. . . . .but it can be done.  Just have a plan and get all the help you can by empowering yourself.  You are going to cry alone for many nights to come, but the joy you will receive will come from your children you have struggled for almost single-handedly.  I have a friend whose father did this same thing.  Just decided his marriage was not worth a crap and abandoned his family and moved in with an "akata church member", after 4 children.  He divorced his first Nigerian wife in absentia on grounds of abandonment since she moved to Nigeria and married the akata lady and had 2 more sons.  

The first wife went back to Nigeria, so she can have help from her own mom, with 4 children all less than 10 years old. . . . .and just get away from the whole stigma. . . . . .especially from their fellow church members.  They never heard from this man for over 14 years when they all came back to the States.  The woman just held God to her heart and kept doing her jobmaking sure all her children graduated from college.  Now the children are all married and settled.  The man is with his akata wife. . . .always looking for who will make him "ogi".  When he gets sick, the akata wife will be disturbing all of them to come and look after their father.  The first wife is enjoying the fruits of her labor now. . . . . just stayed out of his life without making a single sound.  I asked ma friend why her father did that, she just laughed and told me they tease her mom that she does not know how to give BJs. . .he he he he he he   Humor in abomination. . . . I am so sorry to say.

If this girl tells you what they went through as children, with their mom in Nigeria. . . . . . .you will cry buckets! All thanking God for their mother.  They have all made peace with their dad but you can tell the resentment flares up once in a while.  A very sad situation.  I hate to go to their family functions becausethe atmosphere is always tense since the "akata" wife who was the first wife's friend in church oooooooooooooooooooh is always there with her own 2 sons.

Do your part I say. . . .you will be richly rewarded when your children's futures turn out bright!  The man will get his own in his final days of regret when his soul can't find peace as he desperately begs to exit this world.

Once again, I am so proud of you and all the very best!

You are welcome.  Don't worry, you are going to be ok. 

Hugs!

go on sister, you are a strong woman God bless you and your children.
AJ your posts did make lots of sense, gets you thinking.

Poster, good luck, watch him come running back when you and your children are a success.

God bless you and your children you beautiful lady!