I Am A Single Parent And:

Well, the dangers of one-night stands are numerous.  Thank God it was not AIDS.  Too late to be confused now because your life has taken a definite pattern for sure. . . . . . SINGLE PARENTHOOD. . . . . .  Thank you for not aborting your beautiful daughter.  The father of the child did not love you in the first place, so asking him to be part his daughter's life is asking for too much in ma opinion.  That is his choice. 

He is now married and you are own your own.  I really see no fault in his actions.  All you can hope for is that God touches him to come and ask after this girl in the near future, but don't push him. You guys had a "fling" not even an affair. You got pregnant, not him!  You should have protected yourself knowing that you are the one who would end up pregnant. You have made your bed and must lie on it with or without a mattress.

All this is water under the bridge right now. Your main focus is to live happily with your daughter and do the best you can under the circumstances till you can stand on your own two feet.  Thank God for your parents. Please concentrate on your education and empower yourself to be strong for you and your daughter.  You are going to play mother and father till God decides otherwise. Please try to be happy ok?  Your daughter needs you and is innocent of all indiscretions. It is not going to be easy, for you must work very hard. Life is tough, even for married people.  You learn to roll with the punches! You can do it. It has been done before. 

Barack Obama was raised by a single mother remember? His father would be somewhere having some serious soul searching moments, though we do not know the circumstances of his departure from Barack's life at age 2. So smile.  We all learn from our mistakes I hope. You owe it to your daughter to teach her not to repeat that cycle of irresponsiblity. Your love for yourself and your daughter would make the big difference.

I pray you find happiness peace.  Goodluck.

YOUR DAUTHTER IS PRECIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIUOS!!!!   Please enjoy her.

almondjoy gave you excellent advice already, well done!


It's an unfortunate situation. However, it's done! What's left if now and the future. And there are not strict laws in Nigeria that will make sure the father supports his child. Even if he has 10 wives already. I just can't believe how some people cannot be man enough to take care of their responsibilities. May be it's because I love kids a lot. 

Don't worry. Just face your education and try your best for you baby. No need to be sad over anything. Kids are actually a lot of joy. I know it will be a little tough, however, I wish you the best of luck.

Girl, don't worry.
It may seem like the end of the world now, but trust me, it will get better.

I got pregnant at 18 - was still in school and working part time. My whole life was shattered (or so i thought). Girl, it was hard, ma baby was loved by me and ma family helped me out. Girl, it was hard don't let me fool you. We struggled together, i payed through ma nose or childcare, i went back to school and graduated with a degree in Accounting and HRM.

My daughter is now 9, 10 later this year, she is such a joy to ma world, i don't know what i would have done without her. She is such a lovely child, God has really used her to calm me down and am so greatful for her.

It was hard o but now by God's grace we are doing ok now - we have stuck in it and we are settling now.

Her father is really irresponsible and turns up when he wants - girl, u are going to be ok. Make sure u keep God first, and do your best cause your daughter will ask u when she is older.

Oh please!  Which responsiblities? Of a "fling"?  It would be ideal for any man in this circumstance to just assume responsiblities for a child he carelessly conceived.  How does a man love a child from a lady he never loved?  That only comes with time and some serious "gettin' right with God" feeling some 20 years down the road." There is usually no love from MOST men under the same circumstances. You can only hope he has--not by force. 

A woman is different.  She gets pregnant and she carries the pregnancy and the whole sheebang.  She has no choice but to love that child after all that wahala. But we all know some women are also different and will readily abort the children without giving 2 thoughts.  What a bloody inconvenience. . . . . .abort the crap!!!!! Hmmmmmmmmmmm!!!.   But guys?  he he he he he. . . . . . definitely wired differently. 

I do not blame any man for choosing not to.  It is better such children have one loving parent than 2 dyfunctional ones--constantly battling with hatred and this child in the middle without any consideration, feeling she is the result of an unloving relationship.  You do not want any child to go through that, would you?

Women get pregnant, not men.  They should take better care of themselves instead of being used as exit ramps/rest stop areas for severely "pressed" guys who want to relieve themselves or in search of cheap thrills.  It is a big lesson! I do not blame the man at all.  He saw a cheap available congo and did what he had to do. Na the woman I blame.  You are stranded in a room with a total stranger and she let him "have his way with her"? No rape ooooooooh! 

How in the world does that happen? Rohipnal?   I must hate myself really much not to even enjoy the party and let him just have "his way". . . . . .just like that?  When I am not on drugs? He is married with his own family.  He should have protected himself too.  But guess what?  Women get pregnant not men!

_{So, when you have those your lovely boxers half exposed and invitin' us all to your daaaaark room, take note! Some of us cannot resist at all.  Now I know how the poster felt. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm}

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm! No comment!

 

It has happened my sister.
We tend to be judgemental as a people. Afterall im sure you know a thousand places you could have gone to get rid of your baby (thank goodness you didnt   )

You shouldn't have lied to your parents though. one lie snowballs into the next. It only gets harder because  for how long will you stall?
Tell the truth. That's why they are family. they are there for hard knocks and excrutiatingly difficult times. They have to know what's up.
its not the end of the world. finish your education, get your job and claw your way to the top. and hey stop trying to contact the father. what's the point? They always come crawling back for mercy (trust me on that one!)  

Isnt the baby half HIS, so why is he allowed to not love it because he didnt love the mother but the mother is expected to lovethe child because it's half hers despite whatever the situation it was conceived from?

Btw child support is NOT everything but it's the least he can do. When he sees 60% of his paycheckl being removed, he'd think otherwise next time.

I'm sure her family can step up and take care of the child but why would a man deny a child he knows is his?   we've seen this scenario playing out over and over again. when the child is older and conscience has pricked him to kingdom come he comes back haggard and ravaged begging for time with the child.  You can't trifle with people's emotions like that and surface in your own good time.

Did you read the poster's story at all?  THIS WAS A FLING!!! A HALF-NIGHT STAND!!!! Or should a say a "split second" stand!!!! What do you expect?

You can only pray the man looks in that direction.  I say I have a few friends who even when they found their fathers, the dudes NEVER even bothered to look in their directions. You cannot force love out of a person. You can only hope and pray.  Till then, na the woman go carry everything!


Hmmmmmmmmm!  I say no comments!

 

I did not ignore your question.   I have made it clear that by virtue of the fact that women get pregnant, not men. . . . . . .women have themselves to blame if they allow themselves to get knocked up, without any back up plan.

Defending the man?  You just don't get it!

If she likes let her not make good of her career opportunities, who loses?  With a daughter to raise with no father around?  Like ma darling mom will always say: You never tell a deaf man that there is war in town.   When he sees all the commotion and people running all over the place, he too will join the crowd and head in the same direction without asking questions.

No body will have to educate the poster about what "responsiblities" are. Some people have made positive things out of the experience and others have gone to make even more terrible mistakes. We see it all the time.  Only time will tell.

In hindsight im sure she realizes its the biggest mistake she has ever made. The baby was the only good thing that came out of the union.

if you ask me just write him off as dead. don't forward your new addresses to him. move on with your life.find happiness for yourself in different ventures.  he will definitely find you some day by then you'll be calling the shots!  

the moment you put your   into a woman without a condom you have given your consent for her to have your child. why assume she's on the pill? what if her method of contraception fails her? you have to do your part. and last time i checked with contraception a woman can still have a baby. the moral of the story? don't lay with a woman when you have no plans for fatherhood because its a possibility.

and to those judging her i hope you are without sin.

hehehehe. . . .

I wonder how many times you went for Scripture Union at school.

stop making noise. My parents went to SU while in school and turned out fantastic.
Because you were lucky to escape with a life of debauchery is not an excuse for u to thrash the lives of others.

bros e just tire me. See people who got knocked up at 19 having the guts to poke fun at others.
abeg make them go siddon for bench o jare.

I loff "badushery"!!!!

 
I escape well well!  Na SUs dey inside "debauchery" now!  If you are not careful, your frustrations will lead you to worse paths. Make you dey speak big big grammar for here!

Make una see me see trouble with this "Benjamin Netanyahooooooooo" oh?

Davidylan, why can't we be friends on this Nairaland?   Anywhere you see ma arse, na so bodi go deey pepper you?
What is the problem?   Just tell what you need so I can "Stand Up and Deliver"!!!



You should commend me for not killing them like most have done here.   Including the SUs!!!!!!!