Don't Know Why - Series

I'm sorry, ayinba1, but I really didn't get it. You never got around to hit the hammer on the nail.

Did life pass me by? Were all those years wasted? I may never know the answer. Of the things I am sure of, one is how I feel when I am with you. Even at the lowest ebbs, seeing you was always soothing. So where did we or I go wrong. At times I wonder if I did something very wrong to have gone through this experience and I think back to those pranks I played on my classmates in elementary and high schools. Yes, maybe I was really bad.

Bad I may have been but I am really sorry and pray for forgiveness so the question still remains how on earth I had to come accross you and could never let go.

Those times we laughed together and agreed on everything were surreal. Strange enough, we never had any quarrels until,

Oh well, surreal is the right word. that's why it did not last. Wake up call was really tough on me. I  looked up to you for some sort of encouragement but the look in your eyes said it all. "Run now before its too late".  I could not understand it even though I saw it. This is your family, how bad could it be. .You talked about your "soul" or "spirit" being troubled. I was in denial.


Denial. I say, know and accept the truth, then make a move. Before that, you are basically lost. I saw other people too. Loving, kind, gentlemanly, Oh yes, I had a whole list of criteria. I was not going to get bitten twice. Above all, no strong emotions from my end. It is not a pleasant experience to have one party plea with the other to continue a relationship. Through all these, I never stopped thinking about you, how perfect it was and believing it could be again. Some miracle, or magic.

Not once did I give you the impression that I could even feel for anyone else. Maybe I should have done that. But how could I ever hurt you? I always wanted you to feel good about yourself and have confidence in me. Now you know I was no saint.

Saint or not, you always had a secure spot in my heart.