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ibkaye
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Yeah, consider the children before making your decision, be wise.  |
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bebure (m)
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I don't think you should be too worried. For God's sake didn't any of you do biology in secondary school. It's not guaranteed your kids will be sicklers, it's a 25% chance if I'm not mistaken. Also, I have got an uncle who happens to be AS and he married a woman who also happens to be AS. They have had 4 kids ranging from 21 years to about 10 years of age and not one of them has been SS. Luck? Well sort of, the woman always took a screen test whenever she was pregnant to determine if the children were sicklers or not, although none of them were, if she was going to have one she would have had the option of terminating the pregnancy if she wanted to. All I'm saying is that if you love your babe and you wan marry am then by all means go ahead. What is life without risks and I don't really consider this a risk.
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kokomma000
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Dear All,
i have taken time to read through almost all the posts. It is not fair that people should be so blunt or hard about sensitive issue like this. i do appreciate everybodies contributions but to just advice ' break up, run away' and all that is not a fair most especially if there are options to tackle this problem. One thing i've come to realise is that some people have just one reason to marry and that is to procreate. It is good but God who made everything also gave knowledge and that is why we have professionals. God uses people to touch the lives of other people.
If faith and believe and love is what the couple have, nothing should stop them from exploring all the alternatives. I have heard of CVS but don't really know the process but i believe it's worth the trial.
No 2 AS couple have ever had all Kids with SS. if there is please direct me to where i can find them. Like Bay1970 adviced, if you have the money, and both of you don't mind, then go ahead.
WIth the existence of CVS and other options SS can be avoided.
Make your decision wisely bro and marry who you love. They are people who are so chossy but don't have the best marriage or ruin the lives of their children.
that's my advice
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prince_onx
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story! story!!
we're talking about life here incase you read all the post like you claimed and still didn't get it!
why will couple want to go through all that while both of them can also be happy and have healthy kids with diff people? what about the kids that will go through the pain? what if God is sending a message to them? (just adding to your faith and believe statement).
abeg leave that thing oh! you never live with ss kids before na em make you dey yearn portor-portor!
Before una dey call them ABIKU now wey you know the cause you still say make person jump enter am!
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Frizy (m)
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Am AS too, and the first thing I ask any woman is her genotype. If she lies too bad. But believe me, if we go little further to confirm medically even after a long relationship (as in the case of your 6 years), O boy, "ma nu ere" of course it may hurt you both but I tell you it's just for sometime comparing it to the risk you may place on your kids. I have learnt from experience, I know of some families with this problem. They have lost about two kids each and the remaining too are SS.
My parents married without any check but we're lucky in my family that my mum is AA. You've to be very comfortable both materially and emotionally before you can embark on such an affair. You maybe lucky but the chances of getting through is very slim.
So please and please, find another woman and take heart. You're a man!
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Mant
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If we can remember our Biology during secondary days if AS + AS the likely offspring is AA or AS or SS, of which both AA & SS have 25% chance only ie the propabliity of AA & AS is 25% while AS is 50%.
However your dating is more than six years and you have dicovered since two year ago 18month why don't you break the relashipship since then? Hope you are not offeded by the lady and you are now looking for flamsy excuses to disappoint her. Please fear God ooooooooo.
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frank sowo
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At least you guys are still dating,don't make a mistake you might have to live with for the rest of your life, Only people of mighty faith are expected to take such chances, have you got that faith??and trust me those people in most cases don't have more than two kids otherwise they run out of luck.
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dantolee (m)
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first of all, i hope your love is not blind, (four eyes open man!!) secondly if u are truly in love with each other and u REALLY want to risk this, then here are your options;
a) seriously talk to the Biggest G! i.e your father in heaven (i mean literarily HI-JACk the nigga!) and make sure he who gives the WORD is on your side, let him be partial in your case, (its called grace, and its not like he hasn't done it before, ) since 1 out of 4 will be AA, 2 out of 4 will be AS, and 1 out of 4 will definitely be SS, he can make sure the odds is always in your favor with each kid, (the good 3/4), and remember to thank him always (in advance also helps a lot!!!!)
b) accept that u are chancing it but agreeing to test the baby at the fetal stage, (within the first 3 weeks of pregnancy) ; there is a proceedure which involves extracting the free floating germ cell in the fluid in the womb which surrounds the fetus (this does no harm to the baby) it is used to test for forming genetic defects or abnormalities (like down syndrome, klinefelter syndrome, cri-du-chat and so on, don't bother with the details, i'm going lay-man here) that proceedure can be used to test if the child is SS and if it is, then comes the MORAL aspect of keeping the baby or aborting (the "can you live with yourselves" question),
c) you accept that u are most basically FUCKED!!!! and ride the storm, (takes bravery, and nuts to do that, ), or you could adopt, i think!?!?!
d) agree that it could never be and part ways hoping for the best, whatever floats your boat,
lesson here people, get to know your spouse better before u play the "cat's cradle" , lol (seriousl
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Chigotex (f)
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@poster, the say problem shared is half solved. A lot of people have been giving their contributions, if I were u I would make a wise decision/choice - terminatiing the relationship.
My reasons:
My parents are both AS and they gave birth to five of us and UNFORTUNATELY our last born is an AS. mY Brother, the pain the house go through because of her is not what I wish anybody NOT even my enemy. When the crisis starts, after pitying the poor girl, if u er a stranger u pity those taking care of her.
Marriage is for companionnship, so if u think u can be happy with ur wife without giving birth to own kids but adopt, fine and good. I ve heard of cases where the whole five kids of a woman are all SS, and the die one after the other, what do think?
Again, ur woman acted in ignorance by leing about her genotype. Myself, am AS, and I don't hide it. before I got married to my husband, any guy that shows interest on me, my first step is telling the person my genotype and asking him his. Now she has lied, and the evil she fears and tries to run away from has still cought up with her. After six years, if she looses u now, don't she think it would be worse than breaking up at the early stage or tell the truth for both of u to decide whether to live by it or not- She foked up sha.
Alternatively u can try the alternatives offered by many learned people that ve posted at this thread. But prevention is better than cure if u ask me considering the experience in MY OWN HOME. IT DOESNT GIVE JOY AT ALL and I don't think the children u would bring to suffer will forgive u if they know that u ve the chance of avarting their suffering but failed and infflict pains on them.
About God, God has given us free will to make decisions. As a believer too, I believe it's God that made u both to know it now than later.
May God help u as make this critical decision but u ve got all u needed to decide.
Best of lucks
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Chigotex (f)
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I mean our last born is SS
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JosBoy4Lif (m)
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I don't think you should be too worried. For God's sake didn't any of you do biology in secondary school. It's not guaranteed your kids will be sicklers, it's a 50% chance if I'm not mistaken. Also, I have got an uncle who happens to be AS and he married a woman who also happens to be AS. They have had 4 kids ranging from 21 years to about 10 years of age and not one of them has been SS. Luck? Well sort of, the woman always took a screen test whenever she was pregnant to determine if the children were sicklers or not, although none of them were, if she was going to have one she would have had the option of terminating the pregnancy if she wanted to. All I'm saying is that if you love your babe and you wan marry am then by all means go ahead. What is life without risks and I don't really consider this a risk.
WOW OOO, just terminate it like that  |
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The Sly
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This is a redundant irrelevant stories thread!! Pass the point in a concise manner. what is all this risk . . .prayding . . .dangdong. . y'all are spewing here  |
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jiro (f)
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please BREAK OFF THE RELATIONSHIP IF THE BOTH OF YOU ARE NOT UP FOR ADOPTION OR THE OTHER SUGGESTIONS YOU'VE PROBABLY READ BY NOW BEFORE IT BECOMES TOO LATE. As a sickler my self I can honestly tell you that the worst thing parents can do is to knowingly bring a child into this world to suffer. My parents got married without knowing anything about the genotype. They got to learn about Sickle cell anaemia after giving birth to me. So from the tender age of 6months I've more or less lived in the hospital. I've been fortunate enough to be in a family that is well off or else I don't know what I would have done. A class mate of mine that was a sickler died when we were in sec. school because there was no money to pay her bills and she was refused treatment at the hospital. Are you ready to be running in and out of the hospital almost every month? and even if you are can you watch your child suffer through agonizing crisis believe me when I say that the pain is indescribable and unbearable. I wouldn't even wish for the devil himself to go through such trauma. the only thing that can relief the child are narcotics that will knock the person off and at that the strongest of these drugs can only keep you sedated for about two hours. then the agony starts all over again because as long as you are conscious, the pain is worse than someone taking a hammer to break every single bone in your body one after the other. Even when the child is not in crisis he or she cannot lead a normal life. For me I can't stand for up to 10mins at a stretch I get dizzy can't stay in crowded places cause I need a lot of oxygen. the plain fact is the child must not do anything strenuous and that includes going out and running around with kids their age. the child must be under constant supervision. He or she could squat or bend down and as he is about to get up, an agonizing pain shoots through his or her spine and waist and it is as if the bone is broken the crisis has started. In several cases the child that is born without any deformity may become a cripple from one of the crisis. What about the need for blood transfusion in this time of HIV? as this is always a possibility with children of sickle cell. the constant taking of drugs every single day of their life. believe me its not easy to bring up a child like that. And these children can be the most stubborn lots in the world everything they are told not to do is what you see them doing. It is not an easy life you want to get into So if you choose to go ahead I hope you have got lots of money for medical bills, energy for sleepless nights, and bucket for your wife's tears because you are going to need it. You should also know that most Sicklers don't live past the age of 20. they say you out grow it but I've come to realise that its a lie. I'm now 24 Thank God for his mercies But I still go through excruciating crisis as I did when I was a child. I go to the hospital every month end infact it is like my second home I've even gotten used to spending the holidays there Christmas included. Recently I was sent to NYSC camp at the end of the first day I had a serious breakdown just from the registration process alone. I was immediately rushed home the next day. I URGE YOU STRONGLY PLEASE DON'T KNOWINGLY BRING A CHILD WITH SICKLE CELL ANAEMIA INTO THIS WORLD. IT IS THE MOST HORRENDOUS THING A HUMAN BEING CAN DO TO ANOTHER HUMAN AND THEN TO CLAIM AFTERWARDS THAT YOU LOVE HE OR SHE IS JUST PLAIN HYPOCRITICAL AND WICKED.  
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TCUBE (m)
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You just found out that you are both AS after six years , |
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kokomma000
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story! story!!
we're talking about life here incase you read all the post like you claimed and still didn't get it!
why will couple want to go through all that while both of them can also be happy and have healthy kids with diff people? what about the kids that will go through the pain? what if God is sending a message to them? (just adding to your faith and believe statement).
abeg leave that thing oh! you never live with ss kids before na em make you dey yearn portor-portor!
Before una dey call them ABIKU now wey you know the cause you still say make person jump enter am!
if u read my post, i am not suggesting anyboby should birth an SS. i know people who are SS. and if u checked their history u'l find out that their parents were ignorance about this. People have posted their experiences so it's left for the couple to weigh the pros and cons. To summarized my point, the couple should decide if they can afford medical screening to verify the child's gene and beleive in God to see them through. M Men, nobody can confuse my faith in God. He is a God of possibilities. or are u telling me God is telling them don't marry because HE (God) is going to give them SS even when they ask for otherwise? Wise up man. i am a miracle because i believed in GOD n HE proved Himself in the my life . we are both AS n we knew. but today we have 2kids n they are both AA! |
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nightrider
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i Lost my bestfriend to sickle cell anemia. be careful o!!! the pain is much, too much to bear.
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Shinatu
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@eiete
Yes, I am a sickler but I am not SS and I repeat, I am SC.
I believe at this stage of my life I should know what I am.
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maryray
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FIRST OF ALL guys, WHAT IS AS AND AA . I AM NOT STUDYING SCIENCE SO I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT U guys ARE TALKING ABOUT. I'LL ADVICE U THOUGH TO SPEAK TO A DOCTOR AND SEE IF THERE IS ANY PRECAUTION, PREVENTIVE OR ANYTHING, THAT WILL PREVENT UR KIDS from HAVING AA AND AS, WHATEVER THAT IS. WISH U D BEST SHA, AND HOPE IT WORKS OUT for you guys, BECAUSE A LOVE LIKE THIS IS NOT ALWAYS EASY TO FIND . TELL UR GIRL 2 HAVE FAITH AND U guys SHOULD PRAY, ALSO SPEAK WITH A PRIEST/PASTOR BECAUSE GOD CAN PERFORM ALL MIRACLES. JUST ASK A PRIEST FIRST THOUGH BECAUSE IT IS NOT ALWAYS GOOD TO TEST GOD?  . |
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maryray
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OH WAZ IT SICKLE CELL ANAEMIA U guys WERE TALKING ABOUT?. I'LL ADVICE You 2 DO WHAT SOMEONE DID ALREADY IF You LOVE UR GIRL/WIFE. I KNOW YOU WANT TO HAVE UR OWN KIDS. WHEN You ARE PAST 21 AND 25, IT GETS EASIER ON You/HER. You CAN ASK D DOCTOR HOW 2 PLAY SAFE, HAVING ONLY ONE KID IS PROBABLY GOING TO BE SAFER.
ALSO ADOPT OTHER KIDS AFTER ALL GOD PROBABLY BROUGHT You guys TOGETHER 2 HELP D CHILDREN OF THIS WORLD. AND FOLLOWING D DOCTORS ORDER You CAN HAVE (ONLY ONE) KID TO REDUCE D RISK INORDER TO BE SAFE.
THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY HAVE SA (SICKLE CELL ANEMIA) AND THEY STILL GET MARRIED. don't LET D DEVIL BE VICTORIOUS. I KNOW IT IS A SERIOUS ISSUE BUT THEN IF You don't HAVE BABIES You WONT HAVE ANY PROBLEM (OR IF U ARE CAUTIOUS AND FOLLOW THE DOCTORS ORDER, GUESS U COULD STILL HAVE ONE).
I GUESS D QUESTION HERE IS "DO You LOVE UR GIRL ENOUGH TO MARRY HER WITHOUT BEING SCARED OFF BECAUSE You MIGHT NOT HAVE UR OWN KIDS?". I OPE D ANSWER IS YES.
SAY HI 2 UR BABE, AND I WISH You guys D BEST. TAKE CARE.
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bawomolo (m)
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Men, nobody can confuse my faith in God. He is a God of possibilities. or are u telling me God is telling them don't marry because HE (God) is going to give them SS even when they ask for otherwise? Wise up man. i am a miracle because i believed in GOD n HE proved Himself in the my life . we are both AS n we knew. but today we have 2kids n they are both AA! just because one man survived swimming in a crocodile pond doesn't we should all follow suit. |
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hanksgirl (f)
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my dear guy, its going to be hard, considering that its 6 years!!!!!!!!!!! but it'll do u guys good if u leave her. i'm AS and i've been in that situation before, unfortunately it was with , i believe, a guy i really love but i did the needful and we broke up. so please, try to leave because u only have a 50-50 chance either way. aside from that, if u love her and u want to continue this thing!, i hope u believe in miracles!  |
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eiete (f)
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Yes, I am a sickler but I am not SS and I repeat, I am SC.
I believe at this stage of my life I should know what I am. @Shinatu Lol! My bad. I apologise. I now understand what you meant by SC (sickle hemoglobin C disease) |
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pleni (m)
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Every Man is blessed with some chances for options in life. Your case is such one. Let me ask you, is your love for each other life?
If the LOVE between the two of is life then know that you are to make choices between two lives ahead.
Someone already gave you options and they are either to choose between
1. getting married to try your chances and or adopt kid(s) and 2. End the relationship no matter how painful it might be.
Genuinely, if your love for each other can weather storms then go adopt kid(s) after-all, marriage is not just about having kids but for companionship. State your priority for wanting to marry in life and there you go to make your choice, knowing fully well that you will take up the responsibility(s) thereof.
If you are both in love and can't try separating, make unbreakable promises to each other and stand by them to prepare you both for the challenges ahead. Afterall, you could breakup and never be able to fall/walk in love again. So what will be the essence life (relationship) without love. I hope you know, breaking up may never end your mystery(s).
patosky84 : Remember you are solely responsible for the actions.
True Love does all things!
Life is responsibility in itself. Make a choice and make your stand known.
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SAM MILLA (m)
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who are you waiting for to tell you to start running
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prince_onx
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@bawomolo: Ol'boy you read my mind! thanks for that response on my behalf.
em kokomma000 abi na watin you call yourself, Risk is necessity! something you take or do when you have no other option. You don't just open your eyes and put yourself in some shit just because you think God will get you out.
when Satan tell Jesus to jump off the roof say him papa God go send Angels to save am, am sure you know his response since you sabi bible and faith pass us! All the same, I'm happy you didn't give birth to kids that will go through SS hell.
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enitan2002 (m)
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@ poster,
your case reminds of what a popular muscian chris deburgh said in one of his tracks.
IF YOU REALLY LOVE HER, LET HER GO
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kessiena
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THIS IS A PAINFUL DECISION BUT YOU GOT TO LET GO,OKAY . |
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tyna1 (f)
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I will disagree with some of you,if you two love each other you can go ahead and marry.
Ok before you guys eat me raw, i am a living witness I know some will say it is luck but i don't
believe in luck i do believe in miracles not because i am righteous or holy just the fact that God
decided to do it for me.I knew that i was As but because it has caused me to break an earlier
relationship i decided to keep this one and just believe that God will do it.I have 3 very healthy kids.
I know how terrible SS is,I had a sister who was one.Fire your questions,am waiting.
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Oracle14 (m)
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I have read through 90% of what has been posted here and I must its not surprising that 85% of the people would advice you to break up, well man it only takes someone thats been their to understand with you its not an easy decision.
If you truly love your girl, it would never be easy, you would tell your self I did the right thing, but somewhere inside you; in the future, you would ask: Did I really do the right thing?. and some days you would want to go back and take the risk, but still reality seems to be greater than emotions (for most of us).
I took that decision not too long ago and I must say I still love my ex after moving on; well I wish you the best, the AS SS thing is one of the challenges of been a black man.
Make a strong decision.
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Nn-a-Nn-a (m)
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unless u have money 2 buy NICOSAN/HEMOXIN every month for your kids
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bymya
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its quite unfortunate as i av a frnd that has this probs,
i better send this page 2 her.
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