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nutinikole
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ok so i met this guy, i really like him and he likes me too we just officially started dating. but theres one problem.
he thinks I'm a virgin. I KNOW I KNOW. how could i be so insensitive bla bla. but he just assumed and i just kind of played along. i guess he did maybe because of the way i act, my principles and how hard it was to woo me. he alwys says i have good morals and I'm so innocent (excluding the lying part obviously!) i have only been with the one guy before (who totally broke my heart by the way!) so basically i havent been with anyone else since then that was a year and a half ago. this was a bad chapter in my life because even though we had good times i still regret the relationship not because he was a bad guy but i could have waited and i could have gotten much better than him. he hurt me and i deserved better.
i havent really been interested in sex since then he probably didnt do it right because then to me sex was like do it and get it over with! but now theres this really good guy i like who treats me like a princess and i just wish i could rewind. obviously i can't! this guy is inexperienced with virgins and wouldnt tell the diff. because its been so long, and my ex's willy was tiny, if you know were I'm going with this,
ever since my ex ive alwys claimed virginity. mentally, physically all in all. now theres a chance for a fresh start and to make it all right i alwys loved the pride my ex had knowing he was my first (the bastard!) and i want that again (thats my view anyway)
so now i have two choices i can play along and make it seem like i really am thats not a prob i know i can pull it off.
[b]or i can come clean and tell him but he may not think I'm so special anymore. I'm not panicking because i can just say i wanted sex to be out of the equation before we started a real relationship and the only way for me to avoid temptation was to tell him that because i knew he wouldnt attempt; but now i trust him i think its time to move the relationship to another level (which was actually the original plan)
basically its WIN WIN
MY QUESTION IS DO I STICK TO THE ORIGINAL PLAN AND BE HONEST?OR DO I PLAY DUMB?
if i do will it haunt me forever? in this case can i say i shouldnt start this relationship based on a lie?
if i do lie am i justified? everything is so perfect now why should i ruin it?
i would appreciate insightful and brilliant responses please thanks. wer are the love doctors in the house?
aisha2, iice, sauce kid, drionelli, and all my other brainy nairalanders bring out the big guns!
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Encomium (m)
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I advice you stick to the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Lying doesn't pay because the guy in question will find out one day which may ruin the whole thing you are currently building. Being a virgin or not don't make any difference when it comes to true and enduring relationshiip in life. Wishing you the best of luck.
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stranger26 (f)
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Always say the truth even if you think you may be at a disadvantage. Tell the guy the truth; it will definitely be a lot worse if he thought you were duping him. A lie will never go on forever; imagine him finding this out after you were married. Whatever love he may have for you would fly out of the window at the shock of his "innocent and pure" wife deceiving him. He wouldn't be able to trust you anymore. Tell him the truth, lay out the facts and if he wants, he'll continue. That way, you won't feel guilty and your conscience will be clear.
A relationship is all about trust. Once it's lost, its not worth staying in the relationship. Never give your spouse a reason to doubt you; maintain the integrity and honesty right from the start so that even if people want to spoil your reputation in future, your husband will be the first to say "I trust my wife, she would never do such a thing". What is more pleasing, comforting and reassuring than knowing that you can open your heart up to someone; your secrets and other stuff no one else knows about you? Encourage that in your relationship and be the first person to start by confiding in him and telling the truth.
That said, I don't approve of pre-marital relationships, anyway. but each to his/her own.
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tkb417 (m)
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couldnt finish
is it that his kini is so small or hes just not good.
if ure good at it, u berra teach him
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Scarlett (f)
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You cannot play dumb in this situation
you will end up hurting yourself, just say the truth
if the guy walks, then he walks wasnt good enough for you anyways
and he needs to do some major work on growing up
The truth is the best way.
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tommyex (m)
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I feel u should confess.
Its a sign of real love and you ll even enjoy d sex all the more,if he trully loves u that is
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j-girl (f)
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Tell him, you need him to trust you.
I feel your pain.
Virginity is a thing of the mind in my opinion and when you had a bad experience losing it the first time, the thing you want to do is move on and forget it ever happened.
Open up to him and I'm sure he'll still be with you regardless especially if he loves you.
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buzzgonz (m)
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I dey clap for you  @Poster Still Reading your long story! Thing fall apart Part 10 |
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D-reloaded (f)
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I'm brainy too!  Anyway it depends on the dude. To be honest. You can usually tell which of these 2 categories the guy falls into If he seems like the type that such things matter so much to, I'd let it go if he's not so obsessed with that though and you get the idea he wont suddenly look downa nd treat you like trash, I say you lay the cards out on the table and see where it goes from there. yea he might hbe kind of hurt because he was "lied to, well he assumed so whatever but if he liked you enough he'd bloody get over it. |
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D-reloaded (f)
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[font=verdana][color=#550000]You cannot play dumb in this situation
Ah but she could. |
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tommyex (m)
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lol
i dint finish d story too,bt Nigeria films allows me predict well,lol
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4Him (m)
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If he seems like the type that such things matter so much to, I'd let it go
if he's not so obsessed with that though and you get the idea he wont suddenly look downa nd treat you like trash, I say you lay the cards out on the table and see where it goes from there.
yea he might hbe kind of hurt because he was "lied to, well he assumed so whatever but if he liked you enough he'd bloody get over it.
playing the blackmail card here again are we? Lying is lying period. It is a break of trust . . . it does not matter if the guy wants takes virginity so seriously or not. I'm not a stickler for the girl being a virgin at all costs but i will definitely think twice about sticking with a woman who lies and thinks i shld just bloody get over it. The OP isnt forced to be in the relationship. If i kept the fact that i'd dated your cousin before u wont expect me to tell u 2yrs later and then expect u to bloody get on with it. You can't have it both ways. If i liked you enough i'd be very very worried that you don't trust me enough to keep such information from me. Its not a matter of being disappointed that i wont be ur first but the fact that you can hide such for so long. I'd be left wondering what else u've led me on to believe that isnt true. There are some cases where just telling the guy to bloody get on with it doesnt and wont work. |
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D-reloaded (f)
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playing the blackmail card here again are we?
Lying is lying period! It is a break of trust . . . it does not matter if the guy wants takes virginity so seriously or not. I'm not a stickler for the girl being a virgin at all costs but i will definitely think twice about sticking with a woman who lies and thinks i shld just bloody get over it.
Dafidi who are you yelling at? My friend sharrap over there  I never claimed it wouldnt be a lie. Besides how is it a lie if she never said so. Who asked him to make lame assumptions As for you not being a stickler, such lies. I can quote you where you said you'd never marry someone you have had pre-martial with. Apparently some people are ok to have sex with but nort marriage material. Rubbish Look at your mouth like panla. All the guys here are going to tell her to tell the truth because it "doesnt matter" when it couldnt be further from the truth. Only some don't let such bother them and hopefully the OP's boyfriend is part of those few because believe me if she were to come back later and tell he now doesnt treat her special anymore, I will not be surprised. anyway what are you even saying, are you saying her relationship is over because she didnt correct him the first time? She shouldnt be forgiven if she does decide to tell him everything? |
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4Him (m)
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Dafidi who are you yelling at? My friend sharrap over there I never claimed it wouldnt be a lie. Besides how is it a lie if she never said so. Who asked him to make lame assumptions no be ur fault at all. Suppose you assumed that i was a graduate . . . and i never corrected u until we got married? I'd fully expect you to bloody get on with it . . . besides i never lied, who asked you to make lame assumptions? As for you not being a stickler, such lies. I can quote you where you said you'd never marry someone you have had pre-martial with. Apparently some people are ok to have sex with but nort marriage material. Rubbish Look at your mouth like panla.
I'm not a stickler . . . you perhaps didnt get the essence of my point. don't take what u read verbatim. All the guys here are going to tell her to tell the truth because it "doesnt matter" when it couldnt be further from the truth. Only some don't let such bother them and hopefully the OP's boyfriend is part of those few
Whether it bothers the guy or not i suggest the OP comes clean . . . nothing better than a woman you can completely trust. i'll lay down my life for such a woman (well not literarily). because believe me if she were to come back later and tell he now doesnt treat her special anymore, I will not be surprised.
neither will i. i'd be upset if u hid such from me for so so long. anyway what are you even saying, are you saying her relationship is over because she didnt correct him the first time? She shouldnt be forgiven if she does decide to tell him everything?
its not over, the OP should take this as a lesson. Never build a house on a foundation of lies, half truths and broken trust. |
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tommyex (m)
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4him
what a total breakdown of a ladies post,nice to read!
sorry 4 d break in transmission,but had 2 comment
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D-reloaded (f)
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no be your fault at all. Suppose you assumed that i was a graduate . . . and i never corrected u until we got married? I'd fully expect you to bloody get on with it . . . besides i never lied, who asked you to make lame assumptions? You think I'll marry someone without screening his ABA-made certificate? You must be joking and whatever, don't paint it like he'll change because she never corrected him, he'll change because his presumptious dream of snow white will be shattered. |
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4Him (m)
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You think I'll marry someone without screening his ABA-made certificate? You must be joking whether na onitsha the certificate come from, no be paper we go chop. Bloody get on with the marriage jare.  and whatever, don't paint it like he'll change because she never corrected him, he'll change because his presumptious dream of snow white will be shattered.
i wont be surprised . . . some guys seem to stick to a woman because it helps their ego to think they were the one to score the opening goal. But hey . . . OP's got a choice to make; tell him now and risk losing him or wait till the guy finds out when they have sex. |
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D-reloaded (f)
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whether na onitsha the certificate come from, no be paper we go chop. Bloody get on with the marriage jare. i wont be surprised . . . some guys seem to stick to a woman because it helps their ego to think they were the one to score the opening goal. But hey . . . OP's got a choice to make; tell him now and risk losing him or wait till the guy finds out when they have sex. Sit there, that paper matters o. We know education isnt important in your abeokuta village but the iintellectuals of Ekiti are different wait till the guy finds out when they have sex How many times must we explain to you guys that blood doesnt signify anything? If she's smart there are ways around that Seriously though, I wish the OP the best and hopefully honesty will end up being the "best policy" in her case Hopefully she's with a man and not a boy with a fragile ego. If he decides the relationship isnt worth it because of that, let him go and cry. (easier said than done, I'm sure but that's life) |
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4Him (m)
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the intellectuals of Ekiti? It doesnt have to be blood, there are other ways to find out if the OP is lying or not. We have tricks too. |
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D-reloaded (f)
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ara e lon tonje tricks ko, magic ni. |
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morenike09 (f)
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the intellectuals of Ekiti? eh en? something dey worry you?  |
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D-reloaded (f)
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Maybe if i had written the "intelligents of Ekiti," he would have understood |
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4Him (m)
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See the fangs of jealousy. |
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pahtahkee
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Ekiti intelligent or is it Ekiti intelligence @ Poster, Create a worse case scenario for him and see his reaction. Thereafter you can decide whether to tell him or not. |
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morenike09 (f)
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Ekiti intelligent or is it Ekiti intelligence either way as long as you recognize the obvious |
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D-reloaded (f)
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@ Poster,
Create a worse case scenario for him and see his reaction. Thereafter you can decide whether to tell him or not.
In what sense? |
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pahtahkee
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In what sense?
I thought you people are intelligent. Well, I meant that let her create a scenario of stating that a friend of her belonged to the predicament she actually is in, and then ask for how he would behave in such a situation. Upon that she can decide whether she would want to tell him or not. |
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LadyT (f)
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I knew virgins who had every type of sex but penetration but the stank girls were still virgins. It is not the end of the world just tell him. He might be upset you lied but thats it. I doubt very much hes a virgin. He should be interested in you not who you have spread your legs too. and if he leaves its his lost NOT yours,  |
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D-reloaded (f)
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Well, I meant that let her create a scenario of stating that a friend of her belonged to the predicament she actually is in, and then ask for how he would behave in such a situation. Upon that she can decide whether she would want to tell him or not. I don't think people fall for such anymore but I guess it's worth a try. Maybe the boyfriend hasnt gotten the memo |
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pahtahkee
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either way as long as you recognize the obvious
What obvious? That you people are stubborn to the core. Abeg I dey retire for the night. |
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morenike09 (f)
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Pahtahkee, let met upgrade youna wa oara oko ni e jare |
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somze (m)
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I thought you people are intelligent. Well, I meant that let her create a scenario of stating that a friend of her belonged to the predicament she actually is in, and then ask for how he would behave in such a situation. Upon that she can decide whether she would want to tell him or not. When last did you go on a date Dude you must still be in the nineties. abeg re-check you calender |
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