My Husband Wants Me Back Home!

This is not even a topic I have to sleep over to make a decision about.  I will just pack ma bags jeje and move home. Not even for maself.  I just can't separate the kids from their father any longer.  If things fall apart there. . . I will deal with that bridge when I get there.

One thing I will do though is to make sure I have secured a means of establishing a legal residence status. . .or at least start the process.  I will see what happens in Nigeria within a year while I go back and forth to keep maself well informed with the system while I go see how I can get him over to join me.  It is not going to be easy. . .but I think she should go and work things out with her husband to let him do his thing while she sits and watches.  Just to satisfy him out of respect.  Unless she does not love him anymore. . .then she should go home and finish that matter and decide what to do with the children before she takes off with or without the children.

There is no reason why a married couple should be living apart for that long!

I believe this is the issue.


Yea I'm actually baffled myself. Sghe's obviously not that farmiliar with the system. Hopefully she can find a decent lawyer and not some quack because when it comes to spouses esp when one has papers, it really isnt that hard

Believe me its not that easy in Ireland with the type of residence we have, we were made to sign an undertaking at the time we were given the residence permit that the granting of the permit does not entitle us to be joined by family members. Its a long story my sister but ICI is making efforts to change things sha. Thanks. 


Her husband was not in the country in 2005 when we were asked to apply for residence permit. Its a long story, we came here with 'big belly' dropped and d 'dropped' were given authomatic citizenship, we the 'dropees' then decided to stay until when they will give us residence permit, they refused to and we refused to leave, in 2004 they had a referendum to stop giving children born in Ireland automatic citizenship and they voted 'yes' then it stopped. Those of us waiting on them with pickins with Irish citizenship were asked to apply for residence permit in 2005 but you have to prove that you have been here since you 'dropped' and blablabla, then we were granted permission to stay for 2 years after 2 years another 3 years and (according to them) after the 3 years you can apply for looooooooong residence. May be by then they will allow us to be joined by family members.

See you have not seen anything yet, just go and read the comments on the thread "is a jobless man still the head of the house" then you will know how most people reason in these kind of situations

A drowning man cannot save another drowning man
He must first save himself before extending a helping hand to another person. That being said, the man has been jobless for very long, which is a pointer to the fact that getting a job here is an uphill task. If she comes back to join him then the number of jobless people will have grown to 2. How do they plan to live up to their parental responsibilities

Your sister has to look for a way to convince him for her to stay where she is, and encourage him get a job, as a pre-condition for her return permanently. She can structure some form of leave where she works to visit the husband in Nigeria. If the man has been faithfull then it has really been a while

I'm happy your tone is a little different than your earlier post.
Your parents case is a little different
There was agreement here for your dad to be in the middle East.
In this case,the husband wants  the wife back.
Remember she has with her some of the kids with her
Children being reared  without their other sibling and their father.

Let's be realistic, wetin she dey go find for Naija, if not be suffer suffer??

What you are telling me is that all this "hassles" is worth leaving ma husband in Nigeria to become a "dropeee" resident of Ireland of all places?

Infact do not make me cry.  It just shows that your sister lost all sense of prioritization.  Who puts their family last for heaven's sake.   She needs to just come out and say she is not in love with her husband anymore.  I say the man has tried.  Job or no job. . . she needs to go and sit there with him. . . .as a family, especially as he has no luck getting over there.

This marriage has a high risk of breaking up.  By the time she gets over to Nigeria. . . she and her husband will find they have become total strangers!  I can never do a thing like that!

What a brilliant contributions from Naija ladies.I am indeed proud of some of you.But there is  a buttom line to this issue-"Bandwagon attitude" of Nigerians in Ireland.
Its a long story,but statistics shows Nigeria have the highest non EU immigrants in Ireland,the bulk of them got the residency rights from the so called  parents of Irish citizens.In the wake of the  "pardon" they signed their rights away to remain in the state.
This have brand Naija ladies there with the single motherhood and the associated state benefits.
My 2 cent to the poster are-
1.Go back to Naija and get a life and enjoy your virtues as a woman.
OR
2.According to the EU directives 2004/38/EC your child can exercise his/her treaty rights and migrate to any other EU member state,this will allow the parents a residence rights as a member of the family.On a condition that you must WORK and stop the LAZY life.

why make a thread when u know what is likely going to happen. how old are they and how many kids do they have together???


the key question is he committed to being serious. a marriage would most likely be strained if the man is struggling to even provide feeding money for his family. 

This is actually embarrassing.

Lol if I'm going to go through all that crap and walk around with the 'single mother" title, it sure as hell wouldnt be for Ireland

After reading this i no longer think your friend needs any pity. Serves you immigration law breakers right.
It is "criminals" like this who make things 100x more difficult for genuine visa seekers in Nigeria to obtain travel permits.

Why did you come to Ireland with a pregnancy with the intention of defrauding the system? If i were an Irish citizen i'd vote to have all of you deported ASAP.

No thanks to you people the US has started the policy of deporting pregnant non-immigrant visa holders at the port of entry.

Tell your friend to go home and stop weeping . . . wasnt she thinking when she signed away her right to have her husband here all because of "papers"?
I no longer blame the poor fellow . . .

@ ayomifull

I think this is one of those instances where you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.


 The husband has a point, but the marriage may still falter after the wife returns home anyway. Wont be the first time a husband has demanded his wife return home with the kids, only for the marriage to hit the rocks later. In fact, change the location to outside of Ireland and this story sounds exactly like one I know of. For him to even mention the bolded speaks volumes about his state of mind. He probably already considers the wife as being disobedient and refusing to recognize his authority.  Even though she's the one supporting him oh.

I understand immigration is getting harder in the UK these days, but this kind of thing is tough, really.

you guys need to see the way nigerian women flooded into ireland in the 90s  and earlier to spoil the place.  you will pity the people.  they have messed up tyhe place and it pathetic.     

this was on bbc awhile back.  this is another nigerian  having a laugh at the british expence
   http://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/programmes/outlook/news/story/2007/06/070625_stellaochi_nigeria.shtml

do you guys smell ratsssss?  click on it to see the beatiful girls these lady is using

Twins fighting prejudice about their blood disease
 
 
In Nigeria when twins Jacqueline and Jennifer were born, there was prejudice against people with sickle cell disease
The mother who felt forced to leave her home country of Nigeria because her twins have sickle cell anaemia has talked to Outlook.

Listen to Stella on Outlook

Stella Ochi told Outlook’s Fred Dove that in Nigeria she’d had to put Jacqueline and Jennifer, both 9, in a private education because “in the public school they were treated like outcasts – no one wanted anything to do with them. There was a stigma.”

The girls began to show symptoms at the age of 2 when they had swollen hands and feet.

No one knew what was wrong with them but as Stella knew she had the sickle cell gene she asked for the girls to be tested.


  Stella says: “the same spots, the same symptoms, the same area. I always had two people in crisis in my hands, alone.”

 

Sadly their father left them the week they were diagnosed, not realising that both he and Stella had to be carrying the defective gene for the girls to have inherited sickle cell.

They have not seen him since.

Because they were identical twins they would have symptoms at the same time, Stella says: “the same spots, the same symptoms, the same area. I always had two people in crisis in my hands, alone.”

Having sickle cell means Jacqueline and Jennifer can be in a lot of pain.

Their red blood cells can change from their usual round shape to a sickle shape and they don’t flow so easily through their blood vessels.

When the girls were first diagnosed with sickle cell in Nigeria, Stella was told that they would not be able to lead a normal life.

“I was told that because they have this disease that they wouldn’t live long, and they would have to be on continuous medication without which they might die… I went from hospital to hospital asking questions, some doctors didn’t seem to know what I was talking about.”

Keen to have the best environment in which to bring up her girls Stella brought the girls to England where she found it much easier for them to be open about their disease - and now they are like ambassadors for sickle cell.


Contact Jeans for Genes

She is now hoping that they all will be able to stay in the UK permanently.

“I have sent our passports to the home office… I don’t want to be here illegally, I want to be here as legal person because of the children, for their future, they want to be able to go to school, do a lot of things.”[b][/b][i][/i]
Contact Outlook
 

eyaaaa 4Him, you bad oooo  LOL 

This is a serious topic.

In my own view, I think the husband needs to be more accommodating and lessen his high handedness. I can understand the frustration he feels. This is a matter of communication and letting senses prevail from both parties involved. As the man, he cannot always be right. Has he considered about the future of his children? That situation might have the remained the way they are over the years, does not mean it will continue to be the same all life long.

As to the woman, just as nwando said ''for better for worse'', she will have to listen to her husband after using all means of communication with her husband. I am sure things can be worked out between them, taking into consideration that they have the future of their children to think of which should be paramount to both of them. She has to open the voice of reason to her husband not with the sexist note some of the ladies here are already speaking with.

All the best.